What have you been watching? (DVD or Films on TV)

[caruso_stalker217]

This is the first time I've seen Ashley Olsen in a film and I got to see a good deal of her (she takes off her clothes in the film [not bad]). There is also plenty of screen time devoted to the male human ass and you kinda see Josh Brolin's dick and balls a few times.

This ends the nudity portion of the review.

you call that a review?

just mentioning you see his dick and balls a few times is not a review. we want to know what you thought of his dick and balls.

Results were inconclusive.

[so sorry]

Over the past few nights I've caught up with two big geek movies (thru HBOGo).... Pacific Rim and the Dark Knight Rises.

Holy crap I did NOT enjoy the Batman movie at all. Not even a tiny bit. I liked the first one just fine, thought the second one was tolerable, but not great. This one...jeezus so much silliness for such a "gritty" comic book adaptation.

Pacific Rim was fun enough I guess. It reminded me greatly of Independence Day. Turn your brain off and enjoy the 'splosions kinda flick. No desire for a sequel by the way....totally unnecessary.

[Peven]

watched "The Hill" over the weekend, with Sean Connery, made in 1965, set in an English military prison, WW II . hard-edged story, Connery is great, not a Hollywood type movie at all, good shit.

[caruso_stalker217]

So, I watched TWIXT.

[caruso_stalker217]

Been filling gaps in my HELLRAISER knowledge, because I guess that's essential right? I watched the third and fourth films on Netflix, which were shit. So I wasn't having any high hopes for the fifth installment, HELLRAISER: INFERNO.

But file this one under Better Than It Has Any Fucking Right To Be.

In fact...this is probably the best HELLRAISER film I've seen.

It's much more of a "psychological" horror film, with a corrupt asshole cop as the protagonist. Think BAD LIEUTENANT meets JACOB'S LADDER or some shit. This film focuses much more on the character's psychological state and some weird imagery and sexy Cenobite weirdness.

Pinhead is in this for approximately five minutes, which is exactly the way it should be. I spent the whole movie not really wanting to see the guy at all, but when he finally showed up they used him in a good and pivotal way. Not like in HELLRAISER 3 when they turned him into a dipshit Freddy Krueger wannabe who turned a bunch of fuckwads into bullshit Cenobite pissholes who shot CDs out of their fucking faces or some fucking garbage. Jesus, what a piece of shit that was.

A big reason why this works as well as it does is Craig Sheffer's performance as the dirty cop. Sheffer will probably never be mistaken for a great actor, but he is actually really fucking great in this. He does the whole burnt out film noir cop perfectly and even gets a narration track that reminded me so much of the game Max Payne that I wish they had cast him in the film adaptation.

Everyone involved with this film managed to elevate it to a level it had no business operating at. It's kinda crazy that this only as a 2.5 rating on Netflix. I gave this motherfucker a full 5 star rating.

The dude who directed this, Scott Derrickson, went on to do THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE, SINISTER and the new Eric Bana devil cop movie or whatever that's coming out. I haven't seen any of those movies, but I'm going to check them out based solely on this film.

This is a real gem. If you haven't seen it and you've got the Netflix, watch it now. It's worth a look.

[caruso_stalker217]

I forgot, Derrickson also directed the fucking abysmal THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL remake. So not everything he touches turns to gold.

[Spandau Belly]

Netflix! So that's why your movie journal is chock-o-block with DTV/homemade horror films.

I've only ever seen the first HELLRAISER, which I thought was a generally good movie that didn't explore its concept or characters as much as I would've liked.

I always meant to check out the second one. That hasn't happened yet.

[so sorry]

Netflix! So that's why your movie journal is chock-o-block with DTV/homemade horror films.

I've only ever seen the first HELLRAISER, which I thought was a generally good movie that didn't explore its concept or characters as much as I would've liked.

I always meant to check out the second one. That hasn't happened yet.

Hellraiser 2 is worth a watch for sure. Pretty gruesome. Entry #3 was beyond pathetic, and I never got around to any of the other ones. If I run across the Inferno edition I may have to check it out.

[Spandau Belly]

Yeah, they have a Clive Barker section at my videostore, whenever I pass by it I briefly debate renting HELLBOUND: HELLRAISER II but then my attention turns to NIGHTBREED. I've held off on seeing NIGHTBREED because they say the studio chopped it to shreds and there are continual rumours that one of these companies like Scream/Shout Factory are going to release the director's cut, and I figured I'd wait for that, but it hasn't happened yet.

