Official The Descent Review Thread

[Brocktune]

well im certainly going to tr........

uh......

that is to say, no. i uh.... wont ever be in texas again.
ever.

and yes, tim does indeed seem like a great guy. next time you see him, you tell him that old brocktune says hi.

and that he is never coming back.

[Bob Samonkey]

Ha ha ha. You are safe man you have paper proof that no harm will come to you. Plus you helped with my AV so I owe you.

[Brocktune]

*whew*

what a relief.

now that im starting to win you over, its time to find a way to make those hands do my evil bidding.

[Bob Samonkey]

Well if you turned out to be my father who I did not know was alive as I was living with my aunt and uncle who told me that you died in doing something stupid. If that happened I might be coerced. You never know.


Now I am going to go to the Toschi station to pick up some power convertors...

[ZombieZoneSolutions]

Well if you turned out to be my father who I did not know was alive as I was living with my aunt and uncle who told me that you died in doing something stupid. If that happened I might be coerced. You never know.


Now I am going to go to the Toschi station to pick up some power convertors...

Join him. It is the only way. Together you can end this destructive conflict
and bring order to the Phantom Zone.

[Bob Samonkey]

Oh, ok

[Brocktune]

yes.

yessss.

join me together we can rule the zone as father and mano-cephalic simian son!

[judderman]

Yo, you saw the UK version right Brock? How did that one end?

The British ending was way different, and better in my opinion.

Right after the US movie ends,
when we see that quick shot of Sarah's
eyes opening in horror in the dark, there's
a sudden cut, and we find her back in the
cave, covered in blood, moving along the
floor, eerily crawler-like. She is lit by
flickering firelight. She hears a little voice
whisper "Mummy!", and turns toward it.
Her little girl is sitting opposite her in the dark,
silent and smiling, her face lit by the candles
of her birthday cake. Cut to Sarah, also smiling
silently. Then the camera moves away and we
see that the firelight is just her torch. Sarah is
alone. The camera moves further and further
away, and we see cavern after cavern after
cavern, and we realise that she is never,
ever getting out. The shreiks of the crawlers
fill the soundtrack, closing in. Cut to the picture
of the six girls together. The end.

[judderman]

If you want to watch it, you can get it on youTube, but be warned: spoilers, naturally.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wP7zx8ecqY

[ZombieZoneSolutions]

Yo, you saw the UK version right Brock? How did that one end?

The British ending was way different, and better in my opinion.

Right after the US movie ends,
when we see that quick shot of Sarah's
eyes opening in horror in the dark, there's
a sudden cut, and we find her back in the
cave, covered in blood, moving along the
floor, eerily crawler-like. She is lit by
flickering firelight. She hears a little voice
whisper "Mummy!", and turns toward it.
Her little girl is sitting opposite her in the dark,
silent and smiling, her face lit by the candles
of her birthday cake. Cut to Sarah, also smiling
silently. Then the camera moves away and we
see that the firelight is just her torch. Sarah is
alone. The camera moves further and further
away, and we see cavern after cavern after
cavern, and we realise that she is never,
ever getting out. The shreiks of the crawlers
fill the soundtrack, closing in. Cut to the picture
of the six girls together. The end.

Oh! Holy Crap!!! That is better!!!

Now I feel gipped... fuck... (hopefully the DVD will have it?) Fuck.

You know, this is a classic example of why it sucks to be an American...

[Brocktune]

ok, so i went and saw it again this weekend. it was much better than i remembered it. wxcept for the end. the original end is like a million billion times better than that heap of shit we got for an end over here. wtf? who is the dumbass that oredered the change? yeah, american audiences are so stupid that they will never go for the way it ends. lets just cut the whole ending off, and make it so abrupt and ridiculous that everyone goes wtf was that. so stupid. it was like, ok, movie over now. it was a piss poor piece of editing that i hope results in the dismissal of whoever was responsible. but as for the rest of the movie, it is one of the best horror/suspense flicks to come down the pike in a long time. even though the shaky battlecam shit still bugged me, i found myself loving this movie. previously, i chided the characters for being unrealistically into extreme sports. but now i am championing it for some of the most realistic female characters ive seen in a long time. and in addition, the descent succeeds at something that most horror movie fail miserably at. being scary. i took me girl to see it, and she was scared out of her wits. i have never had her grab me so tightly during a scary flick, she actually drew blood she clawed me so hard one time. i loved it! and it wasnt just once or twice. there was scare after scare after scare. it was so awesome. major super weed filled kudos to the director. he really knew what the fuck he was doing. man, after seeing it again, my score goes from a 5 to an 8! the shitty american ending doesnt really detract from the score either, because i know how it was really supposed to end. we had three choices that night. the night whisperer, talladega nights, and the descent. i am so glad i dragged her to see the descent over the others. my brother loved it too. the whole theater was screaming. it was fantastic. if you like suspense flicks and horror flicks, and you want one that almost perfectly weaves the two into one, check this movie out.

