POSTAL

New movies! Old movies! B-movies! Discuss discuss discuss!!!

Postby havocSchultz on Tue Feb 27, 2007 6:44 pm

The Ginger Man wrote:
havocSchultz wrote:
The Ginger Man wrote:
havocSchultz wrote:
The Ginger Man wrote:
Boll_KG wrote:I would like to see you try asking for millions of pounds from people. It is difficult, and more so when you do not speak English as good as German.


Hey Havoc...can I have a couple million pounds?


Sure...
As long as you take my piss as well...


Ah. That must be the difficult part Uwe was talking about.


Difficult...?
Depends if you're asking Kirk I guess...

Cause usually it's pretty easy to give away...


Easy to give...much harder to take.


Story of my life...
User avatar
havocSchultz
is full of stars...
 
Posts: 15695
Joined: Fri Dec 09, 2005 9:46 am
Location: living amongst a hazy nothing...

Postby Cpt Kirks 2pay on Tue Feb 27, 2007 6:48 pm

havocSchultz wrote:
The Ginger Man wrote:
havocSchultz wrote:
The Ginger Man wrote:
havocSchultz wrote:
The Ginger Man wrote:
Boll_KG wrote:I would like to see you try asking for millions of pounds from people. It is difficult, and more so when you do not speak English as good as German.


Hey Havoc...can I have a couple million pounds?


Sure...
As long as you take my piss as well...


Ah. That must be the difficult part Uwe was talking about.


Difficult...?
Depends if you're asking Kirk I guess...

Cause usually it's pretty easy to give away...


Easy to give...much harder to take.


Story of my life...


This conversation is disgusting. All I can say is...



































Uwe!!!!!!!!
User avatar
Cpt Kirks 2pay
The Dark Tower
 
Posts: 16622
Joined: Fri Jul 22, 2005 10:49 am

Postby St. Alphonzo on Tue Feb 27, 2007 8:43 pm

Bollshop? Bollshit!
ImageImage
User avatar
St. Alphonzo
Patron Saint
 
Posts: 2060
Joined: Mon Jul 18, 2005 9:20 pm
Location: Stumptown

Postby Dark Knight on Tue Feb 27, 2007 8:49 pm

It's there! Complete with bloodrayne crap!
El Wray will find the missing reel, just watch...
User avatar
Dark Knight
GRANDO CARLISSIAN
 
Posts: 657
Joined: Sat Jan 21, 2006 12:33 am
Location: Austin, Texas

Postby magicmonkey on Sun Apr 15, 2007 12:30 pm

Klendathu wrote:Uwe Boll recently gave a speech at BreakPoint07, a German convention of the demo coding scene.

All speeches of that event were recorded and put online as torrents. one can get them totally legally and with Boll's consent here:
http://breakpoint.untergrund.net/torrents/BP07_Sem inar_UweBoll_GamesToMovies_XVID.avi.torrent
His speech is in "English", Germlish? Engman?

Apart from talking about the special effects of his Dungeon Siege movie he explains a lot of how internet flame contributed to the way Postal turned out.
He even shows the first four minutes of postal which can be downloaded here if you do not want to watch his whole speech:
http://xirror.com/spread/57888454/PostalIntro.avi. html
(Did you recognize the pilots? Very Happy )


He promises to show sneak previews around Germany and predicts that without good reactions from the preview audience, no distributor will touch the movie due to its content. He also talks about scenes of explicit sex making even an NC17 rating almost impossible. Most actors joined the project against the will of their agents.


It seems as if Boll was determined to rub this movie into everybody's face no matter what. I must say that if one can ditch his girlfriend for a night and see the movie with some pals and a few beers it will probably work better than the likes of The Core, Fast&Furious, or Ghostrider.

For thrillseekers of German comedy gone real bad I advise you get a Helge Schneider movie and try watching it while being sober.


As posted in a dupe thread but reproduced for your pleasure.
magicmonkey
I AM fucking Zen
 
Posts: 6032
Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2005 8:26 am
Location: Shanghizzo

Postby Fievel on Sun Apr 15, 2007 12:40 pm

Klendathu wrote:Uwe Boll recently gave a speech at BreakPoint07, a German convention of the demo coding scene.

All speeches of that event were recorded and put online as torrents. one can get them totally legally and with Boll's consent here:
http://breakpoint.untergrund.net/torrents/BP07_Seminar_UweBoll_GamesToMovies_XVID.avi.torrent
His speech is in "English", Germlish? Engman?

Apart from talking about the special effects of his Dungeon Siege movie he explains a lot of how internet flame contributed to the way Postal turned out.
He even shows the first four minutes of postal which can be downloaded here if you do not want to watch his whole speech:
http://xirror.com/spread/57888454/PostalIntro.avi.html
(Did you recognize the pilots? :D )


He promises to show sneak previews around Germany and predicts that without good reactions from the preview audience, no distributor will touch the movie due to its content. He also talks about scenes of explicit sex making even an NC17 rating almost impossible. Most actors joined the project against the will of their agents.


It seems as if Boll was determined to rub this movie into everybody's face no matter what. I must say that if one can ditch his girlfriend for a night and see the movie with some pals and a few beers it will probably work better than the likes of The Core, Fast&Furious, or Ghostrider.

