Upcoming Stephen King Projects

[TheBaxter]

i guess technically this is a stephen king "project":

Bruce Willis to make Broadway debut in production of Stephen King's Misery

My God this just reminded me of his "singing career" back in the early 90s.... yikes.

i don't think it's a musical. luckily.

maybe he can do a harmonica solo in there somewhere though.

[Fievel]

Cybil Sheppard for Annie!!

Oh wait...this is for real.

[Ribbons]

What does Stephen King think of all those Stephen King adaptations?

[TheButcher]

‘The Stand’ Adaptation Now Planned as Four Movies

see what you've done, Peter Jackson?!?!
SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!!!????!!!!

Stephen King’s ‘The Stand’ Poised to Add TV Miniseries at Showtime (Exclusive)
In addition to movie, Warner Bros., CBS Films and writer-director Josh Boone are in talks to mount an 8-part TV series

[so sorry]

‘The Stand’ Adaptation Now Planned as Four Movies

see what you've done, Peter Jackson?!?!
SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!!!????!!!!

Stephen King’s ‘The Stand’ Poised to Add TV Miniseries at Showtime (Exclusive)
In addition to movie, Warner Bros., CBS Films and writer-director Josh Boone are in talks to mount an 8-part TV series

So an 8 part mini series leading up to one movie, and apparently I DON'T need to see the 8 hour miniseries to follow the movie? Not buying that one bit. This is pretty damn tricky to pull off.
That said, its one of my all time favorite books, so I'll be seeing whatever the hell they put out there anyway.

[TheBaxter]

it's only mentioned in passing in this article but apparently Mr. Mercedes is being made into a TV movie, to be directed by Jack Bender.

this is on King book that can probably be done justice by a TV movie, and Jack Bender is a good director. i mean, he's no Mick Garris or anything, but he usually does a good job.

[TheBaxter]

first teaser for 11.22.63 miniseries

and teaser is right, 30 seconds, a brief voiceover and some really quick clips. not much to go on.
probably the most disturbing part is this King quote: “Remarkable. Terrific. They did a great job.”
given how poor a judge he is of adaptations of his own work, that quote has me expecting something roughly equivalent in quality to a Mick Garris film.

[TheBaxter]

stephen king jr's NOS4A2 to become an AMC series

what's that, over there? is it ... could it be.... YES! it's mick garris, hiding in the shadows, wringing his hands and salivating with the hope of one day ruining another generation of Kings' works on the TV medium. fear him, joe. FEAR HIM.

[Fievel]

stephen king jr's NOS4A2 to become an AMC series

what's that, over there? is it ... could it be.... YES! it's mick garris, hiding in the shadows, wringing his hands and salivating with the hope of one day ruining another generation of Kings' works on the TV medium. fear him, joe. FEAR HIM.

STOP IT!!!!
MG is like Candyman or Beetlejuice. You say his name three times in a row and he gets work!!

And fuck....Hill needs to play his dad in The Dark Tower.

[TheButcher]

‘Stand by Me’ Oral History: Rob Reiner and Cast on River Phoenix and How Coming-of-Age Classic Almost Didn’t Happen

It’s been three decades since “Stand By Me” became the little drama that could, catapulting River Phoenix to stardom, establishing Rob Reiner as a director on the rise, and racking up big ticket sales on a paltry budget.

The story of four friends from small town in Oregon, hiking into the countryside in search of the body of a boy who has been hit and killed by a train, is an unlikely coming-of-age tale. Yet in Reiner’s sensitive hands, it becomes a meditation on mortality — one that transcends its 1950s setting to have a universal appeal.

“Stand By Me” is unique in other ways. For one thing, it rivals “The 400 Blows” in its ability to evoke complex characterizations from young actors. Not only Phoenix as spiritual leader Chris Chambers, but co-stars Wil Wheaton as sensitive Gordie Lachance, Jerry O’Connell as wisecracking Vern Tessio, and Corey Feldman as hot-tempered Teddy Duchamp, provide finely wrought portraits of boys on the cusp of adulthood.


