Star Wars 9: SKYWALKERS

[Fievel]

Old Lando is good. Everything else....I mean, fuck, who really cares at this point.

[so sorry]

Old Lando is good. Everything else....I mean, fuck, who really cares at this point.

IPAMPILASH!

[caruso_stalker217]

Old Lando is good. Everything else....I mean, fuck, who really cares at this point.

I don't even need to watch the video. I knew this would happen.

[Fievel]

I was just thankful that video existed.

[caruso_stalker217]

And I'm thankful this video exists.

[so sorry]

And the title for Star Wars IX is....

Skywalkers?????

[Ribbons]

I don’t buy it. For one thing, AICN doesn’t get the scoop on anything these days. But more importantly, there are no more Skywalkers, as far as I’m aware. This is the kind of fake news (forgive the term) designed to get disgruntled nerds jazzed that Rey’s parents aren’t a couple of hobos after all.

On the other hand, JJ Abrams seems to be incapable of making new Star Wars stories without remaking older ones, so maybe it’s not all that implausible. Fingers crossed for another, even bigger Death Star.

[so sorry]

I don’t buy it. For one thing, AICN doesn’t get the scoop on anything these days. But more importantly, there are no more Skywalkers, as far as I’m aware. This is the kind of fake news (forgive the term) designed to get disgruntled nerds jazzed that Rey’s parents aren’t a couple of hobos after all.

On the other hand, JJ Abrams seems to be incapable of making new Star Wars stories without remaking older ones, so maybe it’s not all that implausible. Fingers crossed for another, even bigger Death Star.

I think I may have fallen for an April's Fools joke? I should have known when I read "AICN has the scoop".

[TheBaxter]

that has to be one of the lamest april fools jokes they've run on the site. the biggest april fools joke is that AICN still exists at all.

[Fievel]

I should have known when I read "AICN has the scoop".

What's most ironic about this is that people (likely all of us) were drawn to AICN because of their almost-daily scoops. So that they'd publish a scoop of any sort on April Fool's Day, is the real joke.

The sad part, though, is one of the Star Wars news sites I check all the time published the AICN scoop as legit news.

Harry was probably giggling all day with that one.

[caruso_stalker217]

Hey! The actual title of Episode IX is just as lousy as the joke one AICN posted!

[caruso_stalker217]

Honestly, Old Lando is the only thing I really dug here.



I officially don't give a shit about STAR WARS any more.

[so sorry]

Honestly, Old Lando is the only thing I really dug here.



I officially don't give a shit about STAR WARS any more.

HA! I wonder how much longer they can squeeze Carrie Fisher into these things.

They can pretty much count on me seeing this in the theater (part of my Holiday ritual at this point), but yeah, I really don't care about SW like I used to either.

[caruso_stalker217]

I'll definitely be seeing it because...well, because.

I think I was more excited to see the prequels honestly.

[so sorry]

And by the way, the "April Fools" AICN scoop last week about the name? Wasn't that far off, was it?

[TheBaxter]

you people are dead inside.

i liked it a lot. first of all, the title, plus Rey's uniform which looks like a mashup of Luke's and Leia's ANH/TESB outfits, basically confirms my long-held theory that Rey is the illegitimate daughter of Luke and Leia from that time on Hoth before they found out they were twins. so kudos to me.

seriously though, the title is about the only thing i didn't like. why not just go whole hog with it and call it The Dark Jedi Rises on the Planet of the Skywalkers and be done with it?
Lando's back. i think we already knew that? (i don't really follow the news on these films anymore) feels like he's kinda just shoehorned back into the thing because they've already killed off (or will kill off) the rest of the OT characters by now.
Palpatine's laugh at the end... i'm not convinced he'll actually be in this movie (maybe as a flashback?), but it should send the nerds into spasms of speculating and theorizing that will ultimately turn out to be nothing and then they'll get all pissed off and whine about "blah blah was in the teaser but not in the film, or barely in the film, or only flashbacked into the film, or whatever, stop raping my middle-agedom, Luca--- er, Abrams!!!" what's not to love about that?
and we've got tattoine (i think) and things that look kinda like land speeders and pod racers and speeder bikes or some combination thereof, but so what, all star wars is anymore is just a bunch of inbred ideas sleeping with each other and creating more inbred ideas (further confirmation of my Rey origin theory, btw).

wait, maybe i didn't like it either? no. i did like it. i just don't expect much anymore, and i've accepted these films to be a combination of character cameos and repackaged ideas from previous films, and really just hope they'll be done in a way that's still vaguely entertaining. all the stuff packed in there felt like this trailer was produced as a way to get a RISE out of fans (see what i did there?) and i'm sure it will work, but i'm not sure the actual film will resemble much of what we see in this teaser ultimately.

