Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! (Now w/ Free Gum!)

Which director made the best films, made the best visuals, or smelled the best? This is the forum to find out.

Which method of Boll torture would be best?

Drawn and quartered
0
No votes
Hung by his nutsack
20
39%
Bashed with a mace
2
4%
Dragged over broken glass
4
8%
Spaghetti Western style beating
7
14%
Head or Nuts crushed in a vice
6
12%
Chinese Water torture
6
12%
Placed in Pirahna tank
6
12%
 
Total votes : 51

Postby papalazeru on Sat Dec 30, 2006 7:54 am

I just watched Bloodrayne....Oh my god! Its bad...Its soooo bad but I had to see it. I recommend everyone see it, download it, pinch it, kill for it so you can understand why its in the bottom 100 Imdb movies of all time...It gets even lower than Manos :the hands of fate (and not the MST3K version) and about the same as Puma man (where pumas can fly). It sucks Bolls!

I think we should hold Boll masterclasses on the zone, lesson about how not to Direct and edit a film.

He's not so terribble at Producing though if he gets his movies done on time.

*slaps himself*

What am I saying?

*slaps himself again*

I deserve this....Uwe film rushes must be burnt
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Postby MonsieurReynard on Sat Dec 30, 2006 10:16 am

Getting a crap film done on time is a bit like serving a live cow on a plate and calling it a steak. You probably could eat it, but it's not worth the effort.
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Postby Wolfpack on Sat Dec 30, 2006 11:41 am

Personally, I think we should take an open jar, place a rat in in it, and put that jar with the open end over Boll's face. Then we should take a lighter to the other end of the jar so that the rat will have to chew its way through Boll's face in order to avoid getting cooked.
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Postby tapehead on Sat Dec 30, 2006 11:43 am

Wolfpack wrote:Personally, I think we should take an open jar, place a rat in in it, and put that jar with the open end over Boll's face. Then we should take a lighter to the other end of the jar so that the rat will have to chew its way through Boll's face in order to avoid getting cooked.


Was your inspiration 1984, or American Psycho?
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Postby Retardo_Montalban on Sat Dec 30, 2006 12:13 pm

tapehead wrote:
Wolfpack wrote:Personally, I think we should take an open jar, place a rat in in it, and put that jar with the open end over Boll's face. Then we should take a lighter to the other end of the jar so that the rat will have to chew its way through Boll's face in order to avoid getting cooked.


Was your inspiration 1984, or American Psycho?


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Postby ONeillSG1 on Sat Dec 30, 2006 12:39 pm

Boll_KG wrote:You guys are fucking heavy.

Uwe hasn't done anything to you? Why you playing with him? He's a really nice guy and everyone likes him thats why he can make it in Hollywood on his own.

I'm telling you, you will be eating words when his new films come out.

Being in the bottom 100 on imdb he mean to do that. He is famous for it and people think is really funny.


Stop. He doesn't pay you enough to be this foolish.
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Postby ONeillSG1 on Sat Dec 30, 2006 12:46 pm

Cpt Kirks 2pay wrote:
Boll_KG wrote:O! And how can you argue with a man who gets girls like this,

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I'll go and see it. What's her name? Not for Google/Porn searches of course.


http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0336125/

You're welcome you perv.
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Postby Boll_KG on Sat Dec 30, 2006 12:52 pm

Hey man. His films are entertaining. Yes and he gets hot women to work in his films.


At Wolfpack, thats not funny. He's a really nice person. Why you wish harm to Uwe?

He's very funny.

At Papalazru, Bloodrayne was a good film, really enjoyable. If you did not like it then ok but I thought it was good. Inspiried by the game it had the same feel as the games and I went back to play the game after....Its good. House of the dead is better.

And how can you complain with the famous people Michael Marden and Ben Kingsley. 2 very famous people in this movie.
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Postby Cpt Kirks 2pay on Sat Dec 30, 2006 12:58 pm

A lot of people are nice and funny in real life man.

BUT THAT DON'T MAKE THEM GOOD!!!!
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Postby Boll_KG on Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:01 pm

Who are you? Are you making movies?

Boll is and is in Hollywood making movies that you would love to do. Boll is doing what everyone would love to do and he is making money from it.
Uve plays by no-one's rules but his own. You sink you know Uve?....sink again!
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Postby Cpt Kirks 2pay on Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:08 pm

Gofuckyourself. WHO AM I!?!??! WHO THE FARK AM I!?!?!?