For thrillseekers of German comedy gone real bad I advise you get a Helge Schneider movie and try watching it while being sober.


Fuck Uwe Boll.
Fuck him up his fucking ass.

I thought the clip of the plane crashing was bad enough, but putting it in this context makes it even worse. If you haven't seen it, it shows two of Bin Laden's terrorists flying a plane. They have a debate on how many virgins they'll actually get for the deed. They call Bin Laden himself, and are told they'll get a smaller number than promised. The terrorists are upset and decide to fly the plane to the Bahamas instead. At that moment, Americans break into the cockpit and struggle with the terrorist pilots and subsequently crash the plane into a building (WTC).

So not only is the gap-toothed monkey fuck poking fun at the tragedy of 9/11, he's saying that it's actually the passengers' fault that the plane crashed into the World Trade Center.

Fuck him. He's not some genius rebel filmmaker. He's an idiot.


I must say that if one can ditch his girlfriend for a night and see the movie with some pals and a few beers it will probably work better than the likes of The Core, Fast&Furious, or Ghostrider.


If someone says they're ditching their girlfriend for a night to see this film, they're liars. They don't really have a girlfriend. Those three films you mentioned are artistic masterpieces compared to the clip linked.
Achievement Unlocked: TOTAL DOMINATION (Win a Werewolf Game without losing a single player on your team)
User avatar
Fievel
Mouse Of The House
 
Posts: 12189
Joined: Fri Dec 09, 2005 2:07 pm
Location: White Lake, MI

Postby magicmonkey on Sun Apr 15, 2007 12:44 pm

Yet another idiot in a world full 'em eh?
magicmonkey
I AM fucking Zen
 
Posts: 6032
Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2005 8:26 am
Location: Shanghizzo

Postby Al Shut on Sun Apr 15, 2007 2:02 pm

Right now I have decided, without seeing the clip, that I will defy both reason and the haters and will see Postal when it opens in september (except if it opens nowhere in reach or if I can't find somebody who comes with me and owns a car or such stuff).
Seems to be as good chance to join the Uwe Boll apreciation society as any.




Fievel wrote:Fuck Uwe Boll.
Fuck him up his fucking ass.

So not only is the gap-toothed monkey fuck poking fun at the tragedy of 9/11, he's saying that it's actually the passengers' fault that the plane crashed into the World Trade Center.


I'm pretty sure that this is not meant as a well thought through political statement.
Note to myself: Fix this image shit!
User avatar
Al Shut
THE LAUGHING ZONER
 
Posts: 6239
Joined: Fri Dec 09, 2005 1:57 pm
Location: Oberhausen, Germany

Postby Wolfpack on Mon Apr 16, 2007 1:13 pm

I think the controversy will go very far in promoting this film. Especially after what's been happening at Virginia Tech.
"Alright Shaggy - you and Scooby head over that way. The girls and I will go this way."
User avatar
Wolfpack
AIRWOLF
 
Posts: 2942
Joined: Sun Mar 05, 2006 11:48 am
Location: Norfolk, VA

Postby The Ginger Man on Mon Apr 16, 2007 1:30 pm

Wikipedia wrote:Exploitation films is a loosely defined term to describe a film genre that typically sacrifice the traditional notions of artistic merit for a more sensationalistic display, often featuring excessive sex, violence, and gore.


The more I read about Postal, I can't help but wonder...has Uwe Boll created the true, modern exploitation film? Is Postal the real Grindhouse?
The Ginger Man
Hong Kong Drizzle
 
Posts: 2883
Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2005 3:35 am

Postby Theta on Mon Apr 16, 2007 7:00 pm

Al_Shut wrote:Right now I have decided, without seeing the clip, that I will defy both reason and the haters and will see Postal when it opens in september (except if it opens nowhere in reach or if I can't find somebody who comes with me and owns a car or such stuff).


Good luck. As it has no American distributor, and between the one-two punch of that 9/11 opening and today's shootings probably won't get one, you'll be the only one (edited because I forgot you live in Germany.)

I'll probably see it too, just because I enjoy utterly tacky humor and kind of want to piss off the "too soon!"/"9/11 is sacred and can never be made fun of" crowd. Honestly, I think Ollie Stone did a better job of turning 9/11 into a joke that Uwe ever will.
This comment is in no way meant to insist your opinion is wrong or be considered an edict, solely this poster's opinion. That said, you are still a fool and will kneel before me in supplication.
User avatar
Theta
AIRWOLF
 
Posts: 2343
Joined: Sat Dec 10, 2005 12:57 am
Location: Boston, MA

Postby papalazeru on Mon Apr 16, 2007 8:20 pm

Theta wrote:I'll probably see it too, just because I enjoy utterly tacky humor and kind of want to piss off the "too soon!"/"9/11 is sacred and can never be made fun of" crowd. Honestly, I think Ollie Stone did a better job of turning 9/11 into a joke that Uwe ever will.


I might go with some zoners on a quiet day just to take the piss out of it but I'm with you on that Theta...It's worth going just to piss of the more politically correct people.

I hope there's a Christian rally outside the cinema when I see it. They will need Gods support.
Papa: The musical!