[Vicarious]

What's with the America bashing, seriously? We're talking about a movie here... Sure the original ending is better, but why does everything have to be turned into an America slamfest? Yikes...

[Brocktune]

What's with the America bashing, seriously? We're talking about a movie here... Sure the original ending is better, but why does everything have to be turned into an America slamfest? Yikes...

i dont think anyone was bashing america or americans. in fact, if you go back and reread the posts, they are in fact quite pro american. the problem is with the american movie studios and the monkeys in suits that represent them. too many foriegn films are brought to this country, and doctored or edited from their original versions, based on some focus groups assumption that american audiences are too stupid, or too impatient, or whatever other bullshit reason they can come up with, to leave the film intact, and as the director had intended it. take the jet-li film Hero for example. when miramax brought the film to our shores, they wanted to cut 30 minutes from the film. it wasnt until quentin tarantino stepped in, and offered to put his name on the credits in an executive producerial capacity that they agreed to release the film with only 8 minutes trimmed out. why? to me it seems like all miramax is doing is shooting themselves in the foot. lets face it, foriegn flicks will never do the kind of amazingly big business at the box office that shit flicks like spiderman 2 will do. so what does miramax do? they decide to alter a film to cater to a demographic that never gave a fuck in the first place. everybody who would go see hero doesnt need to be pandered to like that, and the majority of folks were probably more upset than anything else that mira-hacks decided that we all were too stupid to handle that extra 8 minutes of footage.
the point i am trying to make, is that the only "bashing" being done here is the fucked up way in which hollywood assumes we are all morons, and need babysitters to tell us what we can and cant handle on the big screen.

[TonyWilson]

Heh, I remember getting my review of this movie posted up on the main site, what a proud moment. Glad to see people are loving it. The movie kinda got buried over here what with it coming out 2 days after the Tube and Bus suicide bombings on 7/7 but it's done great trade on DVD. With the serious fucked up scares of this and comedy horror of the also excellent Dog Soldiers Neil Marshall is a director to watch.
This is a "proper" horror movie in the vein of Wolf Creek in that it deals with non-supernatural fears and human frailties just as much as the fantasy element.

[markthrust]

I spoiled my viewing of Descent by reading the Zone traffic, saw the film 4 August.
I liked the overall film and found it reasonably fresh 'Morlock' material. Overall I hoped the film would show less monsters: more freaky when the baddie is out of sight. The advertisement comparisons to Alien are entirely unjustified..and nearly gave away the store by showing one of the blind guys!! kill the guy who edited the trailer.

3.75 out of 5.

Regarding Stupid American Audiences? hardly. We do tend to vote with our feet. Generally speaking, if a film has a morbid hopeless ending it likely won't succeed at American Box Office. Not sure its debut this last weekend constitutes a 'smash' opening does it?

For product to be marketable to the US customer it has to be 'hopefully' modified. On first read, I like the UK ending. The challenge of getting that hopeless ending on the screen in US guarantees a flop. American audiences want to believe she survives.. (The widow should survive and be rewarded by escaping: hope)... Questionable quality ending that it was, the slim chance or impression of happy ending (which is what we got) will draw horror audiences. EDIT> I agree that the studios are compromising quality to appeal to a wider audience and your money.

What other movies have been altered coming to America?
Not hard to think of quite a few.

Can anyone think of a few foreign flicks that have negative non-uplift endings that did score big?

[MiltonWaddams]

First, good review brocktune. They may not have gotten better at making horror movies lately, but they certainly have gone leaps and bounds in the 'horror movie trailer' making.. fuck that trailer is creepy.

