Cameron Raises Christ (Cruci-fact or cruci-fiction?)

The greatest TV in history is being made right now. The worst TV in history is being made right now.

Postby John-Locke on Mon Feb 26, 2007 12:50 pm

Peven wrote:
LeFlambeur wrote:How are they supposed to determine whether those those are the bones of Jesus Christ? Do they taste like communion wafers?



they'll test the DNA from the core, where the marrow is. if they find DNA strands that are just like a human's, only thousands upon thousands of them, and much more tightly wound, for lack of a better word...perfect, then they will know they have the bones of the supreme being, Jesus himself. :wink:


They'll probably test the DNA and say that he was diabetic or some crap.

Then they will clone an army of Christs and the Americans will use them in the War of/on Terror as Medics to heal fallen Soldiers, as cooks who can feed an army with just a few simple ingredients and as scouts on missions in areas with lots of lakes (being able to walk on Water and all).
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Postby Chairman Kaga on Mon Feb 26, 2007 12:58 pm

John-Locke wrote:
Peven wrote:
LeFlambeur wrote:How are they supposed to determine whether those those are the bones of Jesus Christ? Do they taste like communion wafers?



they'll test the DNA from the core, where the marrow is. if they find DNA strands that are just like a human's, only thousands upon thousands of them, and much more tightly wound, for lack of a better word...perfect, then they will know they have the bones of the supreme being, Jesus himself. :wink:


They'll probably test the DNA and say that he was diabetic or some crap.

Then they will clone an army of Christs and the Americans will use them in the War of/on Terror as Medics to heal fallen Soldiers, as cooks who can feed an army with just a few simple ingredients and as scouts on missions in areas with lots of lakes (being able to walk on Water and all).


Honestly I think (I haven't seen anything about this besides the link yet) they will test the people's DNA to find if they are related to one another like the caskets state. If all the familial realtionships line up and it all dates from the right time period they then probably make a statistical analysis of the likelyhood of it being the Jesus and his family rather than another family all with the same names etc. So it comes down to the odds as to whether two families with the exact same names and familial relationships existed in Jerusalem (or the suburbs) around the same time.
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Postby MonkeyM666 on Mon Feb 26, 2007 1:02 pm

Random Article I just found...

What would Jesus' DNA do?
By Faye Flam

Knight Ridder Newspapers

What would it mean if Jesus did have sex and let his DNA loose into the general population? How special would that make his would-be descendants, such as a character in the fictional "The Da Vinci Code"?

And what kind of DNA would Jesus have, considering that his mother was reportedly a virgin?

I wrote about genetics and the virgin birth last fall and found two surprising conclusions. First, most Catholic and Protestant theologians do not get insulted by this question. Second, they don't agree.

They concur that Jesus was not supernatural. The doctrine of incarnation says he's fully human, wrote Georgetown University professor of theology John Haught. "To imply that Jesus is somehow exempt from ordinary natural laws and biological patterns [including having DNA and male chromosomes] would, in my view, be a failure to take the incarnation seriously."

This is hard to square with the virgin birth in light of modern biology. It's true that asexual reproduction, called parthenogenesis, happens in some fish, insects, and even a lizard species, and artificially in a few mammals, through cloning.

But if cloning or parthenogenesis were involved, Jesus would look a lot more like Mary. He'd be a woman, for one thing, since females always beget females.

In humans, females package some of their DNA in two matched X chromosomes, males in a single X and Y. So if you're a male, there's only one way you could have gotten your Y chromosome, and that's from your biological father.

Where would Jesus have gotten his Y? Some, such as Protestant theologian Wesley Wildman of Boston University, say Jesus got his Y chromosome and half his DNA from a human father, most likely Joseph. What he got from God was something more spiritual.

Others, however, say that God must have fashioned at least part of Jesus' DNA himself, through a miracle. "It's not God's sperm ... but God creates something like a sperm and caused it to fertilize Mary's egg," said Ron Cole-Turner, a professor and ordained minister at the Presbyterian Pittsburgh Theological Seminary. That was also the majority view expressed by those who wrote in after my initial column.

If that's the case, maybe there's reason to feel uneasy about "The Da Vinci Code's" premise that this DNA was disseminated. Evolution tells us the 3 billion-character genetic code we carry in our cells was shaped by several billion years of evolution. The Jesus DNA would, by contrast, be specially created just 2,000 years ago.

That said, even miraculous DNA wouldn't render those in Jesus' bloodline all that special. Historically, bloodlines were restricted by rules about firstborn, legitimate sons, but true biological inheritance tends to fan out.

A few years ago, Joseph Chang, a mathematician at Yale, created a computer model designed to mimic the dynamics of the human population over the last 40,000 years. He concluded that all members of today's population share common ancestors if you go back just a few thousand years. Geographic and social boundaries keep us from all sharing the same ancestors 1,000 years back.

Working from the other direction, he said, those people alive 2,000 years ago almost certainly left either no descendants or millions. "It's called a branching process," he said. If your line of descendants doesn't peter out quickly and gets up to 20 or so, it will approximately double each subsequent generation and become quite numerous.