For Reiner, best known at the time for playing Michael “Meathead” Stivic in “All in the Family,” it was a chance to step out of the shadow of his father, legendary comedian Carl Reiner, and to position himself as a director of depth and nuance. It launched a career that would see him directing the likes of “Misery,” “When Harry Met Sally…,” and “The Princess Bride.”

But though it is now considered a classic, “Stand By Me” struggled to make it to screens. Financed outside the studio system after the cult success of “This is Spinal Tap,” after nearly every Hollywood player passed on the script, the film was nearly derailed after its funding collapsed right before filming. It then had to hustle to find distribution. To mark its 30th anniversary, Variety spoke to the cast and creative team behind the film.

After convincing a reluctant Stephen King to allow them to adapt his novella, “The Body,” for the screen, writers Bruce A. Evans and Raynold Gideon brought the project to AVCO Embassy Pictures, a production and distribution company owned by Norman Lear. For King, who based the story on his own childhood, it was a leap of faith. The horror writer had bad experiences with Hollywood and was unhappy with adaptations of his books “The Shining” and “Christine.”

[TheButcher]

/film:
Just when you thought they were done announcing new adaptations of Stephen King stories, a few more drop out of the sky.

Stephen King Novella ‘Hearts in Atlantis’ Set for Big Screen (EXCLUSIVE)

[TheBaxter]

Gerald's Game coming to Netflix

[TheButcher]

[TheButcher]

Deadline April 27, 2017 :
‘Firestarter’: Stephen King Classic Reignites With Universal, Blumhouse & Akiva Goldsman Directing

[TheBaxter]

Deadline April 27, 2017 :
‘Firestarter’: Stephen King Classic Reignites With Universal, Blumhouse & Akiva Goldsman Directing

hey, Akiva Goldsman, Mick Garris just called, he wants his old job* back.









* ruining Stephen King adaptations

[Ribbons]

Do any of the King fans here plan on watching the "Mr. Mercedes" TV show? I've read several reviews that say it's actually pretty decent.

[TheBaxter]

i'd watch it, except i don't know what channel it's on. in fact i forgot about it entirely until that post. and it's not one of King's best books so i don't feel like i'm missing much.
i haven't been too impressed with the new Mist series either.

[Ribbons]

It's on the AT&T Audience Network, which I believe is a DirecTV-exclusive thing. But you might be able to watch episodes through a streaming service or... other means.

[TheBaxter]

screw that, i'm too lazy/cheap to spend that much effort/money in finding a tv show unless it's something truly great, which i doubt this is. there are already more good shows out there than i have time to watch as it is.

[TheBaxter]

i recently watched the miniseries version of 11/22/63. i thought it was really well done. fairly faithful to the book, which is one of King's better recent efforts, and most importantly, they kept the book's ending intact. King doesn't often have the most satisfying endings, but this book did, so it was wise not to change it.

[TheBaxter]

new Pet Sematary trailer:



it looks pretty. but i don't know about those kids in the Wicker Man masks. it's a bit over-the-top. sure, kids in masks are creepy, but it doesn't make sense. i halfway expected to see nic cage run on-screen and punch one of them in the face.

and as much as i admire jon lithgow, from what i've seen in the trailer, he's not going to make me forget fred gwynne's brilliant performance. i'm sure the kid acting will be better (because it couldn't not be) but i'm also worried there's gonna be a lot of over-the-top effects scenes that don't really fit the story and are just there to look freaky. that worked with IT because you're dealing with a multi-dimensional monster who screws with kids' minds, and that book already had plenty of fantastical scenes... but Pet Sematary is more grounded, and the story doesn't want or need over-the-top bizarre sights. the horror comes from the plot of the story, and the underlying ideas and concepts behind it.