Padders: "Not very classy! Not very classy at all!"
So Sorry "I'll give you a word to describe it: classless."
Cptn Kirks 2pay: ".....utterly unclassy....."
DennisMM: "...Decidedly unclassy..."
User avatar
papalazeru
Not very classy! Not very classy at all!!
 
Posts: 11475
Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2006 5:26 am

Postby Fievel on Mon Apr 16, 2007 10:33 pm

papalazeru wrote: I hope there's a Christian rally outside the cinema when I see it. They will need Gods support.


I just hope that 99 (or 20) virgins protest it for their unfair portrayal as objects in the film.

I don't think that any of the "too soon" stuff will go away anytime soon, if ever. As far as I know, there aren't movies making fun of Columbine, Kent State, Oklahoma City etc.
But even more so, as long as the war in Iraq is going on it will be a touchy subject.
User avatar
Fievel
Mouse Of The House
 
Posts: 12189
Joined: Fri Dec 09, 2005 2:07 pm
Location: White Lake, MI

Postby Theta on Mon Apr 16, 2007 11:17 pm

papalazeru wrote:
I might go with some zoners on a quiet day just to take the piss out of it but I'm with you on that Theta...It's worth going just to piss of the more politically correct people.

I hope there's a Christian rally outside the cinema when I see it. They will need Gods support.


Now, granted, I am probably going to hell, or at least purgatory. I am not a nice, or clean, person.

I still want to be there when all the Christian fundamentalists ride the "down" elevator. I want to be there to point and laugh.
This comment is in no way meant to insist your opinion is wrong or be considered an edict, solely this poster's opinion. That said, you are still a fool and will kneel before me in supplication.
User avatar
Theta
AIRWOLF
 
Posts: 2343
Joined: Sat Dec 10, 2005 12:57 am
Location: Boston, MA

Postby King Psyz on Mon Apr 16, 2007 11:40 pm

Uwe Boll

He's Bringing Shitty Back
King Psyz
PSYZ MATTERS, DO YOU?
 
Posts: 4906
Joined: Fri Dec 09, 2005 10:11 pm
Location: anywhere but here

Postby Dark Knight on Mon Apr 16, 2007 11:46 pm

King Psyz wrote:Uwe Boll

He's Bringing Shitty Back


Now I've got that stupid Justin Timberlake song stuck in my head except with those lyrics. Damn! Why?!?!?!?

EDIT - KAHN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
El Wray will find the missing reel, just watch...
User avatar
Dark Knight
GRANDO CARLISSIAN
 
Posts: 657
Joined: Sat Jan 21, 2006 12:33 am
Location: Austin, Texas

Postby Leckomaniac on Mon Apr 16, 2007 11:52 pm

Ok...I missed all the fun in here.

Does anyone have any word on whether or not that was ACTUALLY Uwe Boll. I honestly couldn't tell. And then I thought about it for a while and couldn't decide whether it was funnier if it WAS him or was just some guy.

I hope its him.

Hey Uwe remember when you said your films have made more money than the Lord of the Rings films...care to defend that remark?

Oh and POSTAL is going to fucking suck. Seriously. But keep making films so that I can continue to have something awful to laugh at.

PS: Keep employing Christian Slater. You and him can be like Martin and Leo.
Image
User avatar
Leckomaniac
AIRWOLF PLUS
 
Posts: 11031
Joined: Sat Aug 13, 2005 9:32 pm
Location: Chicago, IL

Postby Fievel on Tue Apr 17, 2007 1:15 am

Leckomaniac wrote:PS: Keep employing Christian Slater. You and him can be like Martin and Leo.


Uwe's helming Gleaming The Cube 2: Yabbo's Secret?
SWEEEEEEEEET!!!!!!
User avatar
Fievel
Mouse Of The House
 
Posts: 12189
Joined: Fri Dec 09, 2005 2:07 pm
Location: White Lake, MI

Postby King Psyz on Tue Apr 17, 2007 1:55 am

Dark Knight wrote:
King Psyz wrote:Uwe Boll

He's Bringing Shitty Back


Now I've got that stupid Justin Timberlake song stuck in my head except with those lyrics. Damn! Why?!?!?!?

EDIT - KAHN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My job here is done... might as well stick around for the punch and pie.
King Psyz
PSYZ MATTERS, DO YOU?
 
Posts: 4906
Joined: Fri Dec 09, 2005 10:11 pm
Location: anywhere but here

Postby buster00 on Tue Apr 17, 2007 4:17 am

Image






That said, this just might be dumb enough to work. High likelihood for so-bad-it's-good conditions to occur.
User avatar
buster00
AIRWOLF PLUS
 
Posts: 6401
Joined: Fri Dec 09, 2005 7:12 pm

Postby papalazeru on Wed Apr 18, 2007 7:17 pm

[quote="From the actual postal website"]Uwe Boll says: "POSTAL" is the final answer the world deserves! We destroy the planet, facing one nature desaster after the other and our answer is to spend 5.000.000.000.000 $ for a senseless war in Irak instead of buying with the same amount the complete Rainforest in South America to keep the planet in balance. We see in front of us all that hurricans, floods, the melting of the arctis and our answer is to buy the new PICK UP TRUCK who needs 25 litres fuel on 100 miles. We blame nearly everybody in the Middle East that they working on terrorist plans etc. - but we would never do anything against SAUDI ARABIA - even it is proven that they are the BIGGEST SUPPORTERS AND FINANCERS OF Al Kaeda.
This is the reason that we have in POSTAL a new political party: the FUCK YOU PARTY and I will run for President. If Arnold from Austria can be Governor - I can be President. Only 40% of the Americans vote - there is a reason for that: the Democrats and Republicans are not representing the people anymore!

