Transformers

[Fawst]

Does Vampirella really need any kind of acting chops? She just needs to fill out a V-shaped red bikini with a wide collar. And thigh high black leather boots.

Fuck you, Dino. Now I can't concentrate on work.

[Zarles]

I didn't hate Megan in the movie. I REALLY didn't hate her when she was bent over Bumblebee's engine, but her acting wasn't really all that bad to me. She ain't Meryl, but she did what she had to do.

Yay! I'm a stunt cock!

:: buys red, white and blue leather jumpsuit ::

[SilentBobX]

I told myself, don't see this movie. I should've listened to my instincts. I held off for the longest time(due in no small part to my work schedule) seeing this movie, and I wish I hadn't.

Let me go with my list of complaints:

1. Keeping Megatron out of the movie until 1 hr 30 min. Minimal dialogue from him.

2. Bumblebee talking like Wreck-Gar and his attempts to play matchmaker w/Sam and the girl whose name I don't remember or care for.

3. Too many human characters and none of them interesting. And can we please for fucks sake get rid of the arrogant jock character in these types of movies? Not to mention it's time to cut the throat of the whole 'geek/dork/nerd/dweeb gets the uber hot chick plot device. Enough is enough.

4. Using Frenzy as comic relief was the dumbest idea.

5. The writing, from near start to finish was TERRIBLE. Plot, dialogue etc.

6. Whoever's idea it was for this all-spark, and the cube of all power or whatever, should be shot in the ass until dead. Great idea, let's just ignore the whole 'stealing energy from earth' idea to revitalize Cybertron and instead come up with this whole 'borg like cube makes devices turn into lameass transformers' idea. Gee, thanks.

7. Ebay, Xbox360, and Sprite product placements just bordered on absolute whoring. Optimus finds Spike via ebay? Somebody shoot me(after the writers of course).

8. The character designs. I wasn't gonna complain but I am now. They sucked ass and showed NO imagination or any sense of honoring the original designs or show.

9. The final action sequence was the most epileptic inducing, throw all common sense out the window biggest bunch of nonsensical shit I have ever witnessed on the big screen.

10. And finally, the entire lineup of decepticons was wrong from the start. Ok, I get that you can't have Soundwave as a tape deck or any of the cassette decepticons. Ok. But no Skywarp or Thundercracker? Please.

I don't want to sound like a whining fanboy(too late I know), but this just proves that I'm never again ignoring my instincts when something tells me to stay away from a movie. And NO, I didn't expect it to be a word for word, character for character copy of the animated movie or any of the series, but I can tell when the people in charge know NOTHING about the orig. series, or care about its mythology.

In El Grande Rojo's book, he lists Spielberg's Hook as one of his least favorite films and said that it broke his heart. I feel that pain too now.

PS-Yes I know Bay directed it, not Spielberg.

Mahalo

[unikrunk]

that cake does not appear to have any cat in it. i honestly can't see ALF being too interested in it.

and if you are trying to insinuate that i am in fact represented in that picture by alf, then all i can say is that you go and you enjoy those lips. ive never been happier to be so alf in all my days.

[The Cockblocker]

Spielberg gave Transformers two thumbs up!!! Two MIDDLE thumbs, that is! Oh snap!

[wonkabar]

Boooo

[godzillasushi]

Boooo

Boooo-urns?

[unikrunk]

Boooo

Boooo-urns?

I see what you did there.

/nice referencing, old man.

[Brocktune]

Brock, as far as I can tell, you're really not presenting anything but opinion here. We could argue 'it sucked/no it didn't' all day, but could you tell us WHY you thought it fuckin' sucked, instead of just saying 'no, no, it fuckin' sucked' again?

I hate to be a dick, too, man, but come on.

*ahem*

but imo, prime with lips = far less gravtas than prime without lips. what was the point? he just looked silly.

Zarles, as far as I can tell, nobody is presenting anything here other than opinion. with the exception of burl, who has vast amounts of design experience. Burl not withstanding, i think the only fact about the transformers movie we could all agree on was the fact that it was indeed filmed, edited, and released. everything else is all opinion bro, and thats all im saying. my OPINION is that the stupid lips they UNNECESSARILY added to Optimus Prime looked totally moronic and ALF. you can disagree with me all you want, but that will only serve to lower my opinion of you.

[wonkabar]

MAU!

[Chairman Kaga]

The movie should have followed G1 stuff closer...like this

[Brocktune]

The movie should have followed G1 stuff closer...like this

aw man thats like my favorite episode!

and i also like the one where Spike has to confide in Bumblebee that Huffer tried to touch him in an inappropriate location.

[The Cockblocker]

"He touched my energon cube!"