[so sorry]

new Pet Sematary trailer:



it looks pretty. but i don't know about those kids in the Wicker Man masks. it's a bit over-the-top. sure, kids in masks are creepy, but it doesn't make sense. i halfway expected to see nic cage run on-screen and punch one of them in the face.

and as much as i admire jon lithgow, from what i've seen in the trailer, he's not going to make me forget fred gwynne's brilliant performance. i'm sure the kid acting will be better (because it couldn't not be) but i'm also worried there's gonna be a lot of over-the-top effects scenes that don't really fit the story and are just there to look freaky. that worked with IT because you're dealing with a multi-dimensional monster who screws with kids' minds, and that book already had plenty of fantastical scenes... but Pet Sematary is more grounded, and the story doesn't want or need over-the-top bizarre sights. the horror comes from the plot of the story, and the underlying ideas and concepts behind it.

Its definitely creepy enough, but I think I agree with everything you said. This one won't be seen by me though, I don't do dead-kid movies.

[TheBaxter]

Stephen King's Joyland getting TV adaptation

this is one of my favorite recent King books, so i'm looking forward to it

[TheBaxter]

the latest Stephen King property to be resurrected: Salem's Lot

i love the original miniseries. didn't care for the Rob Lowe remake. a feature film version is intriguing but there are other ones more deserving or in need of remaking.

[Wolfpack]

They should remake the Tommyknockers or the Langoliers.

[Peven]

Stand By Me will always be the best Stephen King movie in my book

[so sorry]

Negotiations underway for The Stand Mini series on CBS Whaterver-Its-Called

Didn't realize this was even a thing, but its easy to get lost in King movies/remakes/prequels/miniseries/shit.

[TheBaxter]

Negotiations underway for The Stand Mini series on CBS Whaterver-Its-Called

Didn't realize this was even a thing, but its easy to get lost in King movies/remakes/prequels/miniseries/shit.

The Stand is a natural for one of those limited 10-part streaming serieses. been a while since i saw the original adaptation, i remember it as one of the better ones, but still a lot of room for improvement. and maybe if it's successful enough, it can serve as a backdoor pilot to a Dark Tower series, since this kind of approach is how the DT series should have been done in the first place. they can even follow through on their original idea for casting Randall Flagg.

[so sorry]

Negotiations underway for The Stand Mini series on CBS Whaterver-Its-Called

Didn't realize this was even a thing, but its easy to get lost in King movies/remakes/prequels/miniseries/shit.

The Stand is a natural for one of those limited 10-part streaming serieses. been a while since i saw the original adaptation, i remember it as one of the better ones, but still a lot of room for improvement. and maybe if it's successful enough, it can serve as a backdoor pilot to a Dark Tower series, since this kind of approach is how the DT series should have been done in the first place. they can even follow through on their original idea for casting Randall Flagg.

I remember liking the 1994 series alot. But TV back then ain't what it is now, so yeah, PLENTY of room for improvement.

[TheBaxter]

CBS's The Stand is out now (at least the 1st episode) and the reviews are not very good.

i'll definitely be watching this, but not in a rush, especially with the so-so reviews. since they're doing the one-episode-per-week release schedule, this'll wrap up sometime in february, i'll wait til then so i can watch it all at once. it's not like i don't know the story inside and out from reading the book and watching the previous miniseries, the only "surprise" will be King's new ending, which I'd have to wait til the last episode to see anyway.

i get why these streaming services are going back to the weekly model, it keeps people subscribing for 2 or 3 months, instead of just binging for one month and then cancelling, but there are too many of these streaming services to subscribe to all at once, so i'm happy to wait til the entire series is available instead of getting strung along.

[Nachokoolaid]

I tend to like a lot of King's work, but I'm weird in that The Stand is one that I'm not a huge fan of.

[so sorry]

CBS's The Stand is out now (at least the 1st episode) and the reviews are not very good.

i'll definitely be watching this, but not in a rush, especially with the so-so reviews. since they're doing the one-episode-per-week release schedule, this'll wrap up sometime in february, i'll wait til then so i can watch it all at once. it's not like i don't know the story inside and out from reading the book and watching the previous miniseries, the only "surprise" will be King's new ending, which I'd have to wait til the last episode to see anyway.

i get why these streaming services are going back to the weekly model, it keeps people subscribing for 2 or 3 months, instead of just binging for one month and then cancelling, but there are too many of these streaming services to subscribe to all at once, so i'm happy to wait til the entire series is available instead of getting strung along.

So will you buy the service in February and just binge?

