The Official No-Prize Thread

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The Official No-Prize Thread

Postby Theta on Tue May 30, 2006 6:52 pm

Work out elaborate but plausible (and/or humorous) explanations for blatant continuity errors (Marvel comics especially, but others are welcome too) here. Considering that Marvel lets Bendis and Millar ignore anything they don't write, this is good for YEARS of comedy.

To start us off:

How do you zombify the Thing or Reed Richards? (from Ultimate Fantastic Four)


In "House of M", why are they arguing over whether or not to kill Scarlet Witch when, according to "Astonishing X-Men", Hank McCoy's got some mutant cure sitting in his fridge next to the kibble?


In "She-Hulk" any Avenger can have his or her identity verified by a scanner that uses a federal database. So, on the eve of "Civil War", what happened to this database?
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Re: The Official No-Prize Thread

Postby Adam Balm on Tue May 30, 2006 11:07 pm

Fucking awesome idea for a thread, Theta. I don't really have any good answers here, but I figured I'd give this baby a bump.

Theta wrote:Work out elaborate but plausible (and/or humorous) explanations for blatant continuity errors (Marvel comics especially, but others are welcome too) here. Considering that Marvel lets Bendis and Millar ignore anything they don't write, this is good for YEARS of comedy.

To start us off:

How do you zombify the Thing or Reed Richards? (from Ultimate Fantastic Four)


I nominate Iconoclastic to answer this one, after her little zombie explanation a while back.

In "House of M", why are they arguing over whether or not to kill Scarlet Witch when, according to "Astonishing X-Men", Hank McCoy's got some mutant cure sitting in his fridge next to the kibble?


Reality altering powers can explain any plot hole.


In "She-Hulk" any Avenger can have his or her identity verified by a scanner that uses a federal database. So, on the eve of "Civil War", what happened to this database?


The Avengers were disassembled and I think the database is pretty much toast now.

Oh, and just to keep this going in a round robin kind of way, here's my contribution:

In the Ultimates, why the fuck does the SHIELD helicarriers carry airplanes when they can already fly themselves? Guess what dipshits, THAT's your plane.
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Re: The Official No-Prize Thread

Postby Theta on Wed May 31, 2006 11:08 pm

Adam Balm wrote:
In "House of M", why are they arguing over whether or not to kill Scarlet Witch when, according to "Astonishing X-Men", Hank McCoy's got some mutant cure sitting in his fridge next to the kibble?


Reality altering powers can explain any plot hole.


Ehhhhh, not bad, but needs elaboration.

As for the helicarriers...they're too difficult to steer to be effective in battle. They tried it during the Vietnam war and kept winding up in Thailand, much to the consternation of the brass and the delight of, well, everyone on the helicarrier.

What, you think Nick Fury lost that eye in BATTLE?
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Re: The Official No-Prize Thread

Postby Adam Balm on Wed May 31, 2006 11:13 pm

Theta wrote:
Adam Balm wrote:
In "House of M", why are they arguing over whether or not to kill Scarlet Witch when, according to "Astonishing X-Men", Hank McCoy's got some mutant cure sitting in his fridge next to the kibble?


Reality altering powers can explain any plot hole.


Ehhhhh, not bad, but needs elaboration.

As for the helicarriers...they're too difficult to steer to be effective in battle. They tried it during the Vietnam war and kept winding up in Thailand, much to the consternation of the brass and the delight of, well, everyone on the helicarrier.

What, you think Nick Fury lost that eye in BATTLE?


What do you need a maneuverable aircraft carrier for? All you need it for is to get within ATG missile range of a target and fire away. And if someone tries to attack the carrier, well, they can fit chemical lasers in 747s, I'm sure they could fit one in an aircraft carrier...

And where the hell is Iconny with our zombies?
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Postby Iconoclastica on Wed May 31, 2006 11:19 pm

haha tomorrow! I can't rationalize now . . . my head's all full of brainstem lesions and neurotransmitter receptors, and I might be pulling an all nighter . . . when I'm drunk tomorrow night my logic should be better in place ^_^
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Postby Adam Balm on Wed May 31, 2006 11:21 pm

Iconoclastica wrote:haha tomorrow! I can't rationalize now . . . my head's all full of brainstem lesions and neurotransmitter receptors....


