Cameron Raises Christ (Cruci-fact or cruci-fiction?)

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Cameron Raises Christ (Cruci-fact or cruci-fiction?)

Postby RogueScribner on Sat Feb 24, 2007 8:40 pm

Anyone see this story on the main page about James Cameron displaying the remains of Jesus in a coffin on Monday? Supposedly there's a docmentary attached to this revelation, like with the Titanic only with shovels instead of submersibles.

Is this for real? How could Cameron's search for Jesus be kept under wraps for so long? Especially with a film crew tagging along? How does he know he found the actual remains? If he did, what would it mean?

WTF? Are we being punk'd?
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Re: Cameron Raises Christ

Postby buster00 on Sat Feb 24, 2007 8:43 pm

RogueScribner wrote: If he did, what would it mean?


It would shoot down the Christian belief that Jesus ascended bodily into Heaven, for starters.

RogueScribner wrote:WTF? Are we being punk'd?


Most likely.
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Postby Lady Sheridan on Sat Feb 24, 2007 8:43 pm

Wow. What director is going to go insane next?

I can't wait to see this and have a good laugh as Cameron hops a ride on the U.S.S. Dan Brown...
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Postby RogueScribner on Sat Feb 24, 2007 8:47 pm

This is probably the craziest AICN I've ever read. Hands down.
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Re: Cameron Raises Christ

Postby darkjedijaina on Sat Feb 24, 2007 8:48 pm

RogueScribner wrote:WTF? Are we being punk'd?


heh. Blair Witch Project came to mind for some reason...
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Postby Lady Sheridan on Sat Feb 24, 2007 8:50 pm

Maybe it was all those excursions down to the Titanic. The water pressure can't be good for the brain.

He was probably down there looking for the iceberg that it ran into.
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Postby buster00 on Sat Feb 24, 2007 9:09 pm

I don't care if the bones are authentic or not.

I just hope ventriloquism is somehow involved.

CAMERON: Hey, Corpse of Jesus, would you like some M & M's?

JESUS: Nah...they keep falling through my decomposing ribcage!
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Postby TheBaxter on Sat Feb 24, 2007 9:10 pm

is it April 1 already?
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Postby Adam Balm on Sat Feb 24, 2007 9:19 pm

Uggh. Another celebrity finds Jesus....
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Postby Keepcoolbutcare on Sat Feb 24, 2007 9:25 pm

"I have found the King of the King of the World!"
Personally, I'm an atheist in the voting booth and a theist in the movie theatre. I separate the morality of religion with the spirituality and solace of it. There is something boring about atheism.
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Postby buster00 on Sat Feb 24, 2007 9:29 pm

He's not even looking in the right place.

Jesus is buried in the woods out back of my apartment complex.

I should know.
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Postby Adam Balm on Sat Feb 24, 2007 9:30 pm

And watch, with the entire world watching, a crowd of eager journalists gathered round holding their breath...Cameron will open the coffin's lid, unloosing half a dozen springy snakes!

Cameron: 'Hahaha. I sure had you going there!'

Journalists: 'Haha you did.'

Cameron: 'Haha. Should've seen the looks on your faces!'

Journalists: 'So, do you ever direct movies anymore?'
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Postby King Psyz on Sat Feb 24, 2007 9:31 pm

Maybe it was on this trip he had the revelation about the future of filmaking...
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Postby buster00 on Sat Feb 24, 2007 9:34 pm

BTW, new Best Thread Title Ever!!!OMFGLOL!!1!
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Postby Wolfpack on Sat Feb 24, 2007 10:34 pm

I don't know. This story has a very Onionesque aura to it.
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Postby Chairman Kaga on Sat Feb 24, 2007 11:05 pm

This sounds like a fake news story playing in the background of a Frank Miller or Alan Moore comic panel.
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Postby Bob Samonkey on Sat Feb 24, 2007 11:15 pm

Adam Balm wrote:And watch, with the entire world watching, a crowd of eager journalists gathered round holding their breath...Cameron will open the coffin's lid, unloosing half a dozen springy snakes!

Cameron: 'Hahaha. I sure had you going there!'

Journalists: 'Haha you did.'

Cameron: 'Haha. Should've seen the looks on your faces!'

Journalists: 'So, do you ever direct movies anymore?'


Man that was funny. You should write Family Guy!!

