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What's Optimus Prime's Line, Anyway?

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 8:02 am
by buster00
Rather than heap this with the Transformers movie thread, I thought we could have some fun with this. If the mods disagree, they'll move it. No big.

By now you've heard about the BIG CONTEST announced during the chat with screenwriters Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman -- the contest in which some lucky fan gets to write a line of dialogue for Optimus Prime.

What would you like to hear Peter Cullen holla from that famous faceplate? Here's your unofficial suggestion box.


"Suck my driveshaft, Decepti-scum!"

"So, where the hell is Soundwave?"

"You got peanut butter in my Energon!"

"Autobots -- transform and light up!"

"I done told you once -- I'm more than meets the eye, muthafucka!"

"Hot Rod? Never heard of him. Why?"

"Uh, breaker Pig Pen, this here's The Duck...uh, you wanna back off them hogs...10-4, 'bout five mile or so, 10-Roger...them hogs is gittin' in-tense up here."

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 8:06 am
by doglips
"Oh my god!, it's full of stars"

"Reading is fundamental, bitches!"

"Impressive, most impressive"

"Now all we need is a little energon and a lot of luck."

EDIT - Great idea Buster!

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 8:29 am
by buster00
thedoglippedone wrote:"Oh my god!, it's full of stars"

"Reading is fundamental, bitches!"

"Impressive, most impressive"

"Now all we need is a little energon and a lot of luck."

EDIT - Great idea Buster!


:D


"My name is Prime! And I am funky!"

"Seriously, do these flames make me look studly?"

"What if it turns out we're the evil forces, man? And that's why the Decepticons wage the battle to destroy us? Dude, that's a heavy trip."

"LOL."

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 8:40 am
by doglips
"I need warp speed in three minutes or we're all dead!"

"Escape is not his plan. I must face him. Alone."

"Hey Laserlips. Your mama was a snowblower. "

"Didn't you used to be a Volkswagen Type 1? "

"Dad?"

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 9:13 am
by unikrunk
"There's blood in my urine, Ironhide. I think it's the 'Big-C'."

"Boner, m'lady?"

"Autobots...ah…let's...um. Shit. Line please?"


"Fuck Ultra Magnus, man. Dude has been riding my last circuit for a while now.

Hey fucker, I'm the boss, and until I'm not, which is not going to fucking happen, you need to just slow your roll with the whole 'I'm the heir apparent' bullshit; cause you're not. Get it? Not happening. Ever. Also, stop busting out my style fuck-tard. There is one truck, me, so you better start looking like a fucking above ground pool or something, or I'll have Grimlock over there spend some quality time with your asshole. You like that idea? Huh? He did 10 years hard time bro, and he told me directly that to his mind, it’s the bot sucking your dick that is gay. Are you getting this?"

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 9:15 am
by Chilli
'Man, my CGI SUCKS'

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 9:18 am
by doglips
Chilli wrote:'Man, my CGI SUCKS'


Hehehe, "What the fuck have you retards done to my feet??"

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 9:20 am
by Chilli
'Hey, anyone want to go get some trunk at the scrapyard? My treat.'

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 9:36 am
by Fried Gold
Bah weep grah nah weep ninny bong.



Megatron must be stopped...no matter the cost.

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 9:49 am
by TonyWilson
"Bet you're all glad I'm not George Clooney"

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 12:43 pm
by magicmonkey
"Go go Gadget arms!!"

"Gimme some sugar baby"

"Yippee kay ay muddy funster"

"Douche"

"Impampilash!"

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 1:10 pm
by ONeillSG1
"Peterbuilt? WTF??"

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 1:28 pm
by Retardo_Montalban
"Look at us, we're just a bunch of corporate whores"

Of course, Prime can't be referring to Hasbro. He'll be schlocking Star Bucks or GE.

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 2:18 pm
by ONeillSG1
Bitter?

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 2:42 pm
by Brocktune
Retardo_Montalban wrote:"Look at us, we're just a bunch of corporate whores"

Of course, Prime can't be referring to Hasbro. He'll be schlocking Star Bucks or GE.


i understand that the giant GE hood ornament that the new optimus prime will be sporting will actually dispense hot delicious starbucks coffee as well.

