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PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 5:42 pm
by The Garbage Man
so sorry wrote:is this guy the anti-christ or what?

Can no one stop him????


Goddammit...


*cinches up blood-red tie*


I didn't want to do this again...


*slips on a sleek black suit jacket*


But this has to stop...


*pulls on black leather driving gloves*


One last time... just one more time, then the killing can stop...







Now, has anyone seen my Whiffle® bat?

PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 7:54 pm
by Pacino86845
Darth Gore wrote:Well...I am from Germany...and all I want to say is SORRY to the worldwide moviegoers ...

From the makers of F.W. Murnau, Fritz Lang, Wim Wenders, Werner Herzog, and Rainer Fassbinder comes...









Uwe Boll!


All Uwe, all Boll.

PostPosted: Tue Apr 04, 2006 2:12 am
by Tyrone_Shoelaces
Boll invades Canada! Can nothing stop him?

PostPosted: Tue Apr 04, 2006 2:28 am
by Lady Sheridan
Does anyone know WHY Sir Ben Kingsley was in this film?

Did he owe Uwe Boll money, or something?

PostPosted: Tue Apr 04, 2006 4:29 am
by AtomicHyperbole
He got a good interview in Empire which partially revealed his human side. He admits to KNOWING tht the script from HOTD was crap, yet filmed it anyhow. He also seemed upset that people thought him backwards.

I think he may be more canny and devious than we give him credit for. Well, for one thing, he's a very good producer to rope in people who's careers are tailing in order to get name recognition.

PostPosted: Tue Apr 04, 2006 8:12 am
by Chilli
Guys and gals -- I think Uwe Boll is great for films... because if he can make a movie starring Michael Madsen, then anyone can make a movie starring Michael Madsen.

Hell - this just makes me think my chances of making a videogame film I have planned (won't say which) have risen since he's shown up.

PostPosted: Fri Apr 14, 2006 11:43 pm
by Dix_Mcgee
The only true explanation for Uwe Boll's success (monetary, clearly not art wise) is he has sold his soul to the devil. There is quite simply no other explanation for how he keeps getting work. NONE!

PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2006 4:42 am
by Seppuku

PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2006 4:54 am
by Logan5
Uwe Boll is a genius. He has a brilliant mind, and can somehow get the worst projects greenlighted. Having seen his three "somewhat based on a game"-movies I can tell you that he is actually becoming a better director. If it wouldn't have been for his great skill at getting funding we probably wouldn't have seen movies from him until he had become a better director.
And to his defence I must say that movies like Megalodon and Day of the Dead 2 are far worse, and Doom is in now way better than HotD.

And to all of you who is bitching about Madsen being in BloodRayne, I have to confess that the movie looked really promising until he showed up onscreen. Having that man in a movie is an instant failure. He was cool in Kill Bill and Reservoir Dogs, but he can't act for shit. He does the same thing all the time. Works fine the one or two first films you see with him, after that it gets boring.

PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2006 5:02 am
by AtomicHyperbole
He is a genius. Seconded. We got a Uwe Boll Appreciation thread going... I've seen HOTD and AITD, soon to see Bloodrayne! The man is a credit to independent filmmaking production, as he makes everyone else look great. He's needed.

Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped!

PostPosted: Wed Jun 21, 2006 5:18 pm
by bastard_robo
HERE The TRAILER TO HIS NEWEST CRAPFEST!!!!!!!

http://www.inthenameoftheking.com/trailer/dsnew.mov

Re: Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped!

PostPosted: Wed Jun 21, 2006 5:38 pm
by John-Locke
bastard_robo wrote:HERE The TRAILER TO HIS NEWEST CRAPFEST!!!!!!!

http://www.inthenameoftheking.com/trailer/dsnew.mov


BWAHAHAHAHAH!

PostPosted: Wed Jun 21, 2006 6:07 pm
by AtomicHyperbole
HORDES OF KRUD ARE RANSACKING THE LAND!

KRUG!

KRUD!

Same dif.

PostPosted: Wed Jun 21, 2006 6:09 pm
by AtomicHyperbole
TOMORROW WE MARCH ON CHRISTS WINDHOLE!

I think.

Oh, it gets better, it really does.

PostPosted: Wed Jun 21, 2006 6:11 pm
by AtomicHyperbole
You have no idea how powerful madness can be...

Forgive the multiple posts, but the hits keep on coming. This is a must-see.

