Uwe Boll Must Be Stopped! (Now w/ Free Gum!)

[wonkabar]

I just think this is the coolest shit ever. I think it should become a trend.

[silentbobafett]

From IMDB about the fight with Uwe Boll:

Boll's youngest opponent, 17-year-old Chance Mointer says, "I wasn't a big fan of House Of The Dead or Alone In The Dark, but after what he's shown me of Seed, I think it's fantastic." A triumphant Boll says, "See what happens when they take a blow to the head? They like my movies."



Ahhhhh, Mr Boll has discovered the secret to movemaking - beating the shit outta people...


"See what happens when they take a blow to the head? They like my movies."



LOVE IT!

[AtomicHyperbole]

Jeff is like that annoying bastard in Ong Bak with the hair. Was that his intent I wonder...

[silentbobafett]

As previously stated: Jeff is the real "Jerk"

[Al Shut]

"See what happens when they take a blow to the head? They like my movies."

That line alone warrants the whole action.

Pure Komödiengold.

[MiltonWaddams]

Ha, Boll challenged his critics to a fight. That's real cute. Because he won the fights, did his movies become watchable?

[buster00]

"See what happens when they take a blow to the head? They like my movies."

Implying that it requires a blow to the head to appreciate Boll's movies.

[Keepcoolbutcare]

"See what happens when they take a blow to the head? They like my movies."

Implying that it requires a blow to the head to appreciate Boll's movies.

it would take a lot of blow.

enough to make Tony Montana blush...

[buster00]

"See what happens when they take a blow to the head? They like my movies."

Implying that it requires a blow to the head to appreciate Boll's movies.

it would take a lot of blow.

enough to make Tony Montana blush...

I'm up for the challenge! You should come along!

It does absolute wonders for Purple Rain.

[silentbobafett]

I just think this puts Boll out of the hated list and into the "so-fucking-crazy-you-couldn't-make-it-up" list

[Peven]

for all the rabid Uwe Boll fans here, this latest news............................................


"Brightlight Pictures announced today that Natassia Malthe (DOA: Dead or Alive, Elektra) will star in Uwe Boll's BloodRayne 2. Released on DVD earlier this year through Visual Entertainment, BloodRayne marked the first time a theatrical release was packaged with the complete original PC game which inspired it.

In the BloodRayne 2 movie, as in the game, only Rayne, born of the unnatural union of vampire and human, stands between an unsuspecting humanity and a horrifying vampire dawn. The screenplay is written by Christopher Donaldson and Neil Every.

In addition to the "BloodRayne" franchise, Brightlight Pictures and Uwe Boll have partnered on a number of features, directed by Boll, including House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark and the upcoming Postal, Seed and In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, starring Jason Statham, John Rhys-Davies, Ray Liotta, Leelee Sobieski and Burt Reynolds.

"'BloodRayne 2' marries the vampire, action and Wild West genres, and we are very excited that this movie is going to innovate a fantastic new look," says Brightlight Pictures' Shawn Williamson.

"I’m excited to do a sequel to 'BloodRayne' and this time in the Wild West. I'm a big fan of Sergio Leone and John Ford," says Uwe Boll."


oh yeah, of course he's a big fan of Leone and Ford, its so obvious in his work so far

[havocSchultz]

for all the rabid Uwe Boll fans here, this latest news............................................


"Brightlight Pictures announced today that Natassia Malthe (DOA: Dead or Alive, Elektra) will star in Uwe Boll's BloodRayne 2. Released on DVD earlier this year through Visual Entertainment, BloodRayne marked the first time a theatrical release was packaged with the complete original PC game which inspired it.

In the BloodRayne 2 movie, as in the game, only Rayne, born of the unnatural union of vampire and human, stands between an unsuspecting humanity and a horrifying vampire dawn. The screenplay is written by Christopher Donaldson and Neil Every.

In addition to the "BloodRayne" franchise, Brightlight Pictures and Uwe Boll have partnered on a number of features, directed by Boll, including House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark and the upcoming Postal, Seed and In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, starring Jason Statham, John Rhys-Davies, Ray Liotta, Leelee Sobieski and Burt Reynolds.

"'BloodRayne 2' marries the vampire, action and Wild West genres, and we are very excited that this movie is going to innovate a fantastic new look," says Brightlight Pictures' Shawn Williamson.