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 3:04 pm
by Lord Voldemoo
thedoglippedone wrote:
"Hey Laserlips. Your mama was a snowblower. "


SPIT COFFEE ON THE SCREEN AGAIN!!!!!!!!! dammit. IPAMPILASH doglips!!

I would have expected this line to come from Flummy.

"So what's with the big gun Megatron? Overcompensating much?"

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 3:10 pm
by Chairman Kaga
Optimus Prime: "Let me have your attention for a moment. 'Cause you're talking about what? You're talking about-- bitchin about that circuit you fried, some son of a bitch don't want your oil, some broad you're trying to screw, so forth. Let's talk about something important. Are they all here?"
Iron Hide: "All but one."
Optimus: "Well, I'm going anyway. Let's talk about something important. Put that energon down. Energon's for Autobots only. You think I'm fucking with you? I am not fucking with you. I'm here from Cybertron. I'm here from The Matrix. And I'm here on a mission of mercy. Your name's Bumblebee?"
Bumbelbee: "Yeah."
Optimus: "You call yourself an Autobot, you son of a bitch?"
Jazz: "I don't got to listen to this shit."
Optimus: "You certainly don't, pal, 'cause the good news is, you're obsolete. The bad news is you've got-- all of you've got-- just one week to regain your spark, starting with tonight-- starting with tonight's sit. Oh, have I got your attention now? Good."

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 3:14 pm
by TheBaxter
"ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!! i've had it with these MUTHAFUKKIN DEPECTICONS on this MUTHAFUKKIN PLANE!!!"

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 3:36 pm
by RogueScribner
"Put that in your tailpipe and smoke it!"



"Your emissions are way too volatile, Megatron. For the good of the world, I must send you to the great junk yard in the sky."



"I said TRANSFORMER not TRANSVESTITE!"




"On the road of life, there is one ultimate choice everyone must make: take that exit to the benign comforts of Stuckey's or keep riding towards the horizon, having faith that you've got enough gas to get you there."





"I'm Optimus Prime, bitch!"

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 3:38 pm
by Keepcoolbutcare
"Check your oil ma'm?"

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 3:43 pm
by Chilli
'Watch me go grocery shopping'

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 3:46 pm
by Keepcoolbutcare
"Listen up all you primitve screwheads...

THIS IS MY DIP-STICK!"

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 3:51 pm
by TonyWilson
you sonofawhoreson bitch! I wish I knew how to quit you, Bumbles.

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 4:03 pm
by Chilli
'I know the script sucks, but it ain't easy finding a quality role when you have questionable CGI.'

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 5:55 pm
by nodforlife
I have a feeling that for this contest they'll just find someone who submitted a line that was really close to something already in the script, and just declare that person the 'winner'.

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 6:19 pm
by buster00
"Are you serious? Then they shouldn't be called 'HeadMasters.' It's misleading."

"By the Hoary Hosts of Hoggath!"

"The Autobots have learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa."

"The power of Christ compels you!"

"Form of...water!"

"Goddammit...hey, Ratchet? Can you help me figure out my iPod? Fuck, I shoulda got a Mac. That reminds me, has anyone seen that Soundwave dude around?"

"Megatron, let my people go!"

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 6:30 pm
by Fried Gold
"Shut the fuck up, Ratchet!"

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 6:55 pm
by Flumm
Lord Voldemoo wrote:
thedoglippedone wrote:
"Hey Laserlips. Your mama was a snowblower. "


SPIT COFFEE ON THE SCREEN AGAIN!!!!!!!!! dammit. IPAMPILASH doglips!!

I would have expected this line to come from Flummy.


Mmm, I think you unrumbled a pwnt in waiting there, Moo. :roll:

Technically it's plagirism though, doglips, and so all applicable international copyright and plagirism laws would of course prohibit such an even from even occuring.

...

;) :P

Anyways, these threads are always worth their weight in energon crystals, but...


buster00 wrote:"The power of Christ compels you!"


... I think this one is my favourite. :lol: :roll:

Meanwhile, on planet earth:

"Mmm, betwixt an autobot and a ..."KABLOOM!""

"Canadianise THIS"

"Ding Ding Ding! Optimus Prime says:... "KABLOOM!""