I'm the guy who watches movies. I'm the guy who pays the likes of Uwe Boll to watch their movies. I'm the guy who pays for the service that they provide - AND THAT GIVES ME EVERY HOTDAMN RIGHT TO QUESTION IT!!!!!!!

'Cos I'm the one who gives Uwe Boll a career, I have every right to say what I farking like about him and his movies. I fucking pay him!!! Without the likes of me, that guy don't have a Box Office. Without the likes of me, that guy don't have a career.

So I can say whatever the fark I like about him and his movies. Don't ever take that 'if you don't like it, see if you can do better' attitude with me bwoay, I'll kick you off into CHUD! It's only 'cos you're under 100 posts that I'm treating you 'mercifully'. But man, your attitude farks me off.

Welcome to the fucking Zone I suppose.
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Postby Seppuku on Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:10 pm

I'd take a thousand of Kirk's bug movies over Braindrain or whatever that piece of shit was called. And I really hate insects, so that's saying something.
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Postby Boll_KG on Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:13 pm

Ok man. Calm down. I thought we talk about films here.

If you do not like his films then do not watch them.

Take some drugs man or something Cpt Kirks2pay, big breathe and count to ten.
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Postby unikrunk on Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:15 pm

troll_KG, what the shit?

If you are looking to hang here, get with the fucking program; go post your thoughts on some other topic, engage others, have a conversation.

/seriously, WTS?
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Postby Cpt Kirks 2pay on Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:16 pm

I don't watch them! When did I ever say that. Don't ever misquote me again like that you Moron.

Don't tell me how to behave either. TAKE DRUGS?!??!?! TAKE DRUGS?!?!?!?! What kind of a forum do you think this is man?! I can have you banned for promoting drugs here bwoay. Breathe and count to ten? Don't EVER tell me what to do mate. You've been here 2 days and you think you can tell people in here what to do, when you know nothing of them?!

I'll treat you nice as you're new here, but don't use that fact to take the piss out of me or anyone else. It pisses us off.
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Postby Boll_KG on Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:19 pm

Ok.

I enjoy Boll films. I think they are funny and do not take things seriously. Its just fun films and are enjoyable. If you expect a Dr Zhivago from Uwe, you are not going to get it.

Just sit back and enjoy his films. Its usually other people who let Uwe down. He needs better people working with him and he will make a good film.
Uve plays by no-one's rules but his own. You sink you know Uve?....sink again!
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Postby Boll_KG on Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:21 pm

At Cpt Kirks2pay, I am sorry man. I did not mean to offend.

Please forgive.

I am the only person who likes Uwe Boll films and you shout at me.
Uve plays by no-one's rules but his own. You sink you know Uve?....sink again!
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Postby unikrunk on Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:22 pm

perfect; now let us try a different topic completely.
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Postby Retardo_Montalban on Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:23 pm

Boll_KG wrote:Ok.

I enjoy Boll films. I think they are funny and do not take things seriously. Its just fun films and are enjoyable. If you expect a Dr Zhivago from Uwe, you are not going to get it.

Just sit back and enjoy his films. Its usually other people who let Uwe down. He needs better people working with him and he will make a good film.


"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that! "

That's a quote from a good movie
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Postby Cpt Kirks 2pay on Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:24 pm

Hang on mate. You offend me by telling me take drugs, something which is a CRIME and is ILLEGAL and can KILL YOU!!!!! What do you expect me to do!? I'm farking talking to a drug taker here now aren't I? I'll do whatever I want to someone who talks to me about shit like that. I could have you equivalently arrested in this place - I could have you banned.
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Postby unikrunk on Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:29 pm

hahahahahaha!

okay, enough - kirks is making me PAMP over here.

Give the guy a chance, or some more rope, either way.

/or not
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Postby Fried Gold on Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:32 pm

Boll_KG wrote:Who are you? Are you making movies?

Boll is and is in Hollywood making movies that you would love to do. Boll is doing what everyone would love to do and he is making money from it.

I'm not being critical here. Just finding out info.

Are Boll's film strictly speaking part of the "Hollywood" system. It's my understanding that as his funding tends to come from European sources, and he appears to usually film outside the US, isn't he more of an independent filmmaker?

Or is this the case for most "hollywood" films?
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Postby Cpt Kirks 2pay on Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:34 pm

Sometimes I wonder if Boll KG knows what the hell he is talking about.