If the "Da Vinci Code" character were descended from Jesus, it's almost certain that millions of other people would be too, Chang said.

Not only that, the character might not have gotten a trace of Jesus' DNA. After so many generations, his genetic code would have been diluted by a factor of more than a trillion. There are only three billion chemical "letters" in the human genetic code, and it gets passed down in chunks.

Whether any genes get passed down, Chang said, is up to chance. So in the unlikely event that Jesus' DNA got out, it would have scattered much too far for anyone to find it.
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Postby MasterWhedon on Mon Feb 26, 2007 1:33 pm

Ugh...
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Postby tapehead on Mon Feb 26, 2007 1:48 pm

John-Locke wrote:
Peven wrote:
LeFlambeur wrote:How are they supposed to determine whether those those are the bones of Jesus Christ? Do they taste like communion wafers?



they'll test the DNA from the core, where the marrow is. if they find DNA strands that are just like a human's, only thousands upon thousands of them, and much more tightly wound, for lack of a better word...perfect, then they will know they have the bones of the supreme being, Jesus himself. :wink:


They'll probably test the DNA and say that he was diabetic or some crap.

Then they will clone an army of Christs and the Americans will use them in the War of/on Terror as Medics to heal fallen Soldiers, as cooks who can feed an army with just a few simple ingredients and as scouts on missions in areas with lots of lakes (being able to walk on Water and all).

Army of the Zombie Jesus - medics and catering - IPAMPILASH!
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Postby instant_karma on Mon Feb 26, 2007 1:50 pm

Does Cameron have any leads on Jimmy Hoffa's last resting place?
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Postby Adam Balm on Mon Feb 26, 2007 1:51 pm

instant_karma wrote:Does Cameron have any leads on Jimmy Hoffa's last resting place?


Jimmy Hoffa ascended into heaven!

How dare you be so insensitive.
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Postby instant_karma on Mon Feb 26, 2007 1:53 pm

Adam Balm wrote:
instant_karma wrote:Does Cameron have any leads on Jimmy Hoffa's last resting place?


Jimmy Hoffa ascended into heaven!

How dare you be so insensitive.


Damn. I'll bet he's got the whole harps racket all sewn up by now....
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Postby so sorry on Mon Feb 26, 2007 2:01 pm

http://www.discovery.com/

This is airing on the Discovery channel on March 4th at 9pm for anyone that's interested.


My biggest question is wether or not they will offer 'both sides to the story' so to speak... have some archaologist present why they think its the true bones of Christ and some archaologists present why they think its bunk.[/url]
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Postby DinoDeLaurentiis on Mon Feb 26, 2007 2:11 pm

Since this is a gonna to be shown onna the Discovery Channel, I'm a gonna to move a this inna to a the Coaxial room, eh?
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Postby Fawst on Mon Feb 26, 2007 2:27 pm

This whole thing got me thinking. People are predisposed to not care about possible evidence pointing to a major issue. You'd figure that a major discovery that could point to something as big as finding the body of Jesus would get more coverage. CNN had a link to the story on time.com. FOX News? Please, why would they have it on the main page?

If this were a story about proof of alien life, albeit in an abstract "might be true, might not, but it's closer than we've been before" kind of way, I'm sure it would generate the same level of disinterest. People believe what they want and won't really pay attention. This is gonna get shrugged off, and it COULD be one of the biggest discoveries of ... well, a big discovery.

Damn work, I have way too many thoughts on this to concentrate! Anyone happen to know when the press conference is? I keep seeing that it's today, but no time is given.
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Postby DinoDeLaurentiis on Mon Feb 26, 2007 3:19 pm

Apparently a the BBC, she alla'ready did this over a the decade ago, no? Anna the scholars, they pretty much a say she's alla the bunk, eh?

Check it out, eh?
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Postby Vegeta on Mon Feb 26, 2007 3:26 pm

DinoDeLaurentiis wrote:Since this is a gonna to be shown onna the Discovery Channel, I'm a gonna to move a this inna to a the Coaxial room, eh?


Wow, I am suprised you just didn't move this thread to the EFBR, since it's just an anti-Christian bash fest anyways. :roll:
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Postby DinoDeLaurentiis on Mon Feb 26, 2007 3:33 pm

Vegeta wrote:Wow, I am suprised you just didn't move this thread to the EFBR, since it's just an anti-Christian bash fest anyways. :roll:


Holy crappa.... anti-Christian bash fest? I donna think so, eh? Atta least... not a yet... goddamn... what has a happened to a the Zone, eh? Nobody gotta the spine for a the ribbing anymore, no?

Heheh... get it? Spine? Ribbing?

BWAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

The Dino, he make a with a the funny....
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Postby Adam Balm on Mon Feb 26, 2007 3:40 pm

Vegeta wrote:
DinoDeLaurentiis wrote:Since this is a gonna to be shown onna the Discovery Channel, I'm a gonna to move a this inna to a the Coaxial room, eh?


