Transformers

New movies! Old movies! B-movies! Discuss discuss discuss!!!

On a scale from 1 to 10, how many giant fucking robots would you rate Transformers...?

10...
16
16%
9...
13
13%
8...
14
14%
7...
10
10%
6...
5
5%
5...
6
6%
4...
5
5%
3...
9
9%
2...
2
2%
1...
4
4%
I'm waiting so I can watch it on my in-dash DVD player which is mounted in a car that DOESN'T transform into a Giant Fucking Robot...
0
No votes
GO-BOTS!!!
3
3%
DAMN YOU MICHAEL BAY!!!
12
12%
 
Total votes : 99

Postby tapehead on Tue Jul 03, 2007 6:43 pm

Zarles wrote:Anyone want to read a clearly biased review from some smarty-pants hipsters? Check this out -

http://www.avclub.com/content/cinema/transformers




Dear Lord, how I hate the AV Club. Buncha fucking drama club rejects.


Why go there? you could just read my review earlier in the thread.

bastard_robo wrote:BTW, did anyone else who saw this last night have the trailer for some new JJ ABRAMS produced filck? WTF IS IT.. I swear to god that trailer is the biggest cock tease in the history of film! DOSE ANYONE KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THE MOVIE IS???


We have a thread on Cloverfield, and Moriarty has mentioned it on the main site several times.

I rated Transformers a six, by the way.
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Postby Brocktune on Tue Jul 03, 2007 7:16 pm

buster00 wrote:I mean, yeah, some of the "funny" scenes were pretty groan-inducing, but overall, I thought it kicked ass.


well, there were a lot of cool things in there. but there was a lot more stuff that wasnt so cool.

the biggest problem for me (among many) was the product placement. now, before anyone castigates me about this, let me just say, that i am painfully aware of the irony in complaining about product placement in a movie that is based on a show that was designed specifically to sell a product in the first place. but that doesnt make it any better. this movie was the worst example of corporate eye rape i have ever volunteered for. even worse than the atrociously unfunny and insulting "Talladega Nights". i was actually thinking about going to see transformers a second time, with a pen and paper, so i could catalog the numerous commercials within the movie. yeah, when you pull that PANASONIC SD card out of your APPLE IBOOK, make sure to tilt it up just right so we get all of the product logos on screen and in focus. and when GWB asks for DING DONGS by name, that simply isnt good enough. we need a shot of a girl lovingly opening one out of it's trademark tin foil wrapper. immediately following that, we need a 40 second close-up shot of said DING DONG rolling across the floor. and not only does it roll, but the DING DONG is responsible for giving up the location of one of the bad guys. It was almost as bad as that heap of shit "Mission to Mars", where DR. PEPPER was the catalyst that launched act 1 into act 2, and M&M'S are responsible for launching act 2 into act 3.
look, i know it seems as if i am way more bothered by advertising in films than most, but i cant help it. im not some slack jawed rube who is just going to take it and enjoy it, like they must think we all are.

and it might have been just me, but for a 2 and a half hour movie called "TRANSFORMERS", it sure seemed as if the transformers themselves felt kind of tacked on. i mean did Megatron even speak more than 6 lines? and then the stuff we DID get with the transformers themselves (save some of the action sequenes) were complete garbage. yeah, we need a 20 minute scene where the autobots try to hide from spike's parents. real clever, geniuses.

and too many of the scenes were like that. i mean, was i the only one who swore that George Lucas simply HAD to have something to do with this movie, during the scene where Soundwave (presumably) tries to escape from the feds after the air force 1 debacle? uh, hello? jar-jar anyone? yeah, lets make him all goofy and comical, and give him some really stupid sounding voice. thats gonna be awesome. it was beyond lame.

and although many of the action scenes were exciting, i felt they were horribly shot. I'm sick to fucking death of the shaky battle cam. for the entire final battle sequence, i was cursing michael bay for being the worst director on earth. the ONE thing that he supposedly does well, the action scene, he doesn't do well. i think of michael bay as the hollywood version of one of the four friends in DeSade's "120 Days of Sodom". It's like between the ridiculously decadent budget, and the disgusting pandering, and the unacceptable solicitation of goods, any of us who paid to see this movie have become the children that the Duc systematically sodomized and defiled in said tome.

you know, there is a reason that Busby Berkely only directed the musical numbers in Footlight Parade, and Gold Diggers of 1933. Perhaps hollywood should start thinking of Bay as the action equivalent of Berkely, and start hiring him ONLY for action sequences, and then have him sit his stupid ass the fuck down when he is done, so he doesnt ruin whatever film he is working on completely.

i dont know, there was just too much stupid and insulting stuff to even look upon the good stuff favorably. like whoever the kid was that played Spike... he was really good. in fact, i thought to myself, "wow, he is doing a great job in making this a very believable character. excellent wor...." and then my praise bearing train of thought was completely derailed by like the 14th fucking plug for EBAY.

and it's not that i can't appreciate "popcorn fare" by any means. quite the contrary. when it's done right, i love it. trouble is, TRANSFORMERS just wasn't done right at all. and the fact that anyone on this planet could actually think of that movie as a 10 makes everything that i have said here a complete waste of time.

sorry if i come across a little pissed. i just thought that movie was a steaming bowl of elephant piss, and i feel like im living in bizzarro world, with all of the unwarranted positivity this movie is garnering. i grew up on that cartoon. i fucking ate, slept, and breathed transformers. michael bay, you have indeed raped my childhood. but, was there ever any real doubt about that. the one im the most pissed at is myself for hanging onto hope.
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Postby Chairman Kaga on Tue Jul 03, 2007 7:25 pm

Brocktune wrote:the biggest problem for me (among many).