[Zarles]

Zarles, as far as I can tell, nobody is presenting anything here other than opinion. with the exception of burl, who has vast amounts of design experience. Burl not withstanding, i think the only fact about the transformers movie we could all agree on was the fact that it was indeed filmed, edited, and released. everything else is all opinion bro, and thats all im saying. my OPINION is that the stupid lips they UNNECESSARILY added to Optimus Prime looked totally moronic and ALF. you can disagree with me all you want, but that will only serve to lower my opinion of you.

I doubt it can get any lower, but that doesn't mean I can't try.

I just really liked it when the big robots went smashy-smashy, is all. Only an opinion.

[thebostonlocksmith]

The fights were good... The rest of the film was terrible...

It was like the most embarrasing parts of the spiderman films lasting for two hours...

[doglips]

"He touched my energon cube!"

You sick fuck.

[Pacino86845]

The fights were good... The rest of the film was terrible...

It was like the most embarrasing parts of the spiderman films lasting for two hours...

The fights weren't even that good... IMO, the film's two saving graces:

1) I did feel a little thrill at seeing the Transformers, but only when they first appear... none of the action scenes meant anything, not because I couldn't tell what was happening (sometimes I couldn't, I admit), but because they were just very poorly staged and were not that impressive.

2) Despite some shoddy material (I don't want to refer to it as a "script"), even for a ALF mainstream American movie, Shia Laboeuf provides some pretty decent work as a young thespian. Some kudos go to Megan Fox as well for bringing at least a minutae of punky power despite having arguably the shittiest role in a movie comprised of nothing but shitty roles.

5/10

And I'm being generous because of the novelty of the giant robots, but seriously you wouldn't be missing much if you didn't watch this movie. Just loop the trailers a few times to get your giant robot fix, folks.

[Maui]

Shia Laboeuf provides some pretty decent work as a young thespian.

I thought he was quite good also.

And I'm being generous because of the novelty of the giant robots, but seriously you wouldn't be missing much if you didn't watch this movie. Just loop the trailers a few times to get your giant robot fix, folks.

Wow, you were impressed, weren't ya?

[Zarles]

Oh come on. You gotta admit that the sequence with Blackout (the helicopter) laying the entire military base to waste in two minutes flat was cool. It was straight out of a '50s Martian invaders movie.

[Pacino86845]

Wow, you were impressed, weren't ya?

LOL, yeah totally!

[Pacino86845]

Oh come on. You gotta admit that the sequence with Blackout (the helicopter) laying the entire military base to waste in two minutes flat was cool. It was straight out of a '50s Martian invaders movie.

I agree, and that falls in the "when the Transformers first appear" category, since the big action set pieces are supposed to happen in the final hour, when we finally get the robot-on-robot action... which left me positively nonplussed.

[Maui]

You know more than anything, I enjoyed the humour amongst LaBoeuf and his Dad, his family, the car salesman. There was some good chuckles there. I know, I know, we are supposed to be focusing on the robots - but I thought the people dynamics were kinda amusing.

[godzillasushi]

Well, I also think if you completely remove the rediculous military aspect you'd get a better movie. Some of it is fine, but when the entire story includes something government related, it's annoying. The movie was missing that "epic" feel it should have had.

[Maui]

Well, I also think if you completely remove the rediculous military aspect you'd get a better movie.

Nah, if it wasn't for that fact that I was Canadian, I felt like enlisting right after the movie.

[godzillasushi]

Well, I also think if you completely remove the rediculous military aspect you'd get a better movie.

Nah, if it wasn't for that fact that I was Canadian, I felt like enlisting right after the movie.

But that's not a feeling you should get after watching a TF movie hehe. You should be filled with wonder and awe over a great story, and reliving your childhood.

[Maui]

Well, I also think if you completely remove the rediculous military aspect you'd get a better movie.

Nah, if it wasn't for that fact that I was Canadian, I felt like enlisting right after the movie.

But that's not a feeling you should get after watching a TF movie hehe. You should be filled with wonder and awe over a great story, and reliving your childhood.

I'm joking

I really get tired of the rah rah rah flag waving themes, I really do. I know we've been down this path before, who else would be able to fight the robots but the US MILITARY!! GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! Sorry...

[Pacino86845]

To be fair, I didn't think the military stuff was that bad in this movie... as opposed to how things had been done in Senor Spielbergo's War of the Worlds, to draw a comparison to groan-inducing military promotion.

[Maui]

To be fair, I didn't think the military stuff was that bad in this movie... as opposed to how things had been done in Senor Spielbergo's War of the Worlds, to draw a comparison to groan-inducing military promotion.

I just felt at some points in the movie, with all the choppers lined up in a row, flying together, it seemed like a military commercial.

[havocSchultz]

To be fair, I didn't think the military stuff was that bad in this movie... as opposed to how things had been done in Senor Spielbergo's War of the Worlds, to draw a comparison to groan-inducing military promotion.