[Theta]

Yo, you saw the UK version right Brock? How did that one end?

The British ending was way different, and better in my opinion.

Right after the US movie ends,
when we see that quick shot of Sarah's
eyes opening in horror in the dark, there's
a sudden cut, and we find her back in the
cave, covered in blood, moving along the
floor, eerily crawler-like. She is lit by
flickering firelight. She hears a little voice
whisper "Mummy!", and turns toward it.
Her little girl is sitting opposite her in the dark,
silent and smiling, her face lit by the candles
of her birthday cake. Cut to Sarah, also smiling
silently. Then the camera moves away and we
see that the firelight is just her torch. Sarah is
alone. The camera moves further and further
away, and we see cavern after cavern after
cavern, and we realise that she is never,
ever getting out. The shreiks of the crawlers
fill the soundtrack, closing in. Cut to the picture
of the six girls together. The end.

Fucking...fuck. That's a superb ending. Fucking Lionsgate, they'd better let Marshall restore that to his cut.

[ZombieZoneSolutions]

I've only seen the US version, and I quite liked the ending, but now that I
know the real ending, the UK ending, I have to say WTF?!?! The
original ending is so much better! And so much more terrifying!!!

And dead on Brock -- its the American film producers who fucked us; what
we can't take the original super-terrifying and dark ending? Oh wait, thats
right, Middle America can't take it! Hence we all get screwed.

Hence why this ending change is yet another example of why it sucks to
be an American; especially if you like raw, edgy, challenging entertainment.
To many purtianical bean counters always fuckin' up our fun...

But regardless, I loved the movie too; hopefully on DVD we'll get the
original cut...

[raasnio]

the original end is like a million billion times better than that heap of shit we got for an end over here. wtf? who is the dumbass that oredered the change? yeah, american audiences are so stupid that they will never go for the way it ends. lets just cut the whole ending off, and make it so abrupt and ridiculous that everyone goes wtf was that. so stupid. it was like, ok, movie over now. it was a piss poor piece of editing that i hope results in the dismissal of whoever was responsible.

Wow. Better start calling the party responsible by name then:

Neil Marshall

Johnny Butane: Let’s get the elephant out of the room first and foremost and talk about the ending.

Neil Marshall: Okay...

JB: First of all if was your decision to change it and if so why…

NM: There are many conspiracy theories abounding, but yes, it is my choice; I thought we should give it a try. I don’t have a favorite ending, actually, if you asked me I couldn’t pick between the two.

I don’t think the U.S. ending makes it any less ambiguous, it’s certainly not a happier ending; it’s just different. One point of view is that the UK ending is actually a bit happier (editor’s note: you’ll have to see it to know what he means, I will reveal nothing). I compare it to Brazil, actually, in terms of the ambiguousness of the end.

Plus it’s been over a year since it’s been released in the UK and I’ve almost been given a second chance at releasing it with the U.S. We had toyed with both endings in the editing room, to the point where we were really wondering which we would use. So we stuck with the scripted ending for the UK and the rest of the world, but when the opportunity came to release it again I thought we should give it a shot.

Also, the response to the ending in the UK totally split audiences 50/50, some people loved and some hated it, so why not see how this one does?

JB: But the UK ending will be on the DVD here, correct?

NM: I can practically guarantee it. Just from Lionsgate’s point of view they’re going to want to get as much on the disc as possible.

Source

[Brocktune]

the original end is like a million billion times better than that heap of shit we got for an end over here. wtf? who is the dumbass that oredered the change? yeah, american audiences are so stupid that they will never go for the way it ends. lets just cut the whole ending off, and make it so abrupt and ridiculous that everyone goes wtf was that. so stupid. it was like, ok, movie over now. it was a piss poor piece of editing that i hope results in the dismissal of whoever was responsible.

Wow. Better start calling the party responsible by name then:

Neil Marshall

Johnny Butane: Let’s get the elephant out of the room first and foremost and talk about the ending.

Neil Marshall: Okay...

JB: First of all if was your decision to change it and if so why…

NM: There are many conspiracy theories abounding, but yes, it is my choice; I thought we should give it a try. I don’t have a favorite ending, actually, if you asked me I couldn’t pick between the two.