I believe you are seriously stretching the concept of "many".
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Postby Brocktune on Tue Jul 03, 2007 7:31 pm

you mean to say that i didnt have many problems with the film, or that you just disagree with me about what many of these problems were?
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Postby Chairman Kaga on Tue Jul 03, 2007 7:33 pm

Brocktune wrote:you mean to say that i didnt have many problems with the film, or that you just disagree with me about what many of these problems were?

I thought your statement was that you were amongst many people angry with the film....The "many" referring to enraged fans rather than the many referring to your problems with the film. So if you meant the later then....um......Look over there!
(runs away)
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Postby Leckomaniac on Tue Jul 03, 2007 7:34 pm

Chairman Kaga wrote:
Brocktune wrote:the biggest problem for me (among many).

I believe you are seriously stretching the concept of "many".


Well I think that, from what I read, it seriously stood out to people (I mean how could it not!). I think that how much it bothered people varied, but I am fairly certain that at some level it irked people a bit.

So while I do agree that Brock may be stretching it when he says that the product placement was the BIGGEST problem for many...I do not think it is a stretch to say that the product placement WAS a problem for many...how big of a problem depends on the person. For me, I didn't like the product placement, but being that it was Michael Bay I expected as much. Perhaps that was how they were able to keep the costs so low (I mean $150 budget? that strikes me as LOW)...so I assume it is a necessary evil, but I don't have to like it.
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Postby Brocktune on Tue Jul 03, 2007 7:35 pm

yeah, i meant among many problems i had with the film, not that there were many who felt the same way.

sorry for the obtuseness.
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Postby doglips on Tue Jul 03, 2007 7:46 pm

TonyWilson wrote:
Brocktune wrote:well, i was going to post a review of Transformers, but upon clicking the link, and finding that this movie has already received seven "10" rankings, i really dont see the fucking point.

the movie sucked.



Shit. I was waiting for your reaction.


We have to go and see this together now, Tony.
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Postby tapehead on Tue Jul 03, 2007 7:51 pm

re: product placement - the US Army was the most obvious and annoying for me.
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Postby godzillasushi on Tue Jul 03, 2007 7:56 pm

Let me start off by saying that as a fan I was dissapointed. As a common movie-goer I enjoyed it quite a bit.

Here's the main thing. Maybe it was the script, not Michael Bay, but these are the Autobots and they are able to battle the Decepticons on their own. I realize when you are trying to ground a movie about robots in reality you need to at least make it credible. But maybe the screenwriters don't understand Optimus Prime and the Autobots that well. See, they know everything. They figure it out. The humans are part of their story, not the other way around. So when the humans explain what is going on, im thinking "Hey, Ratchet is like 20 times smarter then they are, why doesn't he say anything?"

This movie is frustrating because we don't care about the humans. Period. We care about Sam and Mikaela, of course, but not everyone else. We care about the robots. I don't care about the Secretary of Defense and what he thinks. I also don't care about the army guys. Sure they can be there. And im not hating on our armed forces. But I don't care what happens to them in this movie. I care about Jazz. I didn't need the focus on the military. I don't need their perspective of everything. You know why? Because thats what the Autobots are for. The Autobots take care of business.

Spoilers

Im unhappy that Optimus, our hero, needed the help of the US military to defeat Megatron. Im unhappy that Brawl jumped in for about 2 minutes of fighting. Im unhappy that Megatron got one line with Starscream about him letting Megs down. These are the characters we want to see. And we see them a lot, but do they talk? No, because we need the "sec def" to tell us the plot. See, the alien robots aren't very good story tellers appearantly. Oh and "Lets take the cube into the city, theres tons of people there." Great idea moron.

End Spoilers

And of course, we hardly get Bonecrusher. He has one tiny fight.

How can you have a movie about giant robots that turn INTO CARS and yet..........THERE IS NO CAR CHASE. Isn't that silly. We get the giant battle of pointlessness in the city, but no car chase.

Had Michael Bay not done this movie, we probably would have had less military which would have been nice.

Look, there is going to be a second one. The end of the movie gave me great hope. Optimus's end lines were fantastic. It makes me excited to see a movie where we won't need a bunch of background info, how they get there, etc. We wont need military guys, or the "sec def" or any of that hackers crap. I mean, Shia is really awesome in this movie. And so is Megan Fox. If I had a movie with them and the Autobots I would be happy. Give these robots more lines. Put faith into the CGI dudes. Make the sequel based more around them. Put money into the robot storytelling. Don't pay Jon Voight and instead used the money to put Optimus in more scenes or something. All I know is that whether the army and government guys lived or died wasn't important to me. Sam and the Autobots are the only thing I give a crap about.

