Uwe Boll Appreciation Society

[AtomicHyperbole]

From Empire magazine I figure Uwe Boll, although much-maligned, aint as bad as people seem to think. He comes off as an amiably pleasant chap, more so than Eli "Swearbox" Roth, who actually seems to understand his films shortcomings. For example, when he talks about his funding issues conflicting with his artistic standards...

I cannot throw Tara Reid off Alone In The Dark because I think she sucks; then I have £500,000 tanked and I have no actress replacement for her.

... I get the feeling he knows the problems more than we think he does or any of his previous internet interviews show (written English very obviously not a strong point of his). So?

I'm gonna give him a chance.

For some insane reason, I'm going to try to view ALL of his movies and give them a FAIR, UNBIASED chance to impress/disgust me. Please, feel free to join or mock me. But, I think - in order to appreciate the best, the worst needs to be given a chance. They can't be any worse than the f*cking awful dross I had to endure this morning in the form of King Kong Versus Godzilla, and if according to Empire they're better than Paul W.S. Anderson's movies ... well, they can't be that bad. Can they?

{before I became a filmmaker} I looked at movies like crazy. I spent every weekend at the movie theatre where they showed classic movies -David Lean, Fellini, Godzilla and Japanese stuff. I found out really fast that I'm a big fan of American cinema. Even if I admire people like Truffaut - and he did great work - I prefer John Ford or William Wyler movies.

...

Everyone thinks I'm a complete retard. What should I do? The reality is I can't do anything about it. Alone in the Dark was better way better than House Of The Dead, and Bloodrayne was way better than Alone In The Dark. But you go on IMDB and there are thousands of votes against Bloodrayne before it's opened. That's not fair.

So, Mr Boll... or should that be Dr Boll... this thread is going to give you a chance. Did you get better? Is the simple soloution to everyone thinking you're a "complete retard" just to make better movies? Are you on that track?

Zoners, unite. It's time for a kick in the Boll's.

[Adam Balm]

B4NN3D.

[AtomicHyperbole]

C'mon, give the guy a chance...

... or are you...

... chicken?

[Adam Balm]

Nobody...but nobody calls me chicken, Needles.

Er something.

[John-Locke]

[colonel_lugz]

I too have never seen a Uwe Boll film so I usually stay clear of the Boll bashing band wagon. I will join your society and attempt to give the Dr a fighting chance.

[AtomicHyperbole]

Good on ya, Lugz! Let the Bolling begin.

[Nachokoolaid]

I'm reserving judgment until the Dungeon Seige film. If he tanks that, well, I might not be so nice. But for now, I have nothing bad to say about him. At least he's living his dream.

[AtomicHyperbole]

ZIGACTLY. He's a good producer if you check his track record of predominantly privately-funded and relatively low budget films. He's some kind of underground uber-producer. I'm willing to give him a chance, no matter the bollache I get.

I'm actually really looking forward to Alone in The Dark.

[John-Locke]

I'm actually really looking forward to Alone in The Dark.

BWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAH

IPAMPILASH

You obviously have no idea just how bad this film is, poor you.

I have seen it, it is terrible.

[AtomicHyperbole]

I'm willing to take that chance. I want to watch it for promise, not to laugh at.

Although I can't promise that it won't be my first reaction, I'm willing to try, DAMN IT! DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!

edit - my tiredness is showing. Half my posts make no sense!

[colonel_lugz]

Half?

[John-Locke]

There is no chance to take AHB, it's crap, nothing is going to change that.

Steven Dorff just walks into scenes and shouts at people working for him. There is no plot. What little story there is was so thin a monkey on a typewriter could have done a better job.

This is the main page review on the IMDB, it's pretty accurate.

I was honestly surprised by Alone in the Dark. It was so bad, I could hardly believe what I was seeing. There are no characters, just a few stereotypes wandering around and getting killed. The extent of the character development was giving each character a name and an occupation, and that's about it. There was no real plot, and none of the characters seemed to have any motivation. In fact, many action scenes just began on their own, coming from nowhere with a pounding techno track. While I was watching this movie I kept asking "Where is this happening? What's going on?" The acting was high school drama quality, with stiff wooden delivery, as though the actors were reading from cue cards without comprehending their lines. Their trouble delivering lines was made even more obvious by horrible sound design. ADR sounded like it was recorded in an open room. The actors were constantly taking obvious care to hit their marks, looking almost robotic in their movements. So, these listless automatons are whisked through a series of implausible and confusing scenarios, often without even the benefit of transition scenes. They were here, now they're there. This was happening, now that's happening. Random scenes with little rhyme or reason. I had a lot of fun watching it. Definitely not worth nine bucks though.

