Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! (Now w/ Free Gum!)

Which director made the best films, made the best visuals, or smelled the best? This is the forum to find out.

Which method of Boll torture would be best?

Drawn and quartered
0
No votes
Hung by his nutsack
20
39%
Bashed with a mace
2
4%
Dragged over broken glass
4
8%
Spaghetti Western style beating
7
14%
Head or Nuts crushed in a vice
6
12%
Chinese Water torture
6
12%
Placed in Pirahna tank
6
12%
 
Total votes : 51

Postby Lord Voldemoo on Thu Jan 10, 2008 7:25 pm

Fried Gold wrote:http://www.apple.com/trailers/independent/inthenameoftheking/

WHO KEEPS GIVING THE GUY MONEY TO DO THIS?!?!


IS IT YOU?


every time this thread is bumped I punch something.
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Postby Dr William Weir on Thu Jan 10, 2008 8:40 pm

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0460780/

But look at that cast! What could possibly go wrong?
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Postby Fievel on Wed Jan 16, 2008 12:05 am

This thread needs a title change...


Uwe Boll HAS BEEN STOPPED!!!!!
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Postby LaDracul on Wed Jan 16, 2008 12:09 am

There's only one good thing I can say about "In the Name of the King".

Unlike whoever made "King Arthur", they KNOW a woman going into battle in chainmail is more believable than a woman going into battle in a leather strip across her chest.

ImageImage
Come on, Leelee looks like she'd be more able to withstand more damage than Keira showing off her body, which would probably result in her getting killed in the real world. I have a feeling whoever was working on "King Arthur" was a horndog that wanted to see Keira nearly nekkid...
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Postby Lady Sheridan on Wed Jan 16, 2008 3:44 am

LaDracul wrote:There's only one good thing I can say about "In the Name of the King".

Unlike whoever made "King Arthur", they KNOW a woman going into battle in chainmail is more believable than a woman going into battle in a leather strip across her chest.

ImageImage
Come on, Leelee looks like she'd be more able to withstand more damage than Keira showing off her body, which would probably result in her getting killed in the real world. I have a feeling whoever was working on "King Arthur" was a horndog that wanted to see Keira nearly nekkid...


Well, not necessarily. King Arthur was aiming for the "true story" which, laughable as it's accuracy was, was in Celtic-Roman Britain. The Celts (which is what Guinevere was) fought naked. All they wore was blue paint.

So, Keira wearing clothing at all is inaccurate. If you believe the Roman accounts, anyway, which have been challenged in recent years. But they didn't have chainmail, so they would have only had bronze or iron armor at best. Leather is more likely. So Keira's costume is, as hard as it is to imagine, walking a thin line of accuracy. As thin as the costume, but it's a nod to the "real" Arthurian period.

Of course, they pretty much blew it in all other respects, so I don't know why I'm bothering to defend them!
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Postby Chairman Kaga on Wed Jan 16, 2008 3:51 am

LS is right chain mail would not have been accurate to the time period they were attempting to depict in that film.
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Postby Seppuku on Wed Jan 16, 2008 3:56 am

Also, Keira's greasy hair has far more of a ring of truth to it than Leelee's L'Oreal job.

*cue Lady Sheridan informing me that Medieval women soaked their hair in dandelion oil in order to give it that perfect shine*

:wink:
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Postby Lady Sheridan on Wed Jan 16, 2008 4:03 am

I should so hit the Renaissance Faire dressed like that.
Forget the pirate costume!
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Postby Lady Sheridan on Wed Jan 16, 2008 4:08 am

seppukudkurosawa wrote:Also, Keira's greasy hair has far more of a ring of truth to it than Leelee's L'Oreal job.

*cue Lady Sheridan informing me that Medieval women soaked their hair in dandelion oil in order to give it that perfect shine*

:wink:



:lol:

Now I wish they DID, just so I wouldn't disappoint.
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Postby silentbobafett on Mon Apr 21, 2008 10:39 am

Maaaaan this is some funny shit. Uwe Boll posts this regarding the petition out to stop him making movies.

http://tinyurl.com/53g8xw

Here are some highlights (NOT paraphrased, word for word!) :-)

"Listen, I'm not a fucking retard like Micheal Bay or other people running around in that business"

"or or or Eli Roth making the same shitty movies over and over again".