A journalist ( Robert Pino ) who wrote something about POSTAL:
The movie, Uwe hopes, will be his opportunity to change the world. “It is funny and I think it can be a very important movie.â€
Papa: The musical!

Padders: "Not very classy! Not very classy at all!"
So Sorry "I'll give you a word to describe it: classless."
Cptn Kirks 2pay: ".....utterly unclassy....."
DennisMM: "...Decidedly unclassy..."
User avatar
papalazeru
Not very classy! Not very classy at all!!
 
Posts: 11475
Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2006 5:26 am

Postby TonyWilson on Wed Apr 18, 2007 7:25 pm

It's not bad for a second language though.
Elitism is positing that your taste is equivalent to quality, you hate "Hamlet" does it make it "bad"? If you think so, you're one elite motherfucker.
User avatar
TonyWilson
No Less Liquid Than His Shadow
 
Posts: 9155
Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2005 3:45 am
Location: A Drained Swimming Pool

Postby TheBaxter on Wed Apr 18, 2007 8:14 pm

From the actual postal website wrote:Uwe Boll says: "POSTAL" is the final answer the world deserves! We destroy the planet, facing one nature desaster after the other and our answer is to spend 5.000.000.000.000 $ for a senseless war in Irak instead of buying with the same amount the complete Rainforest in South America to keep the planet in balance. We see in front of us all that hurricans, floods, the melting of the arctis and our answer is to buy the new PICK UP TRUCK who needs 25 litres fuel on 100 miles. We blame nearly everybody in the Middle East that they working on terrorist plans etc. - but we would never do anything against SAUDI ARABIA - even it is proven that they are the BIGGEST SUPPORTERS AND FINANCERS OF Al Kaeda.
This is the reason that we have in POSTAL a new political party: the FUCK YOU PARTY and I will run for President. If Arnold from Austria can be Governor - I can be President. Only 40% of the Americans vote - there is a reason for that: the Democrats and Republicans are not representing the people anymore!


this sounds suspiciously like the insane ramblings of that kid who shot up Virginia Tech
Image
User avatar
TheBaxter
Carlos Danger
 
Posts: 19406
Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2005 5:00 pm

Postby Flumm on Wed Apr 18, 2007 8:23 pm

Should we call somebody?!


Oh, wait.

Maybe we should wait a couple of hours and mull it over or something...?


:?
User avatar
Flumm
AIRWOLF PLUS
 
Posts: 5601
Joined: Sun Sep 25, 2005 4:31 pm
Location: Yesteryonder

Postby papalazeru on Wed Apr 18, 2007 8:33 pm

Flumm wrote:Oh, wait.

Maybe we should wait a couple of hours and mull it over or something...?


:?


Hahah! Thats such a typical English response there. When we got bombed what did people do?

"Oh my! What happened?"

"I don't know. What shall we do?"

"Have a cup of tea?.....bit of a sit down?"

"Yes...let's help this person over here first....Sir! Here's your arm"

"Oh thank you, sorry to trouble you"

"It's not problem...really. Ermm....we're going for a cuppa...you coming?"

"Oh well. Lovely, if I do say so myself"
Papa: The musical!

Padders: "Not very classy! Not very classy at all!"
So Sorry "I'll give you a word to describe it: classless."
Cptn Kirks 2pay: ".....utterly unclassy....."
DennisMM: "...Decidedly unclassy..."
User avatar
papalazeru
Not very classy! Not very classy at all!!
 
Posts: 11475
Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2006 5:26 am

Postby Al Shut on Thu Apr 19, 2007 5:59 am

TheBaxter wrote:
From the actual postal website wrote:Uwe Boll says: "POSTAL" is the final answer the world deserves! We destroy the planet, facing one nature desaster after the other and our answer is to spend 5.000.000.000.000 $ for a senseless war in Irak instead of buying with the same amount the complete Rainforest in South America to keep the planet in balance. We see in front of us all that hurricans, floods, the melting of the arctis and our answer is to buy the new PICK UP TRUCK who needs 25 litres fuel on 100 miles. We blame nearly everybody in the Middle East that they working on terrorist plans etc. - but we would never do anything against SAUDI ARABIA - even it is proven that they are the BIGGEST SUPPORTERS AND FINANCERS OF Al Kaeda.
This is the reason that we have in POSTAL a new political party: the FUCK YOU PARTY and I will run for President. If Arnold from Austria can be Governor - I can be President. Only 40% of the Americans vote - there is a reason for that: the Democrats and Republicans are not representing the people anymore!


this sounds suspiciously like the insane ramblings of that kid who shot up Virginia Tech



Maybe he lost his mind over the constant internet bitching he recieves. But instead of going Postal he goes and makes Postal the movie. He's a true artist after all!!!
Note to myself: Fix this image shit!
User avatar
Al Shut
THE LAUGHING ZONER
 
Posts: 6239
Joined: Fri Dec 09, 2005 1:57 pm
Location: Oberhausen, Germany

Postby papalazeru on Thu Apr 19, 2007 6:07 am

Hahaha!