[so sorry]

Yeah, they have a Clive Barker section at my videostore, whenever I pass by it I briefly debate renting HELLBOUND: HELLRAISER II but then my attention turns to NIGHTBREED. I've held off on seeing NIGHTBREED because they say the studio chopped it to shreds and there are continual rumours that one of these companies like Scream/Shout Factory are going to release the director's cut, and I figured I'd wait for that, but it hasn't happened yet.

Nightbreed was a frustrating movie to watch for sure. I went thru a Barker phase in the late 90s (read a handful of his novels) and I always thought Nightbreed was a cool flick, but riddled with problems. I've heard the rumors as well about all the stuff cut etc, but honestly, unless Barker were to pay for the whole thing on his own tab, it ain't gonna happen. Outside of a very small group of people, nobody's beating down 20th Century Fox's door for a Bluray remastered version (IMO).

[caruso_stalker217]

Netflix! So that's why your movie journal is chock-o-block with DTV/homemade horror films.

Well, that and my dad got me a 15 film DVD set of terrible fucking horror movies for my birthday.

[caruso_stalker217]

I have fond childhood memories of NIGHTBREED. It's a crazy mess of a film.

As for the HELLRAISERs, I never cared for them that much. I like the first one mostly for the cool effects and whatnot, but it's really not very good. I like HELLBOUND more because it kinda broadens the scope a little and has some cool quaint special effects and also a skinless chick and skinless chicks are hot.

When they made Pinhead the focus of the third and fourth films it just kinda killed it for me, because Pinhead isn't very interesting to begin with and turning him into a cackling villain is pretty lame.

I know that after INFERNO it all pretty much goes straight into the toilet, so I'm sure that will be a chore.

[caruso_stalker217]

Watched GALAXY QUEST for the first time in maybe a decade. It's actually even more fucking awesome than I remember. This is just a legitimately great film. It's funny, clever and even has a few touching dramatic scenes.

Enrico Colantoni deserves some sort of lifetime achievement award for his performance.

And Sigourney Weaver is the hotness.

[caruso_stalker217]

I have watched my first Andy Sidaris film, MALIBU EXPRESS. It kinda reminded me of SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT because the music is all hayseed country nonsense and there is the occasional car chase. There are a lot of boobs in the movie and most of them appear to be real. I liked that the Playboy Playmates got their own section in the credits.

The film is about a semi-competent private investigator who seems to have just woken up one day and decided to be a private investigator. He doesn't really know what he's doing. He can't shoot a moving target and he has a mustache.

I was actually surprised by the level of competence in the filmmaking. It's not masterful by any stretch, but everything seems to be in focus when it should be and the framing is good and everything. On a story level it doesn't make much sense, so there is a Perry Mason scene at the end to tie up all the loose ends and even then I'm not sure it actually made sense.

This film came out in 1985, so the plot involves computers and chips and people selling computer knowledge and computer secrets to Russia. Also there is a scene in a gym where everybody is sweaty and there are these two huge 'roided out freaks as well.

And headbands.

Sybil Danning is in the film and I never noticed how weird her body is.

This film also has the best "discovery of a body" scene I've ever seen.



And the scene where the dude is murdered is even better.

So this film gets a passing grade from me. It was funny on purpose and there weren't too many jokes that flopped.

Tits.

[Spandau Belly]

I have watched my first Andy Sidaris film, MALIBU EXPRESS.

I knew I spared your life for a reason. This cinematic journey is truly a path of discovery and wonder. The many hair styles of Rodrigo Obregon lie before you.

It kinda reminded me of SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT because the music is all hayseed country nonsense and there is the occasional car chase.

This one does have a far more Burt Reynolds vibe than the others. The other films do feature some hillbilly content, but I would say the Baywatch beach culture is usually the more dominant flavour. That Dukes of Hazaard score is definitely a big part of MAILBU EXPRESS's hillbilly feel, but the lead guy also has a strong hick vibe. He played the villain in this Philipino kung fu flick b-movie called FIRECRACKER which I would totally recommend.

There are a lot of boobs in the movie and most of them appear to be real.

The women are surprisingly natural for a long stretch in Sidaris's work. When he makes the switch to fake boobs, it kinda signals the decline in the films. I think the FIT TO KILL is the first one where Julie Strain shows up and is also the last one Dona Speir is in; and you can feel Sidaris begining to check out. After that the cast switches to almost entirely fake boobs with the likes of Shae Marks and Julie K. Smith. And although I like their cartoonish fake tits fine, Sidaris is clearly no longer invested in the movies on a creative level. Dona Speir's boobs were the heart of the series.