Eat brains. It'll help.
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Postby Iconoclastica on Wed May 31, 2006 11:22 pm

Adam Balm wrote:
Iconoclastica wrote:haha tomorrow! I can't rationalize now . . . my head's all full of brainstem lesions and neurotransmitter receptors....


Eat brains. It'll help.


IDESERVEDTHATILASH
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Re: The Official No-Prize Thread

Postby Iconoclastica on Thu Jun 01, 2006 3:42 pm

Adam Balm wrote:
Theta wrote:Work out elaborate but plausible (and/or humorous) explanations for blatant continuity errors (Marvel comics especially, but others are welcome too) here. Considering that Marvel lets Bendis and Millar ignore anything they don't write, this is good for YEARS of comedy.

To start us off:

How do you zombify the Thing or Reed Richards? (from Ultimate Fantastic Four)


I nominate Iconoclastic to answer this one, after her little zombie explanation a while back.


Okay, so I don't see how it would be such a challenge to zombify any superhuman except those whose skin is entirely impenitrable (i.e. Superman). While it would be challenging for a zombie to actually apprehend any superhuman due to the obvious disparity in speed and agility (and yes, if it’s not obvious, I don’t read ultimate FF, so my knowledge on the basis of the storyline is limited), I’ve always thought of zombification as a process similar to a multiple-systems viral infection transmitted via bodily fluids, only with an exponentially faster infection rate than any known disease (kind of as it is presented in 28 Days Later). Considering that they are both still human in many ways, The Thing (who, while being made of stone, still most likely has some sort of bodily fluids running through his system in order to justify his existence) and Reed’s immune systems likely function in a similar way to that of normal human beings. Even if their immune responses are generally faster, there is no reason to believe that they would possess some obscure antibody to zombification. Thus, upon being invaded by the zombificating antigen, their leukocytes would be rapidly overwhelmed, leaving no time for their plasma cells to create an adequate antibody and fight back before their entire system is thoroughly infected. A superhuman (of Earthly origin) would need to have a specific ability to ward off paranormal infections (and there is no proof, as far as I am aware, of any superhuman having such an ability) in order to be resistant to such an invasive biological assault.


Good enough for ya, Adam, or do I need to further elaborate? (I know I half assed the explanation of primary/secondary immune responses, but give me a break, it's almost 4 and I'm still sober) :P


And seriously, Theta - great idea for a thread!
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Re: The Official No-Prize Thread

Postby Adam Balm on Thu Jun 01, 2006 4:05 pm

Iconoclastica wrote:Good enough for ya, Adam, or do I need to further elaborate? (I know I half assed the explanation of primary/secondary immune responses, but give me a break, it's almost 4 and I'm still sober) :P


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Re: The Official No-Prize Thread

Postby Theta on Thu Jun 01, 2006 7:20 pm

Iconoclastica wrote:
Good enough for ya, Adam, or do I need to further elaborate? (I know I half assed the explanation of primary/secondary immune responses, but give me a break, it's almost 4 and I'm still sober) :P


And seriously, Theta - great idea for a thread!


Heh, at least we three seem to think so.

What bothers me about it is that the comic seems to be following the rules of zombie movies: i.e. as long as you're alive and unbitten, you are not a zombie. That it's a pathogen that targets superhuman genetic structures with no need for direct transmission via bodily fluids would tend to be ruled out by what we've seen in UFF and Marvel Zombies (for example, Iron Man and Stiltman are just normal humans in armor, yet they seem to be uneaten.)

So there has to be SOME form of bodily fluid exchange, like a bite or something. Maybe the Thing got it on with a zombified Alicia Masters?
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Re: The Official No-Prize Thread

Postby Iconoclastica on Fri Jun 02, 2006 2:55 am

Theta wrote:
Iconoclastica wrote:
Good enough for ya, Adam, or do I need to further elaborate? (I know I half assed the explanation of primary/secondary immune responses, but give me a break, it's almost 4 and I'm still sober) :P


And seriously, Theta - great idea for a thread!