[so sorry]

Palpatine's laugh at the end... i'm not convinced he'll actually be in this movie (maybe as a flashback?),

Don't they say earlier in the trailer something to the effect that "we're all alive...inside you" or somesuch shit? So maybe Palps comes back in her head, or as a force ghost.

[caruso_stalker217]

you people are dead inside.

Yes.

[Peven]

Rogue One, best SW movie, evar.

[Ribbons]

And by the way, the "April Fools" AICN scoop last week about the name? Wasn't that far off, was it?

The joke was on us the whole time.

[Wolfpack]

The Force has awakened the last Jedi. Now we must witness Skywalker rise out of bed.

[Peven]

And by the way, the "April Fools" AICN scoop last week about the name? Wasn't that far off, was it?

The joke was on us the whole time.

George Lucas has been laughing since the Phantom Menace was released.

[TheBaxter]

this film will have the best Star Whores subtitle ever.

[Peven]

one thing these new SW movies have done is taint my view of Leia to the point where I actively despise her. for one, she is the quintessential spoiled daddy's girl who has always gotten her way and because of it she has a sense of entitlement that is grotesque. I don't recall her ever being elected, she gets to be a fucking leader based on....her royal lineage. she is presented as a character who is above question, above reproach, without fault and unable to make a poor choice, unlike any other character in the entire series. bullshit. she hasn't done squat compared to all the other characters, hasn't gone through squat compared to all the other characters. even after the coke-head actress who played her has died Leia is going to be in two movies in the series playing a crucial role in the story. that isn't female empowerment, Rey is an example of that, a character who has truly earned her place in the story and respect. Leia is given more force power than was bestowed on Obi Wan when she has never had one day of training. entitlement. she is presented as some wise old mentor character when she has never really accomplished anything herself, raised as royalty, rescued, then given a position of power without earning it. what wisdom does she have to give? "use the force....of having the right last name"

[Wolfpack]

Although she did get tortured and was forced to watch her planet get blown up.

[caruso_stalker217]

Peven likes princesses who weren't captured.

[Peven]

Peven likes princesses who weren't captured.

good one, centurion!

[so sorry]

she is the quintessential spoiled daddy's girl who has always gotten her way and because of it she has a sense of entitlement that is grotesque. I don't recall her ever being elected, she gets to be a fucking leader based on....her royal lineage.

That was sort of true, for about half of the A New Hope movie. She definitely had the "I'm a princess thing" towards Luke and Han. But then she man's up with Vader, starts blasting stormtroopers, and by the end she's fully entrenched in being one of the leaders of the Rebellion. Who the hell cares if she wasn't elected? They clearly chose her for the role. Did she make mistakes throughout the original trilogy? Of course, just like everybody else. She is not presented as a flawless character ever. Not sure where you get that impression.

To me, a spoiled rich girl doesn't actually do anything but flaunt her wealth and status. That's not even close to what was represented on screen for Leia.

I really hate that they keep shoehorning her into these movies too, but I think for very, very different reasons than yours.

[TheBaxter]

at the beginning of ANH, she was a Senator of the Republic. presumably she was elected to that position.

[caruso_stalker217]

Rey is an example of that, a character who has truly earned her place in the story and respect.

Could you elaborate?

[Peven]

Rey is an example of that, a character who has truly earned her place in the story and respect.

Could you elaborate?

she had dealt with more hardship and shown more survival skills and ability than Leia ever did before her character even appeared in Force Awakens, to begin. I think that what she accomplishes is more clearly tied to her own attributes, effort, and grit. for me Rey is a more genuinely strong character not only because she has suffered through more hardships and not only endured but is capable and independent because of it, her difficult life hasn't broken her rather made her stronger. I think that is why I have less problem with the Force "awakening" in her the way it did, she may not have been in Jedi training growing up but she did need to learn discipline in action, and led a spartan, sparse lifestyle the way a Padawan would to drive awareness inward, so that when she was put in a situation with great stress the combination of the surge of adrenaline along with her genetics and the presence of someone so strong with the Force combined to spark that awakening. with Leia and the explosion, there simply isn't anything close to her earning what she did, the ability to survive a massive shockwave of a blast strong enough to rip open the hull of a star cruiser, and is relatively unscathed after being thrown out into the vacuum of space, after which she has the Force power to tractor beam herself back into the ship while in a comatose state. talk about a poster child for white privilege.