"If you look at my movies you will see my real genius"

"If you go on May 23 you will see I deliver a movie that nobody else will deliver in the last ten years... way better than all that social critique, George Clooney Bullshit, what you get every fucking weekend. You have to wake up and see what I really am: THE ONLY FUCKING GENIUS IN THE WHOLE BUSINESS. GOODBYE."


And I'm sure he introduces himself as "Uber Boll"
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Postby Fawst on Mon Apr 21, 2008 10:52 am

<-- Speechless.
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Postby Fievel on Mon Apr 21, 2008 11:00 am

That was HILARIOUS!!!!!!

And I'm sorry, but I don't see his name listed anywhere HERE.
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Postby silentbobafett on Thu Apr 24, 2008 4:45 am

BUMP - cos if you ain't seen the video linked above - YOU MUST! It's about a minute, if that... but it's truly fucking brilliant! :-)
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Postby Lady Sheridan on Wed May 07, 2008 5:39 pm

I just got a press release from Cadbury that claims that if StopUweBoll.Org gets one million signatures, every signee gets a free pack of Stride gum.

In an effort to help boost signings, the makers of Stride have put out
a special bounty. If the petition reaches the required 1 million signatures
by May 14 at 5pm EDT, each signer will receive a digital coupon* for a pack
of gum, downloadable on May 23, 2008, a day that could really use some
long-lasting refreshment, particularly as it will see the debut of his
latest videogame-based film.

"Look, it's nothing personal against the guy. Maybe his non
videogame-based films are unbelievable! But we've seen such intense passion
for this cause that we couldn't help but get involved," said Osifchin. "Let
the signing continue."


I signed just for that. I love free gum!!
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Postby Lord Voldemoo on Wed May 07, 2008 5:45 pm

Lady Sheridan wrote:I just got a press release from Cadbury that claims that if StopUweBoll.Org gets one million signatures, every signee gets a free pack of Stride gum.

In an effort to help boost signings, the makers of Stride have put out
a special bounty. If the petition reaches the required 1 million signatures
by May 14 at 5pm EDT, each signer will receive a digital coupon* for a pack
of gum, downloadable on May 23, 2008, a day that could really use some
long-lasting refreshment, particularly as it will see the debut of his
latest videogame-based film.

"Look, it's nothing personal against the guy. Maybe his non
videogame-based films are unbelievable! But we've seen such intense passion
for this cause that we couldn't help but get involved," said Osifchin. "Let
the signing continue."


I signed just for that. I love free gum!!


HAHAHAHA, that's awesome. I'm going to go sign it again...

As a random aside: some friends of mine who aren't as into talking about directors, etc., as I am just got Dungeon Siege in the mail from Netflix. I told them to burn it, but they watched it anyway....I got a call that night and an apology for not listening to me. :lol:
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Postby papalazeru on Wed May 07, 2008 5:45 pm

Lady Sheridan wrote:I just got a press release from Cadbury that claims that if StopUweBoll.Org gets one million signatures, every signee gets a free pack of Stride gum.

In an effort to help boost signings, the makers of Stride have put out
a special bounty. If the petition reaches the required 1 million signatures
by May 14 at 5pm EDT, each signer will receive a digital coupon* for a pack
of gum, downloadable on May 23, 2008, a day that could really use some
long-lasting refreshment, particularly as it will see the debut of his
latest videogame-based film.

"Look, it's nothing personal against the guy. Maybe his non
videogame-based films are unbelievable! But we've seen such intense passion
for this cause that we couldn't help but get involved," said Osifchin. "Let
the signing continue."


I signed just for that. I love free gum!!


Until you find out that Stride is also the sponsors of Uwe's new film.

:lol:
Papa: The musical!