I don’t think the U.S. ending makes it any less ambiguous, it’s certainly not a happier ending; it’s just different. One point of view is that the UK ending is actually a bit happier (editor’s note: you’ll have to see it to know what he means, I will reveal nothing). I compare it to Brazil, actually, in terms of the ambiguousness of the end.

Plus it’s been over a year since it’s been released in the UK and I’ve almost been given a second chance at releasing it with the U.S. We had toyed with both endings in the editing room, to the point where we were really wondering which we would use. So we stuck with the scripted ending for the UK and the rest of the world, but when the opportunity came to release it again I thought we should give it a shot.

Also, the response to the ending in the UK totally split audiences 50/50, some people loved and some hated it, so why not see how this one does?

JB: But the UK ending will be on the DVD here, correct?

NM: I can practically guarantee it. Just from Lionsgate’s point of view they’re going to want to get as much on the disc as possible.

Source

wow.

i had no idea.
i think too many artists worry about what other people will think of their art. i mean, in his defense, if he was equally proud of either one, then i guess it is his call. but imo, the ending we got licks balls compared to the uk ending.
also, in addition to the end being shitty, i thought it was edited kind of poorly. at least thats how it felt.

[Phantom_Stranger]

Violent,gory, and the best damn horror movie I have seen in a looooog time.
A film that truly builds up the tension and suspense. Great performances and some cool looking monsters. No stupid jokes, no sterotype bimbos, just good solid acting combined with simple but effective FX. This one will be a classic some day.

[judderman]

Just out of curiosity, which of the "six chicks with picks" (That's an absolutely horrible phrase, but I can't get it out of my head since I heard Marshall use it) is going to benefit the most from their role in this movie?

Shauna MacDonald (Sarah): The star, though her subsequent roles haven't been eye-catching

Natalie Mendoza (Juno): Kicked ass in a major way. Oddly, fled off to British TV to do a weird soap opera called "Hotel Babylon." Already a singing star in Oz.

Nora-Jane Noone (Holly): Didn't make much of an impact, as she was the first to die, but already had a promising career before "The Descent," thanks to "The Magdalene Sisters." Appeared on Britain's no. 1 soap for a few eps. Now doing a minor romcom.

MyAnna Buring (Sam): Strangely, this girl (who is a LOT prettier than her limited screentime in "The Descent" allowed us to see) could become the genre geek goddess of the sextet, thanks to her appearance in the absolutely kickass episode of the second season of "Doctor Who," "The Impossible Planet," where, sadly, she dies another tragic death.

Alex Reid (Beth): Probably got the best critical reaction for the film; however, she followed it up by starring in... a wilderness-set survival thriller. Doesn't say much for her versatility. Currently filming a "dead body" thriller with Shauna.

Saskia Mulder (Rebekka): Went back to Holland. Shame.

[Keepcoolbutcare]

Very...Vaginal.

Being a fanatic of the V-word, this was a welcome development.

We have a cave (known as a cavity, a hole, a hollow), with a large, gaping crevice (aka Vulva), the Various tubes of the cave (and what is the Vagina but a tube?)...I mean, the metaphor between caves and Vaginas goes on and on, and color me surprised no one has yet mentioned just how Vaginal this film really is (and Brock ran with the spelunker angle, so I had to come up with a different gag).

Cave = Vagina metaphors aside, the film goes out of it's way to play up this shallow (or deep, depending on the girl) interpretation. We have the implied Vaginal conflict betwixt our two main heroines. Not only the playful teasing of "who is the better woman" exploits of the adventuring (yeah, white water rafting could be construed as a sexual metaphor), but then the implied (obvious, really) affair between Juno and Paul. This movie starts off with a battle of vagina's and proceeds to show most of it's actions in a moist, wet cavity.

Anyone who cares to draw a stick figure opus on the preceding analysis is more than welcome.

But wait, the metaphors are only just beginning.
Quick, what bodily fluid leaks from most Vagina's once a month? What process is the bane of the female existence (yeah, I know it's the cramps and not the blood, but work with me here), a process that needs to be plugged upon occasion? There's a great line by Bela in Ed Wood that succinctly explains my long, drawn out ramblings..."It's the blood, Eddie. The females know about the blood." {paraphrased, 'cuz IMDB doesn't have the quote).

And The Descent is awash in blood.