You know I love you Adam...
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Postby RogueScribner on Sat Feb 24, 2007 11:19 pm

There was a hispanic guy on Judge Mathis the other day that wanted to be called Jeezus as opposed to Heysoose because he "doesn't cut grass." Maybe that's the guy Cameron found!
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Postby Bob Samonkey on Sat Feb 24, 2007 11:22 pm

Was he dead?
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Postby Wolfpack on Sat Feb 24, 2007 11:26 pm

Could he turn water into wine? He'd be a huge hit at parties.
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Postby Lord Voldemoo on Sat Feb 24, 2007 11:32 pm

Adam Balm wrote:Uggh. Another celebrity finds Jesus....


BWAAAAAAAHAHAHA!!!! Quote of the day.
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Postby buster00 on Sun Feb 25, 2007 12:26 am

Corpse Of Jesus Christ Comes To Life, Devours Brain Of Director James Cameron

Corpses Of Mary And Mary Magdalene: "BRAINS!"

Reporters: "LOL!"
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Postby Bob Samonkey on Sun Feb 25, 2007 12:27 am

Lord Voldemoo wrote:
Adam Balm wrote:Uggh. Another celebrity finds Jesus....


BWAAAAAAAHAHAHA!!!! Quote of the day.


I thought this one was funny too!

Keepcoolbutcare wrote:"I have found the King of the King of the World!"
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Postby Peven on Sun Feb 25, 2007 1:11 am

Cameron's next big project, "T4", the story of how the machines send a Terminator back in time to kill Mary before she can get knocked up by God.
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Postby Dark Knight on Sun Feb 25, 2007 1:16 am

Peven wrote:Cameron's next big project, "T4", the story of how the machines send a Terminator back in time to kill Mary before she can get knocked up by God.


not the same thing, but almost...
El Wray will find the missing reel, just watch...
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Postby Terminator on Sun Feb 25, 2007 5:40 am

It all makes perfect sense. The writers of MAD TV can see into the future. They're just 12 years behind.
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Postby John-Locke on Sun Feb 25, 2007 9:15 am

WHAT THE FUCK?
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Postby Chairman Kaga on Sun Feb 25, 2007 11:45 am

Terminator wrote:It all makes perfect sense. The writers of MAD TV can see into the future. They're just 12 years behind.

Like Apollo the 13th when Jason was in space and then bam years later Jason X gets a greenlight.
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Postby burlivesleftnut on Sun Feb 25, 2007 11:55 am

HAHA, Your guy's irreverent brand of humor knows no bounds! But would you really be so bold knowing that Jesus is RIGHT BEHIND YOU!
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Postby Al Shut on Sun Feb 25, 2007 12:04 pm

I wouldn't be worried

Jesus loves you, also from behind
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Postby Chairman Kaga on Sun Feb 25, 2007 12:05 pm

burlivesleftnut wrote:HAHA, Your guy's irreverent brand of humor knows no bounds! But would you really be so bold knowing that Jesus is RIGHT BEHIND YOU!

So that's what was sticking in my ah-noose.
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Postby minstrel on Sun Feb 25, 2007 2:56 pm

John-Locke wrote:WHAT THE FUCK?


This was my reaction last night when I first read the story. Then I slept on it, and got up this morning, and read it again. And you know something?

This is still my reaction.
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Postby LeFlambeur on Sun Feb 25, 2007 3:16 pm

How are they supposed to determine whether those those are the bones of Jesus Christ? Do they taste like communion wafers?
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Postby minstrel on Sun Feb 25, 2007 3:28 pm

LeFlambeur wrote:How are they supposed to determine whether those those are the bones of Jesus Christ? Do they taste like communion wafers?


My guess is that the sheer magnificent divinity of the bones will glow out and burn itself into all our brains, convincing us beyond any doubt, and making us believe that James Cameron has finally found the absolute, indisputable ...

oh, fuck it.

They're just some old bones. There's no real way to tell.
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Postby burlivesleftnut on Sun Feb 25, 2007 4:01 pm

LeFlambeur wrote:How are they supposed to determine whether those those are the bones of Jesus Christ? Do they taste like communion wafers?


awesome.
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Postby minstrel on Sun Feb 25, 2007 4:09 pm

LeFlambeur wrote:How are they supposed to determine whether those those are the bones of Jesus Christ? Do they taste like communion wafers?