"I’m excited to do a sequel to 'BloodRayne' and this time in the Wild West. I'm a big fan of Sergio Leone and John Ford," says Uwe Boll."


oh yeah, of course he's a big fan of Leone and Ford, its so obvious in his work so far

This is GREAT NEWS!!!!

Do you know what this means...?!?!?

This means that pretty much anybody can go and make a crappy, piece of shit, fuck-lustre, choked-up-on-the-linoleum type of film - that only makes about a hundred and fifty bucks - and then you can make A SEQUEL!!

I've got some footage of Kirk that could surely be STRETCHED into a trilogy...

[The Vicar]

Ha, Boll challenged his critics to a fight. That's real cute. Because he won the fights, did his movies become watchable?

Apparently he punked the suckers dumb enough to show up.

THEY thought it was all in good fun.
Until Uwe started hammering out chicklets.

Surpreeze!

[Pacino86845]

Heh, AICN's own MiraJeff (Jeff Sneider) is the second fight!!

I found the video on YouTube after reading MiraJeff's latest review, where he describes his fight against Uwe Boll!!!!

[TheBaxter]

Heh, AICN's own MiraJeff (Jeff Sneider) is the second fight!!

I found the video on YouTube after reading MiraJeff's latest review, where he describes his fight against Uwe Boll!!!!

i still don't know why anyone agreed to that fight. wasn't watching his films punishment enough? even rocky woulda said, "i can't take it anymore, i give up" halfway through HOTD.

[papalazeru]

Uwe is a pussy. It looks like hes toying with them but personally I'd get pissed of with his leading hand and try to storm on there.

Either that or kick him in the bolls.

By the way you forgot one form of toture which is lacking on your list.

COCK AND BOLL TORTURE.

[silentbobafett]

Whats the chances of a Uwe Boll boxset comin gout? I'd like to get it personnely!

I wanted to get House of the Dead but have you seen how expensive it is!?!?!?

WHy can you get good movies for cheap (and I honestly ain't complaining about that!) but utter shit ones for three times as much!

I guess cos they sell one Uwe Boll movie to every 20 other dvd's! And they usually get returned!

Anyway, I've always wanted to see House of the Dead and I plan to get it in the new year! Hopefully!

[Logan5]

I got HotD for like 7 bucks here in Sweden. Great movie to see over and over because of the unintended hilarity.
Seen all his movies and I for one think he really is getting better. BloodRayne, which is somewhat crappy, is actually better than HotD.
I have a sort of love-hate relationship to Herr Doktor Uwe Boll.

On a side-note; a while back I was in Germany to see Muse and stumbled upon a Director's Cut of the horrendous Alone in the Dark. Reading thru the text on the back told me that it had no sex scene in it. And this was the Dir Cut. I think this shows us that even Boll, somewhere somehow, could be able to be a good filmmaker, because that sex scene in AitD was so frakking unnecessary.

[silentbobafett]

I ain't seen AitD - but any film with a sex scene with Tara - Div tits - Reed has got my money!

So I won't be getting the directros cut then!

how does Boll even get to release multiple versions of his film?

[buster00]

Come to think of it, Uwe Boll vaguely resembles Super Macho Man out of Mike Tyson's Punch-Out.

"I work on my tan harder than I'll have to work on you!"

[silentbobafett]

Uwe Boll reminds me of Tim Burton in some ways... its funny how two people, so similar, can have such different reactions to their films... which touch on such similar areas

[Boll_KG]

Thank you Silentbobafett.

Boll spends alot of time over his films. He has work hard to produce quality films on the budget he is given. It takes time and effort of which he investes alot of it himself.

I think you guys are being overtly harsh on Uwe himself, he will come good. As he is only really starting to get his feet in Hollywood more investment will come in so he will have more to put into his films.

Give the guy a break!

[papalazeru]

Thank you Silentbobafett.

Boll spends alot of time over his films. He has work hard to produce quality films on the budget he is given. It takes time and effort of which he investes alot of it himself.

I think you guys are being overtly harsh on Uwe himself, he will come good. As he is only really starting to get his feet in Hollywood more investment will come in so he will have more to put into his films.

Give the guy a break!

And you are?

Who the hell are you?