I was actually surprised by the level of competence in the filmmaking. It's not masterful by any stretch, but everything seems to be in focus when it should be and the framing is good and everything.

Sidaris was quite accomplished in sports broadcasting before he made the switch to making these self-financed corny T&A action flicks. So he has a good sense of coverage. The action all flows visually in a very coherent manner and he gets a surprising bang for his small budgets. His technical knowledge and professional connections clearly pay off.

On the DVDs I have he discusses the various techniques he used for getting the most of his budget. I met his widow who sold me the PICASSO TRIGGER poster I have in my laundry room and she told me more stories. Their business model was bang tidy.

On a story level it doesn't make much sense, so there is a Perry Mason scene at the end to tie up all the loose ends and even then I'm not sure it actually made sense.

Yeah, MALIBU EXPRESS at least kinda has a Ms Marple formula on the surface; so even if the dots don't connect it sorta feels like they do because it resembles other movies that do make sense. The same can be said about SEVANO'S SEVEN, Sidaris's take on THE SEVEN SAMURAI.

It's in HARD TICKET TO HAWAII that Sidaris really finds his voice and begins telling stories that are indisputably original because they usually have a couple subplots too many to keep them from fitting into any recognizeable formula. I think on the DVD for PICASSO TRIGGER, Dona Speir says "I read the whole script, I starred in the film, I watched it, but I had to watch it a few more times before I actually understood what was going on."

Strangely, some of them actually have good ideas for movies if they were rearranged and better thought out by somebody else. SAVAGE BEACH most of all feels like its story could actually be for real good if somebody else was telling it.

[caruso_stalker217]

Damn, man. You know your shit.

I'm watching these in chronological order, so HARD TICKET TO HAWAII is next.

Snake in toilet.

[TheBaxter]

i watched PET SEMATARY II

i know i've seen this movie in the past, because i remembered it being pretty bad, and my memory did not fail me. the biggest surprise of this film was being reminded that it was directed by the same woman who directed the original PET SEMATARY, mary lambert. not that the first PS was any kind of masterpiece, but it was mostly competently made, and it's hard to believe the same director could regress this far into making such a schlocky, poorly conceived film as this. then again, the first film had the great Stephen King novel (one of my all-time favorite King books) to work off of, and was smart enough to stick to the book very closely, whereas this shitburger was completely made up with no involvement by King that i'm aware of. so it's a made-up story by people who didn't have a clue about what made the first PS work and just figured another story with dead animals and people coming back to life would be just as good.

if there is one thing worth seeing the film for (not that there really is), it's clancy brown's performance as gus the evil stepfather/sheriff who, after dying from a zombie dog bite, is (for reasons that are inconceivable to anybody with a working brain) brought back to life by his abused stepson. unlike the first film, he doesn't automatically come back as a mindless killer.... instead he comes back as a leering, horny, playing-with-his-food-when-he-should-be-eating-it prankster who doesn't mind occasionally pushing a kid's face into the wheel of his dirt bike for kicks. his performance is so goofy and over-the-top that it kind of makes the film enjoyable, at least for those moments when he's around. it's also funny to see anthony edwards in a movie like this, because you know he's so serious about his acting, and you can just imagine him going to the director and saying "so, in this scene where i attack my zombie wife with a hatchet, what is my motivation here?" the late edward furlong is ok here, and overall i guess the acting is one thing this movie has over the original, which was pretty horribly acted outside of herman munster's awesome performance; at least no one in part II comes close to being as bad as that little girl who played ellie, though the bully kid kinda comes close.

like the first film, this film also has a ramones song playing over the closing credits, and unlike the title song from the original, this one is pretty crappy, so i guess it's fitting.

[so sorry]

Damn I never knew there was a sequel. Or maybe I just repressed the memory. I loved the first one. That kid was creepy as hell (I believe its the same kid from Kindergarten Cop who does the penis/vagina joke).

Edward Furlong's voice was always so grating to me...

[TheBaxter]

ignorance is bliss

[caruso_stalker217]

the late edward furlong is ok here

Edward Furlong is not dead. His career is.

[Spandau Belly]

I also did some horror revisiting and follow up work. I revisited DEMONS and finally got around to seeing DEMONS 2.