PostPosted: Wed Jun 21, 2006 6:44 pm
by King Psyz
crazy people and money sure is a funny mix

PostPosted: Sun Jun 25, 2006 5:58 pm
by Bob Samonkey
Image

AHH HAHAHAHAHAHA

I know its old but it is damn funny

PostPosted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 4:18 am
by Starks
Uwe Boll has taken on his first opponent - Cine Cutre webmaster Carlos Palencia Jimenez-Arguello.

Boll is in the Black. Video goes for 8 minutes.

http://www.joystiq.com/2006/09/06/uwe-i-make-crappy-game-movies-boll-silences-his-first-critic/

Carlos was lucky that Boll didn't take it too him, I doubt the fight would've went half as long as it did if Boll had thrown more then the 5 legit punches that he did.

PostPosted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 7:42 am
by Doc Holliday
Logan5 wrote:And to all of you who is bitching about Madsen being in BloodRayne, I have to confess that the movie looked really promising until he showed up onscreen. Having that man in a movie is an instant failure. He was cool in Kill Bill and Reservoir Dogs, but he can't act for shit. He does the same thing all the time. Works fine the one or two first films you see with him, after that it gets boring.


:shock:

FOUL! The keenly observant, for example, will have noticed how in "Sin City" not only did Madsen furrow his eyebrows in reverse order to his previous on-screen incarnations.....but he also delivered his lines sans white vest.

Bruce Willis looked on agog.....

As for Boll, I can't wait until I get home tonight to watch this - please tell me he had his ass handed to him on a plate

PostPosted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 7:51 am
by AtomicHyperbole
Next week I'll watch this... but I did see Bloodrayne the other day, so now I'm totally versed in the 'Boll.

Truth be told, Bloodrayne is worse than HOTD and AITD combined, by the fact that although it's bearable it's also incredibly boring. Although you do get to see Kristanna's breasts, which is a bonus. But they're in the most laughable sex scene ever, and some guy with a mullet licks them! Got to love Zane's mugging in a pointless letter-writing scene too.

PostPosted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 7:53 am
by Retardo_Montalban
Starks wrote:Uwe Boll has taken on his first opponent - Cine Cutre webmaster Carlos Palencia Jimenez-Arguello.

Boll is in the Black. Video goes for 8 minutes.

http://www.joystiq.com/2006/09/06/uwe-i-make-crappy-game-movies-boll-silences-his-first-critic/

Carlos was lucky that Boll didn't take it too him, I doubt the fight would've went half as long as it did if Boll had thrown more then the 5 legit punches that he did.


Poor internet nerd. He should know better than to take on a German in a test of physical strength. He probably thought he was Rocky or something and Uwe Bowel was Apollo Creed.

PostPosted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 9:11 am
by The Vicar
Hanging by his nutsack is out in front, and it isn't close.

Good on ya!

PostPosted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 12:11 pm
by Al Shut
Hil-fucking-arious!!!

Of course challenging critics to a boxing match is a bit ALF but in a fun jackass way.

Likely to be the most entertaining thing Boll'll ever do.

PostPosted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 12:49 pm
by papalazeru
Its certainly not his movies...thats for sure. This was a better fight...at least I didnt fall asleep through this one.

I wish I was boxing Boll....I would have done the world some justice.

PostPosted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 5:18 pm
by papalazeru
I just realised I chose chinese water torture.

As fun as that is to drive the man insane....I think someone has already attempted that.

He's soooo kooky.

PostPosted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 7:24 pm
by AtomicHyperbole
How many people have actually seen his movies? I'm curious. I've seen them all.

PostPosted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 7:31 pm
by Bob Samonkey
I have yet to see any. I keep meaning to. I just have not got around to it...

PostPosted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 7:34 pm
by AtomicHyperbole
Trust me, AITD and HOTD are actually worth it. My fave scene in AITD is the discussion where Slater and a nun walk away from a house, then walk back to it. Plus any of the scenes with watsisname from Blade barking orders randomly. HOTD is just so freakin' ALF its almost genius... the bullet time shot that goes behind someones shoulder for absolutelynoreason is just sublimely funny! I'm sure you could have some kind of drinking game with that movie.

PostPosted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 7:46 pm
by Bob Samonkey
I do like me some Slater. I will place them in my queue

PostPosted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 8:01 pm
by Retardo_Montalban
I figured I could sustain myself through Alone in the dark by focusing on Tara Reid's legs. But by the end of it, it was Christian Slater's pointy brows and raspy scarcasm that mesmerized me. I'm going to go rent Kuffs now.