"I think I gotta splinter"

"...KABLOOM!!! ...... Yehhhh, so I'm saying KABLOOM as I'm KABLOOMING. So wha? Jesus fucking christ Bumblebee, give a bot a break.

"Have I got bacon breath?"

"NEWSFLASH, FUCKOS!!!"

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 7:33 pm
by RogueScribner
"It's time to switch into high gear!"



"You know you're getting old when you start leaking out your radiator fluid."



"'New car smell'? Smells like shit!"




"Hey, buddy. You see the movie Duel?"

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 7:41 pm
by Doc Holliday
Well its obvious - one of us is going to have go face off against Megatron....but which one of us should go...I mean its suicide! - eh? Whaddya mean "Lets count wheels"....



"Waitaminute - The Decepticon's a muthafuckin PLANE?"

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 7:45 pm
by TonyWilson
look, i know "begs the question" is technically incorrect but what the fuck do you expect? I'm a giant frigging robot not an english teacher you douche.

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 7:47 pm
by EWS
"Made in Mexico...heh!"

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 7:54 pm
by RogueScribner
"I'm not studly! I have to go to the weigh station. It's the LAW!"

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 8:31 pm
by buster00
"We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master."

"Guess you chose the wrong door, Decepti-cunt. You should've picked Door Number Justice!"

"You don't wanna know what Clint Eastwood's orangutan did inside my fuckin' cab. Lemme put it this way -- his bowels are every which way including loose."

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 9:49 pm
by TheBaxter
"Fucking Decepticons! The Decepticons are responsible for all the wars in the world!"

or

"What do you think you're looking at, sugarpistons?"

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 11:15 pm
by truth0ne SGC
"WTF did they do to us? Damn Americans..."

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 11:21 pm
by RogueScribner
"What I wouldn't do to have her writhing around in my fine vinyl interior!"

PostPosted: Sun Aug 20, 2006 12:58 am
by ONeillSG1
"Hey there Sugart!ts. What a ride?"

Yeah I got nothing.

"Peterbuilt. Ugh."

PostPosted: Sun Aug 20, 2006 1:31 am
by RogueScribner
"A banana in the tailpipe is so '80s, Bumblebee!"

PostPosted: Sun Aug 20, 2006 1:43 am
by Ribbons
Optimus Prime: "IPAMPILASH!"

PostPosted: Sun Aug 20, 2006 2:28 am
by Lady Sheridan
"I am the vehicle that would haul that tanker. You want to get out of here? You talk to me."

PostPosted: Sun Aug 20, 2006 4:56 am
by EWS
"So the Decepticons aren't really evil? That they are placed on the Earth and then shipped to the middle east to frame Iran and Syria and give the Americans a reason to invade and preserve their future with oil? Whaddya know! So it's all the Americans doing?"

or


"KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHNNN NNNNNNNNNNNNN"

PostPosted: Sun Aug 20, 2006 5:15 am
by Chilli
[deadpan] Oh, joy.

That's an in-joke.

PostPosted: Sun Aug 20, 2006 11:31 am
by Fried Gold
"Megatron can bite my glorious matriced ass."

PostPosted: Fri Aug 25, 2006 5:44 pm
by Mr. Nice Gaius
An Al Pacino Theme:

- Megatron, what's wrong with you? You drag me here, waste my time like this.

- Freedom, baby... is never having to say you're sorry.

- You never open your mouth until you know what the shot is.

- If I were the robot I was five million years ago, I'd take a FLAMETHROWER to this place!

- I know it was you Megatron. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!

PostPosted: Fri Aug 25, 2006 6:22 pm
by tapehead
*edited for stupidity*

PostPosted: Fri Aug 25, 2006 6:25 pm
by TonyWilson
*in a state of barely concealed arousal*
oohhhh ohhhh awww ahhhh oh ohhhhh ohhhh god that feels gooood. And you call this WD40 yes?

PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 6:37 pm
by buster00
"By the power of Grayskull!"

(*singing*) "Scroll buttons...you look so gooood! Scrollin' up n' down...like you knew they would!"

(*answering telephone*) "Hit paydirt with K-DIRT..."

