Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! (Now w/ Free Gum!)

Which director made the best films, made the best visuals, or smelled the best? This is the forum to find out.

Which method of Boll torture would be best?

Drawn and quartered
0
No votes
Hung by his nutsack
20
39%
Bashed with a mace
2
4%
Dragged over broken glass
4
8%
Spaghetti Western style beating
7
14%
Head or Nuts crushed in a vice
6
12%
Chinese Water torture
6
12%
Placed in Pirahna tank
6
12%
 
Total votes : 51

Postby Fried Gold on Fri Dec 29, 2006 1:03 pm

ONeillSG1 wrote:
But, I will give credit where credit is due: Kristianna Loken's boobies are magnificent.


Those weren't real. Boll spent two-thirds of the budget to comp in CGI jugs.
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Postby Boll_KG on Fri Dec 29, 2006 1:07 pm

You guys are fucking heavy.

Uwe hasn't done anything to you? Why you playing with him? He's a really nice guy and everyone likes him thats why he can make it in Hollywood on his own.

I'm telling you, you will be eating words when his new films come out.

Being in the bottom 100 on imdb he mean to do that. He is famous for it and people think is really funny.
Uve plays by no-one's rules but his own. You sink you know Uve?....sink again!
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Postby thebostonlocksmith on Fri Dec 29, 2006 1:09 pm

Boll_KG wrote:
I'm telling you, you will be eating words.


Not alphabetti spaghetti again... :(
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Postby Nordling on Fri Dec 29, 2006 1:10 pm

Nature abhors a vacuum.

Take out one Boll, add one McG. Or Ratner. Or someone else even worse.

It's like the Architect explained in THE MATRIX RELOADED... he is the variable in the equation that must be accepted, otherwise the whole thing goes kaput.
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Postby godzillasushi on Fri Dec 29, 2006 1:11 pm

Image
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Postby Boll_KG on Fri Dec 29, 2006 1:12 pm

Thank you Nordling. I think.

See, there is more than one fan. There are more of us. Uwe rules man!
Uve plays by no-one's rules but his own. You sink you know Uve?....sink again!
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Postby thebostonlocksmith on Fri Dec 29, 2006 1:13 pm

I think not.
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Postby Boll_KG on Fri Dec 29, 2006 1:13 pm

godzillasushi wrote:Image


herrherrherr. That is funny. Uwe would love that.
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Postby Boll_KG on Fri Dec 29, 2006 1:21 pm

O! And how can you argue with a man who gets girls like this,

Image
Uve plays by no-one's rules but his own. You sink you know Uve?....sink again!
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Postby thebostonlocksmith on Fri Dec 29, 2006 1:22 pm

Rohypnel... making dreams come true...
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Postby papalazeru on Fri Dec 29, 2006 1:24 pm

Boll_KG wrote:O! And how can you argue with a man who gets girls like this,

Image


Is that a man?

I don't care but Uwe is the living dead. You still have not justified a good Uwe film you idiot?

Can you not argue or discuss a good point about his films? He's ruining films....the only reason for his existenece is to make you realise how good you've actually got it with a TV movie. Its like watching Eastender...afterwards you feel good about your own life no matter how bad it is.
Papa: The musical!

Padders: "Not very classy! Not very classy at all!"
So Sorry "I'll give you a word to describe it: classless."
Cptn Kirks 2pay: ".....utterly unclassy....."
DennisMM: "...Decidedly unclassy..."
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Postby Retardo_Montalban on Fri Dec 29, 2006 1:25 pm

Boll_KG wrote:O! And how can you argue with a man who gets girls like this,

Image


I think this "chick" was voted Tranny of the month
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Postby burlivesleftnut on Fri Dec 29, 2006 1:27 pm

Guys, just ignore him. No hate, just debate... remember.
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Postby Boll_KG on Fri Dec 29, 2006 1:31 pm

papalazeru wrote:
Boll_KG wrote:O! And how can you argue with a man who gets girls like this,

Image


Is that a man?

I don't care but Uwe is the living dead. You still have not justified a good Uwe film you idiot?

Can you not argue or discuss a good point about his films? He's ruining films....the only reason for his existenece is to make you realise how good you've actually got it with a TV movie. Its like watching Eastender...afterwards you feel good about your own life no matter how bad it is.


Uwe has made very good films. I thought House of the Dead was fun. Ok so its not Mission Impossible but it was still entertaining. Uwe's only problem is that Hollywood never gives him a chance. Bloodrayne, hehe, yes I didn't like that.

What kind of film is Eastender?
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Postby papalazeru on Fri Dec 29, 2006 1:34 pm

Yes...'Eastender' is one of the best films in the world....Go see if you can find it?
Papa: The musical!

Padders: "Not very classy! Not very classy at all!"
So Sorry "I'll give you a word to describe it: classless."
Cptn Kirks 2pay: ".....utterly unclassy....."
DennisMM: "...Decidedly unclassy..."
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Postby Cpt Kirks 2pay on Fri Dec 29, 2006 1:49 pm

Boll_KG wrote:O! And how can you argue with a man who gets girls like this,

Image


I'll go and see it. What's her name? Not for Google/Porn searches of course.
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Postby Fried Gold on Fri Dec 29, 2006 2:18 pm

Boll_KG wrote:
Uwe hasn't done anything to you?