I have seen DEMONS many times because some friends used to always put on Italian horror movies at the end of the night. Strangely, nobody in that group owned DEMONS 2. One of the movies we did watch had a trailer for it, but for some reason we never made any effort to track it down.

I would say the premise for DEMONS is very good, even though I don't really know what the premise is. If there's one word to describe these movies, it would be 'unclear'. But I mean that in a good way, I think. DEMONS involves a group of random(?) people who are invited by a cyborg of Vincent Cassel to attend a free movie at a cinema. The movie is about people turning into demons. The demons are like the fast-moving zombies of the last wave of zombie movies. Then, the people in the cinema begin turning into demons and the survivors find that the cinema is locked and they are trapped inside. It is fairly vague as to why or how this is happening. It could be that the movie itself is cursed, but the film also seems to suggest that the demon plague starts because one of the patrons touches an infected movie prop on display in the lobby. Later in the film, it is revealed that demon transformation is widespread beyond the walls of the cinema. So maybe it's just a coincidence that people touching demonic masks and watching demonic movies also happen to be turning into demons.

The film is set in Berlin, and features a cast of emphatic Italian actors who I guess are playing Germans and their voices are then dubbed by American voice actors who mostly refer to each other by American names like "Johnny" and "Cheryl". Like most of these Italian horror movies, there's a surreal dream-like quality to the proceedings. It doesn't really feel like anybody is driving the action or even reacting to it a rational way, it mostly feels like things are just happening. At one point they all formulate a plan to stage a siege on the projection booth. They get there and discover the cinema is automated and this is played as a big shocking reveal like THE STEPFORD WIVES or something. I mean, what was their plan if they found a human projectionist? Complain? The tickets were free, so they can’t even ask for their money back. There was an usher girl tearing the tickets for the free movie, but she doesn’t seem to be in on the big plan to turn everybody into demons. Maybe she just likes tearing tickets, there’s no real point in hiring her seeing as the movie is free and designed to kill everybody anyway.

The characters are an odd assortment. The strangest being a woman who is accompanying a blind man, who is either her husband or father. She keeps sneaking off to snog with some other bloke. But it’s not like you can leave a blind dude alone watching a movie, he keeps asking her to narrate what’s going on on screen and so he notices when she’s not there. They should’ve gone to a concert or something. Bobby Rhodes is a lot of fun to watch and I’m glad they brought him back as a different character in the sequel. There’s also a character called Hanna and every time she appeared on screen I found myself thinking she had died already. There’s also a punk chick, and the part where the punk dude gently scrapes cocaine off her nipple with a razor blade is still incredibly erotic. I had a boner during that part that took me back to boners I had when I watched this movie regularly ten years ago.

Despite this film’s frequent disregard for narrative and causality, it delivers on the one big setup that counts. At the beginning, when you see that this cinema has movie props on display in the lobby in the form of a motorcycle and samurai sword, you start hoping that a character will ride a motorcycle around the aisles of a cinema chopping up demons with a samurai sword. And that the film delivers that then puts a cherry/helicopter on top is what really wraps this thing up in a satisfying package. This film is truly a classic and an excellent viewing as part of any horror regiment.

This brings me to DEMONS 2 which is your typical inferior sequel. It’s not a step down to the point that it disgraces the series or anything, but it’s all around just not as memorable. It seems that the events of the first film have been cleaned up or that the demon apocalypse that was engulfing Berlin at the end of the first film was actually just a real estate scam so they could kill everybody and build condos because that’s where the second film takes place: in a condo tower. The Vincent Cassel cyborg from the first film does not return. I thought maybe since he was handing out free movie tickets in the first film, he could be a real estate agent this time. No such luck.

We learn that Nostradamus was apparently buried within the Berlin Wall. We are told that he predicted stuff like Hitler and the first DEMONS movie and this sequel. So a group of young filmmakers decide it’s a good idea to scale the Berlin Wall (done with relative ease), and disrupt his tomb in hopes that the stuff he predicted will happen within a few metres of his grave. Luckily/unluckily for them, it does. There are demons just taking a nap around Nostradamus’s tomb and they get their faces scratched off and thus begins DEMONS 2.