Wow, I am suprised you just didn't move this thread to the EFBR, since it's just an anti-Christian bash fest anyways. :roll:


Who's bashing the anti-christians?
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Postby Vegeta on Mon Feb 26, 2007 3:42 pm

Adam Balm wrote:
Vegeta wrote:
DinoDeLaurentiis wrote:Since this is a gonna to be shown onna the Discovery Channel, I'm a gonna to move a this inna to a the Coaxial room, eh?


Wow, I am suprised you just didn't move this thread to the EFBR, since it's just an anti-Christian bash fest anyways. :roll:


Who's bashing the anti-christians?


HAHAHAHAHAHA! Nice!
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Postby Orcus on Mon Feb 26, 2007 4:25 pm

This reminds me of a Sam Kineson quote:

"Jesus was the only person who came back from the dead and did not scare the sh!t out of people"
"Where's you're God noooooow???!!"
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Postby DinoDeLaurentiis on Mon Feb 26, 2007 4:30 pm

Hehehe... I have a not heard a that line, eh? That's a pretty funny, no?
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Postby Orcus on Mon Feb 26, 2007 4:34 pm

Man that was from 20 years ago or so. The second part of that was something like:

"It was not like folks stopped and screamed "THE DEAD WALK! OMIGOD THE DEAD FRIGGIN WALK"!

I have it on Mp3 somewhere, stupid things like that amuse me in the underworld of AICN
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Postby Pacino86845 on Mon Feb 26, 2007 4:44 pm

DinoDeLaurentiis wrote:
Vegeta wrote:Wow, I am suprised you just didn't move this thread to the EFBR, since it's just an anti-Christian bash fest anyways. :roll:


Holy crappa.... anti-Christian bash fest? I donna think so, eh? Atta least... not a yet... goddamn... what has a happened to a the Zone, eh? Nobody gotta the spine for a the ribbing anymore, no?

Heheh... get it? Spine? Ribbing?

BWAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

The Dino, he make a with a the funny....


You're quite a humerus dude, Dino...
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Postby Nachokoolaid on Mon Feb 26, 2007 4:52 pm

Adam Balm wrote:And watch, with the entire world watching, a crowd of eager journalists gathered round holding their breath...Cameron will open the coffin's lid, unloosing half a dozen springy snakes!

Cameron: 'Hahaha. I sure had you going there!'

Journalists: 'Haha you did.'

Cameron: 'Haha. Should've seen the looks on your faces!'

Journalists: 'So, do you ever direct movies anymore?'


Or he will open the coffin and there will be nothing but a stained shroud where you can faintly make out the text....

"Avatar, coming summer 2009"
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Postby RogueScribner on Mon Feb 26, 2007 4:58 pm

This sounds like a job for Dr. Temperance Brennan!
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Postby Lord Voldemoo on Mon Feb 26, 2007 5:00 pm

Nachokoolaid wrote:
Or he will open the coffin and there will be nothing but a stained shroud where you can faintly make out the text....

"Avatar, coming summer 2009"


HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
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Postby buster00 on Mon Feb 26, 2007 5:34 pm

Shane wrote:It's kind of a P.T. Barnum thing isn't it?


Smells even more like Oded Golan. Remember him?
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Postby Cha-Ka Khan on Tue Feb 27, 2007 2:29 pm

Pacino86845 wrote:
DinoDeLaurentiis wrote:Nobody gotta the spine for a the ribbing anymore, no?

Heheh... get it? Spine? Ribbing?


You're quite a humerus dude, Dino...


Dude, that is one bad pun... no bones about it.
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Postby Coldfire24 on Tue Feb 27, 2007 2:50 pm

Let me draw your attention to a movie that has already addressed these issues.

Antonio Banderas as a priest sent to investigate a crusified body found in the holy city. Deals with him doubting his faith and things of that nature...pretty good movie. I caught in on HBO4 sometime during a summer.

http://imdb.com/title/tt0201485/
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Postby TheBaxter on Tue Feb 27, 2007 3:28 pm

Nachokoolaid wrote:
Adam Balm wrote:And watch, with the entire world watching, a crowd of eager journalists gathered round holding their breath...Cameron will open the coffin's lid, unloosing half a dozen springy snakes!

Cameron: 'Hahaha. I sure had you going there!'

Journalists: 'Haha you did.'

Cameron: 'Haha. Should've seen the looks on your faces!'

Journalists: 'So, do you ever direct movies anymore?'


Or he will open the coffin and there will be nothing but a stained shroud where you can faintly make out the text....

"Avatar, coming summer 2009"


actually, this is what i think will happen...

they'll take the box that they think has jesus' bones in it, and they'll open it and instead of bones they'll find a drawing of naked jesus reclining on a sofa. then on the boat ride back to jerusalem, cameron will pull jesus' bones out of his nightgown and drop them into the ocean, and then he'll die.
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Postby Fawst on Tue Feb 27, 2007 3:31 pm

So uh... what DID happen? Wasn't the press conference yesterday?
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