Not directly.

The root of the problem people have with him is that he continues to get funding for projects, even though his track record clearly doesn't deserve it, when other filmmakers could be given a chance.

Think of what other people could have made with the $25 million Bloodrayne cost. Or even the $10 million it's sequel is budgeted.
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Postby Cpt Kirks 2pay on Fri Dec 29, 2006 2:22 pm

The fact is, is that his films profit. Just like Paul Anderson or whatever his name is.

You should give uwe Boll credit for each of his films making more profit than farking Superman Returns.
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Postby tapehead on Fri Dec 29, 2006 2:25 pm

Can you back that up with any figures whatsoever?


or are you just alot of talk in a basket?
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Postby Cpt Kirks 2pay on Fri Dec 29, 2006 2:27 pm

I don't need back up. The sheer sight of my near microscopic penis and malformed half-gina should make any film discussee shiver in terror.
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Postby burlivesleftnut on Fri Dec 29, 2006 2:27 pm

Cpt Kirks 2pay wrote:The fact is, is that his films profit. Just like Paul Anderson or whatever his name is.

You should give uwe Boll credit for each of his films making more profit than farking Superman Returns.


The only use investors have for Boll films are big flaming tax write-offs. They are NOT profitable, twat.
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Postby tapehead on Fri Dec 29, 2006 2:28 pm

there's only one guy here looks like he's a shiverin' Kirk



So.... are you gonna bark all day little doggie?




or are you gonna bite?
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Postby burlivesleftnut on Fri Dec 29, 2006 2:29 pm

Cpt Kirks 2pay wrote:I don't need back up. The sheer sight of my near microscopic penis and malformed half-gina should make any film discussee shiver in terror.


barfilash
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Postby tapehead on Fri Dec 29, 2006 2:30 pm

Bwahahahaha! - Burl is in charge here





carry on.
Last edited by tapehead on Fri Dec 29, 2006 2:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Cpt Kirks 2pay on Fri Dec 29, 2006 2:30 pm

WHO EDITED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????????????

I'LL BAN THEIR ASSES!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Postby Retardo_Montalban on Fri Dec 29, 2006 2:31 pm

House of the Dead had a $3,000,000 profit. It says so in the link Papamoguinea posted. The real difference being, I can watch Superman Returns over and over again, but I can't even get through Alone in the Dark once. I didn't even think SR was that great, but it has replay value.
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Postby Fried Gold on Fri Dec 29, 2006 2:32 pm

Kirk as a man-gina?
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Postby Cpt Kirks 2pay on Fri Dec 29, 2006 2:33 pm

burlivesleftnut wrote:
Cpt Kirks 2pay wrote:The fact is, is that his films profit. Just like Paul Anderson or whatever his name is.

You should give uwe Boll credit for each of his films making more profit than farking Superman Returns.


The only use investors have for Boll films are big flaming tax write-offs. They are NOT profitable, twat.


Please don't call me twat. I'm not the one who just wrote a mispelled post that makes little sense. Twot.
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Postby burlivesleftnut on Fri Dec 29, 2006 2:34 pm

Twort
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Postby Cpt Kirks 2pay on Fri Dec 29, 2006 2:35 pm

Banned person.
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Postby papalazeru on Fri Dec 29, 2006 2:36 pm

Dang! You leave for a second and you miss all the fun.

Whatever Boll_KG says, I'll never support a Boll film. I'll download it and sell it to stupid emo teens.
Papa: The musical!

Padders: "Not very classy! Not very classy at all!"
So Sorry "I'll give you a word to describe it: classless."
Cptn Kirks 2pay: ".....utterly unclassy....."
DennisMM: "...Decidedly unclassy..."
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Postby burlivesleftnut on Fri Dec 29, 2006 2:38 pm

I saw like the first 15 minutes of Alone in the Dark. It was intolerable. That is the totality of my Boll experience.
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Postby papalazeru on Fri Dec 29, 2006 2:39 pm

Totalitarian Boll: The musical

I'd watch that.
Papa: The musical!

Padders: "Not very classy! Not very classy at all!"
So Sorry "I'll give you a word to describe it: classless."
Cptn Kirks 2pay: ".....utterly unclassy....."
DennisMM: "...Decidedly unclassy..."
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Postby John-Locke on Fri Dec 29, 2006 3:09 pm

If Uwe Boll was any good Distributors would be fighting with eachother over In The Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale which has been finished for almost a year and is simply shitting I mean sitting on a shelf somewhere maybe to be shown in Canada and Germany some time next year. The Tax break thing is over now in Germany and no one is going to touch it, it's evil.
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Postby papalazeru on Fri Dec 29, 2006 3:12 pm

John-Locke wrote:If Uwe Boll was any good Distributors would be fighting with eachother over In The Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale which has been finished for almost a year and is simply shitting I mean sitting on a shelf somewhere maybe to be shown in Canada and Germany some time next year. The Tax break thing is over now in Germany and no one is going to touch it, it's evil.


nuff said.