[Ribbons]

...so that when she was put in a situation with great stress the combination of the surge of adrenaline along with her genetics and the presence of someone so strong with the Force combined to spark that awakening.

'
Wait, are we re-litigating the whole "Rey's parents" thing? Because my impression was that she came from a line of nobodies.

[Peven]

...so that when she was put in a situation with great stress the combination of the surge of adrenaline along with her genetics and the presence of someone so strong with the Force combined to spark that awakening.

'
Wait, are we re-litigating the whole "Rey's parents" thing? Because my impression was that she came from a line of nobodies.

uh, no. I am assuming that she has the genetics to be predisposed to use the Force, an attribute that seems to be able to arise from the couplings and genetic combinations of "ordinary" beings, as is shown by the broom boy at the end of Last Jedi.

[TheBaxter]

...so that when she was put in a situation with great stress the combination of the surge of adrenaline along with her genetics and the presence of someone so strong with the Force combined to spark that awakening.

'
Wait, are we re-litigating the whole "Rey's parents" thing? Because my impression was that she came from a line of nobodies.

what "Last Jedi" told you was true... from a certain point of view.

these movies have a long history of Skywalkers being lied to about their true parentage. Leia thought she was from Alderaan. Luke was told his father was killed by Vader, not that he was Vader. even Anakin thought he was the result of some midichlorian-fueled prophecy, when really he was implanted there through Palpatine's dark side IVF procedure.
so is it really so hard to believe that Kylo Ren would lie to Rey about her parents in order to manipulate or undermine her?
in ANH, Ben Kenobi lied to Luke to spare him a devastating truth... that his father had become the most evil and feared being in the galaxy.
in TLJ, Ben Skywalker lied to Rey to spare her an even more devastating truth... that she was the illegitimate offspring of Luke and Leia's incestuous pairing on Hoth

the pieces continue to fall into place...

[Peven]

Chewbacca...….you ARE the father!!!!

[Wolfpack]

Chewbacca...….you ARE the father!!!!

She always said she'd sooner kiss a Wookiee.

[Peven]

Chewbacca...….you ARE the father!!!!

She always said she'd sooner kiss a Wookiee.

i knew true fans would put two and two together

[Al Shut]

in TLJ, Ben Skywalker lied to Rey to spare her an even more devastating truth... that she was the illegitimate offspring of Luke and Leia's incestuous pairing on Hoth

the pieces continue to fall into place...

I hope not. The nutjob whose "real" yearly review I read out of morbid curiosity may have had a point when he was blabbing about a reeduction programm to create acceptance for incest.

[caruso_stalker217]

Rey is an example of that, a character who has truly earned her place in the story and respect.

Could you elaborate?

she had dealt with more hardship and shown more survival skills and ability than Leia ever did before her character even appeared in Force Awakens, to begin. I think that what she accomplishes is more clearly tied to her own attributes, effort, and grit. for me Rey is a more genuinely strong character not only because she has suffered through more hardships and not only endured but is capable and independent because of it, her difficult life hasn't broken her rather made her stronger. I think that is why I have less problem with the Force "awakening" in her the way it did, she may not have been in Jedi training growing up but she did need to learn discipline in action, and led a spartan, sparse lifestyle the way a Padawan would to drive awareness inward, so that when she was put in a situation with great stress the combination of the surge of adrenaline along with her genetics and the presence of someone so strong with the Force combined to spark that awakening. with Leia and the explosion, there simply isn't anything close to her earning what she did, the ability to survive a massive shockwave of a blast strong enough to rip open the hull of a star cruiser, and is relatively unscathed after being thrown out into the vacuum of space, after which she has the Force power to tractor beam herself back into the ship while in a comatose state. talk about a poster child for white privilege.

