Beloved grunge lyrics rewritten by a nearly 37 year old atty

[Lord Voldemoo]

"Despite my high wage I am still just a rat in a cage"

"Here comes corporate morale booster, aww yeah, hey yeah
Yeahhhh here comes the booster
Powerpoint, no it dont ever lieeee
No, no, no, ya know got an email cant replyyyyy"

"Oh, she walks slowly, across an old dude's room
She said I'm ready...for you
I can't remember anything to this very day
'Cause I fell...'sleeeeep...'sleeeep....
Oh, you know where, now I can't see, cant find my glassssssses...
I, IIIIIIIIIIII've lost my sex drive
Hey IIIIIII, III watch the news at 5
Hey get outta the wayyyyy, did Ichiro hit a line drive?
Hey I, I, I, I'm still alive, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, sorta?"

"When it's well lighted, it's less dangerous
Damn defendants, counterclaim us
Use a tissue, you're contagious
Last thing I need, is a virus.
Take an Airborne
Keep yourself warm
Work in a haze
No more sick days
Yay!"

[Fievel]

I would applaud, but I'm still as apathetic as I was in 1991.

I went to put on my flannel in order to get in the proper listening mode, but found it now has partially-used Kleenex stuffed in its pockets. The shirt itself has a small stain from where one of my kids puked a mouthful of bile on it three years ago. And the holes in it were not "encouraged" in their creation to make the shirt appear more worn that it actually is.... no, those holes are real... and old.... like me.

Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to go roll up the cuffs of my Guess jeans, put on my neon Chuck Taylor All Stars, a t-shirt with a duck on it telling me not to worry, but rather be happy, and listen to some INXS.
Where the hell did I put that hairspray.....

[TheBaxter]

You wired my old bank
and hit me with a fee to transfer funds
You taxed my wealth and capital gains
to watch my budget start to shrink

But I'm gonna take
I'm gonna take my
I'm gonna take my IRA and run
yeah I'm gonna cash
I'm gonna cash my
I'm gonna cash my 401k
and retire