That said, the movie is still solid. It's a movie that if you're a fan you have to remove yourself from that. That's how I was able to enjoy it. I kept 1986 in the back of my mind. I left that there. I came into this just hoping Michael Bay would make something worthwhile. It's seriously his best movie. I dunno if that's saying much, but it is. You must not imagine this as a live action episode of the cartoon. Otherwise you won't like it.

And FOR ALL THAT IS HOLY PLEASE MAKE STARSCREAM A BIG EVIL PART.

By the way, say what you want but one of the best choices they made was putting Peter Cullen in there as the voice. Really great stuff there.

And most of the humor worked for me too. Sam's parents were nice. Someone should punch Anthony Anderson in the neck though.

I hope that Bay doesn't get the sequel.

And my theatre cheered after it ended, kinda cool. I should add that I have never seen a sold out show at 11 AM on a Tuesday morning.

Now if you'll excuse me, im off to buy a Panasonic Memory Chip. :roll:
Last edited by godzillasushi on Tue Jul 03, 2007 8:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Keepcoolbutcare on Tue Jul 03, 2007 8:00 pm

Zarles wrote:Anyone want to read a clearly biased review from some smarty-pants hipsters? Check this out -

http://www.avclub.com/content/cinema/transformers


oh man, if you loathed that review, stay away from this one, less your eyeballs start bleeding out...

http://www.villagevoice.com/film/0727,lee,77117,20.html

Zarles wrote: Scott 'Hang 'Em High' Halloran's review on BoxOfficeMojo. What a joy he must be to hang out with. Does he like anything? At all?

http://boxofficemojo.com/reviews/?id=2348&p=.htm


great, now my ocular cavities are weeping blood all over my keyboard.

stabbing him in the heart with a rusty screwdriver would be too good for him. Hate, hate, hate that man with a fiery passion...
Personally, I'm an atheist in the voting booth and a theist in the movie theatre. I separate the morality of religion with the spirituality and solace of it. There is something boring about atheism.
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Postby Brocktune on Tue Jul 03, 2007 8:06 pm

Keepcoolbutcare wrote:
Zarles wrote:Anyon e want to read a clearly biased review from some smarty-pants hipsters? Check this out -

http://www.avclub.com/content/cinema/transformers


oh man, if you loathed that review, stay away from this one, less your eyeballs start bleeding out...

http://www.villagevoice.com/film/0727,lee,77117,20.html

Zarles wrote: Scott 'Hang 'Em High' Halloran's review on BoxOfficeMojo. What a joy he must be to hang out with. Does he like anything? At all?

http://boxofficemojo.com/reviews/?id=2348&p=.htm


great, now my ocular cavities are weeping blood all over my keyboard.

stabbing him in the heart with a rusty screwdriver would be too good for him. Hate, hate, hate that man with a fiery passion...


both excellent reviews.
thank you.
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Postby TonyWilson on Tue Jul 03, 2007 8:13 pm

doglips wrote:
TonyWilson wrote:
Brocktune wrote:well, i was going to post a review of Transformers, but upon clicking the link, and finding that this movie has already received seven "10" rankings, i really dont see the fucking point.

the movie sucked.



Shit. I was waiting for your reaction.


We have to go and see this together now, Tony.


It's a deal.
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Postby Cpt Kirks 2pay on Tue Jul 03, 2007 8:16 pm

TonyWilson wrote:
doglips wrote:
TonyWilson wrote:
Brocktune wrote:well, i was going to post a review of Transformers, but upon clicking the link, and finding that this movie has already received seven "10" rankings, i really dont see the fucking point.

the movie sucked.



Shit. I was waiting for your reaction.


We have to go and see this together now, Tony.


It's a deal.


No it's NOT!



















It's what you call a 'date'!
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Postby Chairman Kaga on Tue Jul 03, 2007 9:05 pm

I disagree with alot of godzillasushi's take on the humans aside from Shia and Megan.
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Postby TonyWilson on Tue Jul 03, 2007 9:13 pm

Vern's review says it's fairly shitastic too. All the hope I had from Mori's review has drained away.
Elitism is positing that your taste is equivalent to quality, you hate "Hamlet" does it make it "bad"? If you think so, you're one elite motherfucker.
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Postby Brocktune on Tue Jul 03, 2007 9:14 pm

i cant believe mori liked it. ive gotta read that.
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Postby Chairman Kaga on Tue Jul 03, 2007 9:21 pm

TonyWilson wrote:Vern's review says it's fairly shitastic too. All the hope I had from Mori's review has drained away.

No offense to you Tony or others here but do folks in the Zone generally hang on these reviews (meaning reviews on the main site)? I must be in the minority there.
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Postby burlivesleftnut on Tue Jul 03, 2007 9:41 pm

It's just another point of view. I don't think anyone "hangs" on them.
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Postby Chairman Kaga on Tue Jul 03, 2007 9:58 pm

burlivesleftnut wrote:It's just another point of view. I don't think anyone "hangs" on them.
I meant something more along the lines of.....Do the reviews on AICN carry more weight for you than just general reviews or word of mouth etc..
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Postby ONeillSG1 on Tue Jul 03, 2007 10:05 pm

Brocktune wrote:well, i was going to post a review of Transformers, but upon clicking the link, and finding that this movie has already received seven "10" rankings, i really dont see the fucking point.

the movie sucked.