I won't argue that Leia wasn't useless in THE LAST JEDI (she spends most of the movie napping) or that the scene where she...flies through space....isn't the worst thing to happen in a STAR WARS movie ever (prequels included). But to say that Rey has earned her place in the story and Leia has not is a little wonky to me.

Unless you are speaking specifically about these new films and not the series as a whole, then yes Leia really doesn't need to be there. She adds nothing and it probably wasn't worth dragging Carrie Fisher back into the spotlight and these movies basically killed her (opinion).

I like Daisy......Norton? I've honestly forgotten her name. Wow. I could look this up, but. Wow.

I like Daisy Ridley (that sounds right?) as an actor, but I feel like I know less about Rey as a character now than I did at the beginning of THE FORCE AWAKENS. What did she do in THE LAST JEDI? She cried a little, stole some Jedi books and lifted a bunch of rocks. As for who had it "worse" in life, that shit is moot. I don't care what these characters were doing before the movies happened. Nobody does. It's what they do in the movies that matters and to say Rey has had more of an impact than Leia is just silly.

Also, not sure where female empowerment factors in there.

[Peven]

Also, not sure where female empowerment factors in there.

despite their various flaws the last two movies, Last Jedi in particular, have been all about the girl power, which is great, action movies have always been an overwhelmingly male dominated genre and I like my granddaughters to be able to see some powerful female characters that don't rely on men to save them all the time. Captain Marvel was steeped in female power, from her mentor to the blasts coming out of her fists to her friendship to her relationship with her "niece". the short-sighted may laugh this stuff off as trivial but it all adds up as part of the public consciousness and makes a difference over time in how the Leviathan sorts things out

[so sorry]

In a recent interview with ABC, J.J. Abrams declared that the movie will further explore Rey’s parentage in a way that “honors” the events of The Last Jedi—in which Kylo Ren revealed that her parents were unimportant scavengers who sold Rey for drinking money.

I will say that we knew, going into this, that this movie, it had to be a satisfying conclusion. And we were well aware that that’s one of the things that’s been out there. I don’t want to say that what happens in Episode 8 [didn’t happen]. We have honored that. But I will say that there’s more to the story than you’ve seen.

[TheBaxter]

In a recent interview with ABC, J.J. Abrams declared that the movie will further explore Rey’s parentage in a way that “honors” the events of The Last Jedi—in which Kylo Ren revealed that her parents were unimportant scavengers who sold Rey for drinking money.

I will say that we knew, going into this, that this movie, it had to be a satisfying conclusion. And we were well aware that that’s one of the things that’s been out there. I don’t want to say that what happens in Episode 8 [didn’t happen]. We have honored that. But I will say that there’s more to the story than you’ve seen.

you better believe there is.

[caruso_stalker217]

In a recent interview with ABC, J.J. Abrams declared that the movie will further explore Rey’s parentage in a way that “honors” the events of The Last Jedi—in which Kylo Ren revealed that her parents were unimportant scavengers who sold Rey for drinking money.

I will say that we knew, going into this, that this movie, it had to be a satisfying conclusion. And we were well aware that that’s one of the things that’s been out there. I don’t want to say that what happens in Episode 8 [didn’t happen]. We have honored that. But I will say that there’s more to the story than you’ve seen.

you better believe there is.

I'm banking on Rey tracking down her parents and her dad is Fred Ward with a mullet.

[Ribbons]

So we should keep a pin in this for when Episode IX finally screens this winter:



RedLetterMedia, which put out shockingly accurate predictions for The Force Awakens, The Last Jedi, and Solo, did a thing for The Rise of the Skywalkers or whatever the fuck it's called. Time travel is involved. I want to say it's ridiculous but it actually makes a depressing amount of sense.

[caruso_stalker217]

Rich predicted The Last Jedi quite accurately.

Or Rian Johnson, an admitted fan, stole his predictions.

[caruso_stalker217]

Also, this fucking thing is still coming out?

[Wolfpack]

Also, this fucking thing is still coming out?

Gotta have something to compete against Cats.

[so sorry]

Not bad. She's certainly a runner, that Rey.

[TheBaxter]

Not bad. She's certainly a runner, that Rey.

Star Wars Episode IX: The Race of Skywalker

[Fievel]

Too much story packed into one film, never allowing a moment to breathe. New characters are never even moderately developed. So much blatant fan service designed to upset no one...
..and I ate that shit up, loving every minute of the ride.