PostPosted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 8:03 pm
by Bob Samonkey
Thats funny I was just thinking about renting Pump Up the Volume

PostPosted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 8:07 pm
by Retardo_Montalban
Fuck Kuffs then, I'm going super old school and renting Gleaming the Cube

PostPosted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 8:30 pm
by thebostonlocksmith
Man was gleaming the cube a piece of shit. I sat through that once with an ex-girlfriend who liked it. it was utter drivel.

PostPosted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 9:33 pm
by Bob Samonkey
I enjoy the boobs in Pump Up the Volume. They are small but they are nice...

PostPosted: Fri Sep 08, 2006 4:25 am
by silentbobafett
PUmp up the Volume is a wicked fucking film! I seriously fucking love it! Maaaaaan that film used to be constantly on my VHS machine. VHS. Does anyone remember that? :-)

PostPosted: Fri Sep 08, 2006 4:29 am
by magicmonkey
I remember when I was a VHS (Very High Student), now dem were the daze.

PostPosted: Fri Sep 08, 2006 7:48 am
by papalazeru
AtomicHyperbole wrote:How many people have actually seen his movies? I'm curious. I've seen them all.


Now Ya'see..I make my mind up to watch an Uwe Boll film and then...well gosh darn it, something comes along which I actually want to watch and by the time I get round to Bolls film....its dissappeared from the cinema shelves.

Usually there is a place reserved in the bargain sales bucket at blockbuster just for Uwe.

I can't believe it...hes in pre-production on 3 flim/game tie ins.

Far cry, Dungeon siege and of all things Postal.


How is he doing this???!?!?!?! SOmeone telll me. Thats it! I'm next in the ring. I'll kick his sorry sack of shit ass through hell and back. Thinks he can box huh?

COME TO ME UWE AND FACE YOUR DESTINY.

PostPosted: Fri Sep 08, 2006 8:34 am
by AtomicHyperbole
Because no-one is interested in those properties and they're owned by games publishing houses, of whom are actually far more abusive of a good idea than any Hollywood machine?

I think some of you've gotta actually watch some of these films. They're not great but they're hardly the cinematic abortions some would have you believe, if only by accident than design.

PostPosted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 7:36 am
by AtomicHyperbole

PostPosted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 7:49 am
by silentbobafett
Interesting! I'd like to see Video footage of it!

But who is Jeff Sneider?

Critic Jeff Sneider of Ain't It Cool News did fight back, but not in the ring.

He said Mr Boll had told him the match would be a publicity stunt.

"I think he's a jerk," said Mr Sneider after the fight. "This might be PR, but I don't want to keep getting punched in the head."



Have you ever heard anyone at AICN called athat? I'm guessing its a real name of one of our dudes... but who? And also, as much as Uwe Boll sucks etc I think its unfair of that talkbacks tyle abuse ("jerk") beign used against him. I think it puts a tick next to Uwe that he did this! I think he has humour!

It also puts AICN in bad light! Ihate that word and people who use it like that.... ohhhh I dunno its Monday morning I suppose, it just irritates me... like we're also a bunch of cockknockers telling the press that AICN calls people Jerks.... :-)

PostPosted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 8:21 am
by Doc Holliday
silentbobafett wrote:Interesting! I'd like to see Video footage of it!

But who is Jeff Sneider?

Critic Jeff Sneider of Ain't It Cool News did fight back, but not in the ring.

He said Mr Boll had told him the match would be a publicity stunt.

"I think he's a jerk," said Mr Sneider after the fight. "This might be PR, but I don't want to keep getting punched in the head."



Have you ever heard anyone at AICN called athat? I'm guessing its a real name of one of our dudes... but who? And also, as much as Uwe Boll sucks etc I think its unfair of that talkbacks tyle abuse ("jerk") beign used against him. I think it puts a tick next to Uwe that he did this! I think he has humour!

It also puts AICN in bad light! Ihate that word and people who use it like that.... ohhhh I dunno its Monday morning I suppose, it just irritates me... like we're also a bunch of cockknockers telling the press that AICN calls people Jerks.... :-)


Besides which, its been pretty clear to me reading this thread for a while now that this was always going to be more than just a PR stunt - he [Boll]clearly intended to take his critics to task.

So if he thought it was just PR what was this Jeff guy hoping to get out of it? Greater exposure for AICN? Hardly. Perhaps a signed copy of Alone in the Dark? Oh dear.

See....he [Sneider] should have come to The Zone where he'd have got his facts straight.....there's your jerk ladies and germs....