So we have a moist cave, whose got the better vag, and blood. Now, I'm gonna have to take a bit of a leap here, and these thoughts may only apply to me, but don't underarms, aka arm PITS (pit = cave)...don't they look a tad similar to a vagina? I know when I pin/tie down my partners arms over her head, if I even glance at the luscious underarm, no amount of tantra (otiose or otherwise) will stop me from splooging* (and doesn't splooging sound a tad like spelunking?).

The Descent is filled with copious shots of female underarms, armpits, axillas, oxters.

Not even to mention the overtly obvious drawing on the cave wall, of the mountain with the two crevices. Go on, picture that picture. Now flip it upside down and tell me it doesn't look exactly like a drawing of a vagina with ovaries!!!

And here now (courtesy of the gf, in a stunning bit of analysis) we get to the kicker. Our blind, albino, milky white cannibals are clearly an analogy to a yeast infection. Think about it, yeasts infections begin deep in the vagina, spreading outward down the cavity, till one is infected with them. The similarities are striking...white and yogurty (check), easy enough to kill (check), left unchecked and they run rampant (check).


Marshall should've just called this sucker The Vagina. Might've beefed up it's BO.

*The sexual attraction to the underarms is called axillism or maschalophilous.

[Flumm]

Sigh. As time goes on, I'm getting the genuine feeling, that this film will be utterly redunant to me, compared to the wet, spelunky, cavernous bounties of this thread.

[austenandrews]

I have looked into the abyss and Keepcoolbutcare looked back.

[Keepcoolbutcare]

I have looked into the abyss and Keepcoolbutcare looked back.

so...many...ways...to...run...with...this...can't ...decide...

tell your mom it's getting stuffy in here?

your girl says hi?

j/k, of course, but thanks for playing along AA .

[Brocktune]

Very...Vaginal.

Being a fanatic of the V-word, this was a welcome development.

We have a cave (known as a cavity, a hole, a hollow), with a large, gaping crevice (aka Vulva), the Various tubes of the cave (and what is the Vagina but a tube?)...I mean, the metaphor between caves and Vaginas goes on and on, and color me surprised no one has yet mentioned just how Vaginal this film really is (and Brock ran with the spelunker angle, so I had to come up with a different gag).

Cave = Vagina metaphors aside, the film goes out of it's way to play up this shallow (or deep, depending on the girl) interpretation. We have the implied Vaginal conflict betwixt our two main heroines. Not only the playful teasing of "who is the better woman" exploits of the adventuring (yeah, white water rafting could be construed as a sexual metaphor), but then the implied (obvious, really) affair between Juno and Paul. This movie starts off with a battle of vagina's and proceeds to show most of it's actions in a moist, wet cavity.

Anyone who cares to draw a stick figure opus on the preceding analysis is more than welcome.

But wait, the metaphors are only just beginning.
Quick, what bodily fluid leaks from most Vagina's once a month? What process is the bane of the female existence (yeah, I know it's the cramps and not the blood, but work with me here), a process that needs to be plugged upon occasion? There's a great line by Bela in Ed Wood that succinctly explains my long, drawn out ramblings..."It's the blood, Eddie. The females know about the blood." {paraphrased, 'cuz IMDB doesn't have the quote).

And The Descent is awash in blood.

So we have a moist cave, whose got the better vag, and blood. Now, I'm gonna have to take a bit of a leap here, and these thoughts may only apply to me, but don't underarms, aka arm PITS (pit = cave)...don't they look a tad similar to a vagina? I know when I pin/tie down my partners arms over her head, if I even glance at the luscious underarm, no amount of tantra (otiose or otherwise) will stop me from splooging* (and doesn't splooging sound a tad like spelunking?).

The Descent is filled with copious shots of female underarms, armpits, axillas, oxters.

Not even to mention the overtly obvious drawing on the cave wall, of the mountain with the two crevices. Go on, picture that picture. Now flip it upside down and tell me it doesn't look exactly like a drawing of a vagina with ovaries!!!

And here now (courtesy of the gf, in a stunning bit of analysis) we get to the kicker. Our blind, albino, milky white cannibals are clearly an analogy to a yeast infection. Think about it, yeasts infections begin deep in the vagina, spreading outward down the cavity, till one is infected with them. The similarities are striking...white and yogurty (check), easy enough to kill (check), left unchecked and they run rampant (check).