What's the colour of the boat house in Boll Square? What's the colour of the boat house in Boll Square?!?!?!?
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Postby tapehead on Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:39 pm

Boll_KG appears to have left the building.
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Postby Boll_KG on Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:42 pm

Retardo_Montalban wrote:
Boll_KG wrote:Ok .

I enjoy Boll films. I think they are funny and do not take things seriously. Its just fun films and are enjoyable. If you expect a Dr Zhivago from Uwe, you are not going to get it.

Just sit back and enjoy his films. Its usually other people who let Uwe down. He needs better people working with him and he will make a good film.


"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that! "

That's a quote from a good movie


What film is that?
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Postby thebostonlocksmith on Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:44 pm

Shazam! with big Shaq O'Neil...
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Postby Stemjsim on Sat Dec 30, 2006 3:50 pm

thebostonlocksmith wrote:Because he's a cretin of the highest order.


He is still a cretin who can get movies made and make money. Plus he surely knows how to get Big names in his films. He can also get a mean bit of publicity going as well
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Postby Brocktune on Sat Dec 30, 2006 4:25 pm

i think that the members of the forums at toiletboll.com must be conducting a raid.
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Postby Al Shut on Sat Dec 30, 2006 4:25 pm

I wouldn't be so sure about the cretin, since he has a doctor title and such.
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Postby Stemjsim on Sat Dec 30, 2006 5:07 pm

I have no membership of such a website. I just find it amusing that an offensive thread such as this can go on for so long and that anyone disagreeing with the popular kids gets abused for daring to enjoy movies that are not up there with Kurosawa, Scorsese or even Michael Bay. Boll makes bad films sure, enjoyable in a trashy kind of way and perfect fodder for watching with a group of mates whilst drinking. What seems to bother most people is that he is making films when they deem him to be unworthy of the title Director.

Gofuckyourself. WHO AM I!?!??! WHO THE FARK AM I!?!?!?

I'm the guy who watches movies. I'm the guy who pays the likes of Uwe Boll to watch their movies. I'm the guy who pays for the service that they provide - AND THAT GIVES ME EVERY HOTDAMN RIGHT TO QUESTION IT!!!!!!!

'Cos I'm the one who gives Uwe Boll a career, I have every right to say what I farking like about him and his movies. I fucking pay him!!! Without the likes of me, that guy don't have a Box Office. Without the likes of me, that guy don't have a career.

So I can say whatever the fark I like about him and his movies. Don't ever take that 'if you don't like it, see if you can do better' attitude with me bwoay, I'll kick you off into CHUD! It's only 'cos you're under 100 posts that I'm treating you 'mercifully'. But man, your attitude farks me off.

Welcome to the fucking Zone I suppose.


There is one example of what I am talking about, someone who dislikes Boll for many reasons completely over-reacting to someone expressing an opinion. At the end of the day Boll makes, at best, Shitty brain dead movies but his biggest crime seems to be that he is well known for doing this. Does that make him worth all this hate and abuse? In my opinion no it doesn't. If you dislike his movies don't watch them, don't rent them and don't buy them. Certainly don't start polls on anonymous forums wishing harm on someone who makes movies for a living. Save that hatred for someone more deserving cause there are plenty of people far more deserving of that than Dr Uwe Boll.

Remember Kids Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one.
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Postby Retardo_Montalban on Sat Dec 30, 2006 5:12 pm

You have got to be REEEETARDED to use Kirk as any example of "over reacting". It's like faulting the sky for being blue.


and don't put Michael Bay. In the same sentence as Kurosawa and Scorsese.



EDITED
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Postby Al Shut on Sat Dec 30, 2006 5:15 pm

Retardo_Montalban wrote:and don't put Michael Bay in the same sentence as Kurosawa and Scorsese.


That's a single sentence. Shame on you retardo.
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Postby Stemjsim on Sat Dec 30, 2006 5:17 pm

Al_Shut wrote:
Retardo_Montalban wrote:and don't put Michael Bay in the same sentence as Kurosawa and Scorsese.


That's a single sentence. Shame on you retardo.