*applause*
Papa: The musical!

Padders: "Not very classy! Not very classy at all!"
So Sorry "I'll give you a word to describe it: classless."
Cptn Kirks 2pay: ".....utterly unclassy....."
DennisMM: "...Decidedly unclassy..."
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Postby Boll_KG on Fri Dec 29, 2006 3:27 pm

Hey man. Its not his fault, he tries but he is still new in the USA film making world so he always gets bad distribution. If they gave him a chance things could be different.
Uve plays by no-one's rules but his own. You sink you know Uve?....sink again!
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Postby burlivesleftnut on Fri Dec 29, 2006 3:52 pm

Boll_KG wrote:Hey man. Its not his fault, he tries but he is still new in the USA film making world so he always gets bad distribution. If they gave him a chance things could be different.


Bad movies begat bad distribution.
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Postby Boll_KG on Fri Dec 29, 2006 3:57 pm

But even Good movies can have bad distribution.

I can see Im not going to win here am I?

Maybe I should just say that Uwe will make good movies and you will all eat your words.

He is talented and one day people will recognise his contribution to the movie industry.
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Postby burlivesleftnut on Fri Dec 29, 2006 3:58 pm

Yes and one day, Apes will rule the earth.
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Postby TheBaxter on Fri Dec 29, 2006 4:00 pm

why does this guy keep saying Uwe is new to the US market? HotD, AitD, BloodRayne... that's three films he's put out here. he's been dealing with the US market for over 3 years now. if he doesn't know how to get a film distributed in the US by now, then he's as bad a businessman as he is a filmmaker.
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Postby Al Shut on Fri Dec 29, 2006 4:00 pm

burlivesleftnut wrote:Yes and one day, Apes will rule the earth.


Why not, they already rule America
Note to myself: Fix this image shit!
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Postby TheBaxter on Fri Dec 29, 2006 4:05 pm

burlivesleftnut wrote:Yes and one day, Apes will rule the earth.


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Image
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Postby Boll_KG on Fri Dec 29, 2006 4:07 pm

Al_Shut wrote:
burlivesleftnut wrote:Yes and one day, Apes will rule the earth.


Why not, they already rule America


Hahah Funny becuase its so true.
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Postby Brocktune on Fri Dec 29, 2006 4:46 pm

Boll_KG wrote:
Al_Shut wrote:
burlivesleftnut wrote:Yes and one day, Apes will rule the earth.


Why not, they already rule America


Hahah Funny becuase its so true.


and america runs the rest of the world.

so it seems you are all ruled by apes.

God made man
But he used the monkey to do it
Apes in the plan
Were all here to prove it
I can walk like an ape
Talk like an ape
I can do what a monkey can do
God made man
But a monkey supplied the glue
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Postby Fried Gold on Fri Dec 29, 2006 5:07 pm

Have you all forgotten your scripture, the thirteenth scroll?

"And Proteus brought the upright beast into the White House garden and chained him to a tree and the children did make sport of him."
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Postby ONeillSG1 on Fri Dec 29, 2006 10:16 pm

Boll_KG wrote:This is the Postal website.

http://www.postal-the-movie.com/

Sorry. Don't know how to link man. Its going to be really really good.


You're joking right? You must be joking. Are we looking at the same website? Holy crap. The front picture is a disaster waiting to happen.

OMFG!!! Are you a part of his PR team? Or are you that dense?

I can't stand it.
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Postby papalazeru on Fri Dec 29, 2006 11:07 pm

IPAMPILASH.

Put that in your translater and smoke it Boll.
Papa: The musical!

Padders: "Not very classy! Not very classy at all!"
So Sorry "I'll give you a word to describe it: classless."
Cptn Kirks 2pay: ".....utterly unclassy....."
DennisMM: "...Decidedly unclassy..."
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Postby Theta on Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:33 am

ONeillSG1 wrote:
You're joking right? You must be joking. Are we looking at the same website? Holy crap. The front picture is a disaster waiting to happen.

OMFG!!! Are you a part of his PR team? Or are you that dense?

I can't stand it.


Well, all the "Postal" games are simply cheap shock tactics stapled to mediocre gameplay mechanics. Uwe could finally achieve that height he's always wanted to reach, a "so bad it's good" movie.
This comment is in no way meant to insist your opinion is wrong or be considered an edict, solely this poster's opinion. That said, you are still a fool and will kneel before me in supplication.
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Postby Stemjsim on Sat Dec 30, 2006 6:02 am

Having just watched Snakes on a Plane for the first time I was reminded of Uwe Bolls films. Sure Boll makes bad movies but if he can get them released and make himself money from them then so what? More power to him. Segal, Van Damn and Snipes all make shite straight to Dvd movies and no-one notices, this guy produces and Directs movies that get Panned by all the "Critics" but they still make money all the same. Why should he stop making movies just because some people don't like them.
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Postby thebostonlocksmith on Sat Dec 30, 2006 7:28 am

Because he's a cretin of the highest order.
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