Marshall should've just called this sucker The Vagina. Might've beefed up it's BO.

*The sexual attraction to the underarms is called axillism or maschalophilous.

somewhere, a tear is streaming down georgia o'keefe's cheek.

[Keepcoolbutcare]

somewhere, a tear is streaming down georgia o'keefe's cheek.

i made her so wet, her pussy's crying!

[doglips]

somewhere, a tear is streaming down georgia o'keefe's cheek.

i made her so wet, her pussy's crying!

Filth!

Did you know that the UK DVD has a deleted scene where they all take a break after climbing down into the cave and eat jam doughnuts?

[magicmonkey]

Very...Vaginal.

Being a fanatic of the V-word, this was a welcome development.

We have a cave (known as a cavity, a hole, a hollow), with a large, gaping crevice (aka Vulva), the Various tubes of the cave (and what is the Vagina but a tube?)...I mean, the metaphor between caves and Vaginas goes on and on, and color me surprised no one has yet mentioned just how Vaginal this film really is (and Brock ran with the spelunker angle, so I had to come up with a different gag).

Cave = Vagina metaphors aside, the film goes out of it's way to play up this shallow (or deep, depending on the girl) interpretation. We have the implied Vaginal conflict betwixt our two main heroines. Not only the playful teasing of "who is the better woman" exploits of the adventuring (yeah, white water rafting could be construed as a sexual metaphor), but then the implied (obvious, really) affair between Juno and Paul. This movie starts off with a battle of vagina's and proceeds to show most of it's actions in a moist, wet cavity.

Anyone who cares to draw a stick figure opus on the preceding analysis is more than welcome.

But wait, the metaphors are only just beginning.
Quick, what bodily fluid leaks from most Vagina's once a month? What process is the bane of the female existence (yeah, I know it's the cramps and not the blood, but work with me here), a process that needs to be plugged upon occasion? There's a great line by Bela in Ed Wood that succinctly explains my long, drawn out ramblings..."It's the blood, Eddie. The females know about the blood." {paraphrased, 'cuz IMDB doesn't have the quote).

And The Descent is awash in blood.

So we have a moist cave, whose got the better vag, and blood. Now, I'm gonna have to take a bit of a leap here, and these thoughts may only apply to me, but don't underarms, aka arm PITS (pit = cave)...don't they look a tad similar to a vagina? I know when I pin/tie down my partners arms over her head, if I even glance at the luscious underarm, no amount of tantra (otiose or otherwise) will stop me from splooging* (and doesn't splooging sound a tad like spelunking?).

The Descent is filled with copious shots of female underarms, armpits, axillas, oxters.

Not even to mention the overtly obvious drawing on the cave wall, of the mountain with the two crevices. Go on, picture that picture. Now flip it upside down and tell me it doesn't look exactly like a drawing of a vagina with ovaries!!!

And here now (courtesy of the gf, in a stunning bit of analysis) we get to the kicker. Our blind, albino, milky white cannibals are clearly an analogy to a yeast infection. Think about it, yeasts infections begin deep in the vagina, spreading outward down the cavity, till one is infected with them. The similarities are striking...white and yogurty (check), easy enough to kill (check), left unchecked and they run rampant (check).


Marshall should've just called this sucker The Vagina. Might've beefed up it's BO.

*The sexual attraction to the underarms is called axillism or maschalophilous.

Class 'A' review there KC. But, isn't the key to unlocking this film actually in the title? Yes, its about going down on a lady while she's riding the crimsonian tidius. Its a dream play if you like, where the tongue is the female phallus and the demons are simply reflections of societies taboo's over menstrating women. At the end of the film and indeed the act, the tired and warn out tongue emerges after its struggle, bloodied and victorious. To be visited another day.

[havocSchultz]

Very...Vaginal.

Being a fanatic of the V-word, this was a welcome development.

We have a cave (known as a cavity, a hole, a hollow), with a large, gaping crevice (aka Vulva), the Various tubes of the cave (and what is the Vagina but a tube?)...I mean, the metaphor between caves and Vaginas goes on and on, and color me surprised no one has yet mentioned just how Vaginal this film really is (and Brock ran with the spelunker angle, so I had to come up with a different gag).