Explain.

What was lacking? The film had EVERYTHING!
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Postby Brocktune on Tue Jul 03, 2007 10:21 pm

ONeillSG1 wrote:
Brocktune wrote:well, i was going to post a review of Transformers, but upon clicking the link, and finding that this movie has already received seven "10" rankings, i really dont see the fucking point.

the movie sucked.


Explain.

What was lacking? The film had EVERYTHING!


*ahem*
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Postby ONeillSG1 on Tue Jul 03, 2007 10:26 pm

Brocktune wrote:
ONeillSG1 wrote:
Brocktune wrote:well, i was going to post a review of Transformers, but upon clicking the link, and finding that this movie has already received seven "10" rankings, i really dont see the fucking point.

the movie sucked.


Explain.

What was lacking? The film had EVERYTHING!


*ahem*


Sorry, I try to look forward in life as much as possible. Thanks though, I'm going to read it in a bit.
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Postby Zarles on Tue Jul 03, 2007 10:34 pm

You must not imagine this as a live action episode of the cartoon. Otherwise you won't like it.


See, I think the opposite. To me, it felt exactly like an episode of the show. Beginning, middle, and end. Optimus Prime even opened and closed it with some cheesy voiceovers, for chrissakes.

I disagree with a lot of the negative reviews, (especially Vern's - he has a few points, but he's crowned himself King of the Nitpickers with that one) but that's cool. I wasn't expecting it to be The Godfather, just some big smashy-smashy action in time for summer. I got exactly what I wanted.

And the Mountain Dew vending machine Transformer STILL owns all your asses.
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Postby ONeillSG1 on Tue Jul 03, 2007 10:38 pm

Zarles wrote:
You must not imagine this as a live action episode of the cartoon. Otherwise you won't like it.


See, I think the opposite. To me, it felt exactly like an episode of the show. Beginning, middle, and end. Optimus Prime even opened and closed it with some cheesy voiceovers, for chrissakes.

I disagree with a lot of the negative reviews, (especially Vern's - he has a few points, but he's crowned himself King of the Nitpickers with that one) but that's cool. I wasn't expecting it to be The Godfather, just some big smashy-smashy action in time for summer. I got exactly what I wanted.


Could not agree more. Everyone who gave it a negative review either hate Michael Bay or expected the second coming of Christ.

It was Transformers, from minute one to the ending credits. Like I said before, this is an over-the-top property and Michael Bay is an over-the-top director. Perfect match.

Come on, you really can't imagine anyone else (other than Steven himself) doing this, can you?

And the Mountain Dew vending machine Transformer STILL owns all your asses.


I'd watch out for the Nokia Transformer.

BTW: Did they all come out as Decepticons when they were infused with the All-Spark radiation? Wouldn't Bumblebee's touching of the All-Spark have it adapt to a Autobot's disposition, and therefore create more Autobots?

Oh well.
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Postby bluebottle on Tue Jul 03, 2007 10:42 pm

Fuckin' loved it. What a blast from beginning to end.

Michael Bay should never be allowed to make a film of substance, he should only be allowed to make giant fuck-off robot films because this was entertaining as hell.
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Postby Zarles on Tue Jul 03, 2007 10:57 pm

Could not agree more. Everyone who gave it a negative review either hate Michael Bay or expected the second coming of Christ.


Yup. Like I said, a good portion of the negative reviews are either biased or (as Dennis said) coming from a place that's not really even interested in the movie to begin with.

It was Transformers, from minute one to the ending credits. Like I said before, this is an over-the-top property and Michael Bay is an over-the-top director. Perfect match.

Come on, you really can't imagine anyone else (other than Steven himself) doing this, can you?


I thought the same thing. A lot of the sequences had Spielberg camera movements all over them - the 'hiding from the parents' one in particular. I would've loved to have seen Steven do it, (he really should do some sort of superhero flick sometime) but for what it truly needed to be, Bay was the proper choice.
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Postby thebabypanda on Tue Jul 03, 2007 11:05 pm

godzillasushi wrote:Let me start off by saying that as a fan I was dissapointed. As a common movie-goer I enjoyed it quite a bit.

Here's the main thing. Maybe it was the script, not Michael Bay, but these are the Autobots and they are able to battle the Decepticons on their own. I realize when you are trying to ground a movie about robots in reality you need to at least make it credible. But maybe the screenwriters don't understand Optimus Prime and the Autobots that well. See, they know everything. They figure it out. The humans are part of their story, not the other way around. So when the humans explain what is going on, im thinking "Hey, Ratchet is like 20 times smarter then they are, why doesn't he say anything?"

This movie is frustrating because we don't care about the humans. Period. We care about Sam and Mikaela, of course, but not everyone else. We care about the robots. I don't care about the Secretary of Defense and what he thinks. I also don't care about the army guys. Sure they can be there. And im not hating on our armed forces. But I don't care what happens to them in this movie. I care about Jazz. I didn't need the focus on the military. I don't need their perspective of everything. You know why? Because thats what the Autobots are for. The Autobots take care of business.