I'd love to watch this, despite what the reviews may be saying. The only King book I've read multiple times, so I'd be interested to see how it works. But I ain't paying for it... I'm already getting bloated with streaming prices on top of my Verizon bill.

[TheBaxter]

CBS's The Stand is out now (at least the 1st episode) and the reviews are not very good.

i'll definitely be watching this, but not in a rush, especially with the so-so reviews. since they're doing the one-episode-per-week release schedule, this'll wrap up sometime in february, i'll wait til then so i can watch it all at once. it's not like i don't know the story inside and out from reading the book and watching the previous miniseries, the only "surprise" will be King's new ending, which I'd have to wait til the last episode to see anyway.

i get why these streaming services are going back to the weekly model, it keeps people subscribing for 2 or 3 months, instead of just binging for one month and then cancelling, but there are too many of these streaming services to subscribe to all at once, so i'm happy to wait til the entire series is available instead of getting strung along.

So will you buy the service in February and just binge?

I'd love to watch this, despite what the reviews may be saying. The only King book I've read multiple times, so I'd be interested to see how it works. But I ain't paying for it... I'm already getting bloated with streaming prices on top of my Verizon bill.

yeah, that's the plan. last time i did that for Picard, and also binged Discovery S1-2 and Tyler Perry's Twilight Zone. this time i'll do the Stand, Discovery S3 and TZ S2 in one month and then cancel. it's the best way to juggle all these competing services. streaming is supposed to be cheaper than cable, and i'm determined to keep it that way, at least for myself.

[TheBaxter]

so, as promised, i've begun watching CBS's The Stand. the reviews weren't great, but whatever. i'm 2 episodes in and i can see why. for some reason they thought it would be a good idea to constantly jump back and forth in the timeline. glad i read the book, because it's got to be head-spinningly confusing for anyone trying to make sense of who these people are and when certain scenes are happening. and even if you've read the book (or seen the previous miniseries) it still just kills any dramatic buildup or character development. just a mind-numbingly dumb decision. it's like they were going for Lost-style flashback episodes, but then realized they only had 9 episodes and way too many characters to do that with, so they just jumbled them all together with no real reason or connection between them instead.

[so sorry]

so, as promised, i've begun watching CBS's The Stand. the reviews weren't great, but whatever. i'm 2 episodes in and i can see why. for some reason they thought it would be a good idea to constantly jump back and forth in the timeline. glad i read the book, because it's got to be head-spinningly confusing for anyone trying to make sense of who these people are and when certain scenes are happening. and even if you've read the book (or seen the previous miniseries) it still just kills any dramatic buildup or character development. just a mind-numbingly dumb decision. it's like they were going for Lost-style flashback episodes, but then realized they only had 9 episodes and way too many characters to do that with, so they just jumbled them all together with no real reason or connection between them instead.

Yikes. Thanks for the head's up, I was thinking about doing the same thing you did (get the free trial just to binge this), but honestly, I don't think its worth the effort.

[TheBaxter]

so, as promised, i've begun watching CBS's The Stand. the reviews weren't great, but whatever. i'm 2 episodes in and i can see why. for some reason they thought it would be a good idea to constantly jump back and forth in the timeline. glad i read the book, because it's got to be head-spinningly confusing for anyone trying to make sense of who these people are and when certain scenes are happening. and even if you've read the book (or seen the previous miniseries) it still just kills any dramatic buildup or character development. just a mind-numbingly dumb decision. it's like they were going for Lost-style flashback episodes, but then realized they only had 9 episodes and way too many characters to do that with, so they just jumbled them all together with no real reason or connection between them instead.

Yikes. Thanks for the head's up, I was thinking about doing the same thing you did (get the free trial just to binge this), but honestly, I don't think its worth the effort.

probably not, but ST:Discovery is good and so was Picard. Tyler Perry's Twilight Zone is ok, probably worth a watch. you can skip the Stand and still have a month's worth of decent viewing, and since it'll probably be several months to a year before a new season of Picard or Discovery, now's as good a time as ever.