Heh, at least we three seem to think so.

What bothers me about it is that the comic seems to be following the rules of zombie movies: i.e. as long as you're alive and unbitten, you are not a zombie. That it's a pathogen that targets superhuman genetic structures with no need for direct transmission via bodily fluids would tend to be ruled out by what we've seen in UFF and Marvel Zombies (for example, Iron Man and Stiltman are just normal humans in armor, yet they seem to be uneaten.)

So there has to be SOME form of bodily fluid exchange, like a bite or something. Maybe the Thing got it on with a zombified Alicia Masters?


NOW you're talking . . . honestly, these boys had to get it on at some point . . . but theyy're so intimiadating that any normal fem is scared shitless of fucking them . . . therfore? Zombie brothels! That explains it!

Thank you very much

I'll be here all week :wink:
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Postby Leckomaniac on Fri Jun 02, 2006 3:35 am

I was more wondering about Zombie Wolverine. I mean he has a healing factor, so if the Zombification was a viral thing...wouldn't his healing powers kick in?
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Postby Adam Balm on Fri Jun 02, 2006 3:38 am

Leckomaniac wrote:I was more wondering about Zombie Wolverine. I mean he has a healing factor, so if the Zombification was a viral thing...wouldn't his healing powers kick in?


Sorry Lecko, but it looks like ol Wolvie's got Zombie AIDS. That's why we have necrophilia laws in this country.

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Postby Leckomaniac on Fri Jun 02, 2006 3:59 am

Everyday I worry about Zombie AIDS. However, there just comes a time in your life where you say "well if I get, I get it".

I figured Wolvie would use protection, I mean the guy is a trained assassain. But I suppose he was like "I am Weapon X, I don't need no rubber".

So who gave Wolvie the Zombie AIDS...was it Jean?
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Postby Adam Balm on Fri Jun 02, 2006 4:03 am

Leckomaniac wrote:Everyday I worry about Zombie AIDS. However, there just comes a time in your life where you say "well if I get, I get it".

I figured Wolvie would use protection, I mean the guy is a trained assassain. But I suppose he was like "I am Weapon X, I don't need no rubber".

So who gave Wolvie the Zombie AIDS...was it Jean?


It was Zombie Phoenix in X3..
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Postby Theta on Sat Jun 03, 2006 1:13 am

Leckomaniac wrote:I was more wondering about Zombie Wolverine. I mean he has a healing factor, so if the Zombification was a viral thing...wouldn't his healing powers kick in?


Perhaps the virus isn't scientific, but rather of magical origin? That would actually explain a lot, not least the specific targeting of superhumans.

I bet anything it's that Fred Hembeck asshole.

and whoever gets THAT ridiculously obscure joke really does deserve a No-Prize!!!
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Postby Adam Balm on Sat Jun 03, 2006 1:44 am

Magic isn't allowed in this thread.
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Postby athenabodicea on Sat Jun 03, 2006 1:45 am

don't you mean Fred Hembeck's asshole????
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Postby Adam Balm on Sat Jun 03, 2006 1:47 am

No, I meant magic.
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Postby buster00 on Sat Jun 03, 2006 7:03 am

Theta wrote:
Leckomaniac wrote:I was more wondering about Zombie Wolverine. I mean he has a healing factor, so if the Zombification was a viral thing...wouldn't his healing powers kick in?


Perhaps the virus isn't scientific, but rather of magical origin? That would actually explain a lot, not least the specific targeting of superhumans.

I bet anything it's that Fred Hembeck asshole.

and whoever gets THAT ridiculously obscure joke really does deserve a No-Prize!!!


You speak of the time Hembeck "Destroys The Marvel Universe!"

But by that token, we could also blame The Punisher.