Spoilers

Im unhappy that Optimus, our hero, needed the help of the US military to defeat Megatron. Im unhappy that Brawl jumped in for about 2 minutes of fighting. Im unhappy that Megatron got one line with Starscream about him letting Megs down. These are the characters we want to see. And we see them a lot, but do they talk? No, because we need the "sec def" to tell us the plot. See, the alien robots aren't very good story tellers appearantly. Oh and "Lets take the cube into the city, theres tons of people there." Great idea moron.

End Spoilers

And of course, we hardly get Bonecrusher. He has one tiny fight.

How can you have a movie about giant robots that turn INTO CARS and yet..........THERE IS NO CAR CHASE. Isn't that silly. We get the giant battle of pointlessness in the city, but no car chase.

Had Michael Bay not done this movie, we probably would have had less military which would have been nice.

Look, there is going to be a second one. The end of the movie gave me great hope. Optimus's end lines were fantastic. It makes me excited to see a movie where we won't need a bunch of background info, how they get there, etc. We wont need military guys, or the "sec def" or any of that hackers crap. I mean, Shia is really awesome in this movie. And so is Megan Fox. If I had a movie with them and the Autobots I would be happy. Give these robots more lines. Put faith into the CGI dudes. Make the sequel based more around them. Put money into the robot storytelling. Don't pay Jon Voight and instead used the money to put Optimus in more scenes or something. All I know is that whether the army and government guys lived or died wasn't important to me. Sam and the Autobots are the only thing I give a crap about.

That said, the movie is still solid. It's a movie that if you're a fan you have to remove yourself from that. That's how I was able to enjoy it. I kept 1986 in the back of my mind. I left that there. I came into this just hoping Michael Bay would make something worthwhile. It's seriously his best movie. I dunno if that's saying much, but it is. You must not imagine this as a live action episode of the cartoon. Otherwise you won't like it.

And FOR ALL THAT IS HOLY PLEASE MAKE STARSCREAM A BIG EVIL PART.

By the way, say what you want but one of the best choices they made was putting Peter Cullen in there as the voice. Really great stuff there.

And most of the humor worked for me too. Sam's parents were nice. Someone should punch Anthony Anderson in the neck though.

I hope that Bay doesn't get the sequel.

And my theatre cheered after it ended, kinda cool. I should add that I have never seen a sold out show at 11 AM on a Tuesday morning.

Now if you'll excuse me, im off to buy a Panasonic Memory Chip. :roll:


!jesus christo gojirasushi! !bravo my man!


"Hey, Ratchet is like 20 times smarter then they are, why doesn't he say anything?"

And im not hating on our armed forces. I care about Jazz.

"Lets take the cube into the city, theres tons of people there."
Great idea moron.

Had Michael Bay not done this movie, we probably would have had less military which would have been nice. aren't the autobots a military force enough on their own to battle any evil interlopers to earth?

Look, there is going to be a second one. It makes me excited to see a movie where we won't need a bunch of background info; Sam and the Autobots are the only thing I give a crap about. Make the sequel based more around them. Put money into the robot storytelling. Don't pay Jon Voight.

FOR ALL THAT IS HOLY PLEASE MAKE STARSCREAM A BIG EVIL PART.


you hit it all. more robots, pseudo animated feature for the sequel.
I think keep shia, megan, anthony, hot aussie, and the autobot plus decepticons, you got a popcorn fiasco.
Add (hot chick) ________ as anthony's girlfriend and voila! i'd like to see starscream come back with the constructicons, yeah!
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Postby Zarles on Tue Jul 03, 2007 11:42 pm

Constructicons? Okay, but I'd much rather have the Dinobots. Seeing Swoop fly 4REALZ in my lifetime would be an absolute gift.
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Postby bamf on Tue Jul 03, 2007 11:46 pm

Zarles wrote:Constructicons? Okay, but I'd much rather have the Dinobots. Seeing Swoop fly 4REALZ in my lifetime would be an absolute gift.


That takes me back to the Care Bear stare. oh god...no
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Postby Terminator on Wed Jul 04, 2007 12:12 am

Copying what I said on Flixster..

What can I say about this movie? It's..a great license trapped in a Michael Bay universe.

First off, the Transformers themselves are great (except Frenzy who I could have sworn was in TMNT). When they speak and fight it's fantastic although there's some awful dialog for Barricade as he rattles on about eBay. And Michael Bay's editing doesn't help things. Sometimes you'll see parts and bits colliding and you have no idea who is who or which is an Autobot or a Decepticon. It also suffers from the typical slow mo shots, swearing (Seriously, this isn't need), rock music interrupting the score, and the score itself which thinks it's watching Batman Begins.

And perhaps the worst thing of all is the absolutely AWFUL "comedy". People were laughing and I can't for the life of me understand why. There was nothing funny. At. All. I mean seriously. If you took away the robots and you had these lines in a comedy film it would make Norbit look like the Life of Brian. Still it got an ovation at the end. Maybe they were happy it was over?

