Who could survive in Westeros?
The world of Westeros, as created by George R R Martin, is a complex tapestry of treachery, ancient hatreds, petty evils, and conspiracies great and small. In this world, compassion is weakness, love is for the foolish, and hope is a light long extinguished. In this world, the strong survive, at least for a time.
This made me wonder. What characters from popular culture would be able to survive in this world? Who has the brains, cunning, and sheer force of will to adapt to such a landscape of hopeless brutality and suffering?
This is my list in no particular order:
1. Mad Martigan(Willow)
The relationship between Bronn and Tyrion reminded me of Mad and Willow's almost immediately, if set in an R rated world and the magical elements were of course lessened to a greater degree. He has skills no question, but does he have the full package to make it?
In his favor: Good sword skills, fearlessness, and athleticism make him a formidable foe to anyone.
However: He's a bit too good natured and a far too trusting. He'd most likely be easy prey for anyone with half the skills of Littlefinger or anyone who wanted his throat cut.
Where he'd fit in best: The Wall. He just seems to fit in here best as one of Jon Snow's men. He has a great attitude, but the monotony of the daily drudgery of life here would force him to hit the road before long.
Possibility of survival: 47%
2. Robin Hood(Errol Flynn version)
I chose this version simply because it's the only one worth it. No other incarnation of the character comes close.
In his favor: A natural born leader, archery skills that would make Ygritte weak in the knees, sword skills near to match, bravery and an infectious can-do spirit.
Not in his favor: Westeros demands a sharp eye, mind, and to remember that nobody is safe. Even a close friend could be made to kill you for the right reason or price. Robin is a bit too sure of himself at times and his caring for his fellow man could be his undoing.
Where he'd fit in: The Brotherhood Without Banners seems the likely spot. A traveling band used to fighting guerilla style against the Lannisters.
Possibility of survival: 60%
3. Red Sonja(Series 1, art by Frank Thorne)
Let's not dwell on the 'ahem' movie version as played by Brigitte Nielson. This version drawn by Frank Thorne to me is the real deal version of the She-Devil With A Sword.
In her favor: Furious fighting skills, tenacious survival instincts, and a will to see her enemies crushed before her is unmatched by many a male counterpart in the entirety of any sword and sorcerer universe.
Not in her favor: She's hot-headed, and has on more than one occasion, would up in irons in some slob's harem. In Westeros, once is roughly 99% of the time IT. No daring escape or helper will get your ass out.
Where she'd fit in: Leading Daenerys Targaryen's Unsullied. She's not a queen, and doesn't want to be one, but if she found the right cause, and the right people to fit in with, in this case the Breaker Of Chains would be a good match.
Chances of surviving: 78%
4. Deathstalker(Rick Hill)
This is from the first film. The only version that matters. The first and best of the Conan knock-offs.
In his favor: Strong of body and will.
Not in his favor: Not the sharpest tool in the shed, easily confused.
Where he'd fit in best: Probably carrying stuff for the Second Sons.
Chances of surviving: 38%
5. Sinbad(John Phillip Law from Golden Voyage of Sinbad)
As far as fantasy characters go, Sinbad often gets left out in the cold, so here's some love for him. I always liked this version best, as he's never overacted, and faces a great nemesis in Prince Koura(Tom Baker)
In his favor: Not intimidated by supernatural forces, leadership, cautious and wise. Excellent ship captain.
Not in his favor: Not physically imposing, and sword skills don't seem to be elite.
Where he'd fit in best: I'd have to say he'd be at home probably in Braavos, as a ship for hire, as a
Chances of surviving: 68%
6. Beastmaster(Marc Singer)
A nice take on the barbarian character, with the ability to communicate with animals.
In his favor: Great physical presence, survival instincts, animal communication.
Not in his favor: Seems like he'd be a bit lost anywhere in Westeros, more of a pure survivor than a warrior.
Where he'd fit in best: I'd almost say with the Wildlings, but they're a bit out there and too nasty for him. Maybe with Bran on his trek, serving as a companion and bodyguard.
Chances of surviving: 76%
7. Thulsa Doom(James Earl Jones, Conan The Barbarian)
Time for a real bad guy. Conan's nemesis, leader of The Snake Cult, and all around bad guy
extraordinaire. Can he make it in Westeros?
In his favor: Hypnotic power, ability to turn into a snake, and can command them to do his bidding. A natural leader with great ambition.
Not in his favor: Untested arms skills(aside from the bow), and not good physique wise.
Where he'd fit in: I could see him taking pretty much any faction by use of guile and hypnotic suggestion. Perhaps even Melisandre and take Stannis' place.
Chances of surviving: 87%
8. The Kurgan(Clancy Brown, Highlander)
Another bad guy, this one probably more in keeping with the spirit of ruthlessness associated
with this world.
In his favor: Great sword skills, leadership qualities, can't die unless beheaded, basically, he's The Hound's equal or superior in some respects.
Not in his favor: Melodramatic at times, over-confident, could still get head chopped off if captured so not completely death-proof.
Where he'd fit in: He'd be an excellent sellsword, but the Wildlings is the more perfect fit. Overall, he's a solid leader and would inspire fear in them. If he led the charge on the wall, he'd have taken it.
Chances of surviving: 91%
9. Hundra(Laurene Landon)
Last lady on the list, but deserves a place here.
In her favor: Skilled all around, bow, sword, horse riding. Tenacious and ferocious, and a fighter for gender equity ala Asha Greyjoy.
Not in her favor: Not physically imposing, very good but not great at all skill sets.
Where she'd fit in: I'm going out on a limb and say The Dothraki. They love horses, strong women, and just might respect her.
Chances of surviving: 80%
10. Conan(Savage Sword Of Conan Version drawn by John Buscema)
Crom! You read right. Not going to go and put Ahnuld's version here because this to me is a much rougher, meaner, and less politically correct version of the greatest barbarian king of all time.
In his favor: Can kill without mercy using anything, endless stamina, brute strength to spare, brutal, unyielding, and shows a great deal more intelligence than any other version I've read. Weapon skills through the roof, and can overpower any opponent. Fear and intimidation factor is also high.
Not in his favor: As far as fitting in Westeros, I can't see much of any weakness that I can guess. He might not be a greatly skilled tactician, and the ruling class would immediately see him as a threat and put a bounty on him if he started beheading important people, but it would literally require an army to take him down.
Chances of surviving: 98%
Can't wait for the next season, definitely.
Honorable mentions: Yellowbeard, Yor, Hawk The Slayer, Kull The Conquerer, Mace from Lucio Fulci's Conquest.
Hope you enjoy. I'm not a super-fan of the show, nor do I retain an encyclopedic knowledge of it, just thought this might be a fun read.