Padders: "Not very classy! Not very classy at all!"
So Sorry "I'll give you a word to describe it: classless."
Cptn Kirks 2pay: ".....utterly unclassy....."
DennisMM: "...Decidedly unclassy..."
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Postby Seppuku on Wed May 07, 2008 5:49 pm

Lady Sheridan wrote:I just got a press release from Cadbury that claims that if StopUweBoll.Org gets one million signatures, every signee gets a free pack of Stride gum.

In an effort to help boost signings, the makers of Stride have put out
a special bounty. If the petition reaches the required 1 million signatures
by May 14 at 5pm EDT, each signer will receive a digital coupon* for a pack
of gum, downloadable on May 23, 2008, a day that could really use some
long-lasting refreshment, particularly as it will see the debut of his
latest videogame-based film.

"Look, it's nothing personal against the guy. Maybe his non
videogame-based films are unbelievable! But we've seen such intense passion
for this cause that we couldn't help but get involved," said Osifchin. "Let
the signing continue."


I signed just for that. I love free gum!!


Does that mean I get 268 packs of gum? I'm gonna get jawlock after getting through all of those...


insert havoc here
Dale Tremont Presents...

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Postby Lord Voldemoo on Wed May 07, 2008 5:50 pm

seppukudkurosawa wrote:
insert havoc here


New tattoo?
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Postby Seppuku on Wed May 07, 2008 6:00 pm

Lord Voldemoo wrote:
seppukudkurosawa wrote:
insert havoc here


New tattoo?


Above a picture of this, yeah.

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:wink: (You know I ♥ you).
Dale Tremont Presents...

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Postby Lord Voldemoo on Wed May 07, 2008 6:05 pm

hahahaha, of course you do, who wouldn't?!!? :wink:
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Postby Lady Sheridan on Wed May 07, 2008 6:52 pm

papalazeru wrote:
Lady Sheridan wrote:I just got a press release from Cadbury that claims that if StopUweBoll.Org gets one million signatures, every signee gets a free pack of Stride gum.

In an effort to help boost signings, the makers of Stride have put out
a special bounty. If the petition reaches the required 1 million signatures
by May 14 at 5pm EDT, each signer will receive a digital coupon* for a pack
of gum, downloadable on May 23, 2008, a day that could really use some
long-lasting refreshment, particularly as it will see the debut of his
latest videogame-based film.

"Look, it's nothing personal against the guy. Maybe his non
videogame-based films are unbelievable! But we've seen such intense passion
for this cause that we couldn't help but get involved," said Osifchin. "Let
the signing continue."


I signed just for that. I love free gum!!


Until you find out that Stride is also the sponsors of Uwe's new film.

:lol:


The thought occurred to me. :lol:

I just want my free gum -- if they do an about face and sponsor his pro petition, I'll sign that too. They aren't getting out of their promise!! :twisted:
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Postby WinslowLeach on Wed May 07, 2008 7:38 pm

I forgot all about this topic. I just re-read the first few posts and started laughing. :lol:
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Re: Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! Now W/ Free Gum!

Postby Hermanator X on Thu Sep 11, 2008 10:48 am

Uwe Boll Bitches About Movie Industry, Has Action Plan

We often think: Either director Uwe Boll doesn't get it, or he really, really gets it. Bad flick after bad flick, yet Uwe Boll keeps getting his game-to-film adaptations made. And the man's got loads of opinions about the movie industry, what's wrong with it, and how he can make it better. From Boll's self-penned written rant titled "The Film market — or THERE IS NO MONEY IN MOVIES":

I will stop here before I start writing about totally overpaid agents, managers, agents, and studio executives in L.A. living in airballoons as long they can rip money out of the world outside of L.A. or the major companies. If I would run a studio I would do the same movies for half of the production costs in throwing the cokeheads out and cutting the bullshit of breakfast, lunch, and dinner meetings with idiots who never made a movie in their life. I can shoot a movie like Fantastic Four 2 in half of the time for half of the money shot by shot.

Boll breaks down the problems with the film industry and what he can do to help. (And no, it's not stop making movies. DAMMIT.)