Uwe hasn't produced one good film yet. He's an arrogant asshole doesn't even bother with anything. Lame-o scripts, Lame-o stories...I mean, he's let alot of game fans downs and for being a games player himself hes a bit of a tosser. I hope he doesn't end up doing Half Life.

[godzillasushi]

Give the guy a break!

mmmm na thats okay.

I would much rather rail on the guy every time I get the chance.

[ONeillSG1]

Thank you Silentbobafett.

Boll spends alot of time over his films. He has work hard to produce quality films on the budget he is given. It takes time and effort of which he investes alot of it himself.

I think you guys are being overtly harsh on Uwe himself, he will come good. As he is only really starting to get his feet in Hollywood more investment will come in so he will have more to put into his films.

Give the guy a break!

EDIT:

OMFG!!!

IT'S UWE BOLL!!! HE'S POSTING ON THE ZONE!!!

HIS BROKEN ENGLISH GIVES HIM AWAY!!!

And yet I still feel obligated to post this . . .

[papalazeru]

[quote= "Boll_KG"]Thank you Silentbobafett.

Boll spends alot of time over his films. He has work hard to produce quality films on the budget he is given. It takes time and effort of which he investes alot of it himself.

I think you guys are being overtly harsh on Uwe himself, he will come good. As he is only really starting to get his feet in Hollywood more investment will come in so he will have more to put into his films.

Give the guy a break!

And you are?

Who the hell are you?

Uwe hasn't produced one good film yet. He's an arrogant asshole doesn't even bother with anything. Lame-o scripts, Lame-o stories...I mean, he's let alot of game fans downs and for being a games player himself hes a bit of a tosser. I hope he doesn't end up doing Half Life.

OMFG!!! IT'S UWE BOLL!!! HE'S POSTING ON THE ZONE!!!

HIS BROKEN ENGLISH GIVES HIM AWAY!!!

And yet I still feel obligated to post this . . .

[/quote]

Too...funny.

Here's your fan club Uwe!

HERE ARE YOUR FANS....NOW GET LOST.

[thebostonlocksmith]

I know the whole boxing thing has probably been spoken of enough... But why did anyone agree to do it.. He wouldn't have even suggested it unless he was pretty tasty, and then he beats up some foolish nerds who thought 'I'm gonna have im!!'

What they should of done was figure out something that they were much better at then the Boll and then challenged him to that instead...

Like making a good film or something...

[papalazeru]

H'es an asshole. I'd kiss his ass. Stupid old Twat.

Can't make films so he comes in here trying to back it up....C.u.n.t!

Where's he gone? Come back....let us zoners show you who's boss.

[ONeillSG1]

It should have been a three tier affair.

One was of his choosing. The second was of his opponent's choosing. And the last would be chosen at random from a list of different events.

That's the only fair way.

BTW: I would have Mike Tyson's his @$$ in the first round.

[Boll_KG]

He chose those people becuase they insulted his film making skills.

Its not Uwe's fault man. They just couldn't back up their argument like men.

Hehehe!

In all fainess, it was just a publicity stunt but Uwe is strong, very stong. I wouldn't mess with the man.

[thebostonlocksmith]

It should have been a three tier affair.

Like a cake... hmmm?

I choose... Doughnut roulette (I've just thought of this!!!) you simply take a tray of doughnuts, the jam filled variety, and then take it in turns to eat a doughnut from the tray. of course it wouldn't be called roulette without some element of chance so.... We remove the jam from one doughnut and inject it with Diohorea...

[godzillasushi]

In all fainess, it was just a publicity stunt but Uwe is strong, very stong. I wouldn't mess with the man.

LMFAORN

[ONeillSG1]

He chose those people becuase they insulted his film making skills.

Its not Uwe's fault man. They just couldn't back up their argument like men.

Hehehe!

In all fainess, it was just a publicity stunt but Uwe is strong, very stong. I wouldn't mess with the man.

Strong it strong, but any man yields to a lead pipe to the back of his head. Which is still too good an ending for Mr. Boll.

EDIT:

But, I will give credit where credit is due: Kristianna Loken's boobies are magnificent.

[Boll_KG]

Come on man. Give him a break.

Could you at least modify your pole to allow people who like Uwe to vote, man?

I think his films are misunderstood. They are made to be cheap, entertaining and fun for everyone.

And that picture is too funny. He looks good in Jedi outfit.