Once again, everybody is trapped inside an enclosed space and a demon outbreak begins at a girl’s birthday party in which the birthday girl one-up’s Leslie Gore and turns into a demon. The condo building also houses a late night bodybuilding gym, led by Bobby Rhodes as the fitness instructor. After crowds of bodybuilders try kicking and ramming at the doors en masse, Bobby Rhodes tells everybody to back up and he whips a potted plant at the door only to discover that not even a fern can break the demonic locked doors. The other really funny part also involves a character acting like he’s going to do something big, then following up with underwhelming results. The hero dismantles the gas line and, in a very risky move, chucks a lighter at it so that the explosion will hit a horde of demons climbing up the stairwell. The result is a pitiful bang that only temporarily knocks them off their feet for a few seconds.

For the most part, DEMONS 2 is a very flat DIE HARD movie with demons. Like the first film, it doesn’t feel the need to explain itself. Once again, everybody who gets infected with the demon plague turns into a gnarly rotten rabid version of themselves expect for one person who splits in two and a little Gremlin hatches out of them. That happened in the first one, but I never really got what made one person react that way or if the Gremlin was in any way special. And they don’t bother with any more explanation this time. Asia Argento, daughter of the film’s screenwriter, also appears in this film as a girl with a WORLD WAR Z style immunity to demons. They just don’t seem interested in her. This allows her to survive long enough to see Bobby Rhodes get dragged by his cock to hell. Then her character just seems to vanish.

The sequel fails to go as over the top in its climax. The first film delivered with its promise of motorcycle samurai sword mayhem. I think this one needed a resurrected Nostradamus to show up and kick some demon ass and save everybody. The pregnant lady repelling against demons down the side of the building while in labour was plenty silly, but it felt more like a mid-movie set piece than a climax. The building should’ve at least been exploding while she was spelunking.

I’m really glad I revisited the first film, and I am glad I saw the second one. I don’t think Nostradamus predicted a third film, so this is it. These movies are a good time and are well integrated into a Halloween horror movie marathon (Halloween is soon, right?) with friends. Although only the first one is a real classic.

[TheBaxter]

the late edward furlong is ok here

Edward Furlong is not dead. His career is.

i didn't actually know if he was dead or not. i was just making an educated guess.

[caruso_stalker217]

the late edward furlong is ok here

Edward Furlong is not dead. His career is.

i didn't actually know if he was dead or not. i was just making an educated guess.

Any other time you'd be a hundred percent right. This time, you're a hundred percent wrong.

[Ribbons]

Any other time you'd be a hundred percent right. This time, you're a hundred percent wrong.

Hey jerk, I just wanted to say THANKS for making me devote the better part of the day to trying to remember what that line was from (Kill Bill for the curious).

[caruso_stalker217]

Any other time you'd be a hundred percent right. This time, you're a hundred percent wrong.

Hey jerk, I just wanted to say THANKS for making me devote the better part of the day to trying to remember what that line was from (Kill Bill for the curious).

[TheBaxter]

Any other time you'd be a hundred percent right. This time, you're a hundred percent wrong.

Hey jerk, I just wanted to say THANKS for making me devote the better part of the day to trying to remember what that line was from (Kill Bill for the curious).

that's odd. it only took me about 5 seconds to google it.

[Ribbons]

Cheater

[TheBaxter]

SINISTER aka "Massawyrm Done Good"

i really liked this film quite a bit. this is very much in the creepy spooky horror genre, as opposed to the blood and gore or the false jump scare (see note later on) genre, and in my mind this kind of horror is much more effective than those others. we've seen a lot more of these type of films, like the Insidious films and The Conjuring, and i'm encouraged by that. eventually you get numb to the jump scares of typical horror films, and blood and guts gets a bit boring especially when you can tune into any episode of Walking Dead or CSI and see stuff that would've gotten a film an R rating 20 years ago. but the creepy stuff, when well done, never gets old. and here it's really well done. also, this is not a "ghost" story per se, so it's a bit different than those other Insidious/Conjuring/Paranormal Activity movies, it brings something a little different to the table. also, this is a film i can add to my "reasons to never have children" list, which i'm always glad to see grow.

now, as for that jump scare.... this film has a couple, but doesn't overly resort to them. except at the end. the VERY end. think Paranormal Activity, where there's a sudden jump scare that cuts to black to end the film. and this one is even more pointless and gratuitous than the PA one was. it's really a shame, because this film is so effective at building up a sense of dread and foreboding, purely through atmosphere, and then they leave you with that awful bad taste in your mouth at the very end by adding a completely unnecessary jump moment. it's like drinking a delicious glass of wine, and then the last swallow gives you an aftertaste of gasoline. instead of walking out of the theater with that lingering sense of dread from everything that happens in the film, the jump scare defuses all that tension and lets you walk out feeling relief instead. it really undermines the film, and was a pretty lame decision.