• 20 years ago maybe three movies came out every week. Now 6 to 10.
• In earlier days you had 5 to 10 event movies per year. Now you have 40. And they destroy the medium movies. Not because they are good! Because they are so expensive and spending so much money in p&a to win their weekends and to win market share.
• In 1999 piracy maybe destroyed 5% of the revenues — now 40%. Why? Because tons of territories in Asia, Latin America, Eastern Europe are selling more pirated DVDs as legal DVDs. Illegal downloads taking 20% of theatrical and HV revenues of movies away everywhere. Legal downloads to rent or to own are not compensating anything ? people don't want to pay for downloads. A $1 billion gross in downloads means a loss of $9 billion in DVD sales.
• In TV are less and less spaces for films. Every channel is showing casting and reality shows: Superstar, Idol, Cooking, Handyman shows are invading the channels.

If you head does not hurt (and really, why not), read Boll's ways to fix-up Hollywood.

• It's proven that actors are totally overpaid. Some beach boys getting hyped up and absurd amounts paid for saying five lines per day and letting the stuntguys doing the hard work. If the studios would in general not pay more as max. $3 million for a star per movie — the stars would work for that money if nobody offers more. It's also absurd to pay medium names more as $250,000 per movie.
• Why not Pirates putting for 10 years in jail?
• Why SHOWTIME or HBO paying for independent movies $20,000 and for medium movies produced by the majors millions. TV channels must show more movies and pay also fair prices for independent product.
• Theaters must show also more trailers of smaller movies.
• TV and Radio channels must report more also about small movies.


http://kotaku.com/5048283/uwe-boll-bitches-about-movie-industry-has-action-plan
...and so forth.
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Re: Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! Now W/ Free Gum!

Postby Bayouwolf on Thu Sep 11, 2008 12:01 pm

Did anyone get their gum coupon?
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Re: Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! Now W/ Free Gum!

Postby papalazeru on Tue Dec 09, 2008 10:53 am

Papa: The musical!

Padders: "Not very classy! Not very classy at all!"
So Sorry "I'll give you a word to describe it: classless."
Cptn Kirks 2pay: ".....utterly unclassy....."
DennisMM: "...Decidedly unclassy..."
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Re: Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! Now W/ Free Gum!

Postby TheBaxter on Tue Dec 09, 2008 11:05 am

when i first saw this topic, i thought it said "Now W/ Free Gun!"

which would be a lot more useful for stopping uwe boll.
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Re: Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! Now W/ Free Gum!

Postby DerLanghaarige on Tue Dec 09, 2008 4:55 pm

papalazeru wrote:Could he be back?


Muahahahaha, I gotta admit that this was one of the more creative fake Boll trailers I've seen. (Mostly because of the cool claymation aliens)
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Re: Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! (Now w/ Free Gum!)

Postby Pacino86845 on Tue Sep 07, 2010 5:35 pm

Uwe Boll making Holocaust film entitled AUSCHWITZ!?

Can this be true?

And how can Uwe Boll's name be attached to what turns out to be an effective teaser trailer?

Shocking, and probably NSFW:

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Re: Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! (Now w/ Free Gum!)

Postby Fievel on Tue Sep 07, 2010 8:02 pm

Given that Boll himself plays the guard in the teaser, I'm guessing it will end up being a typical shitty Boll film. I am slightly intrigued though.
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Re: Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! (Now w/ Free Gum!)

Postby travis-dane on Wed Sep 08, 2010 1:27 am

Pacino86845 wrote:Uwe Boll making Holocaust film entitled AUSCHWITZ!?

Can this be true?

And how can Uwe Boll's name be attached to what turns out to be an effective teaser trailer?

Shocking, and probably NSFW:



That left me completely cold. Except the hysterical image of The Boll, in an oversized nazi uniform, trying to look tough.
Thats the pinacle of Boll's shameless self promotion.
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Lesbian Nazi Hookers Abducted by UFOs and Forced Into Weight Loss Programs!
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Re: Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! (Now w/ Free Gum!)

Postby DerLanghaarige on Wed Sep 08, 2010 9:02 am

I just think it's weird that Boll switched from being a video game director to being a real life tragedy exploitation director. (Darfur, Tunnel Rats, Stoic and now Auschwitz)
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Re: Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! (Now w/ Free Gum!)