- I'm going to see Die Hard again tomorrow. Yeah, spend your money on that.
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Postby godzillasushi on Wed Jul 04, 2007 1:39 am

Chairman Kaga wrote:I disagree with alot of godzillasushi's take on the humans aside from Shia and Megan.


Well, they are just a bunch of government cardboard cutouts to me. Space fillers of uselessness. I just didn't need them. You have the same exact picture regardless of if they are there or not. Josh Duhamel is pretty good and everything. But why do I care what he thinks or how he fights? That's what the robots are for.
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Postby Pacino86845 on Wed Jul 04, 2007 3:45 am

Zarles wrote:
Could not agree more. Everyone who gave it a negative review either hate Michael Bay or expected the second coming of Christ.


Yup. Like I said, a good portion of the negative reviews are either biased or (as Dennis said) coming from a place that's not really even interested in the movie to begin with.


Or maybe the movie just sucks? Vern PWNTs Transformers
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Postby TonyWilson on Wed Jul 04, 2007 5:15 am

Chairman Kaga wrote:
TonyWilson wrote:Vern's review says it's fairly shitastic too. All the hope I had from Mori's review has drained away.

No offense to you Tony or others here but do folks in the Zone generally hang on these reviews (meaning reviews on the main site)? I must be in the minority there.


No offence taken. I look at lots of reviews for films that I'm unsure about going to see. And with Transformers I'm finding myself scouring scores of reviews to see if it sounds actually good or just "good" in a turn your brain off and become a hypnotised chimp for 120 minutes (i'm not saying that's the only way to enjoy this films but it's the only possible way I can imagine people enjoying some other blockbuster crap that we get). I've found Moriarty to be a good barometer when it comes to big blockbuster movies, in other types of films I have very different opinions to Mori. Having said that I was waiting for Vern's review more than most others because I agree with pretty much every point he puts across in his reviews or essays.
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Postby Nordling on Wed Jul 04, 2007 6:55 am

I had a frigging blast. Sorry if others didn't... wait, no I'm not, because I don't know you, and am glad you had a miserable time, and I wish to collect your misery in liquid form and masturbate with it.

But yeah, really really enjoyed this. First summer film to give me the goods. There's no way in hell it'll wind up on a top 10 list of the year or anything, but I was satisfied.
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Transformers! Giant Farking Review Thread! (SPOILERS)

Postby bastard_robo on Wed Jul 04, 2007 8:06 am

Watched it again earlier. Every show was sold out for the night.

The crowed in general laughed at all of the "HIP" fucking jokes in the movie, but that stuff still dosnt bother me.

upon second viewing, the movie held up very well for me. Im still a little ticked on the minor use of the decepticons, but the end fight maks up for a lot of it. Its a transformers movie, and has a good vibe just like the tv show did.
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Postby Zarles on Wed Jul 04, 2007 8:29 am

Pacino86845 wrote:
Zarles wrote:
Could not agree more. Everyone who gave it a negative review either hate Michael Bay or expected the second coming of Christ.


Yup. Like I said, a good portion of the negative reviews are either biased or (as Dennis said) coming from a place that's not really even interested in the movie to begin with.


Or maybe the movie just sucks? Vern PWNTs Transformers


Sorry, but preaching to the choir by posting a 27-paragraph negative review out there in TINO-Land doesn't do jack shit for me. Vern plays to the cheap seats, and if there weren't 12-year-old boys out there that automatically start playing with themselves the minute his name is mentioned, you'd never hear of him.

Vern will get my respect when he learns to write a review that doesn't come off like an ADD-fueled jackhammer to the head. Oh, and also when he learns how to spell 'web sight'.
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Postby unikrunk on Wed Jul 04, 2007 8:45 am

Lord Voldemoo wrote:
so sorry wrote:
unikrunk wrote:I got back from a viewing about an hour ago, still trying too process it all - have a slight headache.

I need a day or two to let this settle before I review.


Jeez, thanks for popping in and telling us NOTHING!

It's not like you're reviewing Schindler's List...

Come on Krunk, give me a one line quickie review will ya?


No doubt! The headache thing could be a bad sign, but not necessarily with this flick...at least give us a thumbs up or down you gentleman!


Okay, it’s certainly a thumbs up, not sure how many yet – I need a second viewing with my crew. I watched it alone in the theater; there was maybe two other geeks in there with me. It was quiet in the theater (not the movie, the ‘audience’), so that played weird. I was cheering a few segments, and then hushed myself because, well, I was a guy sitting in a nigh empty theater yelling to himself.

Now, the last paragraph may seem like pointless ‘scene setting’ Grande Rojo review stuff; it’s not. The lack of shared experience makes this particular movie a slippery fish to hold. I wish I had seen it in a theater packed with people, and could have been swept up in a collective transformers high. Being alone means I have been trying to approach the material cerebrally for two days. And this is visceral stuff. Not a good combo in my brain. The headache was caused by the movie, but only because I was straining so hard to catch every moment and detail of the transformers, whether still or moving or transforming, I wanted to see every bit, and came away like I had been staring at the sun for an hour.

The Awesome – The Autobots, Sam and his Family, including the drug addicted Mojo. It felt very Spielberg; natural and funny and not afraid to be a little silly. Spielberg nailed the Autobots down perfectly, IMO.

