THE MAN WITH THE IRON FISTS
I think if you gave me 15 million dollars and told me to go to the store and get milk, I would probably come back having made this movie and you'd be all like
"Where's the milk?" and I'd be all like
"Uhhhhh.."That's not to say that I think this is a particularly great movie, it's just that it reads like they filmed a list of stuff I'd like to see in b-movies such as kung-fu, rap music, comic gore, warrior prostitutes, novelty weapons, drunk slumming a-list actors hamming it up, ornate sets with gag props, costumes inspired by 80s pop icons etc.
I think if the film is held back by anything, it might be this:
IMDB wrote:The first cut of the film was four hours long. RZA suggested splitting it into two films, but producer Eli Roth disagreed, and it was ultimately cut down to approximately 90 minutes.
I get the feeling this is supposed to be one of those meandering epics where you see the various characters in all these other plots and things eventually get widdled down to a smaller cast of heroes squaring off against a small group of villains. As presented, this film zooms along at break-neck speed, never catching its breath or really giving any more weight to one moment than another. It's just one crazy character with a new novelty weapon and a new silly costume showing up every minute to fight and destroy another gorgeous set while rap music plays.
The film is full of endless wacky characters, generally played by actors who seem to be having a really good time going way overthetop. I guessed from the trailer that Rusty Crowe would just have a cameo in this, but I was wrong, he's actually one of the main characters. He's become enormous. The dude is really fuckin' f@t these days, he's heading into John Candy turf, which kinda gets me hoping we'll get Crowe in the UNCLE BUCK remake. I think he achieved his character's drunkeness through method acting, but he seems to be having fun fingerbanging Chinese prostitutes on screen. Lucy Liu has made a career out of playing cartoons, and does so again here. She doesn't do her trademark thing where she screeches all bitchy though. There's a part where she's crushing Crowe's nuts and I wondered if it really was Liu's hand crushing Crowe's nuts or if they brought in a hand double and stunt crotch for that shot. Ricky Yune is another hero, and he is also pretty charismatic. I like that guy. He's like a fully Asian Dean Cain.
RZA, who co-wrote, directed, and scored this film, is the weakest actor in the cast. It becomes fairly funny how out of place he looks. He generally looks like this tired hobo and he's the only actor in this cast who underplays his role. The flashbacks to his days as a slave in America are particularly funny. But the part where he gets his hands cut off (later to be replaced by iron fists) is probably the funniest because he can't even convincingly scream in pain. He makes this sound like when the doctor tells you to say
"Awwwww" and looks down your throat.
The villains are all solid. Byron Mann appears to really like that he's dressed up as Prince. Wrestlemania superstar Batista plays a villain whose flesh is literally made out of bronze. And I liked Daniel Wu as Poison Dagger with that funny Mysterio-style synthesized voice.
The fights are hit and miss. Corey Yuen is my favourite fight choreographer and he does what he can with a cast that is mostly not martial artists or not even in shape. Yuen makes good use of Batista's Wrestlemania fighting style. Chereographing a fight scene with f@tso Crowe must've been hard, they probably should've had him fight sumo style. My favourite fight was definately the Gemini Warriors with their interlocking swords that allow them to spin around into a human tornado.
I don't think this film would appeal to an audience outside of oldschool kung-fu die-hards. I had fun watching it, and if they put out a longer cut on DVD, then I will revisit it because I think it would play better if it were fleshed out a bit more. I think RZA is a decent writer and director, but a shitty actor. I think producer/co-writer Eli Roth probably should've kept this film more on course so that it was designed to be 90 minutes instead of a 4 hour movie that then had to be trimmed down.