I was just highlighting how Bad Boll's films have been by using a Great, Good and Ok Directors list. I could have used many others but they were the 3 that popped into my head first.
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Postby Stemjsim on Sat Dec 30, 2006 5:21 pm

Retardo_Montalban wrote:You have got to be REEEETARDED to use Kirk as any example of "over reacting". It's like faulting the sky for being blue.


and don't put Michael Bay in the same sentence as Kurosawa and Scorsese.


As for the quote that I used, I do not know Kirk from Adam so I am in no position to judge whether or not he was over-reacting or not. As you can see I have not posted much since joining. If you say that he is always like that then ok, it was a bad example to choose but it was just a matter of convinience that his was the post I quoted.
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Postby Brocktune on Sat Dec 30, 2006 5:32 pm

Stemjsim wrote:
Retardo_Montalban wrote:Y ou have got to be REEEETARDED to use Kirk as any example of "over reacting". It's like faulting the sky for being blue.


and don't put Michael Bay in the same sentence as Kurosawa and Scorsese.


As for the quote that I used, I do not know Kirk from Adam so I am in no position to judge whether or not he was over-reacting or not. As you can see I have not posted much since joining. If you say that he is always like that then ok, it was a bad example to choose but it was just a matter of convinience that his was the post I quoted.


hello stemjsim, and welcome to the zone.

i just wanted to reinforce the advice that you not take kirks too seriously. the more time you spend here, the more that you will find that he is a psychotic madman, and not to take any attack too seriously.


unless he is already in your house.
if that is the case, i would get the fuck out of there as quickly as i could! :shock:
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Postby Retardo_Montalban on Sat Dec 30, 2006 5:37 pm

Al_Shut wrote:
Retardo_Montalban wrote:and don't put Michael Bay in the same sentence as Kurosawa and Scorsese.


That's a single sentence. Shame on you retardo.


I am so ashamed. I'm being corrected on my English grammar by a German.
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Postby Al Shut on Sat Dec 30, 2006 5:40 pm

Grammar? I was talking about the contant.
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Postby Stemjsim on Sat Dec 30, 2006 5:42 pm

Thank you brocktune that has cleared that up. :D
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Postby Retardo_Montalban on Sat Dec 30, 2006 5:43 pm

Oh Jesus, that totally went over my head. I must correct it
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Postby papalazeru on Sat Dec 30, 2006 6:47 pm

Stemjsim wrote:
thebostonlocksmith wrote:Because he's a cretin of the highest order.


He is still a cretin who can get movies made and make money. Plus he surely knows how to get Big names in his films. He can also get a mean bit of publicity going as well


I'm away for a day and look what happens? This place gets another frickin Boll fan.

I'm using my fists on this one.....Damn Boll fans.

Don't you people realise, he's ruining films? He is useless...all his films suck Bolls and no-one like them...thats why they are voted on IMDB so frickin low.

Sorry, I know you guys are new to the zone but you have to make a better arguement here than 'It makes money'. You sound like one of them stupid Exec's...'It's all about the money blah blah blah', if it was then films like Little Miss Sunshine wouldn't make it.

Here, in the zone, we love films.....THAT DOES NOT INCLUDE BOLLS DOODOO's.
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Postby Stemjsim on Sat Dec 30, 2006 7:13 pm

papalazeru wrote:
Stemjsim wrote:
thebostonlocksmith wrote:Because he's a cretin of the highest order.


He is still a cretin who can get movies made and make money. Plus he surely knows how to get Big names in his films. He can also get a mean bit of publicity going as well


I'm away for a day and look what happens? This place gets another frickin Boll fan.

I'm using my fists on this one.....Damn Boll fans.

Don't you people realise, he's ruining films? He is useless...all his films suck Bolls and no-one like them...thats why they are voted on IMDB so frickin low.

Sorry, I know you guys are new to the zone but you have to make a better arguement here than 'It makes money'. You sound like one of them stupid Exec's...'It's all about the money blah blah blah', if it was then films like Little Miss Sunshine wouldn't make it.

Here, in the zone, we love films.....THAT DOES NOT INCLUDE BOLLS DOODOO's.


Look you have your opinion, I have mine. I do not claim to be a fan of Uwe Bolls films, the same as I do not claim to be a fan of any other director. Boll makes films that he raises money for, produces and directs, his movies make profits therefore he makes more movies. If his movies did not make profits then I bet he would not get the funding.