[thebostonlocksmith]

And if someone had shown up that could actually box...?????

Dead little german...

[papalazeru]

Why do you keep saying man?

Its not the 80's you know, BOY!

You're grammar sucks as much as Uwe's films. The thread is entitled, UWE MUST BE STOPPED, not Uwe we want to suck your German Sausage now shut up and put up with the abuse.

Someone, release the Kirk!

[thebostonlocksmith]

It surely must be kirk??

[godzillasushi]

Someone, release the Kirk!

Be careful what you wish for

[papalazeru]

Its funny but Kirk has dissappeared...Hmmm......thats...odd....yet Boll is online?

Anyone?

[thebostonlocksmith]

Errrr...

Registered Users: Al_Shut, Bob Poopflingius Maximus, Boll_KG, burlivesleftnut, Chairman Kaga, Cpt Kirks 2pay

[Boll_KG]

Hey man Papalazeru.

Why so abusive? I just came here to post man. I happened to like Uwe's films and I know that he works really hard to do them.

And thebostonlocksmith, Donut Roulette. Thats funny, man.

All I am saying is that Uwe will get better I promise you. Just him a chance.

Postal and Far Cry will rock. Its hard to get funding for films about games unless billions of people are buying them. Hollywood will not go with it unless its a proven formula that will make money back. Its not his fault.

[Boll_KG]

This is the Postal website.

http://www.postal-the-movie.com/

Sorry. Don't know how to link man. Its going to be really really good.

[Cpt Kirks 2pay]

Some just told me to go here. What the Hell is going on? Why do you want me released? Why am I locked up for anyway? Ellen Page is over 18 after all. NOW RELEASE ME - TANGERINE!!! If you're not gonna play with Ellen in front of me, then RELEASE ME!!!!

To tell the truth, I know bugger all about Uwe Boll, so I can't comment on the guy, other than it ain't me who is Uwe. Are you Uwe? Thing is, why suspect any Zoner? Sometimes people in the industry actually come into this place for real, or the people themselves come into the forums for real, and I ain't talking about Elle Sommers top Non nude internet model in loads of porn forums either.

WOOOFFF!!!

[godzillasushi]

Errrr...

Registered Users: Al_Shut, Bob Poopflingius Maximus, Boll_KG, burlivesleftnut, Chairman Kaga, Cpt Kirks 2pay

But where are you when you took that???
And where was I???

[papalazeru]

Holy Shit! Its not Kirk!

Its the worlds only UWE fan!!! KILL HIM! STOP THE SALE OF HIS MOVIES.

Give him his dues, he's only been on the zone a few posts. I'll give you a change Bollunatic.

All I can say Boll_KG is check all over the internet and see IMBD's bottom 100 films. Boll is all over that shit.

[WinslowLeach]

"Modify your pole"

ILL MODIFY MY POLE!!!! I'LL MODIFY MY POLE IN YOUR SISTERS MOUTH!!

SPLURRRRRRRRRRRRT!

[papalazeru]

Check this out.

Thats proof enough to say that Boll is an asshole and, as the title says, 'Must be stopped'.

[thebostonlocksmith]

Donut man.

Must be American, take the spelling of Doughnut as exhibit A..

[thebostonlocksmith]

"makes me appreciate the inevitability of death.â€

[Retardo_Montalban]

Hey man Papalazeru.

All I am saying is that Uwe will get better I promise you. Just him a chance.

Postal and Far Cry will rock. Its hard to get funding for films about games unless billions of people are buying them. Hollywood will not go with it unless its a proven formula that will make money back. Its not his fault.

Yeah, the hollywood system sucks. You're basically saying that Boll is trying to be a financially secure with corporate-sponsored opinions hollywood director who panders to the masses. Even so, there are tons of talented financially secure with corporate-sponsored opinions directors (Ratner, Bay) who still manage to make entertaining, although meaningless movies. Even with a formula script, Boll films don't have the direction, don't have the acting (the actors are worse in a Boll film than a regular one), and definitely don't have the coherence of a typical film. I'm saying typical here. There are student films with better direction than a Boll film. If the guy is really serious about making good films, maybe he should forget about trying to make a full length commercial picture and do a few shorts. refine his craft, experiment, find a style that suits his tastes. People have every right to talk shit about Uwe Boll. Alot of people have wasted good money on his GOD awful movies.