More Awesome – the F/X – I have never seen that much stuff blow up, transform, and just go batshit crazy.

The not so awesome, but pretty good – the story – it was a transformers toon come to life. What more can you want or expect. It’s the transformers; they are not going hard ‘R’.

And then there is this gulf, a giant chasm between the above, and…




Sector Seven. Ruinous. Look, I know it is a movie about toys, but come the fuck on. If these guys are some super-secret he-man club that has secretly been retro engineering a carbon based ET, and all of our technology comes from them, should their agents not be bad-asses? They should. And they were fucking ridiculous. All of them, not just >cough< Tuturo. They make Sector Seven out to be this serious thing, and then someone just forgot, I suppose, and they are played out like security guards that tried to be cops but failed.

And a little lower on this ladder is the US military. OVER USED. If they had cut half of the panning shots of dudes getting into and out of planes, they could have devoted a little more time to the actual story that was interesting – Sam.

Now this is neither here nor there; I was confused by a couple things, and I am not sure if I missed something, or if there is a some Swiss-cheese plot happening. The All-Spark. It’s like GE, only in reverse; it brings bad things to life. I did not get that. Why did the Mountain Dew bot have to be crazy evil? He could have given everyone a cold beverage to hold them over during a long fire-fight. The cell-phone…turns into the thing from Wrath of Kahn? But I digress.

The All Spark is supposed to make life and heal life. It healed Bumblebee’s voice. Why the hell would it kill Megaton if shoved in his chest? Would he not become Mega-megatron? Supertron? And as soon as he hits the ground, the Decpticons are just…gone. National security melt down, but, let’s forget about all that, and roll out. Queue sequel statement from Optimus, and hit the credits.

Like I said, I am not sure where this fits on the unikrunk scale of goodness; right now it is hovering at a 6.5 out of 10 thumbs, but after I see it with other humans, that may go up a thumb or so.
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Postby Seppuku on Wed Jul 04, 2007 8:56 am

unikrunk wrote:Like I said, I am not sure where this fits on the unikrunk scale of goodness; right now it is hovering at a 6.5 out of 10 thumbs, but after I see it with other humans, that may go up a thumb or so.


How can I trust a review from someone who collects people's thumbs like other people collect Micro Machines and Transformers toys? Wait, that sounds like just my kind of reviewer.

Nicely done, Krunky!
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Postby King Psyz on Wed Jul 04, 2007 9:05 am

So I walked into the movie last night a little worried afer Brocktune's review and a few of the other negative comments.

Then I saw a completely different movie than they did...

I noticed a lot of the negative reviews and comments all came from a place that hates Michael Bay, or who thinks that giant blocky robots were the ONLY way to go. I personally couldn't care for Michael Bay one way or the other. I like the Rock and the Bad Boys movies to me are the so bad it's good variety. But I also think a lot of so called "good" directors are completely self centered jackoffs.

I'm one of those people who don't think the Life Aquatic or Rushmore where anything fantastic. They just didn't appeal to me. But there's many movies out there I do love so it's not like I'm all about the popcorn movies or turning off your brain either. I like to think about a movie, but when you have to think on it so hard it pulls you out of the immersion of letting yourself go for a two hour ride through a story, then I become disinterested.

To the movie itself, let me prefrence this by saying I consider myself a pretty hardcore transformers fan. From day one I was hooked on this franchise, and while I haven't always enjoyed the changes through the years, I understand that's the nature of the francise.

To me this film felt 100% like a transformers movie. None of this TINO wank off bull shit you see the fan boys bantering about, moreso when they hadn't seen the movie yet. I thought the comic relief worked very well and made the jarring action sequences that much better. I also thought the story movied along well, and I understand what they were building here. This is very much an orgin story, not so much any one character's orgin, but moreso the orgin of the mythos or world they're building with this first movie.

I also don't know what everyone means about Megatron not being all that prominent or what not. But I thought they built him up well, and the screen time with him delivered. I figured out him quickly. He is not one to let a little being frozen for 80 years distract him from the fact Starscream is still dropping the ball and probablly thinking why it took the autobots and some puny humans to get the all spark out in the open. We also see that the autobots very much fear him and we see why quickly. My only real gripe is more in general with hollywood movies feeling they need to kill off a villan instead of letting him slither away to annoy our heroes another day. I can only hope the all spark regenerates megatron and if not, maybe we get Galvatron down the road.

I also understood the angle of it being from the humans perspective. I tried to think what they could have done to be able to bring us more decepticons and their personalities, and really, without making this a giant cartoon like the latest star wars movies became there was no way to make it happen.

Also keep in mind they left Starscream alive and obstensibly going for backup. Also opening up the arrival of more autobots was pretty inspired, and very much felt like something out of the G1 series.

I think we'll see a lot more on the decepticon side of things this next time around and look forward to who comes down for the autobots. I still don't understand why they called Brawl "Devestator" when even the toy of the tank calls him Brawl unless they swapped it out now.

All in all, I think those that didn't like it went into the movie not wantng to like it and anyone who's seen the official site, or read the talkbacks in the last year know there's plently of those people out there. I wasn't annoyed or distracted by the product placement as much as some, maybe the fact that it wasn't as blatant as other movies in the past have been but that it's also a neccesarry evil in movies now and I never felt like they moved away form stoy to schill at any point.