[TheBaxter]

last night i watched SNAKE EYES, which i hadn't seen since it originally came out in the theater.

my review of this film can be summed up in the following video:

[TheBaxter]

HER

finally caught up with this film. who knew Skynet had such a touching and emotional origin story? after watching this beautiful prequel to the Terminator series, you'll never see those films the same way again.

[caruso_stalker217]

UNDER THE SKIN

The trailer I saw for this promised ambiguity, weirdness and naked Scarlett Johansson and this film delivers on all three. The tone is pretty low-key. Pretty minimal when it comes to character, dialogue, plot and other things that typically clutter up films. The tone is very cold and detached. The audience is left to observe the various, uh, events I guess, or occurrences, as they unfold(?). Prepare to see a lot of sequences of Scarlett Johansson driving around. Some weird things happen when she takes men back to her house. There is one moment that is especially weird and disturbing. The entire tone of the film could be described as alien, which is just right. We don't know what Scarlett's character is doing with these men exactly. We aren't shown or told what her motivation is. She has very little dialogue, most of which amounts to "I have a place around here, would you like to go there with me?" Most of the dialogue comes from people with the thickest Scottish accents I've ever heard. Subtitles may help there.

Obviously, this has been compared to Kubrick's stuff by a lot of people. 2001 in particular. Not a bad comparison. There was some stuff here that certain felt vague enough to fit in with that film. It doesn't hurt that the film looks incredible. I really enjoyed the score, which is more sound design than music. All of these elements combine to make for quite a film experience. Unless you are my wife, in which case you will call me a hipster and shun me.

About the nudity now. There are quite a few man dicks in the film, which I am all for. There can never be enough penis in cinema. As for Scarlett's nudity, it is total. She is shown in her full unclothed glory and in a completely objective and unsexy way. One of my favorite sequences is where Scarlett is looking at herself naked in the mirror, noting every curve and line as if she's never really looked at herself before. It's a good scene for the character's development (what little there is) and it's good for my eyes. I approve of scenes like this.

If you are looking for a film with a clear plot, clear character motivations, a clear resolution, audible dialogue and things that make sense, then you might skip this one. If on the other hand you are into these sorts of films or are curious or just want to see high quality versions of those nude ScarJo screencaps you've looked up on Google, then this is a film worth seeing.

[Spandau Belly]

I was generally planning on skipping that one altogether. I figured a version of SPECIES with a bunch of "artsy" cinematography would likely be even less entertaining than SPECIES. But a buddy of my was raving about it the other day saying that the film achieves a tension and atmosphere that sustains it.

It's getting a victory lap at the cinema near my house at the end of the month, so if I'm not busy those nights I might give it shot. Yet I suspect it may be a repeat of my somewhat dissatisfied feelings about BEYOND THE BLACK RAINBOW and ONLY GOD FOGRIVES.

[TheBaxter]

The trailer I saw for this promised ambiguity, weirdness and naked Scarlett Johansson and this film delivers on all three...
She has very little dialogue

someone should take ScarJo's voiceovers from HER and edit them into this film. i bet it would end up making a surprising amount of sense.

i have a feeling i'm going to just skip this film. i'll just google all the, ahem, "important parts"

[so sorry]

i have a feeling i'm going to just skip this film. i'll just google all the, ahem, "important parts"

That's the first thing I did this morning when I read Caruso's review.

[TheBaxter]

i have a feeling i'm going to just skip this film. i'll just google all the, ahem, "important parts"

That's the first thing I did this morning when I read Caruso's review.

i think we can all guess what the second thing you did was

[caruso_stalker217]

i have a feeling i'm going to just skip this film. i'll just google all the, ahem, "important parts"

That's the first thing I did this morning when I read Caruso's review.

Glad I could help.

[Spandau Belly]

BLOOD TIES (2013)

I was really looking forward to this one. I generally like movies in the cops 'n robbers genre. And this one had the unique advantage of casting three sexy male actors (Clive Owen, Matthias Schoenaerts, Billy Crudup) and three sexy female actors (Marion Cotillard, Mila Kunis, Zoe Saldana), all of whom I would like to have sexy sex with. I don't think any movie has ever done that before. That casting forced me to take stock of my orfices and contemplate renovations that I had never considered before. Sadly, the film is pretty unsexy, not to mention unegaging and prettymuch bad. I'm not expecting every cop/heist movie to deliver on the standard of HEAT, but I think it's reasonable to demand a CARLITO'S WAY level of entertainment. Fuck, this movie makes THE TOWN seem half as good everybody made it out to be.