How does he make a 'sad movie' becuase no-one likes his films which ruin the world with their bile. Lowest common denominator scripts with miniscule budgets and great talent ruining their careers by fraudulently being talked into doing a Boll film.

How does he show that in his latest movies, without it being shit and perpetuating the cycle?
Papa: The musical!

Padders: "Not very classy! Not very classy at all!"
So Sorry "I'll give you a word to describe it: classless."
Cptn Kirks 2pay: ".....utterly unclassy....."
DennisMM: "...Decidedly unclassy..."
User avatar
papalazeru
Not very classy! Not very classy at all!!
 
Posts: 11475
Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2006 5:26 am

Postby Al Shut on Thu Apr 19, 2007 6:12 am

He's not sad because he still get's to make movie, the only thihg he has ever wanted in his life.

You could say he lives and breathes movies :roll:
Note to myself: Fix this image shit!
User avatar
Al Shut
THE LAUGHING ZONER
 
Posts: 6239
Joined: Fri Dec 09, 2005 1:57 pm
Location: Oberhausen, Germany

Postal: The movie

Postby bastard_robo on Wed May 02, 2007 8:30 pm

Good lord... its the first sign of the end... A GOOD REVIEW OF A UWE BOLL MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


This comes from TWITCH film..

[quote]Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, stop the presses! This is why, as tempting as it may be, you do not give up on a film maker. Uwe Boll has made a good movie. This is not a joke. This is not a test of the emergency broadcast system. This is honest to god truth. Postal is not merely competent. It’s not just okay. It is brash, bold, smart when called for and stupid when required and - most importantly - it is frequently and intentionally laugh out loud funny.
Rather than continuing to fight his public and online image Boll has decided to embrace it, intentionally elevating the level of absurdity and shlock here to never before seen levels, all in the name of creating one of the most coarse, vulgar and offensive comedies ever put to celluloid. This is a movie that sees Boll appear on screen gleefully claiming to finance his films with Nazi gold. This is a film that features a frontal nude shot of former Kid in the Hall Dave Foley in its opening minutes. This is a film that features the World Trade Center hijackers attempting to change course because there’s a shortage of virgins in the afterlife. And while it certainly will offend it will do so, perhaps surprisingly, because beneath the madness it features some surprisingly pointed and accurate moments of social satire.

Postal is a film difficult to summarize without simply spoiling the jokes but here is a rough outline: our ‘hero’ is a twenty something trailer park dweller, laid off from a factory job and trying to find work while living off welfare with his grotesquely obese, chronically – and graphically - unfaithful wife. Just outside of town lives his uncle Dave – that’d be Dave Foley - the con man leader of a fake religious cult to whom he is known as Uncle Dave and to whom they pay out both large amounts of cash and sexual favors. Unknown to his nubile flock, however, Uncle Dave hasn’t been paying his taxes and the compound is in danger of being shut down. Following quite possibly the most demeaning job interview on the history of the planet and a trip to the welfare office gone horribly and hysterically wrong our hero agrees to help Uncle Dave on a scam to get his personal slice of heaven back in the black. More on that in a moment.

Running simultaneous to this is the second key plotline, this one revolving around Osama Bin Laden and his core al Quaeda members, living in the back room of a local variety store while they plan their next move. Though Osama is simply going through the motions of being an international terror leader to stave off boredom his key lieutenant and chief boot licker has come up with a plan even more devastating than the 9-11 attacks, the key of which is – surprise, surprise – also key to Uncle Dave’s plan.

What both sides want is a shipment of rare, coveted, Krotchy dolls, Krothy being a little penis shaped cartoon character voiced by “International Superstarâ€
Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everyone is gonna die. Come watch TV
— Rick and Morty

Image
User avatar
bastard_robo
SCANK BARON
 
Posts: 4636
Joined: Sat Dec 10, 2005 1:59 am
Location: Hello Kitty Adventure Island

Postby Boll_KG on Wed May 02, 2007 8:48 pm

I varned you Americans....you shall kneel....

As for de Nazi gold....It's all mine; that und some impressionist Art from 1939-1945 and a Sviss Bank account number.
Boll_KG
MONKEY BUTLER
 
Posts: 281
Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2006 12:01 pm

Postby Leckomaniac on Tue Oct 23, 2007 7:02 pm

Uwe Boll believes that they are going to have to remake 9/11.

Seriously, just watch the video.
Image
User avatar
Leckomaniac
AIRWOLF PLUS
 
Posts: 11031
Joined: Sat Aug 13, 2005 9:32 pm
Location: Chicago, IL

Postby Fievel on Tue Oct 23, 2007 7:10 pm

Leckomaniac wrote:Uwe Boll believes that they are going to have to remake 9/11.

Seriously, just watch the video.