I haven't really been keeping up on the Marvel Zombies (beyond what's been in Ultimate FF), so I don't know if Castle got zombified or not...that'd be a great book, though...Zombie Punisher...
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Postby Theta on Sat Jun 03, 2006 9:20 am

Let's say for the sake of argument that it's a scientific virus; say, that flesh-eatin' puppy or maybe good ol' Clostridium. It has been altered, via magic, to infect superheroes and turn them into zombies.

Basically, all we're really lacking here is a suspect and a motive. This kinda sounds like Thanos' bag to me, what with the death worship and all those Marvel heroes fuckin' with him and all.
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Postby Iconoclastica on Sat Jun 03, 2006 12:13 pm

Theta wrote:Let's say for the sake of argument that it's a scientific virus; say, that flesh-eatin' puppy or maybe good ol' Clostridium. It has been altered, via magic, to infect superheroes and turn them into zombies.

Basically, all we're really lacking here is a suspect and a motive. This kinda sounds like Thanos' bag to me, what with the death worship and all those Marvel heroes fuckin' with him and all.


Wait - why the fuck does the pathogen have to be magic? My explanation specifically defends that there is no reason it has to be magic . . . it's just paranormal in its virility, but that could still be of biological origin, just mutated to be so virulent (mutated naturally or via genetic manipulation, not with magic, cause yeah, um, Mr. Darwin gave me permission to defend spontaneous disease mutations, so, um, I hope that's ok with you and your gods of thunder and ass-wiping) :wink:



Still <3 theta for staring this thread!
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Postby Adam Balm on Sat Jun 03, 2006 3:28 pm

No fucking magic talk in this thread. It's a pointless waste of text. I could respond to every single question with 'magic' and it's the same as not answering them at all. It explains NOTHING.

Now, with that out of the way:

Explain the curious case of the time-shifting ultimate fantastic four.

In several places the Ultimate Fantastic Four are referred to as already being in existence as the first superhuman team in the Ultimate universe. They were mentioned in Ultimate Spider-Man #33 as already have been existing. In Ultimate Iron Man, Tony Stark went to college at MIT down the hall from Reed Richards (making him apparently much older.) and he also meets with a representative of Latveria who wants Stark's armor tech. (making Victor Van Damme already dictator of Latveria) In the Ultimates, the FF are mentioned as being long in existence before the team was formed.

But in the first arc of Ultimate Fantastic Four, they're going down to find the Mole Man and someone yells 'Leave it to The Ultimates'.
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Postby buster00 on Sat Jun 03, 2006 6:24 pm

Adam Balm wrote:Explain the curious case of the time-shifting ultimate fantastic four.

In several places the Ultimate Fantastic Four are referred to as already being in existence as the first superhuman team in the Ultimate universe. They were mentioned in Ultimate Spider-Man #33 as already have been existing. In Ultimate Iron Man, Tony Stark went to college at MIT down the hall from Reed Richards (making him apparently much older.) and he also meets with a representative of Latveria who wants Stark's armor tech. (making Victor Van Damme already dictator of Latveria) In the Ultimates, the FF are mentioned as being long in existence before the team was formed.

But in the first arc of Ultimate Fantastic Four, they're going down to find the Mole Man and someone yells 'Leave it to The Ultimates'.



How about this:

In the 616 Marvel Universe, it's been postulated that a team of Avengers existed in the 1950's, before the Avengers we're familiar with. What If #9 depicts an Avengers team consisting of Marvel Boy, Gorilla Man, The Human Robot, 3-D Man, Jimmy Woo, and Venus combating The Yellow Claw. They've been retconned to have existed as "The G-Men."

I put it to you that The G-Men also existed in the Ultimate Universe's past as the original Ultimates, but hardly anyone knew about them except certain government employees. The guy who yells for the Ultimates during the Mole Man story in Ultimate FF was once such an employee, having worked for a past incarnation of S.H.I.E.L.D., and was yelling for the original Ultimates.

Flimsy? Workable? Whaddya think?
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Postby Adam Balm on Sat Jun 03, 2006 7:43 pm

BTW, the G-Men (sans 3-D Man) are now appearing in a new series called Agents of Atlas, which is just about to come out.
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Postby Bob Samonkey on Sat Jun 03, 2006 7:51 pm

Adam Balm wrote:BTW, the G-Men (sans 3-D Man) are now appearing in a new series called Agents of Atlas, which is just about to come out.