The pieces are all there, well, except for the ones that I think hit the editing room floor and kept major portions of the film from being clear. You've got two brothers on opposite sides of the law, each of whom is involved in his own seperate love triangle. So that's six characters and at least six different relationships there. Then there's some other plot scraps and side characters on top. Most of the character interactions aren't terribly amusing to watch. The material doesn't generate much friction, and the cast doesn't really seem to give a fuck. For the most part it's a case of good actors not trying very hard, and in the case of Mila Kunis it's a mediocre actress trying way too hard. The latter proves to be more painful to watch than the former.

For a film set in Brooklyn starring this many Europeans, you may expect that the accents in this film are gonna be a fuckin' battlefield, and boy is it bloody. I would say that Matthias 'The Belgian Oleg' Schoenaerts comes out on top by speaking a language other than his mother tongue and managing to sound like the same type of American for his entire performance. Marion Cotillard is playing a Latina and affects a bizarre drunken Scarface voice. Mila Kunis fails the worst. She delivers about 30% of her lines in an attempt at a Brooklyn accent and just speaks like herself when the scene requires her to multi-task by both speaking and looking at another actor. She only has about ten lines in this movie, so I don't know why they didn't just bring in Harvey Keitel to dub her dialogue.

There are several ways these types of heist movies can be entertaining. Michael Mann usually taps into some deep meditation on men and their samurai codes. Nicolas Wingdings Refn brings surreal touches and clashing elements together in a unique style that usually adds a freshness to the material. Tarantino fills his films with lively and comical character interactions with witty dialogue. And then there's the adrenaline thrill-seeking of these dangerous lifestyles as captured by Kathryn Bigelow. This film doesn't go for any of those. BLOOD TIES just plays out like a flat soap opera of couples bickering, love triangles and various betrayals with very little of the excitement of the bang-bang variety. And like I said, I think some scenes got cut that maybe shouldn't have. Either that or I missed when they revealed who sabotaged Clive Owen's attempt at an honest life. It didn't have any consequence anyway. And I still wasn't sure if Schoenaerts went to prison because he was really a criminal or if it was just because Crudup trumped up charges to get him out of the way so he could fuck Zoe Saldana. And I'm pretty sure the whole third act contrives to create a villain and has a character make an uncharacteristic and bad decision to advance the plot.

Is there anything I liked about the film? Well, yeah, sure. You know that part in The Bible after the speedboat chase where Jesus turns to Gandhi and says that next to every beautiful woman is a dude who's bored of fucking her? Well, sometimes Jesus is flat fucking wrong, my friends. This is directed by Guillaume Canet, Marion Cotillard's husdand, and he is hot for his wife. Cotillard and the camera in this movie make such in intense fuckme eyes back and forth this entire movie. The camera just leers at her. Canet's lust for his wife is inspiring. I'll also saythat after the gawdy 70s dressup party vibe of AMERICAN HU$TLE, I appreciated Canet's more restrained cool 70s. This movie had a nice SHAFT look in its fashion choices. That's it for the good things I have to say. So all and all I found this to be one of the more disappointing films I've seen lately.

[SilentBobX]

Finally got to see Snowpiercer with Chris Evans.

Before I actually get down to it, I have to say first that this is my first film at a new theater here locally called The Belcourt Theater. A cozy, smaller, more intimate venue that makes up for in lack of space with a charm I'd not associated with a theater in far too long. It even has a mini-bar with actual alcoholic beverages(shocking). This was the first movie my girlfriend and I saw here and it was memorable if nothing else.

Now to the film......

So many questions, and so much that does NOT MAKE SENSE to me.

I'm not gonna hammer on the film's leaps of logic that would make Evel Knievel say "Fuck this shit yo", but first offer that Chris Evans' character Curtis is a great performance. A grittier, more down to earth performance than his run as Captain America. No triple somersaults here. To say nothing of the supporting cast which does its job admirably. Tilda Swinton also hams it up as Mason, which evokes images of the nerdy little wimp who serves the boss character in every Bruce Lee movie. A real big mouth and false courage when thugs surround him but on his own is weaker than water.

What I liked:

The direction is first rate, and has solid performances everywhere.

Great train design, if only seen in brief shots.

Action sequences are brutal, bloody, and would make anything rated PG13 jealous.

What I didn't like(spoiler text)

So the earth is frozen which destroys everything but TRAIN TRACKS?

The sheer number of people on this train has to number close to 1000. Having a hard time processing this many people on any train

An AQUARIUM car? In the dead of a winter that has frozen everything on earth SOLID? WHAT?

Ditto for the meat car. They've been at it for 17 years, and where did all this livestock suddenly come from?

As we go from car to car to get to the front I notice something........Where do these people sleep? On the floor?

During the final sequence the angry ravers take FOREVER to cross a single bridge to attack Nam.

The elementary school car. Can't process this either. Not to mention people in the theater CHEERED when the pregnant school teacher got killed. Sadists.

I could go on but I think this covers most of it. All in all, I'd say see it if you want to see something different and not worry too much about logic. Flip a coin.


Mahalo

[Spandau Belly]

I haven't seen SNOWPIERCER, I'm not sure if I will. But I think it's one of those movies where you have to accept its central conceit as absurdism or don't even bother watching it all.

[so sorry]

I haven't seen SNOWPIERCER, I'm not sure if I will. But I think it's one of those movies where you have to accept its central conceit as absurdism or don't even bother watching it all.

I choose B.

[SilentBobX]

Heard it hasn't done well at the box office, and don't expect it to. Chances are, if you put this up at any walmart, people will assume it's direct to video. Again, it has flaws of logic that take me right out of the movie. I'm sure there are people who will argue some higher or deeper meaning associated with it, but I just don't get it. I will give it points for trying however.


Mahalo

[Ribbons]

The way you have to look at it is like The Game of Death, only they're fighting their way up the class system. I liked it and appreciated its weirdness. I don't quite get all the hype, but I think it's an enjoyable home-watch at least.

[caruso_stalker217]

While I was on vacation I watched CHILDREN OF THE CORN V.

I don't recommend it.

[Spandau Belly]

[TheBaxter]

another scene that takes on a completely different meaning when you watch it with the benny hill music instead.

[Peven]

I haven't seen SNOWPIERCER, I'm not sure if I will. But I think it's one of those movies where you have to accept its central conceit as absurdism or don't even bother watching it all.

I choose B.

I watched it on PPV and was entertained, I recommend pairing it with "The Good, The Bad, and the Weird" for a far out, wacky, action-packed Korean train themed double feature.

[Peven]

The Counselor has been on HBO this last month and I have become hooked on it, watching it 7 or 8 times at this point. it is pretty talky in the first act, and you better pay attention to what people are saying, though I find the dialogue offbeat enough to be interesting without going too far or trying too hard. the movie is loaded with top notch actors anchored by Fassbender doing a great job with the title role and directed by Ridley Scott, For me, the scene with Fassbender and Ruben Blades near the end of the film is the crux of the biscuit, as Frank Zappa would say, and Blades kills it. Javier Bardem, Penelope Cruz, Brad Pitt, Cameron Diaz doing some of her best work, and a couple of cheetahs are also in the movie

[Fievel]

the scene with Fassbender and Ruben Blades...

That fragment alone blows my mind.
I'll have to check this out.

I've always like Blades.

[SilentBobX]

Just bought Batman: Assault on Arkham.

Man, this is a blast. Basically it's Task Force X(or Suicide Squad) recruited by Amanda Waller. It's got incredible action, a VERY naughty Harley Quinn, and an ending that is sweet.

I don't want to spoil. If you haven't seen it, see it. Marvel may own the multiplex, but DC's batting a thousand with its animated DTV features.

Mahalo

[Spandau Belly]

BLUE RUIN

Caught up with this one after missing it during its theatrical run. A solid revenge thriller that gets its tension out of the characters feeling like regular people and not action movie characters; much like DEATH SENTENCE except that BLUE RUIN is enhanced by the use of no Hollywood actors. The victim guy in this movie is not an action hero. He has no combat skills and looks like a 30 year old Paul Giamatti. He is not a logistic mastermind guy doing weapons and martial arts training in preparation for some theatrical revenge symphony like LAW ABIDING CITIZEN. He's been mostly just living as a hobo. The movie has a very stark style, with very little dialogue and what is there is pretty natural. It is well shot and well cut in a way that keeps its familiar plot engaging.