They'd better. I bet the manufacturers of communion wafers are tasting the bones right now, and adjusting the recipes to match ...
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Postby HollywoodBabylon on Sun Feb 25, 2007 4:32 pm

Let's hope these 'Jesus Bones' carry a curse like Tutankhamun's did and that within the year Cameron's ego and movie career are consigned to the celluloid abyss.
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Postby burlivesleftnut on Sun Feb 25, 2007 4:41 pm

I am kind of hoping for a curse too, but perhaps with a broader target than just Cameron. After reading World War Z, I am really hoping for a zombie apocalypse.

*fingers crossed*
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Postby Shane on Sun Feb 25, 2007 4:49 pm

It's kind of a P.T. Barnum thing isn't it?
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Postby Peven on Sun Feb 25, 2007 7:24 pm

LeFlambeur wrote:How are they supposed to determine whether those those are the bones of Jesus Christ? Do they taste like communion wafers?



they'll test the DNA from the core, where the marrow is. if they find DNA strands that are just like a human's, only thousands upon thousands of them, and much more tightly wound, for lack of a better word...perfect, then they will know they have the bones of the supreme being, Jesus himself. :wink:
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Postby minstrel on Sun Feb 25, 2007 7:57 pm

Peven wrote:
LeFlambeur wrote:How are they supposed to determine whether those those are the bones of Jesus Christ? Do they taste like communion wafers?



they'll test the DNA from the core, where the marrow is. if they find DNA strands that are just like a human's, only thousands upon thousands of them, and much more tightly wound, for lack of a better word...perfect, then they will know they have the bones of the supreme being, Jesus himself. :wink:


Alternatively, they could do one of the artistic reconstructions of the face of Jesus, and see if he bears a striking family resemblance to God. You can see a picture of God on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. He also makes a cameo appearance in Monty Python And The Holy Grail.

I admit that this isn't 100 percent perfect confirmation, but hey, I've been drinking.
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Postby Retardo_Montalban on Sun Feb 25, 2007 7:59 pm

Peven wrote:
LeFlambeur wrote:How are they supposed to determine whether those those are the bones of Jesus Christ? Do they taste like communion wafers?



they'll test the DNA from the core, where the marrow is. if they find DNA strands that are just like a human's, only thousands upon thousands of them, and much more tightly wound, for lack of a better word...perfect, then they will know they have the bones of the supreme being, Jesus himself. :wink:


That or Milla Jovovich
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Postby Al Shut on Sun Feb 25, 2007 8:02 pm

I don't think JAmes CAmeron found the bones of Milla Jovovich.

If he did the question is who is the imposter that walks around claiming to be her and alive.
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Postby Retardo_Montalban on Sun Feb 25, 2007 8:18 pm

Al_Shut wrote:I don't think JAmes CAmeron found the bones of Milla Jovovich.

If he did the question is who is the imposter that walks around claiming to be her and alive.


Milla Jovovich is alive??¿ Shit, judging from her movies, I thought she was just a corpse on some marrionette strings.
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Postby Peven on Sun Feb 25, 2007 8:21 pm

Retardo_Montalban wrote:
Al_Shut wrote:I don't think JAmes CAmeron found the bones of Milla Jovovich.

If he did the question is who is the imposter that walks around claiming to be her and alive.


Milla Jovovich is alive??¿ Shit, judging from her movies, I thought she was just a corpse on some marrionette strings.


hey hey HEY!!!! you are talking about the woman i love...................from afar. :oops:
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Postby Retardo_Montalban on Sun Feb 25, 2007 8:22 pm

Peven wrote:hey hey HEY!!!! you are talking about the woman i love...................from afar. :oops:


necrophile
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Postby TheBaxter on Sun Feb 25, 2007 8:45 pm

hey, i saw the davinci code. just test them for a match against audrey tatou's dna, 'cos she's the great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-gr eat-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grea t-great-great-great-great-great-great-granddaughte r of jesus.
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Postby svefn_genglar_77 on Mon Feb 26, 2007 6:03 am

This thread is gold.
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Postby The Thin Man on Mon Feb 26, 2007 7:39 am

Removed.
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Postby DinoDeLaurentiis on Mon Feb 26, 2007 12:41 pm

The Jesus, he loves a you, eh?

Alla the other peoples, they think a you are a the goddamn putz, no?
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