It's sad. He has some funny people in his movie.
Achievement Unlocked: TOTAL DOMINATION (Win a Werewolf Game without losing a single player on your team)
User avatar
Fievel
Mouse Of The House
 
Posts: 12189
Joined: Fri Dec 09, 2005 2:07 pm
Location: White Lake, MI

Postby buster00 on Tue Oct 23, 2007 8:20 pm

Leckomaniac wrote:Uwe Boll believes that they are going to have to remake 9/11.

Seriously, just watch the video.


HA! That's funny!

9/11/2001 was enjoyable at the time, but it's predecessor, The Reichstag Fire (1933) is the classic of the genre. It holds up so much better.
User avatar
buster00
AIRWOLF PLUS
 
Posts: 6401
Joined: Fri Dec 09, 2005 7:12 pm

Postby MasterWhedon on Tue May 06, 2008 5:14 pm

Okay, so my buddy and I are going to a screening of this on Thursday night, and in attendance for a Q&A afterward will be... Mr. Uwe Boll himself. Neither of us are at all excited to sit through the movie, but being there to hear him justify it firsthand will be worth it, IMO.

So... what should I ask him? None of this "you suck!" business; what's an honest, constructive question I should ask him that he wouldn't dismiss offhand the way he does his "haters?"
User avatar
MasterWhedon
KEEPER OF THE PURSE
 
Posts: 9473
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2005 9:07 pm
Location: Los Angeles

Postby papalazeru on Tue May 06, 2008 5:29 pm

MasterWhedon wrote:Okay, so my buddy and I are going to a screening of this on Thursday night, and in attendance for a Q&A afterward will be... Mr. Uwe Boll himself. Neither of us are at all excited to sit through the movie, but being there to hear him justify it firsthand will be worth it, IMO.

So... what should I ask him? None of this "you suck!" business; what's an honest, constructive question I should ask him that he wouldn't dismiss offhand the way he does his "haters?"


If Hollywood offered you an unlimited amount of money (like LOTR's ludicrous) what film would you either make from scratch or remake?
Papa: The musical!

Padders: "Not very classy! Not very classy at all!"
So Sorry "I'll give you a word to describe it: classless."
Cptn Kirks 2pay: ".....utterly unclassy....."
DennisMM: "...Decidedly unclassy..."
User avatar
papalazeru
Not very classy! Not very classy at all!!
 
Posts: 11475
Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2006 5:26 am

Postby RogueScribner on Tue May 06, 2008 5:31 pm

Lord Voldemoo wrote:UWE BOLL you have 5 minutes to justify your existance or i'm voting for you.



Sorry, I don't watch his movies so I got nuthin'.

Unless you want to ask him if he fancies himself the new Ed Wood. :)
My eye isn't lazy; it's ambidextrous!
User avatar
RogueScribner
The Dork Avenger
 
Posts: 9607
Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2005 3:52 am
Location: Melbourne, FL

Postby Pacino86845 on Tue May 06, 2008 5:32 pm

AICN had the two Sly Stallone Q&As, The Zone gets the UWE BOLL Q&A!!!! All thanks to Whedo!!
User avatar
Pacino86845
EGYPTIAN LOVER
 
Posts: 14064
Joined: Mon Jul 18, 2005 5:20 am

Postby MasterWhedon on Tue May 06, 2008 5:48 pm

papalazeru wrote:If Hollywood offered you an unlimited amount of money (like LOTR's ludicrous) what film would you either make from scratch or remake?

That's not bad! I can see Friday's headlines: "Boll In Talks to Remake Goonies!"
User avatar
MasterWhedon
KEEPER OF THE PURSE
 
Posts: 9473
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2005 9:07 pm
Location: Los Angeles

Postby Pacino86845 on Tue May 06, 2008 5:54 pm

Along the same line of papa's question, you could possibly ask him what he'd have in mind for a TV series if given the opportunity...

And what's his favorite band?
User avatar
Pacino86845
EGYPTIAN LOVER
 
Posts: 14064
Joined: Mon Jul 18, 2005 5:20 am

Postby papalazeru on Tue May 06, 2008 6:02 pm

Pacino86845 wrote:Along the same line of papa's question, you could possibly ask him what he'd have in mind for a TV series if given the opportunity...

And what's his favorite band?


Der, his favourite band's Rammstein, innit.

;)

Oh and please avoid the TV question, don't put idea's in the mans head.
:lol:
Papa: The musical!

Padders: "Not very classy! Not very classy at all!"
So Sorry "I'll give you a word to describe it: classless."
Cptn Kirks 2pay: ".....utterly unclassy....."
DennisMM: "...Decidedly unclassy..."
User avatar
papalazeru
Not very classy! Not very classy at all!!
 
Posts: 11475
Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2006 5:26 am

Postby Pacino86845 on Tue May 06, 2008 6:07 pm

HAHA, that's a good point... then why not ask him who is favorite dircetor is, besides himself that is? Favorite film? Has he answered such questions before?

What thought process does he go through when he sits down and is about to start working on a project?

Seth Macfarlane uses manatees... are Uwel Boll's manatees ALF or something?
User avatar
Pacino86845
EGYPTIAN LOVER
 
Posts: 14064
Joined: Mon Jul 18, 2005 5:20 am

Postby MasterWhedon on Fri May 09, 2008 4:25 pm

I attended Creative Screenwriting Magazine's screening of Postal last night and the Q&A afterward with Dr. Uwe Boll himself. My buddy and I were going as a bit of a lark, expecting the movie to be about as terrible as you'd expect. And, boy, was it ever, but I'll get to the how and why in a moment.