Cave = Vagina metaphors aside, the film goes out of it's way to play up this shallow (or deep, depending on the girl) interpretation. We have the implied Vaginal conflict betwixt our two main heroines. Not only the playful teasing of "who is the better woman" exploits of the adventuring (yeah, white water rafting could be construed as a sexual metaphor), but then the implied (obvious, really) affair between Juno and Paul. This movie starts off with a battle of vagina's and proceeds to show most of it's actions in a moist, wet cavity.

Anyone who cares to draw a stick figure opus on the preceding analysis is more than welcome.

But wait, the metaphors are only just beginning.
Quick, what bodily fluid leaks from most Vagina's once a month? What process is the bane of the female existence (yeah, I know it's the cramps and not the blood, but work with me here), a process that needs to be plugged upon occasion? There's a great line by Bela in Ed Wood that succinctly explains my long, drawn out ramblings..."It's the blood, Eddie. The females know about the blood." {paraphrased, 'cuz IMDB doesn't have the quote).

And The Descent is awash in blood.

So we have a moist cave, whose got the better vag, and blood. Now, I'm gonna have to take a bit of a leap here, and these thoughts may only apply to me, but don't underarms, aka arm PITS (pit = cave)...don't they look a tad similar to a vagina? I know when I pin/tie down my partners arms over her head, if I even glance at the luscious underarm, no amount of tantra (otiose or otherwise) will stop me from splooging* (and doesn't splooging sound a tad like spelunking?).

The Descent is filled with copious shots of female underarms, armpits, axillas, oxters.

Not even to mention the overtly obvious drawing on the cave wall, of the mountain with the two crevices. Go on, picture that picture. Now flip it upside down and tell me it doesn't look exactly like a drawing of a vagina with ovaries!!!

And here now (courtesy of the gf, in a stunning bit of analysis) we get to the kicker. Our blind, albino, milky white cannibals are clearly an analogy to a yeast infection. Think about it, yeasts infections begin deep in the vagina, spreading outward down the cavity, till one is infected with them. The similarities are striking...white and yogurty (check), easy enough to kill (check), left unchecked and they run rampant (check).


Marshall should've just called this sucker The Vagina. Might've beefed up it's BO.

*The sexual attraction to the underarms is called axillism or maschalophilous.

For awhile there I thought you were reviewing Blade 2...

And I enjoyed The Descent, quite a bit...and it had some scary parts...like the real-life Vagina...

And, also like the real life Vagina, I think my girlfriend even enjoyed it a little more than me...

[Flumm]

I'm thinking that Vagina getting a capital, and Lotion getting a capital, is not an entirely unrelated event here, Havoc.

[havocSchultz]

:o

I'm thinking that Vagina getting a capital, and Lotion getting a capital, is not an entirely unrelated event here, Havoc.

They are the minions of Lol...

[Flumm]

Mmm, taking the past few days posting into consideration, (namely the fluffy bacony variety) and the contents of the above thread, in the back of my aging, homogenized, Zoner mind, there's something forming about how this all somehow relates to Man-in-the-Box's quest to find the perfect bacon bit here, but for many reasons, I think I'm just going to retire politely from teh table and let it go.

(Yes. The bacon bit equates... equates to what ever a perfect bacon bit could be a stand in for in a giant MITB Crevice/Vagina/Box spelunking quest vagina metaphor. Happy?!)

[tylerfulltilt]

Great horror works on one simple level. it takes death and puts it in the front of your consciousness. The hows and whys and wheres and whens can all vary, but for horror to truly hit it's emotional peak of possibilities, it needs to peel back your blocked worries and thoughts regarding your own demise. And, if the horror film you're watching is a true classic, it will confront you with the idea of imminent death. death without the possibility of parole so to speak. It will flood you with despair and depression as you feel what it's like to KNOW that you ARE going to die and there is absolutely NOTHING you can do about it.

The descent is a great horror film.