PostPosted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 8:30 am
by WillTurner
Darth Gore- Well, you gave us Goodbye Lenin, so that evens it up for me.

Frankly you had me at "nutsack". Yet to see one of this man's masterworks, but given the standard of films adapted from games my hopes aren't high.

PostPosted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 8:35 am
by silentbobafett
exactly Doc, exactly...

I suspect Sneider was just some lowly talkbacker (unlike us kick ass Zoners! :-) ) you thought he'd look good saying he was "from" AICN...

Honestly people, 10/10 for Uwe doing this. PR? Sure. N e PR is good PR but look at it though, he's going out and making a bigger think of his film being shit than anyone else. Has anyone ever seen BBC do an article on how shit his films are?

He just told the world that most people think his films are shit. BUt then got them on his side by putting film critics in a boxing ring. I'm osrry but I thik that is fucking class!

Also, and I've said this before to people when they ask me about Uwe Boll, I HONESTLY believe Uwe Boll would be a fucking excellent producer!

If he could give up the creative side of it, stop FUCKING DIRECTING UWE, and just produce.

THis guy get mroe and more money for each film, even though each one flops worse than the one before. He constantly has "name" actors in his films, ranging from Teen film shitheads like Tara Reid all the way to fucking genius' like Sir Ben Kingsley.

This guy can sell a concept, can sell a movie. Sir Ben must have heard or seen a little about Uwe and his movies. But UWe managed to get him. I've read all about UWe "last minute" way of getting actors. But would you attach your name to a Uwe Boll film? No...

But he can do it. He can talk the talk. And I think, as a producer, he can walk the walk.

:-)

PostPosted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 12:34 pm
by HollywoodBabylon
Boll's sad attempt at being 'controversial' would be laughable if it weren't so pathetic.

Instead of getting into a boxing ring with his critics, wouldn't he've been better off answering them by...oh, I don't know.....maybe making a decent film?

PostPosted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 12:44 pm
by Al Shut
HollywoodBabylon wrote:Boll's sad attempt at being 'controversial' would be laughable if it weren't so pathetic.

Instead of getting into a boxing ring with his critics, wouldn't he've been better off answering them by...oh, I don't know.....maybe making a decent film?


I don't think he wants to answer them, he just wants to smack them in the face without getting sued.


And I believe Jeff Schneider is MiraJeff who sometimes posts reviews o the main site

PostPosted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 12:53 pm
by Mr. Hyde
Wow.. i say the nutsack thing is too quick.. i say that should only be the start. After the sacks are torn free.. hang him from invidual toes.. let gravity do it work.. then work yer way up.. ending with the ears.. by then i think he has felt enough pain.. pain that all the people who sat through his shitty films went through.. THATS revenge.
As for dungeon siege being released in two parts.. BOOOO!! Your not Tarantino.. dun pretend your film is that good..

You goofy-lookin bastid..

Image

PostPosted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 1:01 pm
by HollywoodBabylon
Al_Shut wrote:
HollywoodBabylon wrote:Bol l's sad attempt at being 'controversial' would be laughable if it weren't so pathetic.

Instead of getting into a boxing ring with his critics, wouldn't he've been better off answering them by...oh, I don't know.....maybe making a decent film?


I don't think he wants to answer them, he just wants to smack them in the face without getting sued.


And I believe Jeff Schneider is MiraJeff who sometimes posts reviews o the main site


Actually, believe or not, Mr Boll is not the first film director to give a critic a sock in the jaw. Ingmar Bergman (yes HIM!) once spotted a noted theatre critic watching a rehearsal of a play he was directing in Stockholm. This critic had slaughtered Bergman's previous stage production and had gotten personal with it. So Bergman bounded off stage, chased the critic up the aisle and gave him a juicy right hook which sent the hapless man sprawling. Then apparently Bergman wiped his hands, turned around and without a word walked back onto stage to resume rehearsals to the utter astonishment of everyone who was present.

Of course, this is the only thing Boll and Bergman have in common.

PostPosted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 7:12 pm
by Brit Pop
If Mr Boll-ocks wants to fight a whole line of nay-sayers...

how about we petition him to fight us lot one at a time?

I bagsy second... after Kirk of course.

PostPosted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 7:19 pm
by Ribbons
Although the dude obviously had an unfair advantage, these people didn't have to agree to box him. So it is what it is, really.

I just wish people would stop paying attention to the guy. Shit like this wouldn't happen if they did.

PostPosted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 7:22 pm
by MasterWhedon
Merrick has video of the whole fight up HERE. It ain't pretty.