[AtomicHyperbole]

I had a lot of fun watching it.

Need I say more?

@lugz - ok, a third.

[havocSchultz]

I'm actually really looking forward to Alone in The Dark.

quoth John-Locke:





BOLL STAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Kilgore]

I'm actually really looking forward to Alone in The Dark.

First of, why the hell are all the posts in this thread three times as long (lengthwise, I mean, not 'in content') as they should be?

But more importantly, 'Alone in the Dark' is, and I have a lot of movie-watching history to draw from', the most ass movie I've seen in easily a dozen years. And I'm pretty sure there I saw Christian Slater crying in a scene where no crying was dictated, most likely wondering about where his life went all wrong. It's during the fish fight.

That's right. The fish fight.

And it takes a lot to say 'This movie seemed to be just about Tara Reid's speed', but you certainly can here.










Wait...I take that back. It's second most-ass. Most-ass goes to 'MindHunters'. Hmm...also with Christian Slater. You may be onto something with this 'Give Boll a Chance' revolution.

[Nachokoolaid]

Mods, please un-stretch this thread.

It's fucking annoying.

[AtomicHyperbole]

I'm freaked out. I have a nightmare about Uwe Boll, wake up ill, end up in hospital and have an operation on me man-bits (BOLLocks)... all after this thread. I think I'm cursed... so... forgive me for not following through on my promise!

[papalazeru]

He's wrecked everything hes touched. Keep that man away from films, I dont know how he gets peopel involved, he must be such a charmer.

I think for his next production he should get Susan Cagle to write, direct and produce it.

He wrecked Soul Reaver and He'll do it again.

He know what will make money back but there all dire films

I will be alone in the dark if this film comes out.

[AtomicHyperbole]

Uwe Boll ate my balls.

[papalazeru]

I really do hope he improves.

He must be such a character though, hes one of those in hollywood that everyone loves.

[AtomicHyperbole]

I'm sure he's a great guy in person. Hell, I'd work with him if it meant teaching him a thing or two about direction!

[TheBaxter]

life is too short to waste 2 hours of it watching an uwe boll film

[AtomicHyperbole]

But at least you'd die having experienced the full spectrum of human emotion.

[Vegeta]

Uwe Boll Appreciation Society

B4NN3D.

Best reaction to an original thread post ever!!!! In the same minute to boot!

IPAMPILASH

[zombieslayer]

I saw Boll at a Fangoria Weekend of Horrors promoting House of the Dead. He showed many clips, and seemed very excited about it, but even the audience there kinda laughed him off. I remember thinking it looked awful, but at least he knew throwing lots of gore and nudity and Clint Howard would at least get a reaction. Even with all that, though, I never bothered to see it, and have still never seen a Boll film yet. Maybe I'll give him a shot. Hey, I've noticed the HOTD2 dvd lately- is that one any good?

[Neo Zeed]

I rented Alone in the Dark on DVD and I've seen worse straight-to-video movies on Cinemax so he's not the worst filmmaker of all time... if that means anything. It was just lame...

It seems that he has a Matrix fetish with all the wire work and 2 gun mojo...which wouldn't be bad if he could direct cool action...

I remember Uwe saying in an interview something like...."Why are people bashing my flicks when I'm one the few people making them while others make shit like...cheaper by the dozen 3 or Rumor has it..blah blah" I have to admit there is some reasoning in that. I do miss R-rated action/sci-fi flicks...And on a dull night with nothing on the tube, I'd watch a weak action flick as oppossed to some generic rom-com...or even a *gasp*critically acclaimed drama...(On a Saturday night with pizza and brew, I'm not exactly trying to watch Memoirs of a Geshia..)

The other day...I was watching cable, and they gave Robocop and Terminator..and it got me Jonesing for some sci-fi-action (Not superhero/not straight horror). Then I thought who's the equivalent of Verhoven and Cameron today...and I thought "God is it Uwe Boll and Paul WS?!" Are these the only hackmeisters holding it down?

The question I want to know is..... (for someone who's seen both) what was worse Alone in the Dark or Ultraviolet?

[saucyminx]

Well... this is one unexpected quest braved by mankind. Watching Uwe Boll films... all of them? That takes guts, and guts you have, AH.