Postby TheBaxter on Wed Sep 08, 2010 9:05 am

Uwe?!? Oy Vey!!!
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Re: Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! (Now w/ Free Gum!)

Postby Fried Gold on Sun Sep 12, 2010 10:51 am

I'm sure this is going to be a sensitive and touching tale of the plight of the Jews in 1940s Europe.
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Re: Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! (Now w/ Free Gum!)

Postby papalazeru on Sun Sep 12, 2010 4:19 pm

Fried Gold wrote:I'm sure this is going to be a sensitive and touching tale of the plight of the Jews in 1940s Europe.


Like Family Guy is a tasteful topical look at todays society.
Papa: The musical!

Padders: "Not very classy! Not very classy at all!"
So Sorry "I'll give you a word to describe it: classless."
Cptn Kirks 2pay: ".....utterly unclassy....."
DennisMM: "...Decidedly unclassy..."
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Re: Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! (Now w/ Free Gum!)

Postby wonkabar on Sat Jul 02, 2011 4:58 pm

This is awesome...

Boll disses Malick

I think Terrence Malick is one of the overrated directors of all time.


I think Tree of Life is a piece of shit.
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Re: Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! (Now w/ Free Gum!)

Postby The Vicar on Sat Jul 02, 2011 7:43 pm

Why is Boll even allowed to speak?
.
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Re: Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! (Now w/ Free Gum!)

Postby TheBaxter on Sun Jul 03, 2011 5:55 pm

i don't mind him being allowed to speak.
i do mind him being allowed to make movies.
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Re: Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! (Now w/ Free Gum!)

Postby wonkabar on Sat Jul 30, 2011 3:52 pm

Has anybody seen this...



Is it actually good???

Bloody Brilliant Film!, 1 June 2010

Author: Jonny_Yahoo
Saw this on the web last night and couldn't have been more impressed. Everything about it was top notch which was a huge surprise considering it's a Uwe Boll film.

Brendan Fletcher was absolutely excellent in the very difficult role of portraying a brutal mass murderer who also happens to be a very sympathetic character. At several points in the film, he reminded me of a young Christian Slater, the Slater who used to pour everything he had into a role.

Kudos also to Shaun Sipos who, oddly enough, reminded me of a young Brad Pitt from Twelve Monkeys, especially in the chicken restaurant scene with Fletcher. I hope both these guys get much more acting work as a result of what they accomplished in Rampage.

My only question is how on earth did Uwe Boll pull this brilliant movie out of his ass after a career full of crap I wouldn't want my worst enemy to have to watch?

In any event, this film, as shocking as it is, is a warning that the worst is yet to come. In fact, Columbine and the Virginia Tech mass murders may soon pale in comparison to what the next "Bill" ends up doing with a rage that can't be quenched.
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Re: Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! (Now w/ Free Gum!)

Postby Peven on Sat Jul 30, 2011 4:29 pm

nope, still seems like weak student film work to me
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Re: Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! (Now w/ Free Gum!)

Postby wonkabar on Sat Jul 30, 2011 4:49 pm

Holy shit....did the dude from Norway watch this???



It's actually a pretty decent film considering the source.

Really hard to watch though in light of the horrendous events in Norway.
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Re: Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! (Now w/ Free Gum!)

Postby Peven on Sat Jul 30, 2011 5:22 pm

it is just too far from reality. the way he walks around that bingo parlor without drawing any real attention or alarm, the way he acts, it just comes across as so contrived and staged. fail.
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Re: Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! (Now w/ Free Gum!)

Postby DennisMM on Sat Jul 30, 2011 7:24 pm

I've seen some bingo zombies in my time, and they can be really in the zone, but they wouldn't stand for having the hall interrupted.
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Andy Kaufman

Postby TheButcher on Thu Nov 14, 2013 4:18 am

MasterWhedon wrote:How great would it be if Boll was secretly a filmmaking genius and he's just been fucking with us the whole time? I'm telling you, we're all gonna go to the movies one day with rotten tomatoes in hand and then Citizen Fucking BollKane is going to unreel. After a few minutes, we'll look to each other and be like, "Umm, dude, why doesn't this suck?"