I just felt at some points in the movie, with all the choppers lined up in a row, flying together, it seemed like a military commercial.

That's like every Michael Bay film when he's got military in it.

That's why they give him such exclusive access to some of the stuff other filmmakers wouldn't get access to...

He makes them look good on screen.

So they like that...

It's like product placement...

[Maui]

To be fair, I didn't think the military stuff was that bad in this movie... as opposed to how things had been done in Senor Spielbergo's War of the Worlds, to draw a comparison to groan-inducing military promotion.

I just felt at some points in the movie, with all the choppers lined up in a row, flying together, it seemed like a military commercial.

That's like every Michael Bay film when he's got military in it.

That's why they give him such exclusive access to some of the stuff other filmmakers wouldn't get access to...

He makes them look good on screen.

So they like that...

It's like product placement...

Yes, you are right! I watched a "Making of Transformers" special on HBO a few weeks back and I do recall Bay on the military sites talking with all the higher ups, etc. He does have a good rapport with the military.

[Peven]

Well, I also think if you completely remove the rediculous military aspect you'd get a better movie.

Nah, if it wasn't for that fact that I was Canadian, I felt like enlisting right after the movie.

But that's not a feeling you should get after watching a TF movie hehe. You should be filled with wonder and awe over a great story, and reliving your childhood.

we should expect "awe and wonder"? "great story"?
we ARE talking about "Transformers", right?

as for the military aspect, even Colonel Flag could not shoot that stuff with more love and adoration and an outright hard-on than Bay.

[Pacino86845]

we should expect "awe and wonder"? "great story"?
we ARE talking about "Transformers", right?

Even though you're joking, I want to say that now that I've seen this movie, I totally don't accept this sort of defense from people who liked it... I think the movie's highest point, where it sort of went all meta on me, is when Bumblebee pissed on John Turturro. To me, that was Michael Bay saying "That's right guys, watching this movie is like getting pissed on, by me!"

A truly poignant moment.

[Peven]

we should expect "awe and wonder"? "great story"?
we ARE talking about "Transformers", right?

Even though you're joking, I want to say that now that I've seen this movie, I totally don't accept this sort of defense from people who liked it... I think the movie's highest point, where it sort of went all meta on me, is when Bumblebee pissed on John Turturro. To me, that was Michael Bay saying "That's right guys, watching this movie is like getting pissed on, by me!"

A truly poignant moment.

you thought i was defending it? nope, though i do find it humorous that anyone would expect a great story or awe and wonder from a "Transformers" movie. when the source material is literally a half-hour serial toy commercial the audience shouldn't expect much in the story department. there was no sensible plot and acting was cartoonish, but the FX were pretty cool and my 10 and 11 yr olds ate it all up, and i figure that is the kind of movie Bay was trying to make. for me it was empty, forgettable fare and i doubt i will ever watch it again.

[Maui]

we should expect "awe and wonder"? "great story"?
we ARE talking about "Transformers", right?

Not expecting a great story. Just be dazzled with special effects. Be entertained, you know summer blockbuster.

[Pacino86845]

you thought i was defending it? nope, though i do find it humorous that anyone would expect a great story or awe and wonder from a "Transformers" movie. when the source material is literally a half-hour serial toy commercial the audience shouldn't expect much in the story department. there was no sensible plot and acting was cartoonish, but the FX were pretty cool and my 10 and 11 yr olds ate it all up, and i figure that is the kind of movie Bay was trying to make. for me it was empty, forgettable fare and i doubt i will ever watch it again.

No I knew you weren't defending it... it's just that what you said reminded me of some of the things people have been saying in the film's defense, and I just wanted to comment on that.

I wasn't looking for much, to be honest, but I expected something I could swallow a little better. A decent, only *decent* script would've elevated the film to a 6 in my book, but the plot, characters, all of that was terribly written. The last hour could've also been filmed more carefully, given the superb effects work, and that would've brought things to a very respectable 7/10... where in that hypothetical reality I could be sitting here saying: "Michael Bay's Transformers is not an ambitious auteur film, but at least he and his team put together a nice little package that showcases the film's true highlight: the Transformers!!" But that is neither here nor there...

[DinoDeLaurentiis]

you thought i was defending it? nope, though i do find it humorous that anyone would expect a great story or awe and wonder from a "Transformers" movie. when the source material is literally a half-hour serial toy commercial the audience shouldn't expect much in the story department. there was no sensible plot and acting was cartoonish, but the FX were pretty cool and my 10 and 11 yr olds ate it all up, and i figure that is the kind of movie Bay was trying to make. for me it was empty, forgettable fare and i doubt i will ever watch it again.

Anna what did a you make of a the anti-religious anna anti-gay subtext inna the film, eh?

[Peven]

you thought i was defending it? nope, though i do find it humorous that anyone would expect a great story or awe and wonder from a "Transformers" movie. when the source material is literally a half-hour serial toy commercial the audience shouldn't expect much in the story department. there was no sensible plot and acting was cartoonish, but the FX were pretty cool and my 10 and 11 yr olds ate it all up, and i figure that is the kind of movie Bay was trying to make. for me it was empty, forgettable fare and i doubt i will ever watch it again.

Anna what did a you make of a the anti-religious anna anti-my lover subtext inna the film, eh?

but i thought Bumblebee WAS g@y

there was a total big gun/big car = big dick subtext thing going on though.

[Maui]

you thought i was defending it? nope, though i do find it humorous that anyone would expect a great story or awe and wonder from a "Transformers" movie. when the source material is literally a half-hour serial toy commercial the audience shouldn't expect much in the story department. there was no sensible plot and acting was cartoonish, but the FX were pretty cool and my 10 and 11 yr olds ate it all up, and i figure that is the kind of movie Bay was trying to make. for me it was empty, forgettable fare and i doubt i will ever watch it again.

Anna what did a you make of a the anti-religious anna anti-my lover subtext inna the film, eh?

but i thought Bumblebee WAS g@y

there was a total big gun/big car = big dick subtext thing going on though.

No, Primus was g@y, he was the one with the lips. Right Brock?

[godzillasushi]

Well, I also think if you completely remove the rediculous military aspect you'd get a better movie.

Nah, if it wasn't for that fact that I was Canadian, I felt like enlisting right after the movie.

But that's not a feeling you should get after watching a TF movie hehe. You should be filled with wonder and awe over a great story, and reliving your childhood.

we should expect "awe and wonder"? "great story"?
we ARE talking about "Transformers", right?

as for the military aspect, even Colonel Flag could not shoot that stuff with more love and adoration and an outright hard-on than Bay.

Yes we SHOULD espect it. Haha I must look like im defending the movie. I meant, looking back a movie like this should make the audience feel like they've seen something amazing and spectacular. Not like what it turned out to be, a military advertisement.

[Peven]

we should expect "awe and wonder"? "great story"?
we ARE talking about "Transformers", right?

Not expecting a great story. Just be dazzled with special effects. Be entertained, you know summer blockbuster.

i did enjoy the special effects, they were quite impressive, but even with lowered expectations as to the quality of the writing and acting i was underwhelmed overall. i had a much much better time with H@rry Potter and Ratatouille.

[Maui]

i had a much much better time with H@rry Potter and Ratatouille.

Oh definitely! So far, my fav movie this summer is Ratatouille.

[Hermanator X]

One question: What happened to starscream? Last you see of him is standing on a different roof to Sam and Megatron. Sequellicious. Concocting a HUGE submarine transformer no doubt.

For the record, im with the all technology created from megatron, not the all spark. Cant place the dialogue 100% in my mind, but im sure they are in Megatrons chamber. The allspark only being used for nokia product placement thus far.
(and another idea about the allspark not causing all kinds of robots with primitive machines is maybe the lack of circuitry in the olden days, hence megatron providing the means for reverse engineering ie. the chicken and the iegg).

[Chairman Kaga]

One question: What happened to starscream? Last you see of him is standing on a different roof to Sam and Megatron. Sequellicious. Concocting a HUGE submarine transformer no doubt.
.

You misssed the beginning of the credits I assume. Starscream is shown flying into space one could assume to look for backup for the next film.

[Hermanator X]

Ah ok, missed that. Cheers!

[Brocktune]

One question: What happened to starscream? Last you see of him is standing on a different roof to Sam and Megatron. Sequellicious. Concocting a HUGE submarine transformer no doubt.
.

You misssed the beginning of the credits I assume. Starscream is shown flying into space one could assume to look for backup for the next film.

i assumed that he was flying into space to find another super amazingly awesome piece of dialog for the sequel.

although "ALL HAIL MEGATRON" is going to be real tough to beat.

[Maui]

i assumed that he was flying into space to find another super amazingly awesome piece of dialog for the sequel.

You made me chuckle there.

[Brocktune]

then my work here is done

*flies away*

[Maui]

then my work here is done

*flies away*

I'm just about done sewing that cape with the letter "B" on it.

[burlivesleftnut]

I was going to quote some clever quip from the movie between megatron and starscream, but... there was none.

[Nachokoolaid]

I just saw this and I have a few observations.

1. James Earl Jones be damned, Hugo Weaving is the most talented voice actor currently working.

2. How can this not win the Oscar for Best Visual Effects. I couldn't point out a "weak effect" like I can in most films.

3. Megan Fox is amazingly hot.

4. The Beef is turning into quite an actor.

5. It was a little long, but just seeing giant robots beating the shit out of stuff was awesome.

One of the better summer films, just because it allowed me to turn my brain off and smile.

8/10, because Micheal Bay really knows how to blow shit up with style.