Though it does seem like you've been jinxed by Mr. Boll.

[AtomicHyperbole]

Well, copy/paste here. I've seen TWO OF HIS MOVIES! THREAD RESURRECTION! Only really half-hearted and with barely any tension.

PLUS - watch some Bloodrayne here! Seriusly, it's worth watching. How can a scene be full of reasonable ideas be so bland? Only the 'Boll knows!

HE UWE BOLL COMBO -
House of The Dead and Alone In The Dark

What a suprise.

WHAT A SUPRISE.

For laughs, a mate and I cracked open some beers and prepared ourselves for several hours of unmitigated cinematic vomit. We were disappointed. Uwe Boll is NOT the worse director working today. Not at all. He's an awful director, but seriously, a lot of the hate is merely bandwagon jumping by people who never saw the films or invested way too much into the original source material. I wouldn't want him near my franchise, but he's got a place - and that is at the bottom rung making everyone else look good. And the movie world NEEDS a man like that - at least until he either gives up or improves. On the basis of these two films (yet to see Bloodrayne), he's improving. But only if you see milk curdling into yoghurt as improvement.

In House Of The Dead, what we found was a movie so bad it was hilariously funny. At no point could it EVER be taken seriously, from the first appearence of the small fella in the sou'wester hat holding a hook all the way to the ridiculous bullet time zombie mash, replete with slo-mo walk to camera and dolly-track in shot.

What's utterly brilliant about HOTD is that it approaches a level of insane near-genius. Boll rips off LOTR in a zombie film (I nearly wet myself), films the worst rave committed to celluloid, actually commits explanations for the incredible martial arts skills of the main characters, randomly inserts clips of the game, loves inane helicopter shots with voiceovers, enjoys inept misdirection and despite the complete lack of tension delivers some really offhand comedy (intentional or not). Plus for the straight male it has some insanely hot chicks and the action is so terrible, so over-the-top, it actually catches you up in it despite being incredibly confusing.

It's like... Scooby Doo rated R. Saved By The Bell with zombies. Michael Jackson's Thriller on crack. Hell, it's a preschool Evil Dead employing a Bruce Campbell lookalike with the acting skills of a badly dubbed japanese animation. People stand in the Friends semi-circle to deliver lines to camera, zombies stay completely still or jump into the air at wild angles. It's brilliantly awful.

After watching the making of we were suprised at the effort that went into the making of it, even to the odd bullet time of an old man firing a gun once and the camera kind of going 3/4's behind him for no reason at all. Even funnier was that the making of turned out to be a great documentary about George Romero, going so far as to interview the man himself and delve into the effects work of Tom Savini. Even the DVD is confusing - it's a cinematic turd polished to imperfection!

Alone In The Dark is one of the most totally lukewarm, servicable films I've ever seen. It never ever picks up. Ever. It's just... so flat. That said, it's got some good "bits" despite the amazing overuse of slo-mo, a strangely labyrinthine plot and creatures ripped off of Alien. It has a text crawl to rival the longest of the Star Wars, some confusing history to whatever the threat is Slater finds himself against and Tara Reid. But... it's better than HOTD. I'd even say it's got some good ideas... only it never, ever follows through on them.

What did suprise me was the middling acting - everyone seems to think they're appearing in a better film than they actually are. The old guy is genuinely good, even if his development into the main bad fella is totally inexplicable. Tara Reid plays her typical nut-shrinking ice maiden who eats babies for breakfast, Christian Slater actually does a reasonable job (his line to the boy at the beginning of the film is class) and Stephen Dorff's character is begging for some kind of parody if it weren't for the fact he actually feels like one anyway.

He literally spends the ENTIRE film barking orders at other people - "You, patrol the perimeter! You, stand over there! You, tap on that keyboard!". But it's hilariously funny and you can't wait for his next line to see who he'll shout at. Even funnier is that without him to tell them what to do, his magically-appearing team of marine commando's are completely useless. If anything, on Dorff alone AITD is a good drinking game.

What AITD showed me is that it's obvious Uwe Boll is capable of making a very bog-standard television series. Hell, he could probably turn in a reasonable episode of (to my mind) the utterly lacklustre Doctor Who. I've read loads of complaints about his action direction - hell, he rips off Equilibrium of all movies - but here the sequences work in a nondescript, standard way.