You ended your post by stating that here in the zone we love films. Well Boll makes films, they just happen to be bad films. There are plenty of worse Directors out there whose movies are worse than Bolls in so many ways, Boll just seems to be the "critics" choice at the moment to be lampooned at every turn. If Bolls films went straight to DVD there would not be a 100th of the hatred towards him that there is. The one thing that does make me respect Boll is the fact that he seems to be learning as he goes and also he is at least making original movies and not remakes of classics, foreign films or bloody sequels.
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Postby Stemjsim on Sat Dec 30, 2006 7:22 pm

Oh and while you mentioned IMDB how many of the negative comments and marks made/given to his films were made by people who had watched them???? I doubt people watch a movie by a director they dislike so they can post a comment or a mark on the movie.
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Postby ONeillSG1 on Sat Dec 30, 2006 8:08 pm

Boll_KG wrote:And how can you complain with the famous people Michael Marden and Ben Kingsley. 2 very famous people in this movie.


But did they act like they did in Reservoir Dogs or Ghandi? No, it was more like The Getaway and Thunderbirds.

EDIT:

tapehead wrote:Boll_KG appears to have left the building.


And re-appeared in the form of Stemjsim.

Who knew he was a Time Lord AND a Boll shill.
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Postby papalazeru on Sat Dec 30, 2006 9:17 pm

Yeah...I'm thinking we have the same fan split over 2 people too.

Bolls balls are big but it iare inversely proportional to his film making talent.
Papa: The musical!

Padders: "Not very classy! Not very classy at all!"
So Sorry "I'll give you a word to describe it: classless."
Cptn Kirks 2pay: ".....utterly unclassy....."
DennisMM: "...Decidedly unclassy..."
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papalazeru
Not very classy! Not very classy at all!!
 
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Postby Nachokoolaid on Sat Dec 30, 2006 9:32 pm

Anyone else here get the feeling that Kirk is just having a conversation with himself, doing some ultimate attention-whoring. I'm waiting for Thurman Merman to show up.
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Nachokoolaid
THE DORK KNIGHT
 
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Postby tapehead on Sat Dec 30, 2006 9:34 pm

Nachokoolaid wrote:Anyone else here get the feeling that Kirk is just having a conversation with himself, doing some ultimate attention-whoring.


your insights are quite perceptive :mrgreen:
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tapehead
BALLS!!!
 
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Postby Retardo_Montalban on Sat Dec 30, 2006 9:34 pm

Nachokoolaid wrote:Anyone else here get the feeling that Kirk is just having a conversation with himself, doing some ultimate attention-whoring. I'm waiting for Thurman Merman to show up.


Kirk did say he discovered the secret to time travel.
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Retardo_Montalban
doubleplusungood
 
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Postby Cpt Kirks 2pay on Sat Dec 30, 2006 9:39 pm

But my future time travelling self came back and stopped me discovering this secret. So I don't know how to do it anymore.

To tell the truth, I have no bloody clue about who Uwe Boll is, I've seen none of his films so I don't know if they're good or bad, and I can't see why he gets so much fuss over in this place.

Once again, I am falsely accused.

I am NOT Boll_KG!!!
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Cpt Kirks 2pay
The Dark Tower
 
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Postby Nachokoolaid on Sat Dec 30, 2006 9:48 pm

Cpt Kirks 2pay wrote:But my future time travelling self came back and stopped me discovering this secret. So I don't know how to do it anymore.

To tell the truth, I have no bloody clue about who Uwe Boll is, I've seen none of his films so I don't know if they're good or bad, and I can't see why he gets so much fuss over in this place.

Once again, I am falsely accused.

I am NOT Boll_KG!!!


And I'm NOT secretly darkjedijaina, watching all you Zoners secretly fantasizing over me, a regular guy. HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
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Nachokoolaid
THE DORK KNIGHT
 
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Postby ONeillSG1 on Sat Dec 30, 2006 10:19 pm

Nachokoolaid wrote:
Cpt Kirks 2pay wrote:But my future time travelling self came back and stopped me discovering this secret. So I don't know how to do it anymore.

To tell the truth, I have no bloody clue about who Uwe Boll is, I've seen none of his films so I don't know if they're good or bad, and I can't see why he gets so much fuss over in this place.

Once again, I am falsely accused.

I am NOT Boll_KG!!!


And I'm NOT secretly darkjedijaina, watching all you Zoners secretly fantasizing over me, a regular guy. HA HA HA HA HA!!!!


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ONeillSG1
ADAMA
 
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