I looked up G-men on wikipedia and found this:

Wikipedia wrote:G-men (magazine), a monthly Japanese magazine for Dumbledore men


:shock: :shock:
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Postby buster00 on Sat Jun 03, 2006 8:05 pm

Adam Balm wrote:BTW, the G-Men (sans 3-D Man) are now appearing in a new series called Agents of Atlas, which is just about to come out.


Yeah, it sounds kinda cool...that's what gave me the idea for the FF explanation, such as it is.
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Postby Theta on Thu Jun 15, 2006 11:08 pm

Adam Balm wrote:No fucking magic talk in this thread. It's a pointless waste of text. I could respond to every single question with 'magic' and it's the same as not answering them at all. It explains NOTHING.

Now, with that out of the way:

Explain the curious case of the time-shifting ultimate fantastic four.


Hello, all, back from an extended absence due to a death in the family (my uncle) and a lack of Internet due to moving.

Adam, let's cut this deal: if we ARE going to use magic, then the explanation has to be clear-cut and using only items and ideas already demonstrably in the Marvel Universe, plus a more explicit (and really good) motive. For example, I could say Thanos used the Reality Gem to alter a zombification virus he found, but I couldn't just say Thanos did it with magic. (Admittedly, this rule will probably result in theories and references even MORE convoluted...which is part of the fun.)

As for the time-shifting FF...we've seen them travel through time recently and personally, as smart as Reed Richards may be, there are certain immutable laws that have to be dealt with. That travelling is rippling through the time-stream using the FF's specific time signatures...meaning they crop up at varying places and times "anew." This would also explain the fact that nobody seems to be surprised this is the "new group" showing up; the memories have been summarily erased by those time ripples!
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Postby Squashua on Thu Jun 22, 2006 4:01 pm

buster00 wrote:
You speak of the time Hembeck "Destroys The Marvel Universe!"

But by that token, we could also blame The Punisher.


You left out Sergio Aragonés.

buster00 wrote:I haven't really been keeping up on the Marvel Zombies (beyond what's been in Ultimate FF), so I don't know if Castle got zombified or not...that'd be a great book, though...Zombie Punisher...


We had that. Remember when he was an angel of death or someshit? It was right before Ennis took over.
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Postby buster00 on Thu Jun 22, 2006 6:43 pm

Squashua wrote:
buster00 wrote:I haven't really been keeping up on the Marvel Zombies (beyond what's been in Ultimate FF), so I don't know if Castle got zombified or not...that'd be a great book, though...Zombie Punisher...


We had that. Remember when he was an angel of death or someshit? It was right before Ennis took over.


Yeah, I remember that...it was ridiculous. Sent back to Earth with that mark on his forehead, doing the work of angels. If only he were George Bailey's guardian angel...HE'D show Mr. Potter who shit the buckwheat.

Nah, I'm talkin' like "reanimated corpse" style Zombie Punisher. Ya can't keep a good man down, Daddy! Get this man some mobster brains for snackin'!
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Postby Bob Samonkey on Thu Jun 22, 2006 8:10 pm

buster00 wrote:
Squashua wrote:
buster00 wrote:I haven't really been keeping up on the Marvel Zombies (beyond what's been in Ultimate FF), so I don't know if Castle got zombified or not...that'd be a great book, though...Zombie Punisher...


We had that. Remember when he was an angel of death or someshit? It was right before Ennis took over.


Yeah, I remember that...it was ridiculous. Sent back to Earth with that mark on his forehead, doing the work of angels. If only he were George Bailey's guardian angel...HE'D show Mr. Potter who shit the buckwheat.

Nah, I'm talkin' like "reanimated corpse" style Zombie Punisher. Ya can't keep a good man down, Daddy! Get this man some mobster brains for snackin'!


Sounds a little like Saint of killers. Really nothing is original anymore.
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