The main issue with Boll I found is that he kind of builds up a glimmer of hope in some places only to drop it into a black hole a bit later with some bad directorial decisions. As one example, Slater arrives at one location, has a brief discussion with a nun walking away from it, only to turn around and walk back for no reason at all. It's just... meh.

But despite being so mediocre, it's no way near the worst film ever made. At all. It's not even as bad as an Ed Wood picture. Hell, the worst film ever made is Xtro 3. Uwe Boll's got some way to go before he hits that level of utter gobshite. He also seems to think he's getting better with each film. Well, we'll see - but on this basis, he's correct. I'm gonna make it my mission to see Bloodrayne next to see if this is true.

That's if I recover from bleaching my eyeballs first.

[Logan5]

Kid on an escelator and I have seen House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark and BloodRayne, and I must say we've had a lot of fun doing so.

House of the Dead is a great little zombieflick. The movie is so full of bad shots, plot holes and crappy acting that it's great. I recommend that everyone see this. This is NOT bad as in Day of the Dead 2.

Alone in the Dark is the worst of the three. Absolutely no story what so ever, even worse acting than HotD. This movie is really bad, but not so bad that it becomes fun. AitD should only be seen to see that both this and HotD end in the same way.

BloodRayne starts off really good. I got a good vibe of it and really wanted it to be good. It was almost like Boll had evolved as a director, and in some ways I think he had. But the movie turned to crap as soon as Madsen walked in. It's not as bad as the other two, and it's a fun movie to watch if you're a bit drunk. And a sudden, not motivated sex scene with Kristanna Loken is never a bad thing.

Another reason to see Boll's movies is to laugh at Will Sanderson, AKA Shit Shirt, who has got to be one of the worst actors ever.


Will Sanderson, BloodRayne

[AtomicHyperbole]

Ah, the boss-eyed fella.

My mate had the hots for the HOTD redhead Ona Grauer (no suprise) who turned up in AITD too in a smaller role. She in Bloodrayne? As an actress, she was far better than those movies deserved...

[DocPazuzu]

You know...

I like Uwe Boll. Yes, he's a dreadful filmmaker and in many ways represents everything that's wrong with movies today, but he just does bad so very, very well.

The charm of the Boll canon (heh) is that it's so obvious what an enormous EFFORT the good doctor puts into all his films. It doesn't amount to anything approaching true talent, but he tries so damn hard that it can't be anything but entertaining in its sheer ineptitude.

Compare this with another truly terrible filmmaker -- Albert Pyun. Pyun's movies are all wretched and virtually unwatchable (The Sword & The Sorceror being the sole exception) because there is a miasma hovering over them all consisting of an utter lack of filmmaking joy. That kind of thing does translate to the viewer, as does the cheerful yet earnest incompetence of Dr. Boll. House of the Dead is immensely dire, but I had enormous fun watching it.

The fact that he seems to be an ace dude in person and that he pisses so many fanboys off makes him even more cool in my book. Let's be honest -- is there really any franchise he's destroyed which matters to anyone of consequence? I, for one, will always be looking forward to whatever the good doctor has up his sleeve.

There, it's out, dammit -- I like Boll (heh)!

DocP

[AtomicHyperbole]

It's Hip To Be Boll.

[TonyWilson]

So....do you respect Boll, AH? Or does he need to be popular before you can do that?

[Logan5]

I don't think Ona is in BloodRayne. Could be in a smaller, non-credited role.

And, TonyWilson, I can say that I respect Herr Doktor Boll in the sense that he is amazing at getting funding and at getting better and better actors in his movies.
Just check out the casting on the last couple of films.

House of the Dead

Alone in the Dark

BloodRayne

In the Name of the King

And notice how the "cool" Will Sanderson is present on all four.

[AtomicHyperbole]

So....do you respect Boll, AH? Or does he need to be popular before you can do that?

Ahah.

Actually, yeah, I respect him as a producer. I don't respect his films, but I do respect his cheery stubborness in the face of overwhelming adversity and ability to come up with incredible casts for what they are. He's certainly got nous for licensing too as he's making money.

Don't confuse "respect" with "like". It's not the same thing, fella.

[kid on an escalator]

Great topic to start posting in.

The only reason Uwe Boll has been so bashed is because he makes movies based on games. Otherwise no one would care. And seriously, how easy is it to make movies based on games? At least his movies are fun to watch because how bad they are. Can't say that about Street Fighter, Double Dragon and others. They are just painful to watch. Well AitD is pretty painful to watch as well...