"My instructor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you'd like to hear it I can sing it for you. Daisy...Dayyyzzeee...giiivvve meeee yourrrrrrrrrr annnnssssswerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr --+"

PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 7:12 pm
by Flumm
"...yeah, no that's my bad, I'm always awry with my latin verb conjugation structures. Sigh. FROM THE TOP"

"Mmmm, it's a bad thing if we step on the small squishy ones, right?"

"Attitude Gal
One of dem, two of dem
See the crew of dem, I will wine dem
Could a three a dem, could a four a dem
Even more of dem, I will grind dem
See the whole of dem, see di whole a dem....friends (whole a dem friends)
Pack up mi gyal....dutty wine...eehh
So what dem a say
Alright now

Me step inna di club, a dance rub a dub
An di gyal a come wine up on me
Mi stan so tall back against the wall
And now she start climb up pon me
Its kind a likkle trickie, I'm checking out Nikki
When you know say time is up on me
The way di gyal a wine is like the breeze a blow
But it hot and the sun shine on me

Di dutty wine, my girl, dutty wine (whoa)
Di dutty wine, my girl, dutty wine (ray)
Di dutty wine, my girl, dutty wine (lawd)
Dutty wine, my girl, mix it up now
Di dutty wuk, my girl, dutty wuk (ray)
Di dutty wuk, my girl, dutty wuk (lawd)
Di dutty wuk, my girl, dutty wuk (whoa)
Watch di gyal dem a do di dutty wuk (Aye)

Bend your back and lift your head up
Turn side way, lift your leg up
Bend your face and twist it up
And turn true side like you know you fed up (Whoa)
Turn roun like you know rose duck
Spin aroun cause you know how fi wuk
Lift it up back, then you breast it up
Back it up, cock it up, my girl dutty wuk

So, do di dutty wuk, do di dutty wuk
Watch all di gal deh a do di dutty wuk (Attitude)
Di dutty wuk, do di dutty wuk
Attitude gal a do di dutty wuk

So fuckin inna wata, fuckin inna sea
Fuckin inna bushes, and fuckin inna tree
If you fuck pon di bed your not fucking me
Fuck pon di floor, fuck pon di t.v.
Fuck pon di dresser, and bruk up figurine
Fuck pon di fan, no gyal no finga me
When mi see di hot gyal dem dat a trigga me
Fuck any where, let fuck be free

So, could a one a dem, could a two a dem
Send the crew of dem, I will grind dem
Could a three a dem, and if a four of dem
Send more a dem, I will wine dem
Any way dem deh, any way dem deh
Any way dem deh, Mota will find dem
Just to wine up pon di gyal yah
Look at di gyal dem a wine
Sit down pon it now

Me step up inna club, and dance rub a dub
An di gyal a come and wine up pon me
Mi stan so tall back against the wall
Now me she wan climb up pon me
It kinda trickie,but me ah go tek Nikki
For a quickie,but the time is up pon me
The way di gyal a wine her waist like the Breeze a blow and the sun shine on me

Dutty wine, my girl, dutty wine
Di dutty wine, my girl, dutty wine
Attitude gyal do di dutty wine
Dutty wine, dutty wine, dutty wine pon time
Dutty wuk, my girl, dutty wuk
Dutty wuk, my girl, dutty wuk
Fling it up my girl, back it up, jack it up, cock it up
My girl Cock it out

So could a one of dem, one a dem
Coulda one a dem or more
A settle the score
Coulda one of dem, wine my girl
Go pon ya head, go pon ya head
Mi girl

Fuckin inna wata, fuckin inna sea
Fuckin inna bushes, and fuckin inna tree
If you fuck pon di bed your not fucking me
Fuck pon di floor, fuck pon di t.v.
Fuck pon di dresser, bruk up figurine
Fuck pon di fan, no gyal no finga me
When mi see di hot gyal, dat a trigga me
Fuckin let it be free "

"... so uh, ya, I was always a big fan of his matriarchal sumblimation subtexts within Bad Boys 2 as it goes, so I waved goodbye to the creaky intonatains of the boards, and said my farewells to The Bard, haha, for the first time in 8 seasons actually, and ya, signed up straight away."

PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 7:24 pm
by Peven
"as seen on tv!"

"batteries not included!"

"each figure sold separately!"

"if you don't buy a scale model replica of me, kids, you're going to die!"