I'm telling you, the man's a visionary. He and Andy Kaufman as probably having a good laugh at us all right about now.

Andy Kaufman's Brother Says Comedian is Alive, in Love and Has a Daughter
He claims the "Taxi" star, who officially died of cancer in 1984, faked his own death "to get away from being Andy Kaufman."
Seth Abramovitch wrote:A mysterious woman's claims that she is the daughter of Andy Kaufman have helped to revive long-standing rumors -- fueled in life by Kaufman himself -- that the comedian may have faked his own death.

The far-fetched admission, reported first by The Comic's Comic and Defamer, occurred Monday night at the Andy Kaufman Awards, held annually at the Gotham Comedy Club. The woman was introduced by Michael Kaufman, Andy's brother, who first explained how years ago he'd discovered an essay in which Andy detailed plans to fake his death. Official records state the Taxi star died in 1984 at age 35, of lung cancer. (See a copy of his death certificate here.) Were he alive today, Kaufman would be 64 years old.

"I witnessed the entire thing and I can tell you without a doubt this was not a prank," says Al Parinello, a lifelong friend of the comedian who produces the awards. Parinello relayed to The Hollywood Reporter how Michael, whom he describes as "accountant-like" in demeanor and not prone to mounting hoaxes, followed instructions in the essay to meet his brother at a specific restaurant on Christmas Eve, 1999.

Michael did so, he said, whereupon a man he did not know walked up to him and handed him a typed letter. The letter, which Michael read for the crowd on Monday night, was allegedly from Andy, who wrote that "everything was great in his life and he just wanted to get away from being Andy Kaufman," Parinello says. The letter also stated that the comedian, famous for his bizarre alter-egos like cantankerous lounge singer Tony Clifton, had fallen in love with a woman and that the couple were raising a daughter together.

Michael then explained that the daughter, now 24, had made contact with him several months prior, and had subsequently agreed to accompany him to the awards. The woman then shyly took the stage, wearing a black dress covered in a pattern of colored bows. (TMZ has posted video of the moment.) No one in attendance seems to know the woman's first name, though Parinello says she went by the surname "McCoy," a name Kaufman used when checking himself into hospitals.

An account of the event posted to Facebook by one audience member says the woman then told the crowd that her alleged father "is alive" and that "the passing of [their] father [Stanley Kaufman] this July made him want to reach out" to his brother. The account calls the moment "as real as any reality that I've seen." Another account said the room fell silent during the presentation and that one woman "burst into tears" as Michael read the letter.

According to Ed Cavanagh, showroom manager at the Gotham Comedy Club, "You could see by the look on [Michael's] face that it had an emotional impact on him." Asked whether or not he believes the woman's story, Cavanagh adds, "I don't know whether somebody is perpetrating something on [Michael] or not. I'm truly 50-50 on this one."

Parinello, who met Kaufman when they were undergrads at Grahm Junior College in Boston, says he is convinced of the story's veracity, even though he attended Kaufman's funeral and saw his body with his own eyes.

"It was a closed casket," he recalls. "Only the family [and myself] actually saw the body." How then does he reconcile Monday's events? "Andy was an aficionado of meditation," he explains. "One of the things Andy was taught at the highest level was a process where one could slow down his breath to a point where you can literally fool anyone that you may be dead when in fact you are alive. So that's the one thing that Michael checked for."

Adds Parinello: "It was a very formal affair -- it wasn't as though they could prod or anything else. They were simply in the room and saw Andy laying in a coffin."

Contacted by THR, Michael Kaufman said that the woman claiming to be Kaufman's daughter was impossible to reach, for reasons he would explain later. He then excused himself, saying he had a dinner date with his wife.
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Re: Andy Kaufman

Postby TheButcher on Thu Nov 14, 2013 4:36 am

An unexpected appearance by Andy Kaufman's 'daughter' at an event raises new questions

Words like 'alive' and 'dead' get strange when you're talking about Andy
Drew McWeeny wrote:Andy Kaufman is alive.