Dr. Boll spoke to the audience briefly before the movie--and, to clarify a moment, the man actually is a doctor. I used to think folks used that as a pejorative, but, no, he sorta stumbled backward into a doctorate of German literature. Anyway, Boll said Postal is his answer to all of the "Hollywood bullshit"--a favorite phrase of his--out there. He said you look at the comedies coming out today, the Superbads and the Will Ferrell movies, and you've got a good 20 minutes and the rest is shit (Meet the Spartans, maybe 60 seconds). Since 9/11, Boll asserts that we've watered everything way the hell down, and that Postal is exactly the over-the-top kick in the pants the world needs. He stressed it's important to watch the film in that context.

So, I did. Or I tried to. Boll's biggest complaint with the avalanche of online criticism he receives is he thinks it's largely unfair. Most of the folks railing on him haven't actually seen his movies, only snippets here and there. The ire toward him comes from reading the reviews of those who have seen (and disliked) his work, so it's ultimately second-, third- or fourth-hand bashing. Which, y'know, is actually pretty fair. Hell, I was in this camp. I'd seen pieces of Bloodrayne and Alone in the Dark on TV, some clips of House of the Dead on YouTube, but I'd never had the pleasure a seeing one all the way through. So I thought, fuck it, let's give this movie a fair shake. Let's judge it on its own terms and see if we can't have a little fun while we're at it.

That didn't last long...

It opens in the cockpit of American Airlines Flight 11 with the two hijackers, en route to the World Trader Center, discussing the validity of this notion they'll be greeted by X number of virgins in the afterlife. One guy says it will be 100, the other says he heard it's 99. They start to bicker about, how can we be certain of anything if there's a discrepancy like this? So they call Osama and he's unable to guarantee them any more than 20 virgins each. They debate some more over whether or not this is good enough considering it's eternity we're talking about here, and the moment they change their minds and decide to head for the Bahamas instead, the passengers crash in through the cockpit door, United 93-style, and try to retake the plane. Cut to a POV from inside the North Tower as a window washer works outside, the plane approaching over his shoulder. It moves closer and closer, flies right into camera and we explode into the title screen.

Obviously, this sequence is designed to offend. It's meant to be rude and crass and disrespectful... and funny. Well, guess what? I didn't laugh once. Putting aside whether or not I was offended by the content--I was--the scene just didn't work. Sure, joking about the number of virgins waiting for you in the next life is funny enough, but the timing, the rhythms, the performances are all off. So what you're left with is a scene that's simply rude and crass and disrespectful, one that uses the tragedy of 9/11 as an ironic punchline. I suppose Boll's argument would be, good, that's the slap in the face I need. Except no, no it's not. If this is Boll's attempt to directly confront the sensitivity and political correctness surrounding 9/11, I think he's either missed the point entirely or is incapable of finding the point. He later claimed in the Q&A that the son of a 9/11 victim approached him after a screening to tell him how much he enjoyed the movie. And I could tell by the look on his face and the sound of his voice--that was all the validation he'd ever need. This guy gets it. This guy understands what I'm going for. Well, guess what? I get it too, and it's not at all fucking funny.

The most offensive thing about the rest of the movie is its alarming mediocrity. There's nothing especially terrible about Boll's filmmaking other than the fact that he clods around with one of the heaviest hands I've ever seen. Every beat, every gag, every moment is telegraphed ten steps ahead--even the "no, he couldn't possibly go there" ones. The action is clunky and poorly choreographed and the characters exist as hollow archetypes. This movie is supposed to burn, it's supposed to hurt, it's supposed to get under your skin. Well, the only way you do that is with exacting precision, and there ain't a deft moment in this whole goddamn thing.

The story is simple: you follow Postal Dude through his shit life until Uncle Dave (Dave Foley, as some sort of hippie cult leader) tells him he's in some money trouble and they need to steal a shipment of Krotchy dolls, the new must-have toy parents will pay anything for. A not-so-sleeper cell of Taliban agents is also after the shipment because they've hidden vials of bird flu in each of the dolls. (I'd tag that as a spoiler, except they never, ever get back to it. Seriously, they NEVER resolve what the hell happened to all the bird flu rattling around in the back of the truck.) Throw in a paraplegic, a racist cop (Crash homage!), a 500-pound nymphet, Verne Troyer, a dozen or two others and Uwe Boll himself as a lederhosen-clad Nazi, and boy, oh boy, does "hilarity" ever ensue.

Except that it doesn't. Because it's just not funny.

Sure, there were a good handful or two of folks throughout the theater who were laughing all the way through, so maybe it's just not my sense of humor (I tend to like "funny" in my comedies). I will say the one gag that made me chuckle (taken directly from the game, according to Boll) is when Postal Dude uses a housecat as a makeshift silencer. He sticks a handgun up the cat's ass and shoots a terrorist with a PFFT!--then the cat hops off and goes about its day. Aside from Boll himself during the Q&A, that was the best part of the affair. Speaking of which...