Can't wait to see what Uwe is gonna do with Far Cry. One single man running in the jungle being chased by not only humans but also monsters (if they are gonna do like the game...). Almost like a Predator 3

All hail Dr. Uwe Boll

[colonel_lugz]

Can't say that about Street Fighter, Double Dragon and others. They are just painful to watch.

"Im coming to get you Charleee!"

[Logan5]

Great topic to start posting in.

The only reason Uwe Boll has been so bashed is because he makes movies based on games. Otherwise no one would care. And seriously, how easy is it to make movies based on games? At least his movies are fun to watch because how bad they are. Can't say that about Street Fighter, Double Dragon and others. They are just painful to watch. Well AitD is pretty painful to watch as well...

Can't wait to see what Uwe is gonna do with Far Cry. One single man running in the jungle being chased by not only humans but also monsters (if they are gonna do like the game...). Almost like a Predator 3

All hail Dr. Uwe Boll

Agree. Personally I think that Far Cry will be genious compared to AvP2 and Predator 2. (going with the predator likeness...)
Herr Doktor Boll may not be the best director, but he is certainly not the worst.

[Logan5]

Can't say that about Street Fighter, Double Dragon and others. They are just painful to watch.

"Im coming to get you Charleee!"

IPAMPILASH!

[thebostonlocksmith]

This is interesting...

[bastard_robo]

They can't be any worse than the f*cking awful dross I had to endure this morning in the form of King Kong Versus Godzilla

BANN3D!!!!!!!!


You can sit though a Uwe Fucking Boll movie but you think that King Kong vs. Godzilla is shit? Are you on fucking crack cocaine? Even the worst dubbed, american butchard Godzilla movie is %90 better than anything that man blew out of his ass.

OUTRAGE!!!!!!!!!

[Boll_KG]

Thank you so much for appreciation society.
Saw the other pages on 'Uwe must be stopped'.

Glad there is fanclub here.

[HollywoodBabylon]

Maybe we should give poor Uwe a break.
Legs?
Arms?
Neck?
Anyone?

[Boll_KG]

Does anyone know why I cannot post on my Games you would like to see as movies thread?

[havocSchultz]

Does anyone know why I cannot post on my Games you would like to see as movies thread?

Because every game you would like to see as a movie, you also want Boll to direct...

And we have a Boll-Love Quota here...

So please, sell crazy someplace else...

We're all stocked up...

[papalazeru]

You tell him Havoc.

I'm planning on killing these clowns.

Why is it we get an insurge of Boll fans? What did we do wrong? Was it becuase we pissed on D.o.n Murphy in the talkbacks?

I'm sorry lord.....I'm sorry *weeps desperately into palmed hands.

[havocSchultz]

You tell him Havoc.

I'm planning on killing these clowns.

Why is it we get an insurge of Boll fans? What did we do wrong? Was it becuase we pissed on D.o.n Murphy in the talkbacks?

I'm sorry lord.....I'm sorry *weeps desperately into palmed hands.

Well...you know what they say...



If you're a Boll fan...you're a also a Swell Dude...

[papalazeru]

You tell him Havoc.

I'm planning on killing these clowns.

Why is it we get an insurge of Boll fans? What did we do wrong? Was it becuase we pissed on D.o.n Murphy in the talkbacks?

I'm sorry lord.....I'm sorry *weeps desperately into palmed hands.

Well...you know what they say...



If you're a Boll fan...you're a also a Swell Dude...

Hahaha! Filter alert!!! Whoop whoop!

Please can we have a filter for Uwe Boll? Something like 'I hate movies', or 'My anus is for sale'.

[Nachokoolaid]

Great topic to start posting in.

The only reason Uwe Boll has been so bashed is because he makes movies based on games. Otherwise no one would care. And seriously, how easy is it to make movies based on games? At least his movies are fun to watch because how bad they are. Can't say that about Street Fighter, Double Dragon and others. They are just painful to watch. Well AitD is pretty painful to watch as well...

Can't wait to see what Uwe is gonna do with Far Cry. One single man running in the jungle being chased by not only humans but also monsters (if they are gonna do like the game...). Almost like a Predator 3

All hail Dr. Uwe Boll

I don't know if you're a user with a double identity, or if you're for real, but I love your user name. It makes me think of the funniest part of the movie Old School. It's probably a part that the majority of the people here look over, but my friends and I can't stop laughing everytime we see that little kid on the escalator get the crapped knocked out of him and his face hits the railing. You should get an animated gif of that as your avatar or sig.