Ultimately, it is irrelevant if he actually still occupies a body and is actively participating in things, because it is obvious just from reading reactions to Monday night's amazing events at the annual Andy Kaufman Awards that he is still creating conversation and speculation, which seems to have been his lasting legacy.

I've read anything i could find today about the incident, and I'm still not sure what to think. I do know that I wish I'd been in the room, and I am hoping someone got this on tape so that we can actually see it at some point. For now, here's what we know. Every year, there is a talent competition to help foster new comedy voices, and it comes down to a performance/awards show where they pick the winner. This was the ninth annual event, and as part of the ceremony each year, they have a special guest come to speak.

This year, Michael Kaufman was part of the proceedings, and at some point during the evening, things got very, very weird inside the Gotham Comedy Club. To fully understand, you need to know that Andy Kaufman passed away from lung cancer at the age of 35, but before that, he was positively obsessed with the idea of faking his own death. Based not only on what I've read over the years but also on dozens if not hundreds of conversations I've had with people in and around the LA comedy scene, I would say it's pretty clear that by any standard mortal definition, Kaufman is deceased. And yet, every few years, there is fresh speculation spurred in many cases by clever appearances by Tony Clifton or some new story told by Bob Zmuda.

With Monday's event, though, things were taken to a different level, and I'm fascinated by just how something like this comes together. As Michael Kaufman was onstage, someone asked him for what must have been the billionth time if Andy is still alive, and he replied, "I don't know," according to the account by Sean L. McCarthy over at The Comic's Comic:

Michael Kaufman told the audience that while cleaning out Andy's things after his death in 1984, he found among his many writings an essay about how Andy planned to fake his own death, his literal, figurative and spiritual leaps through meditation, and how he'd eventually reappear on Christmas Eve on 1999 at a particular restaurant that had served him a favored dish years earlier. When that date arrived, Michael said he ventured to the restaurant, asked for a table under one of Andy's pseudonyms, and waited. He didn't meet Andy that night, but said someone handed him an envelope, and in that envelope was a letter addressed to Michael from his brother. The letter purported that Andy wanted to go into hiding and live a normal life, that he'd met and fallen in love with a woman and had a daughter, and that he didn't want Michael or anyone to say anything while their own father was still alive. Andy's and Michael's father died this summer. Michael said a young woman called him a month afterward to say that Andy indeed was alive, that he was watching the Andy Kaufman Awards from afar and loving the fact that so many comedians had been inspired by him. When Michael asked the Gotham audience if that young woman had showed up Monday night, a 24-year-old eventually stood up from the back of the room and sheepishly made her way onstage.

Michael asked the audience if they believed her, or him, and said he didn't know what to make of it all himself.

Killy Dwyer, one of this year's Andy Kaufman Awards finalists, already had burst into tears while Michael was reading the alleged 1999 letter from Andy.

Dwyer wrote on her Facebook page afterward:

"Ok. Tonight was a mindfuck. Anyone who was there will attest. Andy Kaufman's daughter came onstage and claimed he was alive. It was. It was...I can't tell you how it was, only that it was as real as any reality that i've seen. and yeah. I get that it is - could - might all be a hoax. That was the only and last thing I want to say. it was fucking fucked up. She said he is alive and that the passing of his father this July made him want to reach out via her- to Michael, Andy's brother. She said he is watching the award entries, semi and finalists with great interest always. He just wanted to disappear. To be a father. To be an observer. As much as this seems like bullshit as I type it, it was as real as anything I've ever seen. There is video. It was chilling, upsetting and absolutely intriguing. I bawled my eyes out. The entire room was freaked out. It was, if nothing else, brilliant. and incredibly mindfuckng and AWESOME."

Michael escorted the young woman offstage and asked that we respect her privacy.

That is just straight up next level crazy. If it's not true, then whose joke was it? Do you think Michael Kaufman perpetuates the idea with stories like this? I've never heard of him doing it before. Or do we think maybe Bob Zmuda helped put this together? Because he's not really even mentioned as being at the event on Monday, and I would think he'd want to be there to see it play out.