When discussing how they filmed the scene where Verne Troyer is raped by 1,000 monkeys (you read that right), Boll said, "Ze monkey is unpredictable. You could not have zem in with Verne or zey might rip him apart"--to which the interview interjected, "Or maybe even rape him!" Boll considered. "Yes, but zis would not be so bad, if only ze raping."

That was the moment I fell in love with Uwe Boll.

Okay, not exactly, but the guy is incredibly charming in person. He's very knowledgeable and well-spoken, and he only slips into the crazy every now and again. I can totally see how he suckers investors in. He discussed his financing a bit and it turns out everything you've read about his films as tax shelters is true. I'm no economist so I take the guy at his word, but according to Boll, just about anyone in Germany, Canada or--yes--America can dump a few million into a film production and write it off on their taxes, with the outside chance that they will return a profit. It's meant for the smaller movies; there are restrictions so the studios don't abuse this to same themselves billions. But it's real and this guy's doing it.

Throughout most of the Q&A, Boll positioned himself as the David to Hollywood's Goliath, the little man raging ever so bitterly against the corporate machine. He kept stressing how dire it was that outside voices are being suppressed by conglomerate-run studios and distributors. This segued into Boll's recent altercations with Michael Bay, and he again inferred that any idiot with $200 million and Industrial Light and Magic at his back could make the movies Bay makes. "70% of his movies are special effects and second unit work, which other crews produce. When it comes to the drama and the characters, his movies fail." I found it curious though that Boll said he liked Iron Man, the exact type of Hollywood fare he rails against. It made me wonder if his truer objection was against BAD Hollywood movies... or maybe that he's not invited to make them. And it was somewhere around then it occurred to me: is Uwe Boll really the champion of independent cinema? How did it come to this?

The "stop making movies" petition was brought up and Boll clarified his earlier statement that he would only stop making video game movies should they reach 1,000,000 signatures. He'll very much continue working. From here it became a discussion of his critics and how little he thinks of "nerds," "geeks" or damn near anyone on the internet. They even got him to speak on his recent lawsuit against Billy Zane, in which Boll claims Zane swindled him out of box office receipts from Bloodrayne. Boll said he saw a $450K wire transfer to Zane's personal account, which Zane called a "finder's fee." My buddy and I looked at each other and said, he's so not supposed to be talking about this.

And that was my evening with Uwe. There's a great deal more to the Q&A that you can hear by checking out the Creative Screenwriting's podcast (search for them on iTunes), and I highly recommend it. I had a great time listening to Boll speak, and I realized I'm actually a little glad he's making movies. I will never, ever go out of my way to see one of his again, but the character of Dr. Boll is an engaging presence as something of an antagonist. Do I recommend you check out Postal? Absolutely not. It is a terrible, terrible film that fails miserably at its satire and I hope against hope that it bombs miraculously. But I have some newfound respect for Dr. Boll. He believes in what he's doing--and, hey, if nobody else believes in you, you damn sure better.

Postal gets a 2/10.
User avatar
MasterWhedon
KEEPER OF THE PURSE
 
Posts: 9473
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2005 9:07 pm
Location: Los Angeles

Postby RogueScribner on Fri May 09, 2008 4:33 pm

So he IS the new Ed Wood! ;)

Great write up, MW. Sounds like you had a good time, despite the movie. :-P
My eye isn't lazy; it's ambidextrous!
User avatar
RogueScribner
The Dork Avenger
 
Posts: 9607
Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2005 3:52 am
Location: Melbourne, FL

Postby buster00 on Fri May 09, 2008 7:58 pm

"Making people laugh is the lowest form of comedy."

-- Michael O' Donoghue

I think it looks like a riot.
User avatar
buster00
AIRWOLF PLUS
 
Posts: 6401
Joined: Fri Dec 09, 2005 7:12 pm

Postby papalazeru on Fri May 09, 2008 8:08 pm

MW ..you have no taste.

Edit: I haven't seen it yet but I still want to
Papa: The musical!

Padders: "Not very classy! Not very classy at all!"
So Sorry "I'll give you a word to describe it: classless."
Cptn Kirks 2pay: ".....utterly unclassy....."
DennisMM: "...Decidedly unclassy..."
User avatar
papalazeru
Not very classy! Not very classy at all!!
 
Posts: 11475
Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2006 5:26 am

Re: POSTAL

Postby papalazeru on Fri Jul 24, 2009 5:19 pm

I've got seen Postal.

I....I....I've no words that I could use to describe this film.

I'm scarred, but not from the film being offensive, which it wasn't....something...much deeper...has been affected.
I know it was bad but I can't place how bad. If it was really that terrible wouldn't I have turned off? Or maybe it was so bad that I couldn't.


The only thing that I can think of is being eviscerated. That's it. Nothing else.

?/10


Still nothing.
Papa: The musical!

Padders: "Not very classy! Not very classy at all!"
So Sorry "I'll give you a word to describe it: classless."
Cptn Kirks 2pay: ".....utterly unclassy....."
DennisMM: "...Decidedly unclassy..."
User avatar
papalazeru
Not very classy! Not very classy at all!!
 
Posts: 11475
Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2006 5:26 am

Previous

Return to Movie Discussion

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests