DinoDeLaurentiis wrote:Anna to get a back onna topic, eh? My problems with a the Unna'breakable, they are a numerous, eh? But a to just a name a the few...
Firstly, right offa the bat, you gotta the goddamn title screen that say something like "Every year, 17 million funny books, they sold inna the U.S., eh?" anna right there, inna the first 15 seconds of a the movie, you gotta alla the women inna the audience saying "holy crappa... you take a me to a the goddamn FUNNY BOOK a movie!?!?" Shyamalan, that putz, he alienates a half a the audience right there anna gets a the other half inna trouble with a their mates, thus impacting a the remaining enna'joyment of a the picture, eh?
Second, you gotta the Shyamalan, who knocked it outta the park onna his first outing with a the Sixth Sense, but he's a the goddamn one-trick pony, eh? He's a no Spielberg, that's a for sure... Unna'like a the Spielberg, he TELLS us everything inna the Unna'breakable, inna'stead of a showing us, eh?
For example, you gotta the Sammy J. character, anna through a the whole goddamn movie, he's a like a the goddamn Chatty-Cathy, "Joe Expository", no? Giving a the goddamn Bruce's character a the goddamn "Funny Books 101" lessons anna such, even a going so far as a to say "Look atta alla the super villians, eh? The artists, they draw them with a the big heads anna bulging eyes anna such, no?" as iffa we dinna notice that a the Sammy J, he's a gotta that crazy hair-do anna the bug-eyes, eh?
Anna then a you gotta the whole thing with a the water, no? Again, you gotta the Sammy J. saying "oh, the water, she's a like a your Kryptonite, eh? Alla the superheroes, they gotta the weakness, eh?" just inna case a we too stupid to figure it alla out, no? Anna then a we gotta to have a the Bruce say "hmm... when I was a the little kid, I alla'most drowned, eh? Anna I dinna bother to try anna swim ever again!!"
Compare that with a the Chief Brody inna the Jaws, eh? From a the very first a scene with a the character onna the ferry, we can a tell from a his body language anna actions, he donna like a the water, eh? Anna so' s a when a the character, they say "you donna like a the water, eh Chief?" atta that point, we alla'ready know it, eh? Anna the question, she becomes alla humorous a 'cos it's a the yokel-gag of a stating a the obvious inna'stead of a the goddamn expository dialog, no?
Third, once a the goddamn Shyamalan sets uppa the film with alla the expository dialog, he donna make a the biggest pay-off of alla, eh? He tell us plain anna simple that a the villian is a the EXACT OPPOSITE of a the hero, eh? Anna so while a the Bruce, he's unna'breakable, you gotta the Sammy J who's totally breakable, eh? With a the fragile anna brittle bones anna such... anna so's a the final pay-off, she would have a been after explaining a the Kryptonite deal with a the water, he should have a shown a the Sammy J. inna the swimming pool or a the therapy pool atta the hospital or a something, moving alla graceful anna flexible anna free inna the water, doing a the "hydro-weight" training anna such, a 'cos a the water, she is a the only place where his a bones, they donna break anna he can a do things inna the water he just a canna do onna land, eh? Inna the water, he has a the strength anna agility, no? Unna'like a the Bruce, who sink a like a the goddamn rock, no?
Fourth, you gotta the whole idea of a the adult man who dinna notice a before that he's a gotta the super-strength anna such ever before inna his a life? Holy crappa that premise, she is alla kinds of a the stupid, eh? Yes, yes, he says something like "I was alla'ways a the good athlete" anna such but holy crappa! The putz, he suddenly discovers as a the adult he can a bench a like a the 700 lbs with ease, no? You donna think he would have a discovered something like a that earlier inna his a life? Like a say, inna the workout room inna the gym a when he play a the football inna high school anna such?
Goddamn... I could a go on.... but I gotta to catch uppa onna the other threads, eh?
Bumped for ThrowBack Thursday goodness...