My favorite idea is that Andy Kaufman actually outlined all of this before his death, right down to the notion of introducing a 24-year-old daughter at some event. It would be so great to eventually learn that he had come up with the notion because I love the idea of him picturing an audience in the year 2013 still (A) caring about him and (B) debating the notion of his mortality. Andy loved to play the long con, but there's only so long he could personally take a joke considering he passed away at the age of 35.

I love jokes and pranks that take a long time to play out. One of my favorite stories about George Clooney involved a garage sale painting he found while he was driving one afternoon. He said it was the ugliest painting he'd ever seen, and so he bought it, took it home, and then immediately bought a ton of art supplies. He set up a new painting room for himself in his home, put up some incomplete canvasses, and made it look like he'd been painting in there. He then invited over one of his dearest friends, Richard Kind, to tell him about how he'd been learning to paint. He proudly showed off the garage sale find, which he claimed was his very first completed painting, and he made a big deal out of gifting it to Richard, who said how much he liked it.

Here's the best part: Clooney let Kind hang that painting in his house for a year before he finally confessed the prank, and what makes it truly funny to me is the thought that, for a year, Clooney could go sit at Richard's house and look up at that horrifying terrible painting on the wall in a place of honor. You have to be better at playing it straight than I am if you're going to pull off a joke like that. I would have been in tears laughing every single time I saw the painting. There's no way anyone would have believed me if I'd tried to pass it off as my own, but with Richard, he wanted to believe that Clooney would make a gift of something that personal, and that's part of any good prank. You have to set people up to reveal some truth about themselves, something that they would do or say or be without your help. Great pranks reveal character, and time is a big part of that.

With this Kaufman story, all you need to do is take a look at how much coverage it got online today to see that, no matter what, Andy wins. Andy turned his own life into such an elaborate hall of mirrors that people are able to believe, no matter how unlikely, that he could have actually faked his death and disappeared and, more importantly, stayed gone. People want to believe it because so much of his art seemed to be building up to that one final epic punchline, and it's more fun to imagine that he pulled it off than it is to imagine him dying of lung cancer in a Los Angeles hospital just as he was starting to enter the prime creative phase of his career.

Let's say someone does an independent DNA check on this girl and she turns out to really be Andy Kaufman's daughter. Would that ruin the fun? If she turns out not to be his daughter, does that put a definitive button on things? At this point, can there be a conclusive answer that everyone would accept?

If the answer is no, then Andy is indeed alive. He's alive when I hear theaters howling at "Bad Grandpa." He's alive when I see four different paparazzi photos exposing four totally different people as being the "real" Banksy. He's alive in the way the word "reality" has been so permanently and hopelessly perverted by television shows that have nothing to do with reality. He is alive when someone stumbles on a Tim and Eric infomercial at 2:00 in the morning on Adult Swim and has no idea what they're looking at. He is alive when you see how Neil Hamburger uses Twitter to talk to corporations. He is alive because his comedy, barely commercial when he was alive, has influenced not just other comics, but musicians, filmmakers, writers, and artists of every stripe. Andy Kaufman is alive because Andy Kaufman can't die at this point.

Even if he did.
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Re: Andy Kaufman

Postby TheButcher on Thu Nov 14, 2013 5:17 am

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Re: Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! (Now w/ Free Gum!)

Postby Fried Gold on Sun Jun 07, 2015 11:18 pm

It seems that, after a decade of this thread existing, Uwe Boll might have actually finally been stopped.

His German tax law financing scheme no longer exists and three crowdfunding attempts to make his next movies have failed.

http://bloody-disgusting.com/news/33483 ... -fans-fck/
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Re: Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! (Now w/ Free Gum!)

Postby Peven on Mon Jun 08, 2015 12:34 am

the zone triumphs against evil ! or, at least against Germans who make bad movies. :-P :wink:
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Re: Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! (Now w/ Free Gum!)

Postby Ribbons on Mon Jun 08, 2015 1:45 am

Gum for everyone!
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Re: Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! (Now w/ Free Gum!)

Postby so sorry on Thu Oct 27, 2016 12:41 pm

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Re: Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! (Now w/ Free Gum!)

Postby Ribbons on Thu Oct 27, 2016 11:18 pm

Nothing good lasts in this world!
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