I give it a solid 8 out of 10 and am already waiting for number two.
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Postby unikrunk on Wed Jul 04, 2007 9:25 am

@Psyz - did you get the bit with the All-Spark making everything evil? Was it explained, and I missed it?
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Postby Zarles on Wed Jul 04, 2007 9:31 am

Here's the wiki on the Allspark - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allspark. Doesn't say much, but maybe there's a clue somewhere. Didn't think about it too much in the movie, but I guess you have a point.

Even better - here's the Transformers Wiki page on the Allspark - http://transformers.wikia.com/wiki/Allspark

Nice review, Psyz.
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Postby ThisIsTheGirl on Wed Jul 04, 2007 9:32 am

I'm not at all fazed by Vern's review - at least he was good enough to admit that he hates Bay from the get-go, which allowed me to instantly excuse most of his criticisms. It would've been better he'd explained exactly what his Bay-loving friend didn't like about it, but that will have to remain a mystery.

I was more distressed to read Brocktune's thoughts tbh. But then I read Bluebottle's post, and my hopes were re-raised. I think this one is gonna be the geek-polarising movie of the year. This year's Superman Returns, maybe....
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Postby King Psyz on Wed Jul 04, 2007 9:38 am

@uni: I think I did. It's not that it made everything evil. I think it made war machines (and if they go further back into the mythos of transformers, the transformers were originially sold to other worlds as war machines or servents by their creators). At the same time Optimus never considered keeping it or saving it, he put it out there before Starscream showed up that it must be destroyed because it will be used to create an evil army of decepticons.

I was a little thrown when after telling Sam to destroy the allspark by Optimus, that afterwards he casually throws it out there "well now that the allspark is destroyed we can no longer rebuild cybertron". I thought that was kinda dickish. I mean the kid just saved the day and you told him that as a side affect, he pretty much doomed an entire species to extinction... But maybe only the audince caught that.

I do hope that they go down a "enough energon could be used to fix cybertron" route like in the old cartoon.
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Postby unikrunk on Wed Jul 04, 2007 9:51 am

Okay, that makes sense. And I assume Autobots are war machines that gained a consciousness of peace - they are the renaissance transformers, for lack of a better term.
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Postby Evil Hobbit on Wed Jul 04, 2007 11:11 am

I'll keep it short: 8

edit:

1) I hate linkin park.
2) I hated the interviews in the end credits.
3) I love the hotness of Megan Fox.
4) I love the rest of the film.
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Postby Chairman Kaga on Wed Jul 04, 2007 11:56 am

unikrunk wrote:@Psyz - did you get the bit with the All-Spark making everything evil? Was it explained, and I missed it?

I was under the impression it just made things rudimentary/primal life (life being autonomous robots) as if the natural state of a new species is to be violent to survive. Thus the Autobots are more evolved in a way than the Decepticons because they go against their basic nature.
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Postby King Psyz on Wed Jul 04, 2007 1:30 pm

Chairman Kaga wrote:
unikrunk wrote:@Psyz - did you get the bit with the All-Spark making everything evil? Was it explained, and I missed it?

I was under the impression it just made things rudimentary/primal life (life being autonomous robots) as if the natural state of a new species is to be violent to survive. Thus the Autobots are more evolved in a way than the Decepticons because they go against their basic nature.


OK, you said it better than me. I really hope that Barricade made it out alive sans Frenzy. I want to see more of him. I would also like to see maybe their faces tweaked a little to take away from the "noise" as they further "adapt" AKA the animators listened to people who couldn't read all their great facial work in a mess of harsh lines.

I mean the Autobots had better faces than I expected, where aside from Brawn/Devestator & Starscream for the decpeticons their faces were kind of a mess.
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Postby burlivesleftnut on Wed Jul 04, 2007 11:25 pm

christ, that movie was Dumbledore. all the sector seven bullshit should have been excised. the fights should have been clearer. the decepticon major players should have been introduced earlier. the designs of the robots sucks like your mom.

And what was the point of "I wanna stay with my homo Sam, plz" when all of the Autobots stayed? And during the end threeway between Sam, Mikaela and Bumblebee, what was used to generate power for the huge lightbulbs on that tree out in the middle of no where? What did Megatron transform into? Was that something that he copied way back in 1847? And once again Starscream gets the short end. Do you think he was thinking, "OMFG I CHOSE THE PLANE FIRST!" If the Autobots KNEW Bumble was mute, then why send him first? Why not send an Autobot that can talk? What human emotion caused Mikaela to stop in the alley and then turn around to look at Bumblebee? I couldn't tell if it was exhaustion or sorrow. The cartoon characters from the original show acted better than John Tuturro.

Meh.

I could go on and probably will later. The movie did get a couple of things right. I liked Optimus, but couldn't tell what he was doing half the time. I just wish the other robots had more to do.
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Postby bamf on Thu Jul 05, 2007 12:35 am

Jacker
I was back at the Arclight for a screening of Rescue Dawn (review should be up in a few days) and was able to get some much better shots then I had opening night. Enjoy!

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