[so sorry]

so, as promised, i've begun watching CBS's The Stand. the reviews weren't great, but whatever. i'm 2 episodes in and i can see why. for some reason they thought it would be a good idea to constantly jump back and forth in the timeline. glad i read the book, because it's got to be head-spinningly confusing for anyone trying to make sense of who these people are and when certain scenes are happening. and even if you've read the book (or seen the previous miniseries) it still just kills any dramatic buildup or character development. just a mind-numbingly dumb decision. it's like they were going for Lost-style flashback episodes, but then realized they only had 9 episodes and way too many characters to do that with, so they just jumbled them all together with no real reason or connection between them instead.

Yikes. Thanks for the head's up, I was thinking about doing the same thing you did (get the free trial just to binge this), but honestly, I don't think its worth the effort.

probably not, but ST:Discovery is good and so was Picard. Tyler Perry's Twilight Zone is ok, probably worth a watch. you can skip the Stand and still have a month's worth of decent viewing, and since it'll probably be several months to a year before a new season of Picard or Discovery, now's as good a time as ever.

Except that i have no interest in all things Star Trek...

[TheBaxter]

so, as promised, i've begun watching CBS's The Stand. the reviews weren't great, but whatever. i'm 2 episodes in and i can see why. for some reason they thought it would be a good idea to constantly jump back and forth in the timeline. glad i read the book, because it's got to be head-spinningly confusing for anyone trying to make sense of who these people are and when certain scenes are happening. and even if you've read the book (or seen the previous miniseries) it still just kills any dramatic buildup or character development. just a mind-numbingly dumb decision. it's like they were going for Lost-style flashback episodes, but then realized they only had 9 episodes and way too many characters to do that with, so they just jumbled them all together with no real reason or connection between them instead.

Yikes. Thanks for the head's up, I was thinking about doing the same thing you did (get the free trial just to binge this), but honestly, I don't think its worth the effort.

probably not, but ST:Discovery is good and so was Picard. Tyler Perry's Twilight Zone is ok, probably worth a watch. you can skip the Stand and still have a month's worth of decent viewing, and since it'll probably be several months to a year before a new season of Picard or Discovery, now's as good a time as ever.

Except that i have no interest in all things Star Trek...

yeah, then it would really be a waste.

[TheBaxter]

i finished watching CBS Paid Access's THE STAND this weekend.

after squeezing out a turd like this, they should've called it THE SQUAT instead.

there's a DVD box quote for you, CBS. free of charge. wow, what a disappointment this was. this project was announced shortly after i had just finished reading the book a couple years ago, so i was pretty excited about it. it's not King's best book by a long shot, and it's probably among his most overrated (i think early reviewers got fooled by the length into thinking anything that long had to be a masterpiece, but it isn't; IT was King's actual 1000+ page masterpiece). still, it's a good book and, in the right hands, could make for an incredible epic story. these were not the right hands.

it's been a while since i saw the first TV miniseries. i remember it as a passable version with some really good casting (gary sinise, ruby dee, rob lowe, molly ringwald, ray walston) and some really bad casting (the guy who played randall flagg as an over-the-top buffoon) and some forgettable casting (whoever played larry underwood, i had to look him up on imdb and i still don't remember that guy). that's one thing these versions have in common. the casting is mostly on point, and give good performances (considering what they had to work with). some of the characters are still forgettable, but in this case it's probably more the writing than the acting/casting at fault. and of course, there are a couple of flabbergastingly bad performances. this adaptation's version of the trashcan man is probably one of the worst, most ill-conceived version of a King character (or ANY character) i've ever seen committed to film. he screeches and mumbles his way through his scenes, almost literally sounding like fingernails on a chalkboard. the guy who played Nick Andros is miscast, he doesn't convey the warmth that character is capable of, but then that may be due to the writing which basically cut out most of the scenes that would have better established his backstory and humanity (more on that to come).

on the other hand, the casting of alexander skarsgard as RF knocks it out of the park. it's just a shame he couldn't have starred in a better version of this story. i always thought The Stand could work as a cool backdoor sequel for a Dark Tower tv series. instead of the book (and this adaptation's) ending where RF wakes up in the middle of a tribe of isolated natives, i imagined a version where he wakes up in the middle of a desert. he sits up, turns around and off in the distance, through the shimmering heat rising off the sand, he sees the silhouette of a figure in a stetson hat walking his way. a look of fear comes over his face. he stumbles to his feet, and begins fleeing into desert. as he runs, a man steps into frame, his hand resting on the butt of the revolver in his holster. cut to black: "The Dark Tower... coming soon." well, considering how poorly The Stand turned out, i guess it's for the best that these same people aren't given the opportunity to ruin that series as well. but if they ever do make a proper Dark Tower tv series, i'd support Skarsgard as the man in black.

back to The Stand, though... this series was really undone by a horrifically bad decision to start the show with everyone already in Boulder, and then spend the first 3-4 episodes showing how they got there through flashbacks. the problem is, nothing interesting happens in the Boulder scenes in these early episodes, they just take time away from all the story and character development that occurs while these characters are on the road. this is devastating for some of these characters. i already mentioned Nick, so much of what goes into establishing this character, his kindness and humanity, and his friendship with Tom Cullen, is just left out completely or given such short shrift that it doesn't register. we get one scene of him giving some food to the guy who beat him and partially blinded him before leaving the hospital, instead of the long build-up in the book of him taking care of the sheriff who gets sick and caring for the men who beat him in their jail cells, scenes which set up why he is such a natural choice for initially leading the survivors and helping Mother Abagail during their early days in Boulder. we also only get a single flashback scene of him with Tom Cullen on the road to Boulder, and it serves mostly to establish a different character who ends up in Vegas and becomes a threat to Tom's spying mission, rather than establishing the friendship between these two damaged characters, the bond that makes Nick's decision to send Tom to Vegas to spy such an anguished choice. without that, the decision to send Tom, and Nick's part in it, is rendered meaningless. (also, the return journey with Tom and Stu from Vegas is completely cut from this adaptation; the end result is that Tom's character is basically reduced to pointless comic relief, instead of what i think King's original intention was, to show how even the least valued members of a society can turn out to be important contributors).

Larry Underwood is another character whose development is seriously compromised. in the book, he starts off as a selfish dick who thinks only of himself, whose self-esteem is so low that when he tries to help one woman escape the city, and she ends up killing herself, he blames himself and thinks he's worthless. then he finds and bonds with Nadine and the mute kid she's taking care of, and they help heal each other, before Nadine betrays them and chooses Flagg. his whole character arc, from selfish asshole with impostor syndrome to a guy who realizes his worth and ability to lead people, is one of the biggest arcs of the book. the tv version ruins it. we never even see the scene where he discovers his first traveling companion's suicide, we just hear him talk about it afterwards. a really pivotal moment of the book is reduced to throwaway line of dialogue, mere exposition to explain why we don't see a certain character anymore. there's one flashback scene to show him beginning to bond with the kid, but it's not nearly enough to really establish the connection that forms there.

and finally, there's Harold Lauder. in the book, Harold begins as a sad studly kid with a crush on his sister's friend, a bullying victim with big dreams but no real way to achieve them, until the apocalypse literally makes his wildest dream a reality: he is the last man on earth, and the girl he likes is the last woman. in this series, though, the very first scene of the show is Harold in Boulder, cleaning up bodies. we already see him as the creep that he only gradually morphs into in the book. but then, when we see his flashback, we find out he was this same creep all along. instead of transforming from a studly scared kid to a fit, skilled road warrior able to use his intelligence to protect his dream woman (all while nurturing a growing resentment of her for not appreciating him enough, as well as anyone else he perceives as a threat to his "ownership" of her), he starts exactly where he ends: a skinny, creepy incel with a sociopathic mental disorder. the actor who plays him is fine, i'm sure he could have played that more nuanced version of the character (minus the studly part) if it had been written that way, but instead he's given one note to play, and that's all we see.

the end result of these disastrous early episodes is that we simply don't give a fuck about any of these people. the middle part of the series, after the flashbacks have ended and the plot actually gets underway in Boulder, is better. but it ultimately amounts to nothing, because we don't care about the characters so we don't get invested in anything that happens to them. when Nick dies we don't care because nothing that made that character interesting or humanized him was ever shown. when Mother Abagail dies we don't care because, by eliminating most of the pre-Boulder story, most of the scenes of her appearing to characters and telling them to come to her are gone, so her importance to the story and the other characters isn't made clear. she just seems like a batty old lady who people listen to way too much for some reason. btw, nice touch changing her to a nursing home resident instead of living on a farm; especially prescient given the role of nursing homes in the current pandemic. so, when the remaining characters begin their walk to Vegas, and people start getting hurt or killed, we just don't really care. the more harrowing scenes after arriving in Vegas are watered down (literally... they change the method of execution from being drawn-and-quartered, to being drowned in a slowly-filling swimming pool, which is just asinine; the whole point of Flagg's executions is spectacle, to simultaneously titillate and intimidate his followers; how does watching someone drowning in a pool accomplish that?), and they can't even properly set up the arrival of the nuclear warhead, because Flagg's plan and reason for making Trashcan Man go searching for a nuke in the first place is never made clear, so it just makes Flagg look dumb.