It tells the story of a group of 6 women who come together to explore a cave in the appalachian mountains. One of these women, is there to confront her grief over the death of her husband and daughter in a horrific car crash. two are there to support her. The rest are there for thrill. After a brief beginning where we see the car crash that killed the one woman's family, and the 6 of them meeting up the night before the expedition begins, the film heads underground and the claustrophobia begins. Now, I've never really been one to freak out about small spaces. But then again i've never been in the cave passages that these type of women are forced to go through in this movie. There are sections where they crawl on their stomachs through passages so tight that their lungs aren't able to expand enough to take in decent size breaths. And the film does such an amazing job of putting you right in there with them when they go through this. There is one section where the women are going through just such a passage and the tunnel starts to creak and dust starts falling indicating an imminent collapse.

And while the movie could have simply been a series of these scenes, showing the horror of possibly being crushed or buried alive, It actually goes one step further. After enduring all manner of physically exhausting passages the women are almost on the verge of finding a way out. But then something happens, something shows up which completely changes the film and makes it even darker and bleaker. I won't say what because when the film took this turn it was a complete surprise and ratcheted up the despair and terror to almost unberable levels. Suffice to say that these women, if they had only been able to set aside their own interests, might have had a happy ending.

The descent drags death to the front of your consciousness. It floods you with despair. It sucks any and all hope from your life for 2 hours and dares you to try and feel anything good about yourself or the world. The descent is a truly great horror film. and in my humble opinion, like all truly great horror, it transcends it's genre to become great film in general.

10/10

[Doc Holliday]

Finally caught THE DESCENT last night on TV. I thought it was pretty good - it did enough differently within a genre that often feels so tired. Ignoring the cheat-scares (a reliance on loud music or sudden cuts), there were still a few moments that were genuinely creepy. The first time the big bad appears caught me out....I might have yelped out loud a little

[Cpt Kirks 2pay]

Finally caught THE DESCENT last night on TV. I thought it was pretty good - it did enough differently within a genre that often feels so tired. Ignoring the cheat-scares (a reliance on loud music or sudden cuts), there were still a few moments that were genuinely creepy. The first time the big bad appears caught me out....I might have yelped out loud a little

Amen to all of that.

The Descent yeah, it is GENUINELY frightening and can reduce me to a weakened crying kid hiding behind it's Teddy Bear (like the Bear is GONNA do anything ). God knows how a movie can work obeying all the fundamentals 'how to's' in making a scary movie and yet another movie can fail whilst doing the same, the point being, it's BLOODY HARD to make a film so scary nowadays, but this one DOES it. I think it's got more than just the action/visual scares, it's also got some weird creepy disturbing psychological element that comes from the characters and their relationship/betrayals/failures to one another. Plus the fact that they're claustrophobic in the dark and never really gonna get out.

But mostly, fark it, we all know it's 'cos those creatures are so farking scary!

[DerLanghaarige]

Even my cat was scared of The Descent! True story, I watched it one night with him on my bed. After the movie was over, he refused to enter any other room, unless I turned the lights on in there!

[Spandau Belly]

I didn't know anything about The Descent when I rented it, and I was really into the movie. The whole claustrophobia of girls being stuck in a cave and them all turning on each other was scary enough. That could've been a movie on its own, then the cave monsters show up and add the cherry on top.

Love it.

[Cpt Kirks 2pay]

Even my cat was scared of The Descent! After the movie was over, he refused to enter any other room, unless I turned the lights on in there!

Ultimate critic tagline for the movie poster, right there. Who needs The Guardian?

[Ribbons]

[papalazeru]

Decent. Awsome. On budget, and still was brill.

Wonderful lighting. It took me a while to watch this because it looks like a 'kids horror' but it was well worth the watch. Certainly much better than, 'The faculty'

[Cpt Kirks 2pay]

Cast Al Pacino in it. "AHM IN THE DAAARRHHKK HEEERREE!!!!!!!! AAARRRRHMMMMMM IIIIIINN THEE DAAAAARRHHHHHKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!"

How long you reckon you'd last?

Which makes it such a good film as it does what all good horrors should do - make you wonder, 'how would I cope with this situation?', as all good horror movies should make you wonder about pitching your own survival skills to such a test.

[DennisMM]

Caught up with The Descent, the "unrated original cut" - i.e., not the American ending. Not bad, a bit derivative of several Sawney Beane-type pictures, but entertaining enough. I loved the youngest actress amongst the cavers, just because she has an amazing face. The ending, meh either in the original cut or the U.S. version. Of course, if you go with the U.S. version, you can spin off the sequel. I can't believe the actors were interested in going back to that, but money talks.