and then, there's King's new ending... holy crap, as if everything that came before wasn't already bad enough. this "ending" (really more of a pointless post-finale coda that serves only to inflate the running time by an extra episode) is further proof that King should just retire already and spend his remaining days walking around Maine and enjoying his piles of money. he has nothing to offer as a writer anymore. if the first 8 episodes are turds, episode 9 is a steaming pile of runny diarrhea. because this is so bad, and because people might be tempted to watch this thing just out of curiosity i'll sum up the final episode and spare you that temptation and the misery that would inevitably result. i'll spoiler-text it just in case though:
so first you see Frannie give birth to her kid, and it gets sick, and everyone's worried it's gonna die of the superflu and the human race is gonna die out, etc etc but then it gets better. and other babies get born that don't get sick at all, because unlike Frannie's kid, both parents were immune. so humanity will survive after all. yay, i guess. no one knows what happened in Vegas (because what explodes in a nuclear holocaust in Vegas, stays in Vegas) and no one has returned yet, so Frannie is worried about Stu, but then one day as she's about to put his picture up on the dead people memorial, she turns around and he's standing there. he's alive because Glen's dog kept him alive and then Tom Cullen hauled his lame ass back to Boulder, but do they get any love? no, because that whole return journey didn't warrant a single scene in the series, but i guess it's not important when Stephen King has a whole story about a magic little black girl to tell us, but we'll get to that in a bit. up til now, it's all book stuff and it would have been fine if this part had been tacked to the end of the previous episode (along with my super-awesome Dark Tower setup-tie-in) but no, King's ego needs some stroking, so there's more to come. first, we fast-forward to next summer, and everyone's happy and having parties and stuff, but Frannie is homesick so she makes Stu promise to taker her back to Maine. because when you've got a newborn baby to care for, who wants to live in a place with doctors and food and shit? that's also from the book, but it's stupid so it's the one thing they would've been justified in cutting, but they need this stupid Frannie decision to set up the really mind-numbingly stupid things she'll do later on. so now on to the new stuff. Fran and Stu and Baby Abbie and Glen's dog all leave in a camper truck to head back to Maine. at some point they stop at a farmhouse in the middle of a cornfield, and the darkening sky and ominous music make it clear something bad's about to happen. while Stu checks out the house to make sure it's ok, and Fran nurses her baby, the only smart one in this group (the dog) heads out to check out the corn field. there's something out there and he stands there staring at it and whimpering. because humans are too stupid to listen to dogs when they tell you there's something wrong, Stu and Frannie don't notice, Stu declares the house safe, and they all go inside, with Stu calling out to the dog repeatedly until he finally turns around comes. then we finally see what he was staring at out in the corn: it's... A LITTLE BLACK GIRL! (duh-duh-DUH, cue dramatic chipmunk) for a second here, i thought instead of the Dark Tower tie-in i was hoping for, we were gonna get a whole Children of the Corn crossover instead. which i would have been down for. but it's more stupid than that. later that night, while everyone's safely asleep inside the house, we see the little black girl sitting in a tent in a clearing in the field holding a doll. the next day, Frannie's not feeling well or something, so Stu volunteers to drive back 10 miles to the last town they passed through to pick up some stuff from the drugstore. the smart member of the group suggests that maybe splitting up and leaving a mother and her helpless baby alone isn't a great idea, but no one ever listens to the dog. so stu leaves, frannie is out rocking on the porch when she spots a well with a pump and decides now would be a great idea to put the kid in a bassinet, leave her gun and walkie-talkie behind, and head on over to see if there's any water in that well that is covered with some really precarious looking old wooden boards. she reaches across to try the pump, gets a little water but then it gets stuck. so this genius decides to lean the rest of the way out and reach inside the pump to clear out whatever's blocking it: which turns out to be a rat, which bites her, which causes her to fall onto the rotting boards that give way and she tumbles all the way down the well. meanwhile, stu is headed back and he gets a flat tire. frannie is stuck unconscious at the bottom of the well, bleeding profusely from the head, with a badly bent and broken leg. while unconscious, she dreams about being in a jungle or forest or something, and Flagg shows up. he tells her she might have a skull fracture and die, that stu has a flat tire and can't come to save her in time, that her baby will be left all alone and possibly die too, etc etc but that he can save her. all she has to do is let him kiss her... and live rent-free in her head from time to time too. she acts like she's gonna agree, but then she bites his tongue and refuses and runs away. stu finally gets the flat tire fixed (after nearly having the truck fall on him because apparently the plague made people forget how to properly change a tire), and arrives back at the farmhouse. he finds the Little Black Girl rocking their baby on the porch, with frannie nowhere in sight and he's... confused. but then the LBG tells him she's at the bottom of the well, and has a broken leg and they need to get her out. so while he's trying to figure out how to rescue her, LBG gets in the truck and tells stu to get on the winch and she'll lower him down and then haul them both back out. somehow she knows how to operate a truck winch, and also knows both stu and frannie's names, which is enough to make him trust her to drag him back out of the well i guess because how could she possibly know their names, it's not like she could have overheard them by hiding in the nearby cornfield or anything. anyway, she lowers him down and they drag frannie out, and he lays her down, and then the Little Black Girl becomes the Magical Little Black Girl because she waves her hands over Frannie and miraculously heals her wounds and her broken leg. then she tells Frannie that there will always be evil, but their response has to always be the same, to be true and to "stand". get it? Stand? so Frannie gets up and stands on her previously broken leg and it doesn't hurt, and they look at the MLBG but now she's gone, because i guess she was Mother Abagail's ghost or reincarnation or something? or maybe just because all black characters in Stephen King books are magical. whatever the case, they find the MLBG's little black doll in the baby's bassinet, which means something symbolic, and then that's pretty much it. they get to Maine, everything's fine, happy ending for everyone but the dog who's still stuck living with these dumbasses. and then we see RF wake up in his cowboy boots and nothing else in the middle of the Amazon(?) jungle with the lost tribe who try to fire arrows at him but he catches it like a ninja and then blows up the one indian's head, which makes the other indians bow down and worship him, which makes him float up into the air to show he's powerful again, but don't worry, there's always a spear or indian head to block us from seeing his junk, so i guess Randall Flagg is really Austin Powers? the end

[so sorry]

[so sorry]

Thank you for the time spent writing this up, I read it from start to finish. Never will I ever need to watch this (when it eventually makes its way to Netflix or Prime), and I have you to thank.

And that ending... holy crap, I almost don't believe you.

[TheBaxter]

Thank you for the time spent writing this up, I read it from start to finish. Never will I ever need to watch this (when it eventually makes its way to Netflix or Prime), and I have you to thank.

And that ending... holy crap, I almost don't believe you.

i almost didn't believe it myself. i had read the finale was bad, but nothing could have prepared me for that level of crapitude. trust me, that version was both shorter AND more entertaining than the actual episode, so you're welcome.

somewhere, mick garris must be rolling in his grave. (he's not